Another Nervous Newbie - but here goes !!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ireland
Posts: 5
Another Nervous Newbie - but here goes !!
Hello All.
Probably like most members i've been lurking here for a long long time, but, with my heart pounding in my chest here i've decided to take the plunge and offically ask to be recognised by you all as a fellow alcoholic.
I'm officially 11 days sober and working on day 12 !.
Yesterday was my birthday and was the hardest day of my life because i knew from the moment i woke up that the temptation and opportunity to drink would not cease all day.
I've opened up to only two close friends about my drinking shame but i still don't trust myself to admit to them that i NEVER want to drink again. That thought still terrifies me, never is a long time.. Please God help me cos the thought of not needing alcohol to exist is alien to me.
I'm so ashamed of myself. As a child of an alcoholic mother i swore that i would never put my child through what i had to endure as a child, however that is exactly what i have found myself doing over the course of the last few years. However, i do know that beating myself up forever will not help in any way!!, so i'm not looking for a pity party.
My motivation now lies in seeing the difference in my seven year old son who i love more than i can ever describe.
I swear to god that he is a different little boy in the less than two weeks i've been sober. How could i have done this to him?, i have promised myself that i will seek whatever help i need to, to make sure that i never have to look into his little eyes and see the innocent confusion and fear that i have seen there so many times in the past.
I've been responsible for that, nobody else just me! (There i said it!!!)
The stories of recovery here are truely inspirational and so many that i can relate to completely.
I received 4 bottles of wines yesterday as gifts, the temptation to make last night my new last night drinking ever was incredible. But i really believe that somebody up there was looking out for me because suddenly all the posts i've read here of the little voices of temptation came to mind and i realised my brain IS addicted to alcohol but that i can control it, if only for tonight..
So i instantly put all the bottles into my car (to be stored at work, why can't i just dump them??), brushed my teeth, marked another sober day on the calendar and went to bed..
I woke this morning with a feeling of something approaching pride in myself, a feeling that maybe i CAN do this (so many of you here ARE doing this !), I want to belong to a community that understands how i feel about drinking and i want to one day to be able to say that stopping drinking forever is possible.
So even though it is very early days for me i would would like to thank (from the bottom of my heart) all of you here for your courage and honesty in posting your stories and advice because i know in my heart that i would not be sober today without you.
Sorry for the long post, but i look forward to getting to know you all and sharing my story as time goes on.
Probably like most members i've been lurking here for a long long time, but, with my heart pounding in my chest here i've decided to take the plunge and offically ask to be recognised by you all as a fellow alcoholic.
I'm officially 11 days sober and working on day 12 !.
Yesterday was my birthday and was the hardest day of my life because i knew from the moment i woke up that the temptation and opportunity to drink would not cease all day.
I've opened up to only two close friends about my drinking shame but i still don't trust myself to admit to them that i NEVER want to drink again. That thought still terrifies me, never is a long time.. Please God help me cos the thought of not needing alcohol to exist is alien to me.
I'm so ashamed of myself. As a child of an alcoholic mother i swore that i would never put my child through what i had to endure as a child, however that is exactly what i have found myself doing over the course of the last few years. However, i do know that beating myself up forever will not help in any way!!, so i'm not looking for a pity party.
My motivation now lies in seeing the difference in my seven year old son who i love more than i can ever describe.
I swear to god that he is a different little boy in the less than two weeks i've been sober. How could i have done this to him?, i have promised myself that i will seek whatever help i need to, to make sure that i never have to look into his little eyes and see the innocent confusion and fear that i have seen there so many times in the past.
I've been responsible for that, nobody else just me! (There i said it!!!)
The stories of recovery here are truely inspirational and so many that i can relate to completely.
I received 4 bottles of wines yesterday as gifts, the temptation to make last night my new last night drinking ever was incredible. But i really believe that somebody up there was looking out for me because suddenly all the posts i've read here of the little voices of temptation came to mind and i realised my brain IS addicted to alcohol but that i can control it, if only for tonight..
So i instantly put all the bottles into my car (to be stored at work, why can't i just dump them??), brushed my teeth, marked another sober day on the calendar and went to bed..
