SSIL75

Hi there. I have a 4 year old (and a 2 year old) and a tremendous amount of guilt about how I parented when I was drinking. It's night and day, now (I have been sober for 6 mos). I know it's hard but trust me and everyone else here who says that IT GETS BETTER. And before long you'll find your sober days so, so much easier than your drinking days.

It's a whole new world and frankly one that I was never part of. Not growing up and not since I started drinking 17 years ago.

Also - if I could just share a little thing that made all the difference to my experience: I had to change the emphasis from 'stop drinking' to 'start living sober'.

Hold on tight.

ReadyAndAble

Well said! That has been the key for me too!

Supercrew

SD, check in and let us know what's up. Hope all is well, and remember you have so fellow SDer's near by.

Juse

I'm with you in the struggle too SD, and I happen to be in the same city, so that gives us a couple of things in common.

Keep fighting, relapses happen to everyone brother.

ReadyAndAble

Jeesh. I was at a show at the Belly Up a couple weeks ago, and at one point the lead singer said San Diego had a grungy side, with too many tattoos and too much alcohol. I don't know about the tattoos, but it appears he was right about the booze.... We've got half the town here on SR!

SD, how are you? Sent you a PM last night. Hang in there.

SDSurfn

LOL. I never knew there were so many drunks in SD.

Sorry for the downer of a thread.

Day 2 today. Here we go yet again!

-SD

ReadyAndAble

Not a downer at all, SD. Day 2 or Day 2000—it's inspiring either way!

Dee74

good to see you back on the right road SD

D

coop1

One day at a time SD.

Winer249er

I was at the Belly Up a couple of weeks ago too and had to leave. Thought I could be in a bar and not drink....I couldn't so before I drank, I left. I really wanted to see the band though! It reminded me that about four years ago I was there, drunk, and getting really obnoxiously defiant with the bouncer who had asked me to clear out a walkway. Sigh. That's so not me.

San Diego is a great place to live and all...but this town likes to party. It's important to be choosy about where you spend your time. I kept thinking of my mom's old saying about "if you lie down with dogs, you get fleas." I'm not strong enough yet to party with the dogs...so I protect my vulnerabilities.

And yeah it's sad to say goodbye, but there is so much more out there that is more fulfilling than drinking!

SD - free advice that is working for me....think about the things that connect you to what makes you a whole person. For each of us, the answer is different. Maybe it's being with your son, a spirituality/church, your career, nature...whatever. They may be aspects of your life that have fallen away as the drinking took over.

Look there for strength and a reminder about what happiness and wholeness really looks like.

I work in La Jolla...one of the most beautiful places on earth. I can sit and watch the ocean, breath in/out, watch the kids play...and I always feel a little bit better. It reminds me of my childhood here in San Diego...it reminds me I'm small and fragile and my place in the world is a gift.

When you need strength, have a list ready of where you need to go for it. We all have these core values that make the hurt go away.

Hang in there - it gets better. My eight year old notices the difference and it's only been a couple of weeks for me. You are already your son's hero...

silly

I know what you mean about AA, too. And in a huge city like mine, you'd think there'd be plenty of great meetings. Some are okay. Some really suck. But on occassion I do find one that I can really relate with. For me, the point of going to AA is to remind myself everyday that sobriety is my goal. To take an hour and remind myself that I do really want what these people have. I fully admit that sometimes I want to scream at those people who go on and on and on.... and then the rest of the group misses their turn to speak. Sure what they have to say is valid and important but not at the expense of not hearing someone else.
I've relapsed more than I'd like to admit. I'm the girl who showed up to her first intensive outpatient treatment drunk. But I went back the next day sober and tried again. And that's what we all need. Keep trying, never give up, keep the faith, learn from your mistakes.

ReadyAndAble

Hey, Whiner, you sound like you're doing great! Good to know.

I definitely wouldn't recommend the bar scene for everyone right now. I'm a big fan of the band that was playing, so for me it was really about the music. Plus I had a friend with me who knows I'm no longer drinking. And I told my December classmates on here I was going, and would do them proud, so I felt totally accountable.

One thing that was interesting was that most people were drinking way less than I expected. I always thought most people were drinking to excess at concerts; I guess I was just projecting my own behavior on them. Made me realize just how different I've always been from normal drinkers....

SDSurfn

Thanks everyone.

Hi Winer! Thanks for your post. Another San Diegan...we are taking over...

Winer249er

OK, that made me laugh. An "h" makes a significant difference in meaning!

This is spot on. I am constantly amazed at what I thought was "normal", really isn't when you look around from a sober perspective.

Most people don't drink every day, and when they do, quite a few just have one and stop.

Winer249er

Welcome sdsurfn!

I'll be rooting for ya.

SDSurfn

You got it, brother.

ReadyAndAble

Oooops! Sorry about the H, Winer! I had just been looking at the Whiners Anonymous thread, guess I was still in whine mode!

SD, I hope you wake up feeling great tomorrow. If not, you will soon. For me, that was the first big reward for staying sober. I'm happy to earn that reward one day at a time...

ReadyAndAble

Hey, SD, just checking in to see how you're doing.