Day 4 after a big relapse... just some questions...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 16
Day 4 after a big relapse... just some questions...
I'm only 22 but I have had a drinking problem for 4 years now... glad I realized at a young age. But as you can understand at this age... especially in the British student culture this has been a very hard habit to quit. (i wasnt drinking like a typical student, i was waking up and drinking all day, then pass out, wake up, drink all night, then pass out till morning... and nearly always on my own.)
I was dry for 2 months, and before that 3/4 months on and off. I've been detoxing on chlordiazipoxide for 4 days now... nearing the end of it. I know it's from the benzo family of drugs so it does sedate you but does anyone find it puts them in an incredibly low mood or do you think that it's probably just symptoms of the withdrawal?
I feel like crying constantly. My life feels over to be honest. Alcohol plays a huge part in almost every culture on earth.
I have to go back to university next Monday (I withdrew last year due to my alcohol/drug problems) I have to move back in with frends who havent hardly seen me in 6 months. The stress of all of this caused the relapse.
To be honest all I want at the minute is to down a bottle of gin to numb it all out... i havent had to deal with real life for years and to quite honest life is scary.
I need some help and advice please to get over the next few days.
I'm supposed to be going diving tomorrow... which is a whole different story. If I can't kick this habit my whole life and career aspirations have gone down the pan. Ill end up in some ****** little council flat drinking myself to death.
Thank you very much guys.
I was dry for 2 months, and before that 3/4 months on and off. I've been detoxing on chlordiazipoxide for 4 days now... nearing the end of it. I know it's from the benzo family of drugs so it does sedate you but does anyone find it puts them in an incredibly low mood or do you think that it's probably just symptoms of the withdrawal?
I feel like crying constantly. My life feels over to be honest. Alcohol plays a huge part in almost every culture on earth.
I have to go back to university next Monday (I withdrew last year due to my alcohol/drug problems) I have to move back in with frends who havent hardly seen me in 6 months. The stress of all of this caused the relapse.
To be honest all I want at the minute is to down a bottle of gin to numb it all out... i havent had to deal with real life for years and to quite honest life is scary.
I need some help and advice please to get over the next few days.
I'm supposed to be going diving tomorrow... which is a whole different story. If I can't kick this habit my whole life and career aspirations have gone down the pan. Ill end up in some ****** little council flat drinking myself to death.
Thank you very much guys.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome.
No, alcohol is a huge problem for every culture on earth. The purveyors of this poison and the media would like you to think that drinking enhances life, creates culture, but it doesn't.
Alcohol only equates to culture if you are Ke$ha.
Get sober, focus on school. You will discover much more in this world sober than you will drunk.
I don't know about university there, but here in the US there is counseling available to students. Perhaps they can steer you to various recovery options. But until then, just don't drink! Period.
Originally Posted by deadbobsuncle 
Alcohol plays a huge part in almost every culture on earth.
Alcohol only equates to culture if you are Ke$ha.
Get sober, focus on school. You will discover much more in this world sober than you will drunk.
I don't know about university there, but here in the US there is counseling available to students. Perhaps they can steer you to various recovery options. But until then, just don't drink! Period.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi there. I can relate to much of what you post there, especially your drinking pattern. I am an alcoholic.
I understand about the UK's drinking culture, especially within student life, and myself am in my first year at university. I went to Uni straight from school at 18 but dropped out and then lived fast and continued to get deeper into alcohol and drugs and suffered the consequences as a result of my alcoholism's progression. I was beaten at 23 and am approaching 20 months sober 'one day at a time'.
All I can say is that for me then I had to dedicate my life to my recovery, I knew that unless I did this then I would more than likely drink again or be in dangerous situations and for me I know that drinking simply cannot be an option as like i say I'm an alcoholic and I'm fully aware that my drinking is simply not compatible with life, I would lose everything almost immediately I have no doubt, most precious my peace of mind. For me then my drinking was totally out of control and I would lock myself away and drink into oblivion around the clock and drink upon waking again. I knew i had to get sober or continue for my life to keep going downhill and all the other associated legal stuff was starting to happen, drink-driving conviction, drug possession etc.
Like I say I'm fully aware as to binge-drinking culture in UK, it can seem like life is impossible without going out drinking, this is why I had to know with absolute certainty that I'm an alkie and an addict, it's the first drink that does all the damage - one is too many and 1000 never enough, I would always want more.