I woke this morning with a feeling of something approaching pride in myself, a feeling that maybe i CAN do this (so many of you here ARE doing this !), I want to belong to a community that understands how i feel about drinking and i want to one day to be able to say that stopping drinking forever is possible.
So even though it is very early days for me i would would like to thank (from the bottom of my heart) all of you here for your courage and honesty in posting your stories and advice because i know in my heart that i would not be sober today without you.
Sorry for the long post, but i look forward to getting to know you all and sharing my story as time goes on.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Really happy you found us 
You're right, we CAN do this!!
Get rid of that wine (re-gift!), read, post.. enjoy the sense of understanding and community that you'll find here.
Welcome!!!
You're right, we CAN do this!!Get rid of that wine (re-gift!), read, post.. enjoy the sense of understanding and community that you'll find here.
Welcome!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Slan, it's great you decided to introduce yourself.Welcome to our wonderful family. You're doing great - congratulations on your decision to have a new life for you and your son.
I did the same thing to my son, only I remained in denial until after he was grown. Every weekend of his childhood was spent in a fog. My shame and guilt over that, & other things, kept me drinking and sick for a long time. When I came here & found so many people just like me, I began to move out of the past - where I'd been stuck for so long. Not being alone anymore meant everything to me.
Have a lovely, sober day in beautiful Ireland. Be proud.
I did the same thing to my son, only I remained in denial until after he was grown. Every weekend of his childhood was spent in a fog. My shame and guilt over that, & other things, kept me drinking and sick for a long time. When I came here & found so many people just like me, I began to move out of the past - where I'd been stuck for so long. Not being alone anymore meant everything to me.
Have a lovely, sober day in beautiful Ireland. Be proud.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ireland
Posts: 5
Thank you both so much for the welcome !, its really nerve wrecking to announce myself. I really think that i will prosper better here than attending AA.
I hope that i am right and not just making excuses here but all my focus is on staying sober and at the moment i'm feeling positive about it, i just hope that this feeling lasts because tonight is Friday night and my son will be at his dads so thats when i normally drink myself stupid with the help of another friend who is a big drinker too.!
My focus today is to get to the time tonight when i can mark off another sober day on the calendar, i feel proud of myself every night when i do that!!. My goal is to see a full month of big 'X's.
I hope that i am right and not just making excuses here but all my focus is on staying sober and at the moment i'm feeling positive about it, i just hope that this feeling lasts because tonight is Friday night and my son will be at his dads so thats when i normally drink myself stupid with the help of another friend who is a big drinker too.!
My focus today is to get to the time tonight when i can mark off another sober day on the calendar, i feel proud of myself every night when i do that!!. My goal is to see a full month of big 'X's.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Slan-
Welcome and thanks for joining. One of the many benefits about SR is the anonymity b/c of the online forum.
Post away. Post your honest thought on here often. It's been very helpful to my recovery and I bet it will be for yours too.
You'll have many "peaks and valleys" in sobriety, especially early on. Let us know if you need any help as often times by talking about it, you'll hear a solution from someone else that'll work for you.
I'm an AA'er and AA has removed that obsession to drink you're talking about.
I'm looking forward to reading more about you.
Kjell
Welcome and thanks for joining. One of the many benefits about SR is the anonymity b/c of the online forum.
Post away. Post your honest thought on here often. It's been very helpful to my recovery and I bet it will be for yours too.
You'll have many "peaks and valleys" in sobriety, especially early on. Let us know if you need any help as often times by talking about it, you'll hear a solution from someone else that'll work for you.
I'm an AA'er and AA has removed that obsession to drink you're talking about.
I'm looking forward to reading more about you.
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Hello and welcome Slan! I'm a newbie as well and I KNOW that sticking around and posting here is going to help me, and it will you as well.
Well done on your 12 days sober - you seem strong and I know that you can do this, both for you and for your son!
Well done on your 12 days sober - you seem strong and I know that you can do this, both for you and for your son!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Western PA
Posts: 416
Welcome to SR slan and congrats on 12 days. I too lurked for a long time before posting...just let me tell you this...it was the best decision I've made in a long , long time. SR has been and continues to be a life changing place for me. Good luck and please keep us posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ireland
Posts: 5
Thank you all so very much for your kind welcomes and words of support. It feels like a weight has been lifted to finally be able to admit to others that understand so well that staying sober is such a struggle.
