New here. Sorry for the rambling. Need to stop today!
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi Poorguy,
It is good that you are reading and posting here.
I originally found SR after googling "liver damage"! That was something I was quite concerned about myself a few months back. I agree with whoever advised being honest with your Dr about how much you drink, and how you are feeling about what alcohol is doing to you. Best way to get help quickly.
I also identify with the thought that alcohol has never affected my work, although lately I'm not so sure it is true. I never drank during the day, but it certainly kept me from working at night or thinking creatively and productively in the evening.
I also identify with what you said about AA, although I was probably more negative at the beginning. Since then I've gone to a few meetings and may eventually go to more. Certainly the book "Living Sober" that I got (free!) there has been really interesting and helpful. I do think that if you can find something to create a recovery plan that works for you it is infinitely better than just "not drinking".
As a parent, I'm not sure that it is a good move to bring your kids into this right now, before you've thought it through yourself. They are kind of young and this is a lot to handle. They shouldn't have to "help" you stay sober, that is your job. Maybe better for you to have someone watch them while you speak with the Dr (receptionist can keep an eye on them in the waiting room, perhaps?). Once you have a recovery plan in place you can decide who to tell and when. But hey, I'm no expert on that, as I haven't told many people yet.
So I hope you find what you are looking for on SR. There is a lot of good information to browse, and a lot of support.
D
It is good that you are reading and posting here.
I originally found SR after googling "liver damage"! That was something I was quite concerned about myself a few months back. I agree with whoever advised being honest with your Dr about how much you drink, and how you are feeling about what alcohol is doing to you. Best way to get help quickly.
I also identify with the thought that alcohol has never affected my work, although lately I'm not so sure it is true. I never drank during the day, but it certainly kept me from working at night or thinking creatively and productively in the evening.
I also identify with what you said about AA, although I was probably more negative at the beginning. Since then I've gone to a few meetings and may eventually go to more. Certainly the book "Living Sober" that I got (free!) there has been really interesting and helpful. I do think that if you can find something to create a recovery plan that works for you it is infinitely better than just "not drinking".
As a parent, I'm not sure that it is a good move to bring your kids into this right now, before you've thought it through yourself. They are kind of young and this is a lot to handle. They shouldn't have to "help" you stay sober, that is your job. Maybe better for you to have someone watch them while you speak with the Dr (receptionist can keep an eye on them in the waiting room, perhaps?). Once you have a recovery plan in place you can decide who to tell and when. But hey, I'm no expert on that, as I haven't told many people yet.
So I hope you find what you are looking for on SR. There is a lot of good information to browse, and a lot of support.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Poorguy,
I won't push AA on you as you have made it clear that you aren't interested, but I drank at least 3x what you are drinking and I quit. Seriously. If you want to quit you can do it, but many people need help.
I won't push AA on you as you have made it clear that you aren't interested, but I drank at least 3x what you are drinking and I quit. Seriously. If you want to quit you can do it, but many people need help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
I agree with ronf. Take what works and leave the rest. AA is very open to those who are not religious. I myself am not and have never felt that AA wouldn't work for me because of that.
I encourage you to keep an open mind about AA or any other recovery type of program. It's generally not a pity party. On the contrary, I often find myself listening to some very grateful and uplifting people.
I encourage you to keep an open mind about AA or any other recovery type of program. It's generally not a pity party. On the contrary, I often find myself listening to some very grateful and uplifting people.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 48
Hi Poorguy,
Welcome to the forum. A couple of suggestions, the movement/transformation you want is internal - that means that you have to take the steps - your boss telling you that he's going to fire you is not the answer, taking alcohol to stop your nightmares isn't going to make them go away (what you resist, persists!). I'm on day 56 and I used alcohol to numb some negative feelings that I've had for oh, let me think, say 25 years and they still stuck around! When alcohol is running your life, it's easy to think you know the answers but my suggestion around your resistance to AA is to forget everything that you've heard others say about it and just try it for yourself - you only have to attend one meeting, you are not being forced to commit to anything so why not go along and see for yourself? Good luck and I hope that all goes well with your doctor's appointment.
Welcome to the forum. A couple of suggestions, the movement/transformation you want is internal - that means that you have to take the steps - your boss telling you that he's going to fire you is not the answer, taking alcohol to stop your nightmares isn't going to make them go away (what you resist, persists!). I'm on day 56 and I used alcohol to numb some negative feelings that I've had for oh, let me think, say 25 years and they still stuck around! When alcohol is running your life, it's easy to think you know the answers but my suggestion around your resistance to AA is to forget everything that you've heard others say about it and just try it for yourself - you only have to attend one meeting, you are not being forced to commit to anything so why not go along and see for yourself? Good luck and I hope that all goes well with your doctor's appointment.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by poorguy 
If you could elaborate
Being stubborn and getting sober are mutually exclusive, ime.
