Question for successful members on here. What fills the void that alcohol/etc filled?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: England
Posts: 70
Question for successful members on here. What fills the void that alcohol/etc filled?
I thought I'd start a new thread for this and I hope its the correct place on the website. I guess this applies to whatever substance took over your life.
As title really. I believe it can be filled... but how/what/where?
I probably speak for a few people here when I say I've planned a lot of my life around alcohol, 'the weekend', hell I even planned a trip abroad on what's a better drinking destination.
So yeah, I know it's a hard one but it's probably quite subjective but it would be really good to hear y'all experiences.
Take care all.
Rickie
As title really. I believe it can be filled... but how/what/where?
I probably speak for a few people here when I say I've planned a lot of my life around alcohol, 'the weekend', hell I even planned a trip abroad on what's a better drinking destination.
So yeah, I know it's a hard one but it's probably quite subjective but it would be really good to hear y'all experiences.
Take care all.
Rickie
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I think real recovery comes when you realize that it's not about filling a void, it's about fixing why there was a void in the first place...and then no longer feeling like you have one to 'fill'.
I can throw some entirely superficial bandaids at you too though.. go to the gym, rent movies, eat better, take a class, adopt a pet, volunteer at a nursing home, take a walk (there are a zillion sober things to do, to eat up time).
I can throw some entirely superficial bandaids at you too though.. go to the gym, rent movies, eat better, take a class, adopt a pet, volunteer at a nursing home, take a walk (there are a zillion sober things to do, to eat up time).
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I pretty much fill that void with being responsible. Cleaning dishes, washing and folding clothes, vacuuming, working (and actually showing up to work, not getting shifts covered), doing school work, cooking dinner, hanging out with my fiancee...Lots of things I didn't do when I was drinking.
I also still do lots of things I did when I drank. I go to baseball and football games, watch my favorite TV shows, play video games, watch movies...pretty much everything I did with alcohol, I now do without. Except hanging out in bars. That's really the 1 thing I used to do that I don't any longer.
I also still do lots of things I did when I drank. I go to baseball and football games, watch my favorite TV shows, play video games, watch movies...pretty much everything I did with alcohol, I now do without. Except hanging out in bars. That's really the 1 thing I used to do that I don't any longer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by smacked 
I think real recovery comes when you realize that it's not about filling a void, it's about fixing why there was a void in the first place...and then no longer feeling like you have one to 'fill'.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I agree with Smacked - I talk about filling the void, but it's really about healing the void...
I find service work, whether it be helping folks here or elsewhere, to be a great help in keeping me in the proper perspective
D
I find service work, whether it be helping folks here or elsewhere, to be a great help in keeping me in the proper perspective
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
For me alcohol filled a void of unhappiness and once I stopped trying to kill myself with alcohol all the old hurts began to heal (I worked at it of course) and being healthy in mind and body makes me happy so there is no void.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Life fills the void. From the most banal and mundane things in it, to the most sublime. But you are so early in your recovery. Fill your time with that, life will filter in unaided.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
I agree that's it is ultimately not about filling the void, but healing it. That may not happen right away, so don't be discouraged.
Oh Snarf---how I wish that I did the same! I am still the same disorganized messy person I was before! I'm more likely to read, sleep, dream, go for a walk. But cleaning up...not so much!
Originally Posted by Snarf
I pretty much fill that void with being responsible. Cleaning dishes, washing and folding clothes, vacuuming, working (and actually showing up to work, not getting shifts covered), doing school work, cooking dinner.....
I'm more likely to read, sleep, dream, go for a walk. But cleaning up...not so much!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
With love, gratitude, and appreciation. When you begin to love and appreciate the gift of life, you will find that there are so many opportunities to express and celebrate this love, gratitude, and appreciation through action.
For example, one can do service work. We can "fill the void" by doing service work (and there is nothing necessarily wrong with this), but true recovery comes when you discover the gift of giving rather than just plugging the hole and passing time.
Another example is finding a new hobby. We can fill the void and pass time with a new hobby, but true recovery comes when we enjoy taking new risks in order to discover new hobbies. It is about deriving enjoyment from the learning process and trying something new.
I know this is sometimes easier said than done. Early recovery sometimes feels awkward, painful, and uncertain. There are even times of remorse and feelings of loss; a loss of a lifestyle. However, once you discover and nurture the gifts of love, gratitude, and appreciation, you will begin to see new horizons and that void will be no more.
For example, one can do service work. We can "fill the void" by doing service work (and there is nothing necessarily wrong with this), but true recovery comes when you discover the gift of giving rather than just plugging the hole and passing time.
Another example is finding a new hobby. We can fill the void and pass time with a new hobby, but true recovery comes when we enjoy taking new risks in order to discover new hobbies. It is about deriving enjoyment from the learning process and trying something new.
