New and confused about even being here...
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
It is spooky, isn't it? That's the way I felt when I started learning what others thought and did, too. And yeah, it's a great feeling not to be the only one with "issues" 
I couldn't believe so many other people did the same quirky/crazy stuff (like alternate liquor stores and get paranoid when taking the garbage out because it rattles and clanks).
Yep - it's fun to be understood!
I couldn't believe so many other people did the same quirky/crazy stuff (like alternate liquor stores and get paranoid when taking the garbage out because it rattles and clanks).Yep - it's fun to be understood!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by Ozark 
Bombshell
You sound a bit like me. A bottle of wine a night. No hangovers, but once I start, I don't stop til I nod off. I don't pass out, and have no blackouts. However, this is not normal, and I cannot seem to quit. I almost wish my doc would tell me my liver is damaged just to see if if that smacks me into reality.
Good luck to you lad. It sounds like you are gaining strength from posting here.
You sound a bit like me. A bottle of wine a night. No hangovers, but once I start, I don't stop til I nod off. I don't pass out, and have no blackouts. However, this is not normal, and I cannot seem to quit. I almost wish my doc would tell me my liver is damaged just to see if if that smacks me into reality.
Good luck to you lad. It sounds like you are gaining strength from posting here.
No hangovers (to speak of) with me either, which I think is a bad thing. Means it doesn't really affect me. Also, I've found myself wishing that my doc would tell me my liver is f*cked cos maybe that would make me stop drinking. I have told her about my problem, but she was more interested in telling me about her hubby who is also an alcoholic. I am kind of helping her through her husband's addiction instead of really getting to the bottom of my own... how's that for irony?!?!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
FrothyJay - yes I agree, the fact that I can't even consider giving it up does probably mean that I definitely SHOULD give it up! I just can't imagine my life without booze. From today I'm going to try to stay sober for at least 2 weeks to see how my head feels and make some decisions with a clearer mind.
Opal - that quote rings soooo true!
Thanks for your replies guys, it means a lot that people are so supportive.
Opal - that quote rings soooo true!
Thanks for your replies guys, it means a lot that people are so supportive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
So it's the morning after, 11am, and I'm sitting here on my second cup of tea with a ginormous hangover. I'm going to try to go for two weeks without booze and see how I feel then, with a clear head, about whether I feel I can quit for good or try moderation. I don't feel enormously positive about how successful I'll be but I'll try to stick to it.
Thanks everyone for your replies and comments. It means a lot to know that people are so supportive. I will definitely keep reading and posting. I also think I'll start a blog to help me through the next couple of weeks - I'm sure there'll be rocky days! Thanks again everyone
Thanks everyone for your replies and comments. It means a lot to know that people are so supportive. I will definitely keep reading and posting. I also think I'll start a blog to help me through the next couple of weeks - I'm sure there'll be rocky days! Thanks again everyone
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
None can imagine their life without booze LOL....but there's several hundred examples of folks here who have done it Bombshell....
and I'll bet each of them will tell you they found they were a hell of a lot more capable and resilient than they'd long convinced themselves they were
Don't write the last page of your attempt just yet....
D
and I'll bet each of them will tell you they found they were a hell of a lot more capable and resilient than they'd long convinced themselves they were
Don't write the last page of your attempt just yet....
D
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Anything you try is a step in the right direction. There was 6 mos between the time I stopped for 3 weeks (and only planned to stop for 3 weeks) and stopped completely. In between there were attempts (and some successes) at moderation and a huge bender or two. I could never recreate the peace and 'right'ness of how I felt during those 3 weeks though. So quitting it was!
Do keep us posted!
Do keep us posted!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Originally Posted by Bombshell
Thanks Joe for understanding. I honestly do feel that 30 days is an unimaginably long amount of time for me right now so maybe that is a challenge to aim towards instead of one year.
