Good to find this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 6
Good to find this
I must be a point of desperation to be looking for a forum like this one. Let me describe my situation and I'm sure many others will share some commonality. for the last 12 years, my drinking level 'kicked up a notch'. I rarely drink during the week or feel the need to drink during the day. My problem is that I work very hard, always pushing myself and then comes a l a big company party, boys night out and a demon takes over. I recognized this demon a couple of nights ago when going to a diner right before the party. The demon is manic and won't listen to reason. I start drinking and don't stop until I am wasted and end up blacking out, not knowing how I got home or who I overly flirted with. My poor wife has to deal with this and the next day, horribly hungover, I lie in a pool of guilt and regret. This kind of evening happens about 4 times a year. I can't pay this price anymore. I should probably stop drinking altogether. It's not those kind of evenings that I fear turning down or staying home instead. It's the awkwardness of turning down a glass of wine offered at diner at a family or friends gathering that I fear. I'm 40 years old and still acting like this.
Anyway, there's my story. Didn't want to overedit myself.
Anyway, there's my story. Didn't want to overedit myself.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
It isn't what you drink, or how much, or how often - it's what happens to you when you drink. If drinking is causing problems in your life, best to stop drinking altogether. Especially considering you've been blacking out and don't know what you've been doing... that can be dangerous in lots of ways.
Welcome to the family!
Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I don't frequent clubs or bars but have been a few times. Last time it was a friend passing thru and he picked the meeting place where we could all get together. I drank club soda and grapefruit juice. I was also at a Super Bowl party ...no one cares if you drink or not as long as they have their drinks. And when I really thought about it..I would MUCH rather have a few eyebrows raised questioning why I am not drinking than have people tell me the next day all the cr@p I pulled while being in a blackout. The more time that goes by..the less I care about what others think. I am happy in sobriety. It is better to stop drinking all together. Quit now before something happens that you cannot turn around. Blackouts are scary..Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Turning down a glass of wine seems a lot less awkward than flirting with someone other than your wife. I thought people would be shocked when I started saying no thanks; turns out most people don't even notice. It sounds like you drink pretty infrequently; shouldn't be too hard to just grab a glass of juice instead....
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Robertson
Welcome.
Gotta say - I like what Ready and Able said - turning down a glass of wine should be a whole lot less awkward than overly flirting with mystery women.
No one bats an eye when I don't drink now. They don't care and I don't care.
It's such a non issue.
I spent years trying to keep up appearances, and save my face - I really would have been better putting that effort into saving my life.
D
Welcome.
Gotta say - I like what Ready and Able said - turning down a glass of wine should be a whole lot less awkward than overly flirting with mystery women.
No one bats an eye when I don't drink now. They don't care and I don't care.
It's such a non issue.
I spent years trying to keep up appearances, and save my face - I really would have been better putting that effort into saving my life.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 6
Thank you for the warm and truthful replies. There is so much warmth in being sober even if it's not always rosy and cheerful. True, I don't drink a lot but I feel like I've carved out a bottomless pit for alcohol. Seems like there are many different types of alcoholics. I like myself so much more when I'm not drinking and can actually relate to people more and establish a real connection instead of the ********, drunken bonding. I will keep this forum on my iphone and computer for easy access. Let the healing begin...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Hi and welcome.
Very common background here-- worked in NYC most of my life, 44 yrs old, wife and kids.
I passed out under a table at my first Christmas Party. This after hitting on most every woman from my office. Talk about a cringeworthy morning the next day.
I hear you saying "I don't drink that much," and I get it: it's hard to make the connection and identify with people who drank every day, sometimes all day.
Alcoholism is really a two-part disease: body and mind.
The body part works like this: once I start drinking, I have no say in how much I will drink. I rarely drink as much as planned. And I do things and say things I would otherwise not say, even putting myself in danger.
The mind part works like this: when I'm sober, I obsess over drinking. Maybe not all the time, but at a certain point, I drink again, even though I had all that regret and remorse from the last time I did it.
Think of it this way: if you had an allergic reaction to strawberries, you wouldn't eat them again, right? You'd remember the rash, the itching, and say, "no thanks."
Not so with alcoholism. We may vaguely remember what happened last time, but it's overwhelmed by a desire to drink. To feel the release again. And we rationalize-- this time will be different, I'll eat more, I'll mix in some glasses of water, I'll pace myself-- and then we wake up not remembering how we got home.
I woke up in the Bronx on a subway train at 5AM, my watch and wallet missing and having wet my pants. I can tell you that was not on my agenda for the evening. I was just going to have a few drinks.
Look at your evidence. What's it tell you?
When people ask me why I'm not drinking, I usually say, "Cause I often wind up in other states, and I have things to do tomorrow." Or something like that. You can communicate the point with humor and seriousness.
Feel free to reach out if I can be of help. I'm in North Jersey.
Very common background here-- worked in NYC most of my life, 44 yrs old, wife and kids.
I passed out under a table at my first Christmas Party. This after hitting on most every woman from my office. Talk about a cringeworthy morning the next day.
I hear you saying "I don't drink that much," and I get it: it's hard to make the connection and identify with people who drank every day, sometimes all day.
Alcoholism is really a two-part disease: body and mind.
The body part works like this: once I start drinking, I have no say in how much I will drink. I rarely drink as much as planned. And I do things and say things I would otherwise not say, even putting myself in danger.
The mind part works like this: when I'm sober, I obsess over drinking. Maybe not all the time, but at a certain point, I drink again, even though I had all that regret and remorse from the last time I did it.
Think of it this way: if you had an allergic reaction to strawberries, you wouldn't eat them again, right? You'd remember the rash, the itching, and say, "no thanks."
Not so with alcoholism. We may vaguely remember what happened last time, but it's overwhelmed by a desire to drink. To feel the release again. And we rationalize-- this time will be different, I'll eat more, I'll mix in some glasses of water, I'll pace myself-- and then we wake up not remembering how we got home.
I woke up in the Bronx on a subway train at 5AM, my watch and wallet missing and having wet my pants. I can tell you that was not on my agenda for the evening. I was just going to have a few drinks.
Look at your evidence. What's it tell you?
When people ask me why I'm not drinking, I usually say, "Cause I often wind up in other states, and I have things to do tomorrow." Or something like that. You can communicate the point with humor and seriousness.
Feel free to reach out if I can be of help. I'm in North Jersey.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Originally Posted by Robertson 
I like myself so much more when I'm not drinking and can actually relate to people more and establish a real connection instead of the ********, drunken bonding.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 6
Here I am on day 5 and I feel better sober. I am reminded of how being sober is so much better than being drunk or hungover. I know I'm probably in the 'pink cloud' phase but reading these posts on SR really helps. Also, for the first time ever, I have shared some people close to me, my wife, therapist (new at this), and a person who is a spiritual mentor for me. This has already given some strength. It's amazing how unshocked and warm people's responses are, different than what I feared (as if it's such a shock that a person should have difficulties and problems). I haven't decided what's next but just wanted to check back in.
I'm about to go on vacation for a few days and there is always that part that looks forward to or will miss siting outside somewhere nice and drinking. The thrill of that cannot outweigh the horrible nights I've had with alcohol, completely smashed. I look forward to soaking up the sun, sober and actually getting some real R and R.
I'm about to go on vacation for a few days and there is always that part that looks forward to or will miss siting outside somewhere nice and drinking. The thrill of that cannot outweigh the horrible nights I've had with alcohol, completely smashed. I look forward to soaking up the sun, sober and actually getting some real R and R.
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