A last thought, sobriety isn't for people that need it, it's for people that want it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by Danae
Hi Poorguy,
It is good that you are reading and posting here.
I originally found SR after googling "liver damage"! That was something I was quite concerned about myself a few months back. I agree with whoever advised being honest with your Dr about how much you drink, and how you are feeling about what alcohol is doing to you. Best way to get help quickly.
I also identify with the thought that alcohol has never affected my work, although lately I'm not so sure it is true. I never drank during the day, but it certainly kept me from working at night or thinking creatively and productively in the evening.
I also identify with what you said about AA, although I was probably more negative at the beginning. Since then I've gone to a few meetings and may eventually go to more. Certainly the book "Living Sober" that I got (free!) there has been really interesting and helpful. I do think that if you can find something to create a recovery plan that works for you it is infinitely better than just "not drinking".
As a parent, I'm not sure that it is a good move to bring your kids into this right now, before you've thought it through yourself. They are kind of young and this is a lot to handle and they shouldn't have to "help" you stay sober, that is your job. Maybe better for you to have someone watch them while you speak with the Dr (receptionist can keep an eye on them in the waiting room, perhaps?). Once you have a recovery plan in place you can decide who to tell and when. But hey, I'm no expert on that, as I haven't told many people yet.
So I hope you find what you are looking for on SR. There is a lot of good information to browse, and a lot of support.
D
It is good that you are reading and posting here.
I originally found SR after googling "liver damage"! That was something I was quite concerned about myself a few months back. I agree with whoever advised being honest with your Dr about how much you drink, and how you are feeling about what alcohol is doing to you. Best way to get help quickly.
I also identify with the thought that alcohol has never affected my work, although lately I'm not so sure it is true. I never drank during the day, but it certainly kept me from working at night or thinking creatively and productively in the evening.
I also identify with what you said about AA, although I was probably more negative at the beginning. Since then I've gone to a few meetings and may eventually go to more. Certainly the book "Living Sober" that I got (free!) there has been really interesting and helpful. I do think that if you can find something to create a recovery plan that works for you it is infinitely better than just "not drinking".
As a parent, I'm not sure that it is a good move to bring your kids into this right now, before you've thought it through yourself. They are kind of young and this is a lot to handle and they shouldn't have to "help" you stay sober, that is your job. Maybe better for you to have someone watch them while you speak with the Dr (receptionist can keep an eye on them in the waiting room, perhaps?). Once you have a recovery plan in place you can decide who to tell and when. But hey, I'm no expert on that, as I haven't told many people yet.
So I hope you find what you are looking for on SR. There is a lot of good information to browse, and a lot of support.
D
I remember back in grade school. I was 12 or 13 and struggling with my weight. I devised a plan that conditioned myself to hate sweets, candy, and sugary snacks by wearing a really thick rubber-band. Every time I wanted some skittles or something, I would pull that sucker back as far as possible and just whap the carp out of my wrist. I know it sounds twisted, especially for a 12yr old, but to this day, I don't like sweets. It was a less painful alternative to being constantly picked on being the token fat kid in class. I ended up losing 60 lbs. I eventually started drinking regularly during college and I'm back up to that weight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by sailorjohn
Just a bit of unintentional irony on your part, referring to AA as a pity party, contrasting with the user name that you chose for yourself.
Being stubborn and getting sober are mutually exclusive, ime.
A last thought, sobriety isn't for people that need it, it's for people that want it.
Being stubborn and getting sober are mutually exclusive, ime.
A last thought, sobriety isn't for people that need it, it's for people that want it.
I like your insight. When I am sober, it feels like I am balancing two tons on my shoulder. As soon as I took that first drink at night, that weight was lifted. It is less of being stubborn and more of being blind. Now that I feel my health being so negatively affected to the point where I am honestly scared about what I have done to myself. The weight of possible death and the pain that would cause my family weighs far heavier than the weight the alcohol lifts off my shoulders.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Originally Posted by poorguy
They are very well adjusted kids. I've told them before, even as I was fixing a drink, that this is not healthy for me and that it is not an easy "habit" to break. I just don't want them going around telling their teachers and friends "daddy has a drinking problem".
.
.
In addition, the Dr may not feel free to level with you, or for you to be as honest about your level and pattern of drinking.
A 7 year old may have trouble keeping secrets from people (or being quiet about something sensitive for you), and that too may be a burden or confusing.
Really, I'm reacting as a mom and not being critical, just thinking that years from now you may be very glad you didn't bring them into the appointment today. (I have an older son who now tells me about all the things he wished I'd done differently, so I have some experience from that!)
Good luck today. Good step to take.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 94
I have to agree with Danae. I think you should shelter your kids from your alcoholism as much as possible and just get better. That's a huge issue for a 7 yr old to deal with. You don't know what's going through his head at night before he falls asleep.