I'm trying to think of what I have coming up in the next month, and it's actually pretty quiet (all engagements/birthdays/etc) recently over - but I do recall I have a girlie spa-day coming up at the end of this month. Followed by a night out in Belfast. i don't know if I could avoid drinking then. But, if I don't drink until then, that'll still be a huge achievement for me (longest I've ever went without drinking since this problem started).
We'll see how it goes and I'll keep checking in!
I'm trying to think of what I have coming up in the next month, and it's actually pretty quiet (all engagements/birthdays/etc) recently over - but I do recall I have a girlie spa-day coming up at the end of this month. Followed by a night out in Belfast. i don't know if I could avoid drinking then. But, if I don't drink until then, that'll still be a huge achievement for me (longest I've ever went without drinking since this problem started).
We'll see how it goes and I'll keep checking in!
I'm a guy, so I don;t do spa days
but, I believe that if you limit the occasions in the 30 day span you can at least get a new perspective. Try to compartmentalize your addiction, and control the timeline. This will force you to commence the battle.
Step 1 - you have arrived at the battle field.
Step 2 - you are still deciding whether or not to go out and fight.
Step 3 - oops, did you forget your weapons? you will need them...
Have fun with your decision. Don't torment yourself, but sadly (as is the case) I believe once you have started to struggle with it, it becomes a fairly long battle to get over it. Like anything in life, too much of a "good" thing is bad, and the wonderful old times you enjoyed having a drink will have to be remembered rather than repeated ---
Hey, If Dublin can have "no smoking" in bars - surely evolution is taking place - change is gradual but definitely possible.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi Bombshell,
I loved wine as well. I was an every night drinker myself. I spent several years saying "i'm going to quit today"---usually when I woke up in the middle of the night, or in the morning feeling awful. And then by evening I'd say....well..."maybe tomorrow". It took me a long time to decide I had to quit for good. In between I had a lot of 3 to 5 day vacations from drinking to convince myself I didn't have a problem. I was always thinking about the next drink.
Once I stopped I had to get over the hump of withdrawal (for me about 2 weeks of feeling like crud---when I knew a drink would make me feel better) before I could see how much better being sober was. Now it feels a lot easier than those 3 to 5 day breaks I took. No planning for the next drink. No trying to slow down my drinking. No more hiding empty bottles. No more waking in the morning feeling ashamed. Whew! I didn't think I could do it either.
As for your Dr telling you to stop (for your liver, or otherwise) I think they don't always step in soon enough. I read somewhere recently that by the time your liver enzymes come back as abnormal you may already have lost up to a third of your liver function. So don't wait for that to happen!
One thing people on SR may teach you is how positive getting sober can be, as opposed to thinking of sobriety as deprivation.
Welcome to SR! Keep reading and posting here and you'll probably come to a lot of conclusions about yourself and possible next steps.
D
I loved wine as well. I was an every night drinker myself. I spent several years saying "i'm going to quit today"---usually when I woke up in the middle of the night, or in the morning feeling awful. And then by evening I'd say....well..."maybe tomorrow". It took me a long time to decide I had to quit for good. In between I had a lot of 3 to 5 day vacations from drinking to convince myself I didn't have a problem. I was always thinking about the next drink.
Once I stopped I had to get over the hump of withdrawal (for me about 2 weeks of feeling like crud---when I knew a drink would make me feel better) before I could see how much better being sober was. Now it feels a lot easier than those 3 to 5 day breaks I took. No planning for the next drink. No trying to slow down my drinking. No more hiding empty bottles. No more waking in the morning feeling ashamed. Whew! I didn't think I could do it either.
As for your Dr telling you to stop (for your liver, or otherwise) I think they don't always step in soon enough. I read somewhere recently that by the time your liver enzymes come back as abnormal you may already have lost up to a third of your liver function. So don't wait for that to happen!
One thing people on SR may teach you is how positive getting sober can be, as opposed to thinking of sobriety as deprivation.
Welcome to SR! Keep reading and posting here and you'll probably come to a lot of conclusions about yourself and possible next steps.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by Bombshell
Hi everyone, I'm a long-time lurker and first-time poster. I've been reading these forums as a guest for a while now but couldn't really work up the courage to post. I'm not even sure if I should be here - and maybe that is part of my problem!
