Hi all. How're yall doing? I'm new here & have a huge problem. 25/M/UK.
 

Hey all.

So where do I begin....

Recently turned 25. Over the last year I've began to realise I've had got a massive problem which I've had since I believe I was about 20 when I started University. So a good 5 years.

I've destroyed/hindered relationships, spent FAR FAR too much money, infact at times, ALL the money I've had (found myself in a Casino at 4am many a time) neglected family, been involved in physical violence, broke property.

Here's my mini story (I'm sure you can all relate):

Started drinking alot in College, never really stopped. I'm not an everyday drinker, but I'll have 3 day benders, then feel almost like death (sure my body has been on the verge of shutting down) then once I'm 'Recharged' I'll do it all again.

I've indentified the steps I need to make to stop:

- Speak to others (why I'm here I guess)
- Attend an AA meeting (there is one tomorrow in my town)
- Break off from my friends (I love them but they're a bad influence, all we do is drink, or "go round town" as they say here in England)
- NEVER drink again. I can't handle it, once i've had 2 pints i'm ready to go all night.

I'm on day 3 of a hangover at the moment. Anxiety, feeling of going insane. Yep it's all there. I used to think I was 'Ill' but i've realised it's alcohol.

Oh the longest I've gone in 6 years without a drink has been 2 weeks.

Thanks for listening. Any input would be much appreciated.

Rickie

Rickie,
Welcome. I'm 38 and wish so badly I had your insight at 25. I have to keep reminding myself that I am stopping while my daughter is young (9). But how amazing if I "got it" when she was a baby, or better yet before she was born. I hope that doesn't sound too condescending. Let us know how that first meeting goes.

Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it. I will let you know.

Okay tho I'm not that old by numbers I neglected that I started getting "pissed" at 14, just had a hold on it. So in actual fact I've been wrecking my body & mind for over a decade.

I'm really nervous and have been avoiding it (AA) for ages and reading some of the comments on here I think it's the way forward.

Take care, Rickie

Welcome

I'm in the UK.

Try a few AA meetings. Also have a look at smart recovery. There are not as many meetings as there are AA ones, but they might be up your street.

Perhaps one think to bear in mind when you thinking of another bender how you feel now. I've been there with the stopping drinking but as soon as the anxiety shifts, I'm all too readily thinking of another drink.

Take care
x

If you're on your third day of not drinking the withdrawals should be getting better in a few days. If you're not feeling better, or start to feel worse, please get to a doctor or hospital right away. Alcohol w/d can be dangerous besides very uncomfortable.

Welcome to the family.:)

:welcome

Welcome!

Congrats on taking this step. That hangover you have? Not a hangover, but withdraw, most likely. Its okay, you will get passed it.

AA is not scary. Scary to get inside the doors sometimes, but not scary once you are there. In fact, most people find a great sense of relief. If it isn't for you, it isn't, but I am happy you are willing to give it a try.

i started drinking at 14 as well. Didn't quit til i was 41, so you are way smarter than me!

Good luck, and stick around. This is a good place.

Hey. Thanks for the reply. I'm certain it is withdrawal. Yesterday I actually felt insane, like on another planet and I know it's alcohol and it will subside. It's insane isn't it? No feeling of warm and wellbeing could be worth that feeling.

My drinking pattern last two weeks....

Friday 5th > Wrecked. Probably 10 pints, bottle of wine. So I couldn't stand.
Saturday 6th > As above.
>Recharge days (hit the gym when hangover subsides)
>
>
>
Fri 11th > As the 5th
Sat 12th > As the 6th. Ended up going to pub alone at 1am to continue the drinking.
Sun 13th > First pint at 12:30 pm > last pint at midnight. Would've continued had I been able to stand.

This is SINCE i've cut down. Up until October(ish) time and espesh New Year's, you could throw in a binge during midweek. The only thing that's keeping me off midweek is that I've taken up gym & running which helps. I've actually been taking progress photos I might post them here at some point, but I'm still nowhere near beating this as of yet.

Thanks to all the replies I really appreciate it and I know you've all got problems of your own to deal with so I am really greatful.

Rickie

Hi Rickie,

I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you. I also recently turned 25, and I've been a consistent binge drinker since I started college. I'm on day 11 sober, and if I make it through the next few days it will be a 4-year record for me.

In the past year I've spent a lot of time wishing I could be like my friends who drink normally, but I've finally accepted that it just isn't going to happen. My body reacts differently to alcohol than theirs do. It became clear even to my irrational, alcohol-addled brain that my drinking will keep getting worse unless I jump ship immediately.

It's awesome that you've identified some specific changes in your life you want to make to get better. I'm want to check out AA, but honestly I've been procrastinating because I am so nervous about attending my first meeting. Congrats on 3 days! My cravings peaked around day 4, but I'm so glad I didn't give in and restart the cycle.

Yes Rickie give yourself credit that you "woke up" at the age of 25 and are doing the right things/actions to address all your issues.

