MIBluebird

I went out to dinner with friends last night for Valentine's Day. My favorite restaurant where I have a long history of alcohol abuse. It was much harder than I thought. Everyone ordered their drinks and I felt sick with desire for a glass of red wine. I had the start of a panic attack and took a Xanax. I made it through dinner but I could barely eat, was quiet most of the nite (totally not normal for me when I'm drinking), and when I did join in on the conversation, I didn't say nice things...I was angry because I couldn't drink and I was lashing out inappropriately. Now, I need to send a note to my very best friend and apologize to her. She is supporting me every step of the way in my attempt to stay sober and she was always my favorite drinking buddy. But, she will do everything to help me, including not drinking when we are together. She is encouraging me to do healthy things for myself and doing them with me. So, I did not wake up with a hangover this morning which is a positive but I woke up feeling ashamed of myself for being mean to the people I love the most. This is what makes me want to hide out at home while I'm going through this process.

Mark75

I remember going out to dinner a couple of times early on.... gawd, I felt so sorry for myself... it wasn't really a craving (I had been in treatment) but just this feeling of being left out... really sucked...

But then my thinking got a little better... I felt left out, I wasn't though, it was just self centered, delusional thinking...

It gets better, keep on with what you are doing, maybe wait awhile before trying it again....look at the reasons you felt like you did, and, beware, those reasons often try to hide from our own scrutiny... And, well, still, today, I will wait for a table in the main dining room (not the bar) and I keep my back to the bar if it is in sight... maybe that isn't absolutely necessary anymore, but, hey, I am spending money to have a nice night out and why set myself up for a less than good time?

Stevie1

Major congratulations to you for resisting the temptation, Bluebird!

If I recall, you are still very early in sobriety? For me, it's easier to try to alter routines, anything that will trigger the urge to drink. It's hard enough without putting myself in the position of facing temptation square in the face...I don't yet have 30 days and have to avert my eyes and walk quickly past the liquor aisle at the grocery store.

Someone else started a recent thread about feeling angry and resentful for not being "able" to drink...I wish I could remember the title. It's common, part of the grieving process.

least

The longer I'm sober, the easier it gets to resist/ignore temptations. I've had a rough way to go the last few days and was tempted, once... for about a tenth of a second. So keep on keepin' on, it does get better.

MIBluebird

Thanks Stevie and Mark. I'm 15 days into recovery and feeling left out last night was right on. It was interesting though because no one else in this group drinks like I do and I sat there thinking if I was drinking, how many glasses of wine would I have ordered and how quickly could I do it and not appear to have a drinking problem. Even though that's not news to anyone. I just wrote the note to my best friend and that felt better...I can't harbor this anger and resentment...it's really bringing me down.

Kmber2010

Well done and yes it does get better.

I found in the very beginning that I did tend to keep to myself but hiding out at home is so not healthy. Staying away from the old stomping grounds sounds in order.

When I quit drinking....last place I would want to be is a bar or any event that was alcohol related. I'm good but lets be real...lol.

I did almost hit a snag though about a month 1/2 in when I took an innocent day cruise on the river and it turned out to be like alchi heaven. Wine tasting, booze store tours and free samples all over. I literally had to walk out and get air. Yup, I was frustrated and angry. I was just overwhelmed but I did come out sober and stronger. Came right here to SR to vent and share with my pals and I amped up my face to face support.

I will say that I don't frequent bars/pubs or booze fests. Not my bag at all but I have gone to some for going aways, etc. and it doesn't bother me at all. I am there to say farewell.....chat for a bit and move on.

Don't get down on yourself just see it for what it is.....I have tons of places and things to do and not one involves drinking or being around it. That being said from a chick in Germany....anything is possible

Keep it going and hope my experience might help

SSIL75

It's tough when you start to obsess. I remember it well. I remember years ago even when I was pregnant with my first, my now husband dragged me to some tea shop and even there I couldn't relax. Convinced that everyone half of them would be headed to a bar after and the other half were lame and boring. That was 5 years ago, I guess.

This time was a bit easier for me because I knew to identify those feeling as obsessive, alcoholic thoughts. Not real things. When I go out now I notice that the people whose dinners are revolving around the drinks menu are few and far between. Most people don't really care what they're drinking/if they're drinking and definitely don't care what I'm drinking.

Try to focus on the positive. You DID stay sober. Your friend will understand. And from my perspective anyway it's OK to give yourself some time off to rest your body and heal. Don't think of it as hiding. Just taking a few days to yourself to do some nice things and treat yourself well.

MIBluebird

Kim - I think I would have had to jump off that boat! I do need to stay away from my favorite places of the past and replace them with new ones. That's the hardest part of this journey to sobriety but everyone here is making it easier to believe that it can really happen.