Long Winded Shares at AA
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I've been known to purposely avoid meetings based on who I know will be there. Like, I'll go to the 5:30 meeting instead of the 4:00 meeting, because I know who's at the 4:00 and I think, "No way am I going to sit and listen to this guy's/lady's nonsense again. I'll try the next one."
Sorry to say, but it's true. Some folks are just not there to help anyone else, or really to receive help (real help) for themselves. It's totally self-serving. So I just avoid those folks. I've also been known to strategically place my bathroom breaks or calls that need to be made. "Oh, you're calling on John? See you in about 7 to 10."
Sorry to say, but it's true. Some folks are just not there to help anyone else, or really to receive help (real help) for themselves. It's totally self-serving. So I just avoid those folks. I've also been known to strategically place my bathroom breaks or calls that need to be made. "Oh, you're calling on John? See you in about 7 to 10."
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I must be blessed.
My home group is a discussion meeting and tho we do have some long winded shares, people usually stick to the topic, and the time limit, and I come away with a lot of food for thought.
My home group is a discussion meeting and tho we do have some long winded shares, people usually stick to the topic, and the time limit, and I come away with a lot of food for thought. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Great stuff everyone! This site is (as always - awesome). The point I was trying to make is I want what that old man has. A room full of people that respected him and 37 years of sobriety. So many people in that room thanked him for all of the help he had given them. Many said (when talking to the man) that he had no idea that he even helped them. I think I'll model my actions after him rather than the guys who has 8 months and says the same thing over, and over, and over.
I agree with you - heart felt, spontanious, and emotional shares should have no time limit whatsoever. I just don't think anyone is capable of having a 10 minute "come to Jesus" share 7 times per week.
I hope everyone has a great night!!!
I agree with you - heart felt, spontanious, and emotional shares should have no time limit whatsoever. I just don't think anyone is capable of having a 10 minute "come to Jesus" share 7 times per week.
I hope everyone has a great night!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I agree that there is a difference between the "ego" share and the "I need help" share. I get bored with the former but will spend any amount of time listening to the latter. If someone is drowning would you walk away after three minutes are up?
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
The old drunk-a-log, stories as stated on pg 58 of the BB, "what we used to be like".
Who cares.
I need solutions, not hearing about problems.
Here is what's read at the meetings I attend:
Alcoholism is called “ism” because it is alive and functioning and needs to be treated. We discuss here strictly the disease as it manifests in each of our own personal lives. The way our behavior is this day. The way we react or look at people, places and things.
We do not talk about drunkalogues, yesterday’s problems or blaming other people. We talk only about looking inwardly, describing how self behaves In the day that we are in.
I seek answers for my life today in active, formal recovery*.
Nothing worse than someone who tells stories about drinking, then says, but now I have the Steps in my life and everything is good.
Hey! Could you please just back up for a moment and share the answer*, how it got better?
* the application of spiritual pricniples found in the Steps.
My time is up......
Who cares.
I need solutions, not hearing about problems.
Here is what's read at the meetings I attend:
Alcoholism is called “ism” because it is alive and functioning and needs to be treated. We discuss here strictly the disease as it manifests in each of our own personal lives. The way our behavior is this day. The way we react or look at people, places and things.
We do not talk about drunkalogues, yesterday’s problems or blaming other people. We talk only about looking inwardly, describing how self behaves In the day that we are in.
I seek answers for my life today in active, formal recovery*.
Nothing worse than someone who tells stories about drinking, then says, but now I have the Steps in my life and everything is good.
Hey! Could you please just back up for a moment and share the answer*, how it got better?
* the application of spiritual pricniples found in the Steps.
My time is up......
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Yes, it got better for me when I was able to put my personal wishes aside and take time to help others by listening patiently to their problems, not focussing on myself and what I "needed" or thought I "needed". The "solution" appears to be to be wiling to reach out and empathize with others who are suffering. About twenty years ago I was leading a meeting and, when I was in the midst of trying to describe where I was at, a woman, who said she had over twenty years of sobriety, said, "I didn't come here to listen to you and all your problems. I came here to listen to what the others have to say." I came very close to turning the meeting over to her and walking out. Fortunately I didn't drink over that. I've never forgotten this. The woman never appeared again.
W.
W.
Last edited by wpainterw; 02-18-2011 at 04:33 AM. Reason: typo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Great post!
We get the same here, drunk-a-logs based on ego or, " they like the sound of their own voice" types.
I do alot of archive searches of early AA, and some of the early 40's in Dr Bob's area, the newcomer was not to share until he or she got taken through the 12 steps first, then share on their own personal experience of having gone through the steps at their home group meeting!
I find today, the actual message of recovery from the basic text is not shared too closely, it seems like a "diluted" message, there might be some ID, like going to prison, other substances, divorce, DUI etc etc, and sure some of us have got a few stripes, but the "dilution" of the message of Hope to "get" Step 1 is suppose to be what actually happens once alcohol enters the body.