During this time your "true" friends will show who they are, and the "friends" who are only "misery loves company" types will show also. Your true friends will support you, want to hang out outside bars, ect. If people aren't interested in you outside of drinking with them, their not worth your time. I keep telling my boyfriend this, at 42 and still can't see who his true friends are and his fake friends are.

:) Keep us updated -wish you well

Hi Badlove,

I feel you are too.

Congrat's on the 11 day. That's brilliant news. Keep it up!

I feel this situation has arose as being partially a result of it being socially acceptable within our educational sphere and age to go out with the intention of binge drinking. This was all fun and games at 18/19/20/21 but now at 25 it's a different ball game. Susceptibility to this addiction has reared it's ugly head.

I completely understand how you feel about your friends as well. I wish I could too. But I can't. (I do recall there being a day long ago when It could, but that's long gone.)

I'll let you know how it goes. I've been procrastinating for months too, but I'm determined to go because I feel without support inplace I'm going to have a really difficult challenge beating this when I get a phonecall on Friday saying "Rich do you fancy a few pints?"

Rickie

Hi Rickie
Welcome :)

I found posting and reading here regularly really helped me break the 'drink...feel bad...feel good'...drink cycle....

I think some face to face support like AA will be great too :)

see you around :)
D

Rickie, I totally identify. First vomit-drunk as a pre-teen and then around 14-15 started drinking pretty much every weekend. Actually stepped into an AA meeting while I was at university, but figured I wasn't really an alcoholic. Took two decades of dedicated practice until I was the last one who thought I wasn't really an alcoholic. I'll spare you the details...

There are really only two things I would share:
1. don't kid yourself. If in your heart of hearts you think you are "probably" an alcoholic, try to stop and stay stopped on your own. For a long time - 6 months or so. The worst that can happen is that you feel and look better.
2. if you are unable to do #1 on your own, you are almost certainly an alcoholic. Go to AA or another face-to-face group that supports recovering alcholics. And when you go there be teachable - staying sober is not generally accomplished by being a rebel and pulling a Sinatra (cue "my way").

Best wishes, Rickie. Life is for living, not regrets.

Very similar story here. Really started to hit the bottle in university, and dropped out in my final year because of it. I'm 27 now and new to sobriety. I don't know if there's much advice I can give, other than to read through the site, going to AA couldn't hurt. Good luck.

Sasha, Thank you so much! I've been trying to locate a local, non 12 step program. I looked up smart recovery. Looks like the place for me. I found some local meetings near by. Much gratitude.

Hey Rickie. Boy, can I relate to your story man!! I'm 25 too and from UK and I got sober at 23 and I have 19+ months sober now. When you wrote "go round town" that took me back man and I relate to that statement so much, ha-ha. It truly is a different ball game culturally in England man....

Like I say I relate to your story man, I too started drinking at 14 and by 18 I was a seasoned pro, by 23 when I got sober I was at the bottom of the barrel man - dropped out of Uni years ago, unemployed 10 months and signing on at job centre and feeling totally hopeless (getting smashed in Weatherspoons with all the other unemployed), driving license still suspended from drink driving conviction, busted for possesion of coke by the old bill etcetc, I was drinking alone in pubs too but mainly I would avoid them as I was getting really paranoid about my blackouts so I would just drink alone on park benches, football pitches, walking along for miles just drinking and thinking about how I was totally and utterly f*cked. This time 2 years ago i was totally hopeless. I too was a binge-drinker and would go on 3 day binges, I was having more drinking binges during the week too and they were getting closer and closer but I lived for them, know what I mean?

I was beaten on 8.7.09 after a 3 day drink and drug bender with some old mates down south and I was just ready to admit defeat and surrender basically. i was sick and tired of feeling how I felt.

For me it's a 'one day at a time' deal, I make no promises outside of today regarding picking up a drink, that's the only day I have. Tomorrow is another day until it becomes today and then I ain't going to be picking up a drink. it'a the first drink that always did me, once I have that then I ain't going to be leaving until I'm heaving!!

I accepted I am an alcoholic and that is fundamental to my sobriety and recovery. There indeed are many p*ss-heads in England, but they ain't like me, I always drank untill I passed out once i took a drink and I couldn't or wouldn't not want to do this. I would drink as soon as I woke up and drink round the clock for the last 2/3 years when my alcoholism progressed. Alcoholism is a progressive illness so it will always get worse and never better, so if you continue to drink and you're an alcoholic then you more than likely will keep going downhill along with your life.

I have managed to totally rebuild my life and my self 'one day at a time'. I got into into full-time emloyment when i was 6 weeks sober, got my license back and bought a really nice car, aplied for and got accepted to a top university, started University last october and that's going great. I'm there for all the right reasons now and I truly appreciate and I'm so grateful. I have rebuilt relationships with loved-ones and made ammends on daily basis to those close to me and I have my pride back now. I truly love my recovery and it's given me evrything I have in my life and opened up some really exciting oppurtunities and paths for my life to go down. It's all good man and I am not ashmed of myself anymore and I feel like I'm rediscovering myself again after losing myself for lots of years.