Anyway it is possible to change your life 'one day at a time' providing you stay sober at all costs and really commit to recovery. I use AA, SR and much wisdom from elsewhere in my daily recovery.
For me then drinking is merely the tip of the iceberg, there are many underlying reasons/issues as to why I drank and ultimately on top of that I also just drank because I'm an alkie too. Drink was my solution and I also used drugs like Cocaine, E's, Speed really heavy too, as many do in UK. But even with the drugs then I was taking it to the excess and also 90% of my Coke was done alone, I would just blow 3 grams to myself with 12 cans and 20 ciggies and my tunes. Then wake up and do the same again...
Anyway I know for me then my life has only continued to pick up because I'm sober, without my sobriety then I am totally hopeless. Uni, Car, relationships, Roof over my head, job, reputation would all go down the toilet very quickly. I'm glad I know the score on that front as I know where I stand, I'm an alcoholic and addict and the others at Uni ain't, plus I like my identity and reputation now, I don't have to worry about destoying it when i go out for 'a drink' with people! There was never a drink but only ever totally wasted, anything else was a missed oppurtunity to me.
I viewed my alcoholism as a blessing rather than a curse and it served me well. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now if i wasn't an alcoholic so I'm grateful. Also the way of living has enabled me to gain a much grater peace of mind and truly changed me as a person. Like you say life can seem scary and I can still relate to at times that, but for me then I'm making progress and living and experiencing life without my crutch, I find that living one day at a time a really good way and things have wroked out good for me on the whole. Chanage was crucial for me in my recovery, change of people, places and things relating to old drinking/using mates, chnage of outlook and attitude, pretty much changed evrything to be honest apart from my style and dress sense!
All The Best, Peace
I understand about the UK's drinking culture, especially within student life, and myself am in my first year at university. I went to Uni straight from school at 18 but dropped out and then lived fast and continued to get deeper into alcohol and drugs and suffered the consequences as a result of my alcoholism's progression. I was beaten at 23 and am approaching 20 months sober 'one day at a time'.
All I can say is that for me then I had to dedicate my life to my recovery, I knew that unless I did this then I would more than likely drink again or be in dangerous situations and for me I know that drinking simply cannot be an option as like i say I'm an alcoholic and I'm fully aware that my drinking is simply not compatible with life, I would lose everything almost immediately I have no doubt, most precious my peace of mind. For me then my drinking was totally out of control and I would lock myself away and drink into oblivion around the clock and drink upon waking again. I knew i had to get sober or continue for my life to keep going downhill and all the other associated legal stuff was starting to happen, drink-driving conviction, drug possession etc.
Like I say I'm fully aware as to binge-drinking culture in UK, it can seem like life is impossible without going out drinking, this is why I had to know with absolute certainty that I'm an alkie and an addict, it's the first drink that does all the damage - one is too many and 1000 never enough, I would always want more.
Anyway it is possible to change your life 'one day at a time' providing you stay sober at all costs and really commit to recovery. I use AA, SR and much wisdom from elsewhere in my daily recovery.
For me then drinking is merely the tip of the iceberg, there are many underlying reasons/issues as to why I drank and ultimately on top of that I also just drank because I'm an alkie too. Drink was my solution and I also used drugs like Cocaine, E's, Speed really heavy too, as many do in UK. But even with the drugs then I was taking it to the excess and also 90% of my Coke was done alone, I would just blow 3 grams to myself with 12 cans and 20 ciggies and my tunes. Then wake up and do the same again...
Anyway I know for me then my life has only continued to pick up because I'm sober, without my sobriety then I am totally hopeless. Uni, Car, relationships, Roof over my head, job, reputation would all go down the toilet very quickly. I'm glad I know the score on that front as I know where I stand, I'm an alcoholic and addict and the others at Uni ain't, plus I like my identity and reputation now, I don't have to worry about destoying it when i go out for 'a drink' with people! There was never a drink but only ever totally wasted, anything else was a missed oppurtunity to me.
I viewed my alcoholism as a blessing rather than a curse and it served me well. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now if i wasn't an alcoholic so I'm grateful. Also the way of living has enabled me to gain a much grater peace of mind and truly changed me as a person. Like you say life can seem scary and I can still relate to at times that, but for me then I'm making progress and living and experiencing life without my crutch, I find that living one day at a time a really good way and things have wroked out good for me on the whole. Chanage was crucial for me in my recovery, change of people, places and things relating to old drinking/using mates, chnage of outlook and attitude, pretty much changed evrything to be honest apart from my style and dress sense!