I know this is sometimes easier said than done. Early recovery sometimes feels awkward, painful, and uncertain. There are even times of remorse and feelings of loss; a loss of a lifestyle. However, once you discover and nurture the gifts of love, gratitude, and appreciation, you will begin to see new horizons and that void will be no more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
I filled the void of sobriety this year by working more productively that ever before,
buying a house, getting a dog, going to India, climbing mountains, meditating, laughing,
singing, and running as hard as I could from smokey bars, hangovers, uncontrollable tremors,
anxiety, depression, and the question that always bothered me, "What the hell am I doing?"
buying a house, getting a dog, going to India, climbing mountains, meditating, laughing,
singing, and running as hard as I could from smokey bars, hangovers, uncontrollable tremors,
anxiety, depression, and the question that always bothered me, "What the hell am I doing?"
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Rickie
As title really. I believe it can be filled... but how/what/where?
Joy
Sense of purpose
Never in a million years would I have guessed this was what I was looking for when I drank alcohol. All I knew for sure was that I was uncomfortable in my own skin without it.
When I finally found a sufficient substitute to experience a release from care, boredom and worry, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. What the Eastern religions have been talking about for the last 5,000 years is (Nirodha) the end to suffering.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I will also say that there is a realization that alcohol never filled a void it Just drugged us so that we could ignore it partially.
At first, when I quit, I was at a loss as to what to do with myself...but with hard work (on myself) I started to heal. I've got a ways to go still but I no longer have a void in my life.
Good luck!
P.s. when you are stuck feeling a void...hanging out on SR is a good place to start )
At first, when I quit, I was at a loss as to what to do with myself...but with hard work (on myself) I started to heal. I've got a ways to go still but I no longer have a void in my life.
Good luck!
P.s. when you are stuck feeling a void...hanging out on SR is a good place to start )
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
I fill the time by watching more tv, moves and listening to records. very crass i know but its only day 46 for me. but im starting to spruce up my flat, my dvd and record collections are in better order and im 'planning' to go out a lot more, but it is still winter.
sometimes i come here and other forums. i am early recovery though too so i have that void to fill myself.
sometimes i come here and other forums. i am early recovery though too so i have that void to fill myself.
Riding Barefoot
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
For me it was realizing that I had to change something within myself. There was something about the way I viewed the world, the people in it, and life in general that was making me unhappy. I knew when I put down the drink that that was only part of it. I had to be ready to make other changes as well. I had known for a long time that I had a problem, but I didn't seek sobriety until I felt 100% ready to do more than just not drink.
I had always wanted to find spirituality but it never presented itself in a way that I felt comfortable with or connected to. I began my journey with AA, but eventually stopped going. Don't get me wrong, I liked it and I see why people make it their program. It helped me to shut off what was going on in my head for a bit and pay attention to what was happening around and within me. To be still and listen. It gave me a structured starting point for making my own recovery program. But since my decision to walk in the doors of AA was 100% mine and I had researched it and knew what to expect, I think I sort of "got" it sooner than many others do. Not to sound cocky or anything, but that's just how it happened for me. So while I still admire the program, I went off and started doing things my own way.
I realized that this was my time to find spirituality as I see it. It seemed the perfect time, in fact. I was very sick and had no other choice, nothing to lose. I started to understand what it could mean. I got some reflection books for recovering people and started journaling. I read and journal every morning, just for a few minutes. I do a gratitude journal at night. I have gotten back to things I loved to do before. I read a lot, and I remember what I read. Sometimes I draw. I do something constructive each day and this makes me feel like a good, productive, and responsible person... just something simple like cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, or returning a phone call. In fact just today I talked to a creditor that I had been avoiding for nearly a year. Boy did it feel good to get that cleared up! I smile at everyone I see. Just last week I was getting coffee and a random stranger said, "Well, aren't you happy, just walking around smiling." I wasn't sure if he said it in admiration or something else, but I didn't care. I get a little giddy every time I smile at someone or say hi and I get a positive response. That didn't happen before! But before I wasn't even making eye contact, or if I was, it was in the form of a glare. I thought I didn't like people. It turns out I probably just didn't like me. I do like people! I like liking people. I never thought I'd say that.
When I go to the gym, I try to make conversation with someone, instead of just in, on the machines, and out. I'm there enough, I might as well get to know some people! And now I have friends that before were just faces I passed by regularly. I know their names and what gets them out of bed in the morning. In fact, I was there today. I was feeling a little down and wanted someone to talk to me. I was there to work out but also just to be around people because I was feeling lonely. Then I realized I didn't have to wait; it was up to me. I remembered a question I had wanted to ask a trainer about his daughter a long time ago. I hadn't ever really talked to him, but knew I had something in common with his daughter. So I asked and we talked for a while. It was nice.
Well, this has been quite a rant, but my point is that it is not about filling a void. Not in the sense of, well I have all this time now that I don't drink so what am I going to do with it? Not really finding things to do in place of drinking. Not busy work. But finding ways to grow and contribute to the world.
In short, what doggonecarl said: Life fills the void.
I had always wanted to find spirituality but it never presented itself in a way that I felt comfortable with or connected to. I began my journey with AA, but eventually stopped going. Don't get me wrong, I liked it and I see why people make it their program. It helped me to shut off what was going on in my head for a bit and pay attention to what was happening around and within me. To be still and listen. It gave me a structured starting point for making my own recovery program. But since my decision to walk in the doors of AA was 100% mine and I had researched it and knew what to expect, I think I sort of "got" it sooner than many others do. Not to sound cocky or anything, but that's just how it happened for me. So while I still admire the program, I went off and started doing things my own way.
