How do you avoid replacing one addiction with another?
 

Day 13 for me and today it feels like the fog has lifted and I want to go out and do things. Unfortunately, as an addict, that would mean one of my other addictions is calling me...shopping! I don't have the money to shop but I keep telling myself, I deserve this, this is a reward for not drinking. Any advice before I hit the mall?

Hi Bluebird! Congrats on your 13 days. I relate to how you feel and I try to make sure I live a life that's recovered across the board. On the other hand, I do think it's good to reward yourself SOMEHOW for what you've accomplished, and recognized. If you don't have money, what is there that could be done for cheap or very little money? Could you take a long relaxing bath, give yourself a manicure/pedicure (there's a good thread on "taking care of us" in women only), visit a new place, or even go to the library and stock up on DVDs and books? These are just some suggestions -- they might not be as appealing as buying stuff, but you might surprise yourself with how they can take care of those needs to treat yourself. :)

And remember . . . sobriety is a reward in itself. this was one of the hardest things for me to wrap my head around in early days -- that ANYTHING could be a reward in itself.

MI, I think what American Girl said is probably the key. I think people can allow themselves a bit of a reward system when they are making an effort to change, but obviously that is not carte blanche and it wouldn't be good for everyone. A common aftermath to quitting alcohol is an interest in sweets and food in general. I can remember having to tell people for years (the drinking years) I was not a sweets person but rather a salt and spice person, and would refuse sweets. Well, that interest in sweets reallly took off and I still have more ice cream than my better self would agree with, more than a year later. Caffeine too, and I think it has depressing effects.

I think it's easier said than done, but looking at what is worth appreciating, being grateful for, is a good idea when it comes to addictive thinking.

Shopping is not one of my temptations and I guess I am typically male when it comes to that, so I don't share the experience at needing to avoid it. But I can see it as a valid variation in the addiction wheel. I haven't checked lately, but there might be good literature out there on how to deal with your shopping issues. Or you could try to take the approach you use for drinking addiction and apply that to shopping.

Maybe it might be a good idea to promise yourself an alotted amount of cash to shop with. It might best serve you to make it a results based reward. At 30 days $200.00. At 3 months another amount. At six months.... etc.

Alcohol, shopping, drugs, etc. They're all compulsive addictions. To beat them all, it takes discipline, patience and the ability to accept adversity as a good thing. If we can allow ourselves to unload the old, the new can be greeted with more enthusiasm.

No matter what you do, you know the one thing you CAN'T do. When your head hits the pillow, if you take sobriety with you, you are awesome inside and out.

Have a great day!!!

I like the idea ISPY had, like setting up a reward with a specific amount..... You could put half of what you normally spent on alcohol in a jar to save, and half in another jar to spend..... That way you'd still be ahead, but would be able to look forward to shopping, too. (I'm so good at giving advice, haha - wish I could follow it sometimes!)

Anyhoo - Just remember that the act of buying stuff is a temporary fix, just like that drink. The addict/ego in us always want more, more, more. It's never satisfied. So I'd just be aware......

Congratulations on day 13!!! So glad to hear you're feeling good!!:c031:

Well, I was good...but I suffered for it. I haven't been out in awhile and my husband was glad to see me get off the couch. We went to the library (he sat in the car) and I got books from my favorite authors, went out to lunch and he had 2 glasses of wine (and 1 glass before we left the house). We were supposed to go to a movie but had an hour to kill and he wanted to go to the Mall...I refused because I didn't need that temptation. I suggested we drive around (it's a beautiful sunny day which is rare this time of year in MI) and he ended up getting mad at me and we came home instead. He's always very understanding and wonderful to me but he doesn't get what I'm going through (probably because it's such a departure from who I used to be). Saturdays used to be our day to go out to lunch (he would have 2 martinis and a glass of wine and I'd have three glasses of wine). This would lead to going to our neighborhood bar for the rest of the afternoon where we would get trashed. We don't have much in common anyway and without alcohol, I don't know how this relationship can last. How many of you have lost relationships when you've become sober and your partner still drinks or almost everything they do revolves around drinking?

Congrats on your 13 days. My advice is one thing at a time. I might have other "vices" other than alcohol but even if you could combine them all and then muliply them by 7, none would reach the havoc that alcohol caused me.

Just remember that "more will be revealed". If you can stay in recovery things in your life will have a way of working themselves out. What I hear when I read your post is your having trouble being in your own skin right now and that is the reason you are looking to shopping. If it were me, I'd call another alcoholic, pray to my Higher Power, try and do some service work, and make a gratitude list. Getting out of ourselves during moments like these is the only defense we really have.

Hope this helps. Best of luck to you!

One quote I live by in reovery is, I must be WILLING to lose everything for recovery. That doesn't mean I will, it just means I need to be WILLING. This keeps sobriety first for me. Like I said in my previous post, "more will be revealed". All we can do is stay in the moment. We get better a little at a time. In other words, nobody can see what's coming around the corner. If you just focus on doing the next right thing for MIBluebird and not worry about other's perception / reaction to it, good things will happen. When we get caught up in what we think other people's expectations of us are, we are in danger. If it were me, I'd do all of the things I mentioned in my previous post and just focus on going to bed sober today. Tomorrow is a new day with it's own set of obsticals...

Thank you Reggie...all good advice. I'm very new in recovery (have only seen my therapist once) and haven't attended any AA meetings. This forum was the first step before AA but I'm going to look into meetings next week, because I really need someone to talk to. All of went on today didn't deter me from staying sober, it was just very disappointing and I feel very sad. I'm home reading a book and he's off to the bar. And, I'm not quite sure if it's his fault or mine.

Hi MIBluebird,

Welcome! Until you can meet someone face to face please do keep coming back to SR. This is a wonderful support network.

Congrats on 13 days and I like your analogy of the fog lifting. As RW says above, things will become clear..that fog dissipates and you take a good hard look at yourself and your life.

Try not to leap too far ahead MIBluebird...you can make those big life changing decisions a little further down the road when you're sure who sober MI Bluebird is :)

As far as replacing addiction goes, I think you've got some good advice here. If you know shopping gets you into trouble try something cash free as a reward or set a strigent spending limit :)

Just relax. You're doing great - sounds to me like you're exactly where you're meant to be right now :)

D

I replace my bad habits with good ones: lots of dog walks, cleaning the house, taking care of my mother more, getting to know my neighbors better, watching favorite movies and shows, anything other than the bad habits.:) I'm now completely addicted to taking excellent care of my dogs, all of whom are older and two of the three who are 'special needs'.:)


I do indulge in a lot of dark chocolate often...;)


I don't think shopping in itself is too bad, as long as you're not spending outrageous sums that should go for bills and other expenses. Maybe treat yourself to a movie, either a DVD at home or a theatre.:)

hang in there MIbluebird. Sounds like you've done really well today. I'm sorry it's rough with your husband. He may be overwhelmed by the changes right now, so in time I hope things will be clearer.

Dee - In whatever I do, I tend to jump in and want to hit the ground running immediately! Something that the therapist brought up to me the very first time I saw her. She told me that in no way was this going to be a quick fix. {sigh} I think I'll go to the store and buy a big bag of candy and I'm not going to feel guilty because it's better then my usual wine run!

Least - The dogs are such a comfort...one is laying by me right now as I read a book and the other two are playing. They are my constant...and keep me sane.