New here. Sorry for the rambling. Need to stop today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by mtnmagic 
My hope for you is that if you do find that you have a clean bill of health,
you do not use that as a reason to celebrate with a drink. It has been known to happen quite often to many of us.
BTW - Your emotions being all over the place IS quite normal for where you are at in sobriety right now. It can be confusing, frustrating and tiring.
The numbness of being under the influence more often then not is wearing
off and you are experiencing real feelings. Yea it can be a B*tch I know.
I'm going on five weeks and while it's gotten better, I can be laughing and
very happy one minute, crying my eyes out five minutes later, and angry as
can be a half hour after that. FWIW - I'll take this over a zombie no feelings
at all any day of the week.
Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. You are part of
us at SR now and we care about you.
Oh, your little Pug Chuy is a sweetie. I have a mini doxie named Bentley and
even when my emotions are a muck, he much prefers me sober, I know it.
you do not use that as a reason to celebrate with a drink. It has been known to happen quite often to many of us.
BTW - Your emotions being all over the place IS quite normal for where you are at in sobriety right now. It can be confusing, frustrating and tiring.
The numbness of being under the influence more often then not is wearing
off and you are experiencing real feelings. Yea it can be a B*tch I know.
I'm going on five weeks and while it's gotten better, I can be laughing and
very happy one minute, crying my eyes out five minutes later, and angry as
can be a half hour after that. FWIW - I'll take this over a zombie no feelings
at all any day of the week.
Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. You are part of
us at SR now and we care about you.
Oh, your little Pug Chuy is a sweetie. I have a mini doxie named Bentley and
even when my emotions are a muck, he much prefers me sober, I know it.
I know now that I cannot use alcohol to regulate my anger and stress because it is killing me from the inside out physically just as anger and stress were killing me from the inside out mentally. Bottom line is that I have to control my impulsiveness some other way.
Sorry for using this forum as my own Psychiatrist. I've never had an opportunity to talk about this before.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Yup, when everything from the doc comes back OK, some people have been known to think, "Hey, guess it wasn't as bad as I thought. I can drink once in awhile and it won't hurt."
Insanity.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Originally Posted by poorguy
Sorry for using this forum as my own Psychiatrist. I've never had an opportunity to talk about this before.
Have you ever been on a forum and forgot about it after awhile -come back a year later and read some of your posts and think "what the heck was going through MY mind?"
It is all in writing for ever -a constant reminder of how we were, how we've changed and what we have become.
Just one of my random thought process'!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Well, I figured that I would have heard from my doctor about my stomach sonogram by now. Maybe he was just too busy on Friday. I think I may go find another doctor because the dude seems kind of like a stupid d*** to me. When I told him I had bad allergies. He smugly replied, but look outside, nothing is green so you can't have allergies. This, despite the fact that even on the morning news and weather websites, which I follow closely, all the pollen and mold reports were through the roof. I wanted to smack his beady-eyed face with his "high-and mighty I'm a doctor so I'm smarter than you" response. If my kids weren't there and I wasn't so worried about my liver, I probably would have and just walked out. Anyways, I promised an update on Friday but I didn't get one so nothing to report yet other than it was last Sunday since I had my last drink. By tomorrow morning, It'll have been a week! In 10 years, I never have made it this far. My wife even fixed a little drink last night and it didn't bother me. As you can probably tell from this post that I'm still working on my tolerance of others around me. That will take some time.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Congrats on your almost one week.
I wouldn't take not hearing back on Friday personally (i know, hard to do when you are waiting and they've promised). Most lab test results I've waited for have not been done at the time promised lately and/or the dr's office doesn't call that day.
I too get frustrated with dr's I've seen, but I try to remember that their jobs are probably a lot more frustrating than they used to be (more paperwork, less patient contact) and it isn't all their fault.
In any case, sorry. Hope you'll let us know when you get the results.....
I wouldn't take not hearing back on Friday personally (i know, hard to do when you are waiting and they've promised). Most lab test results I've waited for have not been done at the time promised lately and/or the dr's office doesn't call that day.
I too get frustrated with dr's I've seen, but I try to remember that their jobs are probably a lot more frustrating than they used to be (more paperwork, less patient contact) and it isn't all their fault.
In any case, sorry. Hope you'll let us know when you get the results.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
It's been 1 week. One week without poisoning myself with alcohol. Let me review this past week:
Day 1: I felt like crap. I was scared about my liver from a pain in my right rib cage. I did not want to sleep but couldn't bring myself to do much of anything unless I really forced myself. That includes going to the doctor. My head hurt but otherwise, I didn't feel much different than other mornings when I woke up after drinking the night before (for the last 10 years). By the afternoon, I was feeling nervous about the doctor's appt and was depressed but still trying to hype myself up to quit. You guys here really helped me 100%. I can't thank you enough. That night it sucked. I couldn't fall asleep and I had the most horrible nightmares I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Day 2: Woke up early with a ROARING headache and actually had alot of energy in the morning. I'm not used to that. I felt restless but still depressed. I found myself either laughing or on the verge of tears. Very troubling to a typically indifferent person I was with alcohol. My wife watched Glee and it just so happened to be about teen drinking. Yeaaah. Just what I needed. Watching a bunch of people get schnockered and having a great time. Nighttime brought more sleeplessness and more horrible nightmares. Demons starting to feel my restraint and fighting back?