I realized that this was my time to find spirituality as I see it. It seemed the perfect time, in fact. I was very sick and had no other choice, nothing to lose. I started to understand what it could mean. I got some reflection books for recovering people and started journaling. I read and journal every morning, just for a few minutes. I do a gratitude journal at night. I have gotten back to things I loved to do before. I read a lot, and I remember what I read. Sometimes I draw. I do something constructive each day and this makes me feel like a good, productive, and responsible person... just something simple like cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, or returning a phone call. In fact just today I talked to a creditor that I had been avoiding for nearly a year. Boy did it feel good to get that cleared up! I smile at everyone I see. Just last week I was getting coffee and a random stranger said, "Well, aren't you happy, just walking around smiling." I wasn't sure if he said it in admiration or something else, but I didn't care. I get a little giddy every time I smile at someone or say hi and I get a positive response. That didn't happen before! But before I wasn't even making eye contact, or if I was, it was in the form of a glare. I thought I didn't like people. It turns out I probably just didn't like me. I do like people! I like liking people. I never thought I'd say that.
When I go to the gym, I try to make conversation with someone, instead of just in, on the machines, and out. I'm there enough, I might as well get to know some people! And now I have friends that before were just faces I passed by regularly. I know their names and what gets them out of bed in the morning. In fact, I was there today. I was feeling a little down and wanted someone to talk to me. I was there to work out but also just to be around people because I was feeling lonely. Then I realized I didn't have to wait; it was up to me. I remembered a question I had wanted to ask a trainer about his daughter a long time ago. I hadn't ever really talked to him, but knew I had something in common with his daughter. So I asked and we talked for a while. It was nice.
Well, this has been quite a rant, but my point is that it is not about filling a void. Not in the sense of, well I have all this time now that I don't drink so what am I going to do with it? Not really finding things to do in place of drinking. Not busy work. But finding ways to grow and contribute to the world.
In short, what doggonecarl said: Life fills the void.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I know for me that my drinking was often just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak, of much deeper problems, unhappiness, uneasyness. This isn't often evident at the point of first getting sober and I often thought I drank because I loved to just get wrecked. Don't get me wrong I absolutely loved getting wrecked as ultimately I don't think you'll find too many alkies and addicts who didn't enjoy getting absolutely wasted. However once I started looking and discovering why i perceivably enjoyed getting wrecked so much I realised that my drinking was used as my medicine to alleviate things going on in my head that I would struggle with and didn't want to feel. Alcohol was my everything and became my life but it was also destrying my life too. Also I would think of getting smashed alone as me having a good time, but the reality was that I was a tortured person in my blackouts and I doubt very much that I looked happy. I always say that you will never see an alcoholic in blackout looking peaceful, content and serene; certainly I wasn't though i think I sought solitude from my thoughts and my mind through my drinking. I sought peace of mind in my binges and experienced it for fleeting moment but it would vanish as soon as I registered it and I would hopelessly chase it and get depressed as it just wouldn't come back like I remember it on sessions gone by.
I would say that recovery is a daily way of life for me and has been since the day I got sober. It has to be like that as I have to keep my thoughts and my alkie mind in check. Providing I do this then I find that I can fulfill my potential and portray myself as the person I am happy with and things are just slotting into place nicely as nature intends them to. I have great faith in recovery and I am grateful for being able to witness the many gifts that it brings. I certainly can appreciate them as I remember vividly the demoralisation and hoplessness that I used to feel.
I don't look to externally fill a void if I'm in a healthy place in my recovery, rather I am just content, peaceful and grateful for where I am at any one particular time, embracing the moment and appreciating life and my recovery. There really is so much that goes into recovery and having a program to work really helps me. I find that my recovery reveals more to me in moments of clarity and there is certainly a connection with nature and the universe that feels nice to me. I used to say i was seeking peace and love through my binges but I realise that I actually gain this through my recovery and that pretty much sums it up for me - Peace, love and happiness and external things will reveal themselves as I progress 'one day at a time'.
I would say that recovery is a daily way of life for me and has been since the day I got sober. It has to be like that as I have to keep my thoughts and my alkie mind in check. Providing I do this then I find that I can fulfill my potential and portray myself as the person I am happy with and things are just slotting into place nicely as nature intends them to. I have great faith in recovery and I am grateful for being able to witness the many gifts that it brings. I certainly can appreciate them as I remember vividly the demoralisation and hoplessness that I used to feel.
I don't look to externally fill a void if I'm in a healthy place in my recovery, rather I am just content, peaceful and grateful for where I am at any one particular time, embracing the moment and appreciating life and my recovery. There really is so much that goes into recovery and having a program to work really helps me. I find that my recovery reveals more to me in moments of clarity and there is certainly a connection with nature and the universe that feels nice to me. I used to say i was seeking peace and love through my binges but I realise that I actually gain this through my recovery and that pretty much sums it up for me - Peace, love and happiness and external things will reveal themselves as I progress 'one day at a time'.
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