30Sober

Hi

I was new to this site last year October when I decided enough was enough. It lasted about week before I fell off the wagon again...

I fooled myself into believing that I didn't have a problem with alcohol.

Well here I am again, been sober for 5 days now, I came so close to buying a bottle of wine at the grocery store 30 minutes ago! I almost fooled myself into believing that I would "just have a glass" (or two or 10 probably).

I just want to know - will I ever get to the point where I don't think about how "lovely" it is to be drunk every night?

- G

whiskerkissed

CONGRATS on your 5 days!!!!

YOU WILL GET PAST IT - as long as you don't pick up that drink!!! The longer I go without, the better those days get - but I have a disease. That disease will be with me for the rest of my life. I needed help and found it in NA. Being surrounded by those who have gone through it before me still help me today on those days I get to feeling like you do - just one more time!

30Sober

Thanks whiskerkissed! I think I am currently in "mourning" for my alcoholic life. I believe I was way more fun, intelligent, witty and enjoyable to be around when drinking. It's probably all in my head though.

The last few days I come home from work and I just want to get into bed and sleep so I won't be tempted to drink. I think it is because I know I will wake up relieved that I am sober.

sailorjohn

That has been my experience.

Welcome back.

Do you have a plan of some kind beyond just 'not drinking'?

30Sober

sailorjohn I've never been to AA. I don't know if I would be able to deal with the religious aspect of AA as that would really put me off. I am hoping this website will be my first step on my path of recovery

julez

AA isn't religious, its spiritual. Its like comparing apples and oranges IMO. Religion to me, means rules, and a punishing God, and people cramming it down your throat. AA is finding something you can believe in. It can be anything at all. Just something bigger than yourself.
I hope you try it. The people are so nice, and you will feel great after you leave, having been with people who have had the same experiences as you.

whiskerkissed

My process here!!
Mourning Process

I also totally relate to wanting to sleep it away. Been there, done that, still tend to do that. It's not dealing with the problem though. AA does focus a lot on a religious God. Even at the end of the meetings they close with the Lord's prayer. I take this time to simply be quiet and focus on the spiritual part of all of us together in the sense of a greater spirit in the room...in that circle.

The readings, the basis - was founded through a religious way with hope. But religion IS NOT PUSHED!! I don't work the AA program, but I do attend some meeting. I'm NA. We learn to find a Higher Power that works for each of us as individuals!!

30Sober

Thanks julez, I honestly don't know much about AA, just the little bit I've read and heard about. I guess I am also scared to go because that means finally admitting I DO have a problem with alcohol. It's easier to live in the fantasy that I can deal with this alone.

sailorjohn

Interesting response, you might read again what I wrote, verbatim.

That has been my experience.

Welcome back.

Do you have a plan of some kind beyond just 'not drinking'?

So, you managed to not drink for a brief period of time, then you went back out again for 4 months, I'll rephrase it:

Do you have any ideas as to how you might manage to stay sober this time?

ru12

You might want to do a Cost Benefit Analysis concerning your drinking. Write down what you like about drinking on one side of a pice of paper. Write down what you dislike about it on the other. Write down what are the downsides of quiting. Write down what are the positive sides of quitting. Then really look at what you wrote.

CarolD

I do hope you can quit obcessing over drinking...and stop
for good this time around....

That happened for me years ago...the only time I think
about alcohol is when I'm sharing with someone else.

For me...that has required connecting to God and AA.
Perhaps you can do it another way....I simply

Here is a link for you to explore...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html


There is no wrong way to win over alcohol
Welcome back...

Dee74

Hi 30Sober
Welcome back!

I think that takes some work. It was a little like being obsessed with a bad lover for me.

For me? playing the tape through was a valuable tool - it's easy to romanticise the drink - we can easily convince ourselves about how much more sociable and witty we become, how good we feel - but push past that and remember the consequences of drinking - the sickness, the accident, the embarrassments, the secrecy, the deceit....

I had to do more than just not drink.

Drink was my attempted solution to my problems, which in turn bough other problems - but alcohol was not the sum total of my problems.

Take away the drink and I still had underlying issues I needed to deal with.
I had many other things I needed to face and work on.

If you recognize any of that in your own life, you'll understand why just not drinking will probably not be enough.

I've never been to AA or any other recovery group but I recommend you think about doing something - even if it's only committing to reading and posting here for a while.

But ...do it regularly. You'll find a lot of ideas and a lot of support here

D

whiskerkissed

That was - and still is at times - ONE of the biggest hurdles for me. I did have some great times druggin' and drinkin'. I'd be lying to say I didn't, but there came a time when the fun stopped. Those things no longer made life "fun". When I relapsed I was hit with the hard reality that it GETS WORSE!!

Dee said it - The underlying issues is the reason I did those things. The problem is me. As I work on myself I begin to clear up the internal mess. I still think those thoughts. It's my first reaction to life - especially when things get tough. The obsession, however, is getting lesser all the time. As long as I stay in working an active program of recovery am I getting better.

You can do this. I believe in you. But you gotta have a plan. What is yours?

artsoul

Glad you're here!

After getting sober and reading lots about alcoholism, I came to find out that alcohol increases the seritonin and dopamine in our brains. With repeated use, our brain starts relying on a drink to trigger the release of those chemicals. No wonder being sober isn't fun anymore....our brains stop working like they should and it takes weeks, maybe months of abstinence to achieve balance again.

It took a while, but I found out what most other sober folks have: things became even more enjoyable, my sense of humor actually was sharper, I felt more confident and enjoyed being around people in a much more profound way. I actually take better care of myself, look better and have lost a little weight, too.

It's really ironic that we think we're smarter and funnier and more attractive when we're half drunk - have you ever been sober and observed a bunch of drinkers? It's pretty clear that alcohol just makes us act like we have IQ's of about 50. That's probably why we find everything funny and think we're cool!

Congratulations on 5 days!! That's wonderful!! :ghug3

ReadyAndAble

Welcome back!

Yes, it will get better in time. Got some good advice here. I hear what sailorjohn and whiskerkissed are saying; I don't do AA, but I definitely have a plan: reading and posting on SR, calling friends if I feel overwhelmed, getting up early every morning, eating super healthy, getting lots of exercise, picking up new hobbies (teaching myself to play the ukulele right now). It's a plan not just to stop drinking, but to start living the rest of my life!

I also relate very much to what Dee said about romanticizing. I still occasionally fantasize about enjoying a drink. Then I remember it's been years since I really enjoyed drinking, or stopped at "a drink." I think about all the mornings I woke up full of regret; that helps erase any idealistic notions in a hurry!

You can do it!!