F***'em.
Day 3. Almost identical to day 2 except that I had to drive to my bosses house to meet for some face time. I found myself getting a real rush out of speeding around traffic. Deep in my head I was hoping a cop would pull behind me so I could feel the rush of being chased by cops. Yeah, I know, stupid right? I made it to his place in record time. He noticed that I was talking ALOT faster than normal and had to tell me to slow down several times but was happy I was dropping the bottle. That evening, again, more nightmares and my headache was still full blast.
Day 4. Upon waking, early again, my headache was a bit subdued. It may have had something to do with a light weather front pushing through blowing out all of the tree pollen and mold from the previous warm-humid days. Stupid doctor said no allergens in the air. Dufus. Throughout the day and that evening I found myself exceedingly restless and worked hours and hours on my website adding twitter feeds, updating small bugs I've been procrastinating, and working on my research article. That evening, I fell asleep around 2AM but did not have any nightmares. This may have something to do with me popping a benadryl every hour from 9PM until I decided to lay awake in bed and try to fall asleep.
Day 5. I woke feeling refreshed with no headache. I was excited to not have nightmares weighing on my mind. I am full of energy and was excited to view lots at a local auction house that day. There were close to 4,000 lots and I found myself going through two boxes at a time and taking on average 30 seconds per two box round. I went through 4000 lots in under 3 hours which has to be some kind of record or something. I had a buddy that I always view lots with that noticed a difference in my demeanor. I was kind of smartass and snappy and kind of pissed him off a couple of times when I brought up a few instances in the past that shouldn't really matter. To be honest, they didn't matter to me either but I impulsively spit them out and we got into a few lighthearted arguments. I am thinking faster, talking faster, and calling out every instance of bulls&*%@ that crosses my path. Other times, I would have just let it go but it feels like I am constantly looking for a fight. Not fisticuffs but I am enjoying a good verbal argument more when before, I couldn't care less and actually thought about the consequences of what I said before I said them. That evening, I found more info to put in my article and stayed up quite late to update it. One benadryl got me to sleep after watching TV in bed for about 2 hours with my eyes closed trying to sleep. No nightmares though!
Day 6: I woke feeling good and spent the morning updating and completeing my article. My wife got home from working on a Saturday and we spent the rest of the day updating her webpage. We are trying to move closer to my work and my wife needs to find a job near there (better schools anyway) so I'm doing whatever I can to make that happen. She enjoyed a drink and I paid no atttention to it. I was glad to see her stress-free after having to go in on a Saturday. After another 7 hours of working on the website, we headed to bed. I popped another 2 benadryl and layed in bed watching TV and eventually fell asleep but alot faster than before.
Day 7: I'm feeling like jet-fuel is running through my veins. I have 400 things running through my head and I don't feel confused. I woke up feeling great with no headache and no nightmares again. Since it is today and today just started, this write-up will have to be short. Anyways, I appreciate all of the help you guys here have provided. Sometimes, it is just getting feeling and thoughts out there that help you to realize things and to cope with knowing I can't handle alcohol responsibly. Still no word from the doctor yet about my stomach sonogram. I'll update when I hear from him.
Day 1: I felt like crap. I was scared about my liver from a pain in my right rib cage. I did not want to sleep but couldn't bring myself to do much of anything unless I really forced myself. That includes going to the doctor. My head hurt but otherwise, I didn't feel much different than other mornings when I woke up after drinking the night before (for the last 10 years). By the afternoon, I was feeling nervous about the doctor's appt and was depressed but still trying to hype myself up to quit. You guys here really helped me 100%. I can't thank you enough. That night it sucked. I couldn't fall asleep and I had the most horrible nightmares I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Day 2: Woke up early with a ROARING headache and actually had alot of energy in the morning. I'm not used to that. I felt restless but still depressed. I found myself either laughing or on the verge of tears. Very troubling to a typically indifferent person I was with alcohol. My wife watched Glee and it just so happened to be about teen drinking. Yeaaah. Just what I needed. Watching a bunch of people get schnockered and having a great time. Nighttime brought more sleeplessness and more horrible nightmares. Demons starting to feel my restraint and fighting back?
F***'em. Day 3. Almost identical to day 2 except that I had to drive to my bosses house to meet for some face time. I found myself getting a real rush out of speeding around traffic. Deep in my head I was hoping a cop would pull behind me so I could feel the rush of being chased by cops. Yeah, I know, stupid right? I made it to his place in record time. He noticed that I was talking ALOT faster than normal and had to tell me to slow down several times but was happy I was dropping the bottle. That evening, again, more nightmares and my headache was still full blast.
Day 4. Upon waking, early again, my headache was a bit subdued. It may have had something to do with a light weather front pushing through blowing out all of the tree pollen and mold from the previous warm-humid days. Stupid doctor said no allergens in the air. Dufus. Throughout the day and that evening I found myself exceedingly restless and worked hours and hours on my website adding twitter feeds, updating small bugs I've been procrastinating, and working on my research article. That evening, I fell asleep around 2AM but did not have any nightmares. This may have something to do with me popping a benadryl every hour from 9PM until I decided to lay awake in bed and try to fall asleep.
