SSIL75

RELIEF! It's not mine, obviously. But in the past when there is alcohol around I've felt a little uneasy, maybe even a sense of longing.

But this morning it was the first thing I saw (leftover from my husband's poker night last night) and I just felt a big sigh of relief. Relief that I'm not craving it. That I'm not excited by it. And it's a lot of beer. Lots of room for 'free' beers. You know the ones you can drink really quickly and nobody will notice because there are so many in there? Used to be my favorite thing.

I think about recovery every day. I read here every day. I understand it's a work in progress. But I feel really 'well' today. Obsession free.

Thanks to SR!

least

ISPYSOBRIETY

Excellent. I know how you feel. It's a great releif to me to be at the point where, when I think about alcohol now, for a split second, I think of it affectionately and then the reality of the illusion slaps me in the face. It's like the sun blasting on a vampire... It's dangerous to me. It's taste and effects are the root cause of more of my lifes negatives than any other aspect of my old life. Relationships with women, my kids, the law (DUI), sleep, performance, memory, moods, nausea, foolishness and embarrassment and there's the taste of it... I was once enamoured by it because the taste was associated with "that place" it would take me too. The truth is, "that place" resulted in all those negative incidents and events in my life. That taste and smell are now directly associated with taboo. Freedom is mine.
Congrats on your restraint!!!

GettingStronger2

OMG do I know what you mean! That used to be the best. So glad that is just not an issue, not a thought.. .

artsoul

Yeah - that was definitely an OMG ME TOO moment, haha! I forgot about that one (and the one where the number is "iffy" and you have to do some rearranging)!

Nice to have that relief, too - for sure!

aasharon90

That beer would be calling me
no matter how strong of an
imaginary wall I put up between
it an me.

I could be sitting in another
room and suddenly the beer
would be whispering in my
brain...."No one will no. Come
and get me. Just a sip. You r
in a good place so lets celebrate
with one and no more. You
could be angry or pizzed at
someone and that hought is
eating away at you. Go to
the fridge, get the beer and
drown out that annoying,
aggrivating angry feeling u
r having. Man Im thirsty
and boy would a cold one
taste good about now, esp.
since I have some sober
time behind me. One wont
make a difference."

I dont care where I am
in recovery, how much
time sober or clean one
has, feeling good, bad,
whatever.....if alcohol
is a close as the refrig
the thought of it in there
is dangerous to me.

Too much temptation.

Even with 20 yrs sober and
I know one drink would kill
me, I wouldnt take that chance
of having poison anywheres
around or near me.

Alcohol is too cunning, baffling
and powerful for this little lady.

And that's the way it works for me.

Mark75

Hey... yea, I know what you mean...

My 22 year old was home over christmas break and he filled that garage fridge with a case of my old drink of choice... It was way weird when I opened that up to get a diet coke (my new drink of choice) and there were rows and rows of green bottles... LOL

I just reached over them and found my soft drink and only missed half a beat... and yea, it was nice, early on in sobriety that sight probably would have ruined my day...

SSIL75

I am also struck again by the differences between my husband (a normal drinker) and me. He had 8 guys here last night. He got to bed around 1:30. I woke up to a spotless kitchen and he got up shortly after me (7am).

If it had been 'my' night the place would have been a mess. I'd have kept drinking long after everyone left and there is no way I'd be up by 7, cheer-leading everyone to start their day. Never. Not when I started drinking 17 years go and definitely not by the time I wrapped it up 6 months ago!

mtnmagic

That is fantastic SSIL - It must feel so freeing.
I'm three weeks today and my repulsion for
alcohol is still strong, but I do feel uncomfortable
around it and must admit still have craving
thoughts that I don't understand because
it makes my stomach churn at the same time.
Hope to get to that place you have found
yourself sometimes soon. Thanks for
sharing, it is something to look forward to
if I stay on course as I am.

mesh12121

Sorry to say at this point i'd drink it....2nd day is way to early to have anything near me. I wouldn't want to drink it but i probably would....or pour it all down the sink..snap decision...actually if someone put beer in my fridge at this point i'd tell em to get it out...wife don't drink so no problem there! Good for you though...maybe someday i'll get there

bellakeller

I wouldn't be able to function at this point. I wouldn't be drinking it but I know I'd still be here obsessing about it; wasting precious moments of my life thinking about it. In fact, I might even sit here and obsess about the beer in YOUR fridge. J/K.

I am such a case (basket; not o'beer).

Charlotte75

Wow. I know 'free' beers. I also know the 'free' box of wine. I'm very new here, but it's comforting, yet at times it freaks me out, to read what people write and identify with it so much. I'm glad you're having a good day.

cj2011

That is always a good feeling. I bet you can have that feeling again tomorrow!

SSIL75

I would sometimes run our of all my regular alcohol at the same time so I'd go to the liquor store and buy a box of each white and red, a large bottle of vodka and a 'nice' bottle of wine or champagne for dinner. So much free booze in there. A few before my husband got home from work, etc. I would literally feel like a joy in my heart at the thought of it. It's very depressing to recall.

Veritas1

How having a supply of something that caused us and others so much harm could feel good is baffling.

Wow, we really warped our minds into an obsession for destructive drinking for sure!

My sponsor calls it delusional!