In relation to your mates then I could not hang around with any people still getting wasted as for me then to drink is to die. I would lose evrything if I took a drink as I'm an alcoholic, I also treat my alcoholism as a blessing and not a curse. I was ashamed to be a drunk but I'm not ahsmed to be an alcoholic. For me I use SR, AA and much wisdom from elsewhere for my daily recovery. It is possible and so, so worth it. It isn't always easy but it is always worth it. Anyway if you're an alcoholic what's the alternative? For me then it's prison, mental hospital or death. Most people couldn;t comprehend that about me...

All The Best, Peace

Yo. I'm really happy for you that you've sorted yourself out. You've given me hope. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at how similar those scenarios you were in sound to mine. It is completely INSANE to think you'd have been in that situation but yet did. 19+ months is great man.


Say i'd go visit a friend who lived across town....for the walk down I'd justify why it's appropriate to buy a few tinnies of White Lightening for the journey. "Well it is a nice summer night" "Won't do no damage". Infact I think I deveoped major social anxiety at one point. I'd roll up there pretty ****** ("Who's going to know?" i'd tell myself)

Luckily around my 25th birthday it clicked suddenly clicked that I was an alco. I had booked a flight (on my overdraft) to Australia to see family and friends (with the intention of sorting myself out) 6 months in advance, and was accordingly "saving" to go there. Well, guess what I did.....Didn't save a penny and couldn't catch it. Who was I kidding? Save money when I could spend it on booze. Crazy. I was never going to get on that flight being honest with myself. I've now accepted that I can't get those years back but there's still time to change, yet I have a long road to go.

Like you, I dropped out of Uni 3rd year (scraped through the first two years), held a few ****** jobs, been at the Job Centre on many occasions, moved back to my parents (where I'd blame them for my dire state, come home wrecked at 4am full of anger at how I'd let myself down).

So yeah thanks for that awesome post. I found your story fascinating. Good stuff mate. If you want to share any other experiences at some point please go ahead.

Best,

Rickie

Thanks mate, I'm glad you got something from it and hope is what is great about sobriety and recovery; if you stay sober 'just for today' then at least you've got hope but I know if I take a drink then I erase all hope from my life. It was the hopelessness of my old life that used to get me down so much, I remember crying on a Sunday morning after yet another massive bender and just blaming everything and everybody else but the booze for the mess I was in...

I really relate to the tinnies of White lighting and also about the social anxiety too. I find in my recovery that I have to experience all of the things that drinking would mask - uneasy feelings, insecurities etc but ultimately the booze just made it all worse anyway and would make my self-esteem even lower. I think you become reliant on it and I know for me that booze was like my best mate (or so i used to think) but it actually was my worse enemy. I literally never went "round town" without drinking and getting hammered and every activity I would always want to get a sesh on or I couldn't see the point in it, everything revolved around getting hammered.

I hope you stick around SR mate and thanks for sharing your story too! Like i say recovery is 'one day at a time'. Those 19+ months have been accumulated 'one day at a time'. It's amazing how you can rebuild your life 'one day at a time'.

Peace

Rickie -- The fact that you're getting it together at the age of 25 is just amazing. I think AA and SMART are excellent ideas. For me, it's AA. I'm 54, and just woke up.

What I've found at AA is that no matter what age, what drug, what circumstance, the fellowship is just that -- a brotherhood and sisterhood where people reach out and help one another to remain sober and live sober. The latter is the important part.

If you get to an AA meeting you will find you are unconditionally welcomed. It's intimidating going to that first meeting. But I bet you will never walk into a room like that and meet extraordinary people who are understanding and caring. Get there a few minutes early. Folks will offer you phone numbers, shake your hand, bend over backwards to help you. It's really amazing stuff. Take all you can get from there. You'll find yourself giving back -- even when you don't think you are.

Living without drugs or booze. What a concept. I always shunned 12-step programs, now it speaks to me.

What you are doing is courageous, fantastic, the best thing in the world. I wasn't a binge drinker -- just grew from a buzz head to a hapless, alcohol-dependent drunk. What you're doing will ensure you take a different path than many of us here stumbled along.

Good luck. You will find amazing support, advice and caring here. It keeps us alive. It keeps us sane (or some semblance of it, anyways!).

I made it to day 4 then failed, BUT I didn't get as wrecked as usual. I held back from the spirits etc and stuck to beer. Still a good few pints too much tho.

I actually felt like a 'normal' person until I got up to like 6 pints, then as WE ALL KNOW the willpower goes and you start drinking just for the sake of it. If only we had the strength of mind to say no to ourselves LOL!

I had 30 units last night. Which is still a hell of a lot.

But there we go, I credit not getting 100% ********* on this website, as all the time I was thinking about SR.

Have a good weekend all.

R

Hope you plan to start again...you really can break free of alcohol.

I needed to find new non drinking friends to hang out with
I needed to connect to my local AA to find them...
and to learn how to live sober...:yup: