lizisme

Sometimes we get along well, are clear with each other and have a positive insight into our addiction but sometimes I really dont like you when you try to trick me and doubt myself, gosh you can be so sly. You put it into my head that warm fuzzy elated feeling that is so short lived and causes so much pain will be ok. But it's not and I hate you for trying to trick me and making me feel even more frustrated because I talk with you often and most of the time we agree and I feel your on my side but lately I feel like you are trying to ruin it for me. You know I cant drink, you know im a young mother that will loose her children should she pick up a drink, you know she will take her own life if she picks up a drink cos its either that or a long slow painful death right? You know she cant stop with one drink and you have known that from the very first drink she ever touched. Please dont feed me anymore of your temptations, your tiny glimpses of that 'feeling' that is a complete lie anyway. Please remind me of why I dont drink anymore, im not sitting here because I can drink and can enjoy a drink and can control my drinks....I cant, its simple and I never ever ever ever will be able to. And that's ok, im fine with that, I just dont like it when you try to trick me. Ill forgive you if you continue to help me with the positive in my life, like waking up in the morning and being able to get my children out of bed and return them the unfailing love they give to me. Im glad we could have this talk. Sometimes I just need to :-)

Rusty Zipper

liz,

here's one for you

"Hello old friend"

I've come to visit once again.

I live to see you suffer: physically, spiritual, and socially.
I want to make you restless so you can never relax.
I want you to be jumpy, nervous and anxious.
I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything; and everybody makes you uncomfortable.

I want you to be confused and depressed so you cant think clearly or positively.

I want you to hate everything, and everybody, including your self.
I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.

I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is, and the way you are.

I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people for no reason at all.

I want you to wake up during all hours of the night and scream for me.
You know you cant sleep without me. I'm even in your dreams...

I want to be the first thing you think of when you wake-up in the morning, and the last thing you touch before you go to sleep if you can.

I would rather kill you. But I'll be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know, I'll still be waiting for you when you get out.

I love to watch you go slowly insane.
I love to see all the physical damage that i'm causing you.
I cant help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake... when you freeze and sweat at the same time. When you wake with the sheets soaking wet.

It's amusing to watch.
Its amazing how much destruction i can do on your internal organs while at the same time i work on your brain, destroying it bit, by bit!

I deeply appreciate how much you have sacrificed for me; the countless jobs; all the fine friends that you deeply cared for and you gave up for me; and whats more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of you inexcusable actions.

For these, I am even more grateful. But especially for your loved ones, your family, the most important people in the world to you, you even threw them away for me.

I cannot express in words the gratitude i have for the loyalty and respect you have for me.

But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend!

For after you have lost all these things, you still depend on me to take even more.

You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell; to keep your mind, body, and soul; for i will not be satisfied until your dead!

So hello old friend, my name is "Addiction"

Bianca84

oh sweet!! seriously reading these can create a huge motivating power and also a warning to us on how we can easily fall back again.

Thank you very much for this sweet sharing,

God bless you and your family

BurningChrome

Great post!!

...Mike

lockcap

Great Motivation...Thank you!!!

recycle

lizisme, a brilliant illustration of cognitive defusion - thank you. The sense that your thoughts are not you, and the realization that you do not have to believe everything you think has helped me enormously.

NEOMARXIST

Thank you both, Lizisme and Rusty Zipper, for those posts...

Peace