All The Best, Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 16
Thanks a lot... your pattern of behavior is pretty much exactly what I was doing. Locking myself away, shoving half of Columbia up my nose... drinking myself silly and hoofing ket till i passed out (you sure your not me from the future :P) Not to mention all the party drugs, hallucinogens (which tbh did me some good... LSD gave me the insight to quit and is still something I indulge in occasionally.)
I guess I miss the lifestyle but am also kind of enjoying my new one. I'm diving again, taking pictures again. I just feel alone. It's hard to meet people who dont drink at university and hard to meet anywhere else apart from those based around student culture.
I have been thinking of going to the Leeds Uni AA because I could probably meet like minded people.... i tried AA before but I was the youngest person in there by a long way.
So... after I get over my detox I am going to get this all sorted out. Im already at the Leeds Addiction Unit and I'm gonna get a lot more support mechanisms sorted.
And - It isnt the end of the world I've managed 2 months sobre and before that 3-4 months with a very small amount of recreational drink.
I guess I miss the lifestyle but am also kind of enjoying my new one. I'm diving again, taking pictures again. I just feel alone. It's hard to meet people who dont drink at university and hard to meet anywhere else apart from those based around student culture.
I have been thinking of going to the Leeds Uni AA because I could probably meet like minded people.... i tried AA before but I was the youngest person in there by a long way.
So... after I get over my detox I am going to get this all sorted out. Im already at the Leeds Addiction Unit and I'm gonna get a lot more support mechanisms sorted.
And - It isnt the end of the world I've managed 2 months sobre and before that 3-4 months with a very small amount of recreational drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
Hi DBU
It is difficult to go your own way - I never quite managed it when I was young but I sure wish I had now. Might have saved me a few years in the Australian version of a council flat...
I think it's a really good idea to get involved with recovery based things on campus - and most campuses should have counselling and student support, especially one the size of Leeds (never been there but know it by rep)
You'll find a lot of support here too
Welcome back
D
It is difficult to go your own way - I never quite managed it when I was young but I sure wish I had now. Might have saved me a few years in the Australian version of a council flat...
I think it's a really good idea to get involved with recovery based things on campus - and most campuses should have counselling and student support, especially one the size of Leeds (never been there but know it by rep)
You'll find a lot of support here too
Welcome back
D
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey. Yeah I relate to your behaviour there mate. The only time I would be able to control my drinking was by just paralysing myself on Ket. ha-ha. Yeah, I did a fair bit of acid myself as well as other halucinogens, I got well into it all and spent many, many hours tripping with others and alone. However for me then it all stopped on 8.7.09. Like I say I'm also an addict as well as an alkie so I don't take any drugs at all. There never really was such thing as just acid for me really as I would want the whole package, booze, drugs, ciggies.
Recovery for me takes me to a place of acceptance and contentment so I don't wish to alter my mind with chemicals anymore. I don't need to look to escape myself anymore if I'm working my recovery. It's very much all or nothing for me and so I don't take any drugs, booze, ciggies or gamble.
It's great man if leeds uni has AA meetings, I would love to go to AA meetings at Uni but there ain't any. lol. Too many future members in training!! ha-ha.
yeah man, it can be a bit of a b*stard at times with meeting people and stuff, but I remember what iw as like when iw as the age of the students and I was absolutely mental! My drinking and drugging really kicked off majorly at 20, by 22 I was really low and my life going rapidly downhill. I actually thought my Cocaine use was my biggest problem as I became amajor Coke head but ultimately the drinking was the main problem, no drink=no cocaine.
All The Best man, Peace.
Recovery for me takes me to a place of acceptance and contentment so I don't wish to alter my mind with chemicals anymore. I don't need to look to escape myself anymore if I'm working my recovery. It's very much all or nothing for me and so I don't take any drugs, booze, ciggies or gamble.
It's great man if leeds uni has AA meetings, I would love to go to AA meetings at Uni but there ain't any. lol. Too many future members in training!! ha-ha.
yeah man, it can be a bit of a b*stard at times with meeting people and stuff, but I remember what iw as like when iw as the age of the students and I was absolutely mental! My drinking and drugging really kicked off majorly at 20, by 22 I was really low and my life going rapidly downhill. I actually thought my Cocaine use was my biggest problem as I became amajor Coke head but ultimately the drinking was the main problem, no drink=no cocaine.
All The Best man, Peace.
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