They should be thinking about school and friends. Not Daddy's health.
believe me, I had an alcoholic mom and I was very "aware" of her drinking problem. It was a nightmare to deal with. When I was little, I used to make little "contracts" that said she would only have 2 drinks that night. I'd try to get her to sign them, but it just made her mad and she'd get really drunk anyway.
You and I both owe it to out kids to not put them through that. We both need to get sober.
They should be thinking about school and friends. Not Daddy's health.
believe me, I had an alcoholic mom and I was very "aware" of her drinking problem. It was a nightmare to deal with. When I was little, I used to make little "contracts" that said she would only have 2 drinks that night. I'd try to get her to sign them, but it just made her mad and she'd get really drunk anyway.
You and I both owe it to out kids to not put them through that. We both need to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Poorguy, welcome aboard!
You sound pretty similar to me, vodka, no major work problems, pretty functional, worried about your health etc. I was very familiar with AA, and I decided against using the program, and the first couple of weeks were hard to get through, but I was able to abstain with the help of SR, and I used my own wellness program which included alot of exercise and research regarding my drinking issues. I know it can be done without AA, but you sound as if you need some sort of support that won't allow you to drink, like an ultimatum from a boss etc. If you are not positive you want to not positive you can quit pouring the drinks on your own AA might be a good start. But if you really can decide to quit and stick to it for a few weeks with the help of SR I think you could be successful using SR alone. You just have to find some tools to deal with the little voice in your head that pops up at 5PM that tells you "what is 1 or 2 drinks gonna hurt". Keep posting, and good luck!!
You sound pretty similar to me, vodka, no major work problems, pretty functional, worried about your health etc. I was very familiar with AA, and I decided against using the program, and the first couple of weeks were hard to get through, but I was able to abstain with the help of SR, and I used my own wellness program which included alot of exercise and research regarding my drinking issues. I know it can be done without AA, but you sound as if you need some sort of support that won't allow you to drink, like an ultimatum from a boss etc. If you are not positive you want to not positive you can quit pouring the drinks on your own AA might be a good start. But if you really can decide to quit and stick to it for a few weeks with the help of SR I think you could be successful using SR alone. You just have to find some tools to deal with the little voice in your head that pops up at 5PM that tells you "what is 1 or 2 drinks gonna hurt". Keep posting, and good luck!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Regarding the kid issue, I had a health scare due to alcohol withdrawal a while back, and I addressed it with my 11 year old son after I found everything was ok and I knew I would no longer drink again. It was just a short conversation regarding the fact that I am allergic to alcohol. It wasn't scary to him, but it was informative and it also made it so I can never drink in front of him again....he would call me on it. Later on I will be sure to inform him about more of the alcohol related issues, but I wanted to ease his mind and let him know that I won't be sick if I don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by poorguy
I only have one problem with AA. I'm agnostic so with someone telling me to "let God handle it for me" doesn't register.
No excuses. It worked for them and me, and it can work for you. Sit back and "let God handle it for me" is not an AA tenet. Instead, it's a program of responsibility and action designed to hook you up with the needed power to overcome the drink problem.
The only question is, are you willing to do what those other folks did to overcome alcohol? Simple as that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by keithj
So, about 1/2 of the original AA membership at the time the Big Book was written considered themselves atheist or agnostic when they came to AA. In the past 75 years, a countless number of other atheists and agnostics, myself included, have got and stayed sober by following the precise, specific directions spelled out in that book.
No excuses. It worked for them and me, and it can work for you. Sit back and "let God handle it for me" is not an AA tenet. Instead, it's a program of responsibility and action designed to hook you up with the needed power to overcome the drink problem.
The only question is, are you willing to do what those other folks did to overcome alcohol? Simple as that.
No excuses. It worked for them and me, and it can work for you. Sit back and "let God handle it for me" is not an AA tenet. Instead, it's a program of responsibility and action designed to hook you up with the needed power to overcome the drink problem.
The only question is, are you willing to do what those other folks did to overcome alcohol? Simple as that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
I can relate to a lot of your story. By the time I quit drinking (vodka mostly) I was up to 275 pounds. Now about 15 months later I am down to 217. Not that quitting drinking was ALL it took. I started eating right and working out 5 times per week. But I never would have done those things if I was still drinking.
You sound like you like to self diagnose yourself. My doctor who is also a good friend of mine told me that I am not allowed to google my symptoms anymore. haha. He told me I am going to worry myself to death. And again now that I have quit drinking, I haven't had the urge to google any symptom because I feel so much better. You will get there too.
I really hope you find some sort of recovery group. Most of us can't do this alone. If it was as simple as just NOT drinking, you would have already stopped.
Welcome to SR.
