lucygypsy

I've been reading here all day and feel compelled to post.

I have had issues with alcohol since I was a teen, remember drinking my first drink at 12 or 13. My father is a raging alcoholic and 3 years ago I told him I can't see him anymore until he is sober... funny thing is, I myself have had problems for about 10 years now. I just don't yell and hit people like he does when I drink. I have cut way down on drinking in the past 2 years since college because I have a good job now, I was drinking 10 beers a night but now only binge drink on Fridays and Saturdays and occasionally have a couple on Thursday. I am feeling health effects, my arms and legs fall asleep when I drink and I get terrible hangovers with anxiety. I hide all of this from my family, I don't stay in contact with them because I am ashamed of what I have become. I do think I am an alcoholic even though I don't drink every night because I constantly think about my next drink, and can't control how much I drink when I do. I have been to AA meetings before when I got in trouble for drinking in high school, but now since I have anxiety I'm really really nervous and scared to go. Today is my second day sober, I can usually make it until Friday but I haven't been sober for longer than 5 days in years and I know the weekend will be tough. I want to have a family someday and don't want to put them through what I went through growing up, I want to be sober. I am going to the bookstore now to buy the big book.

Time2qt

Hi Lucy;

I am on day one and it is difficult, so you are one day ahead of me. I tried last year and stayed completely sober for over three months, then stress at work pushed me over the edge and I went back, haven't stopped yet until today.

I am older than you and been doing this for much longer, its killing me and I have to stop. I feel terrible, get up in the morning and hate myself. I can relate. I thought if I read other people's stories it would help to know that there are many people out there trying to get well. For me it's pushed away my family, friends, and I am tired of it.

The last time I keep telling myself, you will feel better tomorrow than you do today, so that would push me one more day toward sobriety. It seemed to work . But in the meantime it's cold sweats, trembling, no appetite, I know I won't sleep tonight and have to work tomorrow. Just hoping it won't be too bad.

I plan to be back here everyday until I get back on track. hang in there.

Trying

Dee74

welcome lucygypsy

I hope you decide to get some help, whatever that might be - for me it was really about doing something different and actively getting out of the cycle I was in.

D

least

Welcome to the family. I was an all day every day wino until 15 months ago. Now I'm living a good life. Still have the same problems, just handle them better. I hope you can find what works for you to stay sober. It's worth the effort.

EmeraldRose

It is a good idea to quit now while your young and you don't affect a family of your own. Living with your Dad you know now hoe you DON'T want to be. Good Luck and just take it one day at a time. And welcome! =)

Spawn

artsoul

Hi Lucy - welcome!

I remember that anxiety well...... and the obsession with the next drink. It's no way to live and it only gets worse if we ignore it. I had to take sobriety one day (and sometimes one hour) at a time at first It took a while, but being sober feels "normal" today. I wasn't sure I could quit (or even wanted to) so I leaned on the great people here.....and I'm so glad I did.

You can do it too - congrats on day 2!

lucygypsy

I am back for day 3, thank you for all the kind words!

Inafishbowl

Welcome! A woman in my AA has whats called Alcoholic Paralysis. I haven't read up on it, but it worried me enough when you spoke about limbs falling asleep. Not trying to scare you, but it couldn't hurt to see a doctor.
I envy your youth. You can kck this before you have kids and a spouse.

jamdls

Hi Lucy, welcome aboard. I commend you for seeing the warning signs of alcohol problems, listen to brain and fight cravings make plans for the weekend that do NOT involve nor need alcohol.

adore79

Hi and welcome! glad you are here.

lucygypsy

day 4. i find myself getting moody and i feel like crying a lot. but everytime i think about drinking, i remind myself how bad it made me feel. i am nervous about the upcoming weekend.

50BER

Glad I found this place on day 4 of my journey. I wish you well, lucygypsy.

Wish I had made the decision at your age but that was long ago and a lot of empty bottles ago....but here I am deathly afraid of loosing my family. So far so good.....

I'm winning this by thinking about all the reasons not to drink and planning for those times I know it will be tough.

I drank almost every day for the last 20+ years and can only remember one time I did not drink for two weeks and once or twice for three days.....last 6 months was usually two or more 24oz malt liquors and a .375 liter of whiskey or more every day.

With that came risky behavior and poor decisions.....I'm lucky to still have a job, a house and a family.

Great decision at your age. I wish you luck.

artsoul

Glad you're hanging in there lucy! Those first days/weeks are sort of an emotional rollercoaster for most of us. It takes time, but it gets better. I was so used to drinking when I had strong feelings (good or bad) I felt pretty vulnerable and overwhelmed some days.

With the help of folks here, I learned that it was OK to have feelings and even cravings, as long as I didn't act on them. I'm so glad now that I didn't cave.

Hope things get smoother for you soon.....

lucygypsy

thanks all. on day 5 day, halfway through to be exact.

keep marching