Day 5. I woke feeling refreshed with no headache. I was excited to not have nightmares weighing on my mind. I am full of energy and was excited to view lots at a local auction house that day. There were close to 4,000 lots and I found myself going through two boxes at a time and taking on average 30 seconds per two box round. I went through 4000 lots in under 3 hours which has to be some kind of record or something. I had a buddy that I always view lots with that noticed a difference in my demeanor. I was kind of smartass and snappy and kind of pissed him off a couple of times when I brought up a few instances in the past that shouldn't really matter. To be honest, they didn't matter to me either but I impulsively spit them out and we got into a few lighthearted arguments. I am thinking faster, talking faster, and calling out every instance of bulls&*%@ that crosses my path. Other times, I would have just let it go but it feels like I am constantly looking for a fight. Not fisticuffs but I am enjoying a good verbal argument more when before, I couldn't care less and actually thought about the consequences of what I said before I said them. That evening, I found more info to put in my article and stayed up quite late to update it. One benadryl got me to sleep after watching TV in bed for about 2 hours with my eyes closed trying to sleep. No nightmares though!
Day 6: I woke feeling good and spent the morning updating and completeing my article. My wife got home from working on a Saturday and we spent the rest of the day updating her webpage. We are trying to move closer to my work and my wife needs to find a job near there (better schools anyway) so I'm doing whatever I can to make that happen. She enjoyed a drink and I paid no atttention to it. I was glad to see her stress-free after having to go in on a Saturday. After another 7 hours of working on the website, we headed to bed. I popped another 2 benadryl and layed in bed watching TV and eventually fell asleep but alot faster than before.
Day 7: I'm feeling like jet-fuel is running through my veins. I have 400 things running through my head and I don't feel confused. I woke up feeling great with no headache and no nightmares again. Since it is today and today just started, this write-up will have to be short. Anyways, I appreciate all of the help you guys here have provided. Sometimes, it is just getting feeling and thoughts out there that help you to realize things and to cope with knowing I can't handle alcohol responsibly. Still no word from the doctor yet about my stomach sonogram. I'll update when I hear from him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Well,
It's been nearly 2 weeks since my stomach sonogram. I'm thinking my doctor should have called me by now. It's been 2 weeks since boozing! Yeah! Still getting used to the "new normal". Nights are still the worst since that is when I would imbib. Now, it's diet coke or sprite with alot of ice to crunch. Getting a new website up in the next month and I would have never had the drive to do it before. It's like I am constantly looking for something to do, engulfed in a chronic state of boredom. I can't sit down and watch a 30 minute program on TV anymore. It's starting to **** off my wife. Not to mention my sharp temper coming out more than ever. Whenever I snap, I feel really bad about it. I guess I'm just an argumenative smartass by nature.
It's been nearly 2 weeks since my stomach sonogram. I'm thinking my doctor should have called me by now. It's been 2 weeks since boozing! Yeah! Still getting used to the "new normal". Nights are still the worst since that is when I would imbib. Now, it's diet coke or sprite with alot of ice to crunch. Getting a new website up in the next month and I would have never had the drive to do it before. It's like I am constantly looking for something to do, engulfed in a chronic state of boredom. I can't sit down and watch a 30 minute program on TV anymore. It's starting to **** off my wife. Not to mention my sharp temper coming out more than ever. Whenever I snap, I feel really bad about it. I guess I'm just an argumenative smartass by nature.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: central n00bistan
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by poorguy
Not to mention my sharp temper coming out more than ever. Whenever I snap, I feel really bad about it. I guess I'm just an argumenative smartass by nature.
Welcome to the "new normal" - it's not always easy, but it is always worthwhile!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It's also likely, IMO, that you are inattentive and snappish because inability to focus and mood swings are VERY common when you first quit drinking. I remember being unable to focus on much of anything for quite awhile. It does get better, though, as do the mood swings. Your brain and body take time to get back to what they should be without the alcohol.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I agree with Lexie - irritability is common in early sobriety, as is boredom. It just takes time for many of us to get our bearings......
Keep up the good work and don't beat yourself up too much - way to go on the website (I did the same thing a couple months after I got sober, something I had been putting off forever).
Keep up the good work and don't beat yourself up too much - way to go on the website (I did the same thing a couple months after I got sober, something I had been putting off forever).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Island of Misfit Toys
Posts: 102
Poor guy, I love your story. It's so thorough and honest! Did you ever get the test results??? I have had so many of the same feelings you do, mainly in the area of snapping off or getting a strange thrill behind the wheel, also insomnia (argh)... and I prefer vodka, couldn't touch whiskey ever again since high school. I'm in the process of coming to terms with the health risks of drinking myself, and I've had many bad experiences with alcoholics...
I'm glad things are working out for you, I hope it continues to go well!!!
I'm glad things are working out for you, I hope it continues to go well!!!
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