You sound like you like to self diagnose yourself. My doctor who is also a good friend of mine told me that I am not allowed to google my symptoms anymore. haha. He told me I am going to worry myself to death. And again now that I have quit drinking, I haven't had the urge to google any symptom because I feel so much better. You will get there too.
I really hope you find some sort of recovery group. Most of us can't do this alone. If it was as simple as just NOT drinking, you would have already stopped.
Welcome to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by bdiddy5522
I can relate to a lot of your story. By the time I quit drinking (vodka mostly) I was up to 275 pounds. Now about 15 months later I am down to 217. Not that quitting drinking was ALL it took. I started eating right and working out 5 times per week. But I never would have done those things if I was still drinking.
You sound like you like to self diagnose yourself. My doctor who is also a good friend of mine told me that I am not allowed to google my symptoms anymore. haha. He told me I am going to worry myself to death. And again now that I have quit drinking, I haven't had the urge to google any symptom because I feel so much better. You will get there too.
I really hope you find some sort of recovery group. Most of us can't do this alone. If it was as simple as just NOT drinking, you would have already stopped.
Welcome to SR.
You sound like you like to self diagnose yourself. My doctor who is also a good friend of mine told me that I am not allowed to google my symptoms anymore. haha. He told me I am going to worry myself to death. And again now that I have quit drinking, I haven't had the urge to google any symptom because I feel so much better. You will get there too.
I really hope you find some sort of recovery group. Most of us can't do this alone. If it was as simple as just NOT drinking, you would have already stopped.
Welcome to SR.
My appointment is in 30 minutes. I'm just waitiing on the kids to get back from school so I can head over there. I'll post a follow up after I get back from the doctor's office.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Poorguy - You are taking the necessary steps to start your recovery right.
You will see the Dr. in a very short time. If you can, print out this thread so
you can ask the Dr. all the questions/concerns you have so he can treat you with the best of his expertise. Congratulations on taking this huge step.
Look forward to your update when you are done with your appointment.
A ton of support is here for you whenever you want 24/7.
You will see the Dr. in a very short time. If you can, print out this thread so
you can ask the Dr. all the questions/concerns you have so he can treat you with the best of his expertise. Congratulations on taking this huge step.
Look forward to your update when you are done with your appointment.
A ton of support is here for you whenever you want 24/7.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by poorguy
Let me just add that drinking has never affected my work.
If you get sober, you'll see this isn't true.
I had to change who I was or the same me will drink again, and again, and again. Maybe this is true with you too?
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Hey, PG
Hope things worked out at the doctor's. I do have a question for you. If everything turns out OK regarding your liver, are you going to continue drinking? to help with the sleep? So that you can have a buzz now and then and knock out one of those killer web designs?
If it was me, back then, I would.
The reason I ask is that there are many posts here that have pointed out that abstaining from alcohol and being sober are two different things.
Religion and my own will power stopped me cold in my tracks when first dipping my toe into AA a decade ago. Today, it speaks to me. It's not a pity party. It's a party, though, one that celebrates the power of being able to find a new life without alcohol.
AA helps you sleep. It helps you at work, it helps you be a father. More important, it helps you live within your own skin.
Walking into an AA meeting can be one of the hardest things we ever do. Going back is the second time may be the easiest.
Hope things worked out at the doctor's. I do have a question for you. If everything turns out OK regarding your liver, are you going to continue drinking? to help with the sleep? So that you can have a buzz now and then and knock out one of those killer web designs?
If it was me, back then, I would.
The reason I ask is that there are many posts here that have pointed out that abstaining from alcohol and being sober are two different things.
Religion and my own will power stopped me cold in my tracks when first dipping my toe into AA a decade ago. Today, it speaks to me. It's not a pity party. It's a party, though, one that celebrates the power of being able to find a new life without alcohol.
AA helps you sleep. It helps you at work, it helps you be a father. More important, it helps you live within your own skin.
Walking into an AA meeting can be one of the hardest things we ever do. Going back is the second time may be the easiest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
Well, I'm back from the doctor's office. He had me lay down and he pressed around my rib cage and told me that my liver was not enlarged but I gave some blood samples that they are testing. It will be three or so days before the results come back. I told him how much I drink and for how long and he said that wasn't too bad. I asked him about detoxing and he said that I'll just have the shakes and maybe a headache but if it's worse to come back and see him. It seems he kind of downplayed the whole issue which made me a little nervous but I guess he has seen worse. I'll let you guys know when the blood tests come back. CBC, Complete Metabolic Panel, and Sedimentation Rate. Then, I have to get a sonogram of my stomach to check for gallbladder stones (not related to drinking but might have been the factor that scared me enough to quit this self-poisoning). Best case scenario, I just have bad allergies and the steroid shot I took on Friday is wearing off and making my stomach hurt. I've got a raging headache right now but hopefully that will go away soon.
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