Does the person crave more, or they don't. That is my standard question to the newcomer before or after their first meeting if they have not left.
Because if there is a newcomer in the room who has never been to prison, never been married, does not do other substances, but knows when he/she drinks has blackout and no one talks about blackouts, we have lost the newcomer.
When I was new, sure everyone wanted to hear my story in it's innocent form and we all had a great laugh. I tried to share the same story the next day, and no body laughed!, So I try another angle, 50/50 and so on. Soon I learnt after some embarasing shares it is best to keep it to my inner experience when I drank,how I got to AA, the steps, and maybe a bit of ID as a child when I remember having church wine at communion, I was not like the other kids who went out to play, instead I thought of how to have a second shot and not get caught. In other words, I craved alcohol at a very young age before I knew what alcohol really was. I just craved it after a sip, and then stole it to get more of that effect, then did stupid things and got sent to bed. The next day I wanted to try more alcohol. I was only 8 or 9 years old.
That's what I try to share and hope the newcomer identifies.
To finish my 30 minute share here :-)
I heard of a member with 20 years sobriety, and not having read the Big Book of AA. This is a "social-light" member. ( simply a dry drunk)
Yet this member has lots of "personality" in their own right, "bossy", and shares a wonderfull life story on absolutely nothing.
Oblivious to the fact a suffering newcomer is in the room, the newcomer does not ID and sometimes never seen again.
We try to hint to this person, "hey, look, the newcomer left, they need to know more about the disease of alcoholism, not your brand new car and how expensive it is to wash at a car wash, but you can afford it because you are sober, we don't need to hear about how you hugged your neighbor because their cat got runned over, and you were sober to be there for them. Probably the SOB who ran over the cat got drunk after hearing your meaningless share!!
We get the same here, drunk-a-logs based on ego or, " they like the sound of their own voice" types.
I do alot of archive searches of early AA, and some of the early 40's in Dr Bob's area, the newcomer was not to share until he or she got taken through the 12 steps first, then share on their own personal experience of having gone through the steps at their home group meeting!
I find today, the actual message of recovery from the basic text is not shared too closely, it seems like a "diluted" message, there might be some ID, like going to prison, other substances, divorce, DUI etc etc, and sure some of us have got a few stripes, but the "dilution" of the message of Hope to "get" Step 1 is suppose to be what actually happens once alcohol enters the body.
Does the person crave more, or they don't. That is my standard question to the newcomer before or after their first meeting if they have not left.
Because if there is a newcomer in the room who has never been to prison, never been married, does not do other substances, but knows when he/she drinks has blackout and no one talks about blackouts, we have lost the newcomer.
When I was new, sure everyone wanted to hear my story in it's innocent form and we all had a great laugh. I tried to share the same story the next day, and no body laughed!, So I try another angle, 50/50 and so on. Soon I learnt after some embarasing shares it is best to keep it to my inner experience when I drank,how I got to AA, the steps, and maybe a bit of ID as a child when I remember having church wine at communion, I was not like the other kids who went out to play, instead I thought of how to have a second shot and not get caught. In other words, I craved alcohol at a very young age before I knew what alcohol really was. I just craved it after a sip, and then stole it to get more of that effect, then did stupid things and got sent to bed. The next day I wanted to try more alcohol. I was only 8 or 9 years old.
That's what I try to share and hope the newcomer identifies.
To finish my 30 minute share here :-)
I heard of a member with 20 years sobriety, and not having read the Big Book of AA. This is a "social-light" member. ( simply a dry drunk)
Yet this member has lots of "personality" in their own right, "bossy", and shares a wonderfull life story on absolutely nothing.
Oblivious to the fact a suffering newcomer is in the room, the newcomer does not ID and sometimes never seen again.
We try to hint to this person, "hey, look, the newcomer left, they need to know more about the disease of alcoholism, not your brand new car and how expensive it is to wash at a car wash, but you can afford it because you are sober, we don't need to hear about how you hugged your neighbor because their cat got runned over, and you were sober to be there for them. Probably the SOB who ran over the cat got drunk after hearing your meaningless share!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London, England
Posts: 211
I love that this has gone onto nearly 3 pages- the irony 
I keep mine to 3 mins unless I am in tears and having a meltdown, that hasn't happened for a while now.... I smell progress
For the record I think even in times of real trouble that I have had in sobriety it is still massively important to point out how you are dealing with it positively without a drink, and mention how much better things are with the steps, because otherwise as people here have mentioned newcomers would get totally the wrong message.
I keep mine to 3 mins unless I am in tears and having a meltdown, that hasn't happened for a while now.... I smell progress
For the record I think even in times of real trouble that I have had in sobriety it is still massively important to point out how you are dealing with it positively without a drink, and mention how much better things are with the steps, because otherwise as people here have mentioned newcomers would get totally the wrong message.
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