For the past maybe 7 or 8 years I've been drinking secretly, at first not too much, like maybe once a week and only one or two drinks each time. But of course it escalated and I got to the stage where I was drinking by myself nearly every night. A couple of bottles of wine. I hated the way it made me feel the next day, but not enough to make me stop. Every evening I would start again, always saying 'This is the last time...'
In the past few months I'm down to drinking maybe 3 or 4 times a week, and still a couple bottles wine each time, and in secret. Sometimes I get in the right mindset and don't drink for a few days - the longest stretch being 5 - but then something in me snaps and I just say 'what the hell' and go get some booze. And it all starts again.
On nights out it's not any better. I've started having blackouts, and that really scares me. Like I was out last weekend and I have literally no recollection of the last 4 hours of the night. My friends tell me stuff I did, and they thought I wasn't that drunk really, but I still can't remember. I also fell off a step that night and badly sprained my ankle and ended up having to go to A & E. Stuff like this makes me know I have a problem with drink. And then other times I think I just over-indulge a bit and it's not so bad.
So sorry about the long post. Basically I don't feel I have a problem yet. I keep thinking that I could stop if I really wanted to. The truth is, part of me doesn't want to stop. Part of me relies on drink, to be brave, to hide from feelings, to get that 'buzz'. I don't want to think i can never drink again. I don't know if I can do that.
I suppose I'm just here wondering if anyone has ever been in the same situation as me? Ideally I want to get to the stage where I'm just a 'social' drinker - only drinking with friends, and never guzzling the booze alone. Like I think I'm just being 'greedy' when I drink - I have over-eating issues too - so I think they're just a matter of being more disciplined. Am I in denial here? Is the only solution to cut out alcohol altogether? I don't know - and that's why I'm not sure if I should be here - and that's why I'd really appreciate your input!
Thanks a million, sorry again for the long post!
Anna
For the past maybe 7 or 8 years I've been drinking secretly, at first not too much, like maybe once a week and only one or two drinks each time. But of course it escalated and I got to the stage where I was drinking by myself nearly every night. A couple of bottles of wine. I hated the way it made me feel the next day, but not enough to make me stop. Every evening I would start again, always saying 'This is the last time...'
In the past few months I'm down to drinking maybe 3 or 4 times a week, and still a couple bottles wine each time, and in secret. Sometimes I get in the right mindset and don't drink for a few days - the longest stretch being 5 - but then something in me snaps and I just say 'what the hell' and go get some booze. And it all starts again.
On nights out it's not any better. I've started having blackouts, and that really scares me. Like I was out last weekend and I have literally no recollection of the last 4 hours of the night. My friends tell me stuff I did, and they thought I wasn't that drunk really, but I still can't remember. I also fell off a step that night and badly sprained my ankle and ended up having to go to A & E. Stuff like this makes me know I have a problem with drink. And then other times I think I just over-indulge a bit and it's not so bad.
So sorry about the long post. Basically I don't feel I have a problem yet. I keep thinking that I could stop if I really wanted to. The truth is, part of me doesn't want to stop. Part of me relies on drink, to be brave, to hide from feelings, to get that 'buzz'. I don't want to think i can never drink again. I don't know if I can do that.
I suppose I'm just here wondering if anyone has ever been in the same situation as me? Ideally I want to get to the stage where I'm just a 'social' drinker - only drinking with friends, and never guzzling the booze alone. Like I think I'm just being 'greedy' when I drink - I have over-eating issues too - so I think they're just a matter of being more disciplined. Am I in denial here? Is the only solution to cut out alcohol altogether? I don't know - and that's why I'm not sure if I should be here - and that's why I'd really appreciate your input!
Thanks a million, sorry again for the long post!
Anna
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
WELCOME!!!!!!!!
Heee: I am competing with Sailor John, trying to have the biggest type size!
Honey don't apologize for your "long post"!
I am so glad you came here and I would like even longer posts....
