raising the bottom and trying to live in the gratitude
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 264
raising the bottom and trying to live in the gratitude
No doubt about it. The events that I am responsible for which brought me here are my all time low. I have been struggling with fears of relapse and listening very carefully here and in AA at other bottoms. Mine was pretty awful, but not as bad as some. I am doing my best to remind myself that a lot of those stories haven't happened to me YET. Today I am feeling gratitude for a lot of things. I can envision the person who wasn't really there on the front bumper of my car. This imaginary person is helping me.
1) I am thoroughly enjoying my AA meetings. I am listening and learning a lot and often times I have had glimmers of gratitude for being an alcoholic. The women in my home group are amazing and I feel in very good company.
2) My therapist suggested a mens al-anon close by for my husband. When I suggested it to him, I thought he would poo poo it. When he decided to go, I thought his first would be his last. He actually loved it and said to me that he wants to keep going so that he can be doing the work I'm doing. He says he wants to be with me in this. I married a very spiritual man who has a natural instinct to forgive and move forward instead of living in the past. I have only been married for 2.5 years and I am feeling gratitude that circumstances unfolded so early in our marriage. I can't give my daughter back 9 years of me drinking and I can't take back the 2.5 years we've been married. I find myself wishing I had done this sooner, but today I'm just feeling lucky that I didn't wait any later.
3) My whole life I have struggled with spirituality. I believed, I searched, I even meditated in a Thai Temple for a month. I have fought and argued and debated the concept of God. I have never doubted that *something* was there, but have never been able to have any kind of spiritual awakening. God applied to everybody except for me. Today I am thinking that perhaps I needed to be an alcoholic to actually find God. The 12 steps really are such a tangible set of instructions for someone like me. I am hopeful and trusting in this process that maybe I might find what I am looking for beyond the obsession to drink.
So maybe today I am on a Pink Cloud. I dunno. I will be one month sober this coming Thursday. I have my days of bitterness and resentment, but today it has been easy to be grateful. I hugged my husband and my daughter and shared this with them today. I just wanted to share with you too. I am grateful to all of you and for the moment (perhaps the 1st time in my life) I have a sense that there are no accidents.
Thanks for reading my long winded post.
1) I am thoroughly enjoying my AA meetings. I am listening and learning a lot and often times I have had glimmers of gratitude for being an alcoholic. The women in my home group are amazing and I feel in very good company.
2) My therapist suggested a mens al-anon close by for my husband. When I suggested it to him, I thought he would poo poo it. When he decided to go, I thought his first would be his last. He actually loved it and said to me that he wants to keep going so that he can be doing the work I'm doing. He says he wants to be with me in this. I married a very spiritual man who has a natural instinct to forgive and move forward instead of living in the past. I have only been married for 2.5 years and I am feeling gratitude that circumstances unfolded so early in our marriage. I can't give my daughter back 9 years of me drinking and I can't take back the 2.5 years we've been married. I find myself wishing I had done this sooner, but today I'm just feeling lucky that I didn't wait any later.
3) My whole life I have struggled with spirituality. I believed, I searched, I even meditated in a Thai Temple for a month. I have fought and argued and debated the concept of God. I have never doubted that *something* was there, but have never been able to have any kind of spiritual awakening. God applied to everybody except for me. Today I am thinking that perhaps I needed to be an alcoholic to actually find God. The 12 steps really are such a tangible set of instructions for someone like me. I am hopeful and trusting in this process that maybe I might find what I am looking for beyond the obsession to drink.
So maybe today I am on a Pink Cloud. I dunno. I will be one month sober this coming Thursday. I have my days of bitterness and resentment, but today it has been easy to be grateful. I hugged my husband and my daughter and shared this with them today. I just wanted to share with you too. I am grateful to all of you and for the moment (perhaps the 1st time in my life) I have a sense that there are no accidents.
Thanks for reading my long winded post.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I also had to reach my bottom before I could connect with my spiritual self. I had searched and struggled for years but never felt connected, so it is a gift of my addiction.
I'm glad that you're doing well.
I'm glad that you're doing well.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It's so excellent to read this happy, hopeful post from you.
In the end, SOMETHING had to bring us to recovery. I'm glad you are now seeing that it is cause for gratitude that it only involved some personal humiliation and not physical or serious emotional injury to someone else. (Yes, we all know your family has had some emotional injury, but that, too, could have been far worse and this is something they can recover from.)
In the end, SOMETHING had to bring us to recovery. I'm glad you are now seeing that it is cause for gratitude that it only involved some personal humiliation and not physical or serious emotional injury to someone else. (Yes, we all know your family has had some emotional injury, but that, too, could have been far worse and this is something they can recover from.)
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Gratitude is the number one thing keeping me sober, I believe.
As long as Im counting my blessings I have no desire to drink. And the more I count my blessings, the more blessings there are to count.
As long as Im counting my blessings I have no desire to drink. And the more I count my blessings, the more blessings there are to count. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Originally Posted by Inafishbowl 
Does this all sound like over confidence I should be worried about? Feeling a little blue today. I'm all over the map!
I am too...I wake up some mornings all bubbly and happy; but I've had some vile, bitchy, snappy days too.
Loved your post. Your husband sounds like a keeper as well.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Nobody gets all better all at once. And bad days happen even in recovery. Mood swings are VERY common in early recovery.
Just keep moving ahead--things will eventually settle down.
Just keep moving ahead--things will eventually settle down.
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