hubbachoo

My best friend since as far as I can remember has been in and out of treatment for years. Except I was never supportive of her because I was more concerned about getting high. The first time she used our DOC was when I introduced her to it, and it's been her choice every day after that. She finally moved away to get away from it, but every time she has visited she gets right back into it. Until now I was always there doing it with her.

At this point in my life I love being sober and just the thought of being as miserable as I was when I was using disgusts me! I don't want to be the person I was or live the same life. Stress is more stressful than ever; hardships are harder. But I deal with it. I love knowing that I am a stronger person because of it!

When I got out of treatment I knew my biggest priority was changing people, places, and things. When I turned on my cellphone I deleted every number... and there was no "well maybe I will need this number.. just in case." Yes, it goes through just about every recovering addict's mind!! That cannot be denied.

Now before she got back I already knew that I couldn't get my hopes up. Unfortunately, since I've taken on the clean and sober lifestyle, I have found it hard not seeing any familiar faces. So I was thinking how awesome it was that she was back. We talked about the situation, and pretty much established that she's here to have fun... but before that she is going to hang out and spend time with me. Now she is being a flake. I want to say that I have patience for stupidity, but come on now... I am only human, and only have 30 days. I am still so early in my recovery. So yes, I got my hopes up. I want to understand, as myself... but I still have my addict's mind and I know what she is about. Am I so wrong to be irritated with her? I don't know. Like I said before, I knew this was going to happen already. So I feel like an idiot for dwelling.

Tiggertym

I have been where you are and it is irritating to find out that your friends would rather use than spend time sober. It's super hard to be friends with people you used with when you stop. My friends left me because they'd rather be high and I found that some people where just my friend for the drugs and alcohol. I only had one friend that stuck with me being sober. At first, its really hard to see your friends not spending time with you but after awhile you will find friends who like to hang out sober. When you start doing activities that are sober activities you tend to meet friends there. Hope that helps. It's important not to let your friends actions bring you down.

hubbachoo

Although she has been my best friend since I can remember, and not just a using buddy, I've realized I cannot keep wanting for her what she doesn't want for herself. Yes, what you had to say helped tremendously. It's a punch in the face that she is choosing to be high over me. It's amazing how powerful addiction is!!! It changes a person's morals and values instantaneously! It is so sad that it only took once. I know, slowly but surely, that I will find other friends who are sober and they will be able to "hang."

Thanks!

MsCooterBrown

"It's a punch in the face that she is choosing to be high over me. It's amazing how powerful addiction is!!!"

I used to think this as well...and it was my husband ..for the love of GOD how could he choose drinking over me?????? But after awhile..I realized he is not on my schedule. You can't make someone sober up ...try as you might. Everyone has a different time frame. Some NEVER sober up. It is like watching a train wreck. I lost him..I separated from many friends. And someone posted when people leave..it is an opening for more people to come into your life. I wish that for both of us. I am slowly meeting sober supportive people..it all takes time. It is life.

ste

'Nuff said? Think you are right hubbachoo, like passing ships in the sea. A familiar ship? What reason to linger... IMHO

EmeraldRose

Finding and keeping friends that share your frame of mind seems impossible. She is not on the same path as you...you are not on the same path as me...we have to do what we need to do in our own hearts for ourselves.
Yes, it is sad when we lose friends temporarily over a situation in life -no matter what it be. We have all 'lost' friends over the years that are not heading in our direction.
I was pregnant in High School and most of my friends deserted me because I was no fun anymore. But after 25 I just revisited with my best friend in HS. We had different lives, different experiences and different pathes but eventually ended up together. Just too bad we are 1000 miles away from each other. =(
You have to remember one thing...one of my favorite quotes: Enjoy every moment of your daily life. There is no better place to be throughout the entire universe than where you are right now.
I believe this. This is where I should be, you are where you should be and your friend, as unfortuanate as her choices may seem, is exactly where she needs to be.
We have a second chance because our time was't ready for the first one. She will have her chance to change but it is not her time. Stick with your heart -it is never wrong.

hubbachoo

True story. I knew that when I went into treatment that I was done and I wanted to be clean and sober. Anyone else, who talks of it but doesn't follow through, will hopefully want it but just not today. I know she is not ready.

People, places, and things.. I had to change all of that. Amazingly, it wasn't hard. Can't say that, at the moment, I am not lonely. I would be lying to myself if I did. I used to let people walk all over me; a human doormat. Now, with learning more about myself and gaining an entirely different and BETTER personality, I refuse to be put on the back burner... especially when it involves someone (even my friend) choosing drugs over me. She told me the other night, "I'm not trying to be a bitch, but there is nothing we can do, especially with a baby" ... "There is nothing to do here but drink and do drugs." If that's not a clue, then I don't know what is! Even though we went to the same treatment center at different times, we had both gone to the morning meeting there. It was the meeting that opened my eyes. Planned to go there this morning, and she completely dogged me. I flashed back to when I was using, and I used to make plans and never followed through. It was mostly with my family, but then again she is like family. The point is that I know what it is like to be an addict, and the sorry and miserable things addiction can lead you into doing.

At this point, I wish I could find a sponsor. I am just not comfortable picking someone with time that I know nothing about. Is that wrong?

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Apparently it wasn't all of that, so it must be difficult.

hubbachoo

I spoke to my mom about my frustrations. My friend was across the states when we had become closer. She was supporting my sobriety sooo much when she was over there. When I picked her up from the airport it was clear within 24 hours that she had put on a front to me and everyone who believed that she was being truthful with her feelings and words. Within 2 days when I was venting to my mother she told me that the biggest step when it came to my "old life" was to stop being in contact with her. I just didn't want to believe that it would come to that...She was my best friend before we started using, and my best friend during the time we were using. Unfortunately, I realized that she would become the biggest temptation if didn't put an end to our "involvement" with each other. So yes, that was very difficult! A lot harder than I expected.

sailorjohn

I'm sorry, I spend quite a bit of time in the F&F forum, and we have that mantra over there, no contact.

I re-read your posts and thought I might have missed something, but it wasn't clear that you had disengaged from her completely, which would be the 'changing everything'.

The only thing you mentioned was that you had talked to her 'the other night'.

hubbachoo

All good. She came to visit about 4 days ago, so this is all happening very fast. I believe that she was using within 24hrs of being home, and the same night after I'd picked her up and we went to a meeting I still had my suspicions. Even after I'd asked her about it she told me she hadn't... but deep down I knew she was lying, although she almost had me convinced. Can't kid a kidder, in a nicer way of saying it.

Dee74

I hope your friend finds their way, Hubba - good for you for having strong healthy boundaries

D