Heee: I am competing with Sailor John, trying to have the biggest type size!
Honey don't apologize for your "long post"!
I am so glad you came here and I would like even longer posts....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by Danae
One thing people on SR may teach you is how positive getting sober can be, as opposed to thinking of sobriety as deprivation.
D
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Hi Elvis & Hightara, thank you for your replies. It's comforting to hear from people who are, or have been, where I'm at now. Hightara, congrats on your sober time. I'll be keeping an eye out for both of you!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey there. Yes, I remember what it's like when the thought of living without booze seems like a prison sentence. I remember when i used to view it like that and I think it's not uncommon, afterall it was my companion for a long time and I relied on it to provide my entertainment, comfort, enhancment, lifestyle, identity, purpose to live for. So of course the thought of giving that isn't going to sit pretty. However I had reached the stage where i knew that booze was destroying me and taking me down lower and lower. So realistically my best friend was in fact my worst enemy. That's not to say that it was easy though...
Recovery takes time, it isn't like booze which gives a you a quick fix/escape - it has to happen in its own time 'one day at a time' and involves a lot of healing - physical, mental and emotional. The drink is often just the tip of the iceberg and all of the underlying issues and reasons for looking to escape or find comfort in a chemical have to be faced and addressed in order to heal and grow healthier. It certainly isn't always easy but it is always worth it. Whats the alternative? Well for me then it would have just been more demoralisation and sadness and I didn't want to feel so troubled anymore so I dedicated my life to my recovery as I knew without my recovery then I would die a sad, depressed drunk anyway; and I was 23 too so it took me down relatively young, which I'm grateful for now as my journey is my journey.
There is never an easy time to get sober and there will always be a "last hit" if you let your addict mind talk you into it. But if you truly want to get sober and healthy in recovery then it is absolutely possible!! Seek help in as many ways as possible, I use AA, SR and I also referred myself to mental health services on NHS to address underlying stuff that I knew I needed to face to continue moving forwards in my recovery.
Living a life of sobriety and recovery is so totally worth it. I have experienced a new sense of freedom, purpose, direction and peace of mind that I never experienced before and that I would have never experienced if I wasn't an alcoholic. I view my alcoholism as a blessing rather than a curse.
All The Best, Peace
Recovery takes time, it isn't like booze which gives a you a quick fix/escape - it has to happen in its own time 'one day at a time' and involves a lot of healing - physical, mental and emotional. The drink is often just the tip of the iceberg and all of the underlying issues and reasons for looking to escape or find comfort in a chemical have to be faced and addressed in order to heal and grow healthier. It certainly isn't always easy but it is always worth it. Whats the alternative? Well for me then it would have just been more demoralisation and sadness and I didn't want to feel so troubled anymore so I dedicated my life to my recovery as I knew without my recovery then I would die a sad, depressed drunk anyway; and I was 23 too so it took me down relatively young, which I'm grateful for now as my journey is my journey.
There is never an easy time to get sober and there will always be a "last hit" if you let your addict mind talk you into it. But if you truly want to get sober and healthy in recovery then it is absolutely possible!! Seek help in as many ways as possible, I use AA, SR and I also referred myself to mental health services on NHS to address underlying stuff that I knew I needed to face to continue moving forwards in my recovery.
Living a life of sobriety and recovery is so totally worth it. I have experienced a new sense of freedom, purpose, direction and peace of mind that I never experienced before and that I would have never experienced if I wasn't an alcoholic. I view my alcoholism as a blessing rather than a curse.
All The Best, Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
So realistically my best friend was in fact my worst enemy.
I tried a few times in the past to think about Alcohol as a 'frenemy' - you know, someone who claims to be your friend but secretly wants to see you fail. The kind of toxic friend who'll tell you a new outfit looks great on you when in fact you look like the back of a bus!!
That way of thinking helped for a while, but in the end I always forgave my 'friend', thinking I was being too harsh on her, and she'd always be waiting to welcome me with open arms...Well not this time! I hope to God!!
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