Its Friday evening here now and i'm left to my own devices for the next 24 hours or so. I'm struggling to motivate myself to do anything but have a drink. I keep rationalising that i could have a few tonight, my son would never know, no-one i know would ever know!! So far so good though i think i'm going to head to the pool and swim about 50 lengths i need to keep moving or i know i'll crack.
Please someone tell me that this will not go on forever, is there a magic date or time line when the brain will stop longing for the next swig??
Its Friday evening here now and i'm left to my own devices for the next 24 hours or so. I'm struggling to motivate myself to do anything but have a drink. I keep rationalising that i could have a few tonight, my son would never know, no-one i know would ever know!! So far so good though i think i'm going to head to the pool and swim about 50 lengths i need to keep moving or i know i'll crack.
Please someone tell me that this will not go on forever, is there a magic date or time line when the brain will stop longing for the next swig??
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 249
Hi Slan
It's also friday night here for me and I am also on day 12. I can normally get through Friday night just fine, it's Saturday that is my weakness.
I'm just going to stay reading and posting on the forum and I know the feeling will pass. Good luck, you WILL get through tonight sober
It's also friday night here for me and I am also on day 12. I can normally get through Friday night just fine, it's Saturday that is my weakness.
I'm just going to stay reading and posting on the forum and I know the feeling will pass. Good luck, you WILL get through tonight sober
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Hello and Welcome.
You can do this, just stay busy and keep thinking of your son.
Come here and post or read.
Those 'voices' in your head will go away in time and with each one that you resist, it will become easlier.
Believe me, when you wake in the morning, you will not regret that you should of drank. Keep posting, rooting for you to remain sober.
You can do this, just stay busy and keep thinking of your son.
Come here and post or read.
Those 'voices' in your head will go away in time and with each one that you resist, it will become easlier.
Believe me, when you wake in the morning, you will not regret that you should of drank. Keep posting, rooting for you to remain sober.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to the posting part of our recovery community...
Well done on the start of your sober future ..it's the very best
gift you could give yourself and your son...
Blessings to both of you
Well done on the start of your sober future ..it's the very best
gift you could give yourself and your son...
Blessings to both of you
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! Those little voices/urges to drink will go away but for now just tell them to 'take a hike'. And don't worry about not drinking forever, just don't drink for today, then tomorrow, repeat.
Somewhere between four to six months I realized I no longer had the desire to drink, so yes, it will pass.
Congrats on your sober time.
Those little voices/urges to drink will go away but for now just tell them to 'take a hike'. And don't worry about not drinking forever, just don't drink for today, then tomorrow, repeat. Somewhere between four to six months I realized I no longer had the desire to drink, so yes, it will pass.
Congrats on your sober time.
Living on a prayer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: NC
Posts: 234
Keep reading and posting, check out the chat and see if anyone is around to talk with. Play cards (I end up playing solitaire online most evenings), bake something, find something you usually put off when you were drinking and DO IT! I personally washed and folded a crap ton of laundry the first few weeks. I had major guilt for not keeping up with it well when I was a drinker so I went overboard. lol I also scrubbed the bathrooms like mad, I had done bare minimum in much of the housework for months.
CONGRATS on 12 days!! You rock!
CONGRATS on 12 days!! You rock!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Slan
I think most of us will tell you it gets easier - none of would be here if that wasn't the case
I think you've made a great choice
Welcome!
D
ps regift that wine or get rid of it somehow!
I think most of us will tell you it gets easier - none of would be here if that wasn't the case
I think you've made a great choice
Welcome!
D
ps regift that wine or get rid of it somehow!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I wouldn't keep the wine around long enough to re-gift it (unless you have someone in mind who would like it now).
I dumped out probably fifteen bottles of wine and champagne (used to live with a professional winemaker) the day before my last drink.
If you can't find a new home for it right away, toss it.
I dumped out probably fifteen bottles of wine and champagne (used to live with a professional winemaker) the day before my last drink.
If you can't find a new home for it right away, toss it.
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