Manz

How many of you/us have struck the seemingly unbearable(to me anyway) face of a friend who just truly does not understand what it means to be trying to abstain, trying to make it through one day at a time when overcome with cravings?

How many of us have had to face a friend that doesn't understand, and finds it easier to walk away?

Just when i feel that I have picked myself up, shaken myself off and am carrying on down this hard road of recovery, another huge pothole springs up and throws me off again.

I thought I was truly lucky to have a friend appear from the other side of the world at just the time that I really needed some friendly support. I had reached as low as I have been, the final thing that was left that gave me any sense of self worth and achievement, my career.... was taken from me.

And boy did I feel lucky to have this friend coming. But I destroyed that too, by being unable to make her understand, unable to show her what was really happening. Instead I sought refuge here, at SR, for support and and understanding. And the very thing that has kept me from drinking these past few weeks...helped me maintain my sobriety through an incredibly tough time...the very thing that has been so supportive causes me to loose a friend.

How many of you have had to face this? Lost friends whom you thought you could truly rely on? I have lost 2 of my 3 closest friends in the last month now, and both in my sobriety.

Today, I'm feeling alone, hurt, angry at myself and furious at this bloody disease....especially when I am really trying not let it consume me.

Dee74

I had to cut out a few people that didn't understand Manz- I believe all of them had their own drinking demons to deal with.

Thats why SR is so important to me - this place is full, 24/7, of people who do understand

D

Anna

I purposely and instinctively cut out a couple of people from my life during my first weeks of recovery. The amazing thing was, that by doing that, I seemed to open space in my life. Before I knew it, two incredible women appeared - one became a teacher/mentor and they both became dear and cherished friends.

HFA

My best friend sits in his basement all the time and drinks. I have known him forever and we have a lot of things in common. Both very tech jobs and help each other a lot. I still chat with him on the phone, or on the PC. And we still bounce tech ideas off of each other. But I dont see him anymore. Sad that I use to sit here and drink on my side of the chat too. And its sad that he still is. I dont know how far along you are, but maybe you have out grown them.

MsCooterBrown

I wondered about this at first and felt hurt. But when I really looked at the situation..I surrounded myself with people who liked to drink...it is what I did so it is the company I attracted. Been going on a long time..way back in high school as well...always with the party people. So when I got sober they stayed at the bar..or drinking at whoever was hosting whatever party. Sobriety was my choice. Not theirs..Slowly new people are entering my life. I think it all comes full circle eventually. Hang in there..it really does get better!

Manz

I think i wasn't that clear here. My friend was not someone I drank with, that I did mostly alone.

She was first and foremost a friend, who has a healthy relationship with alcohol. when we drank together it was a long time ago, before the drink became a huge problem for me.

so the loss of this friends hurts incredibly, especially as she just can't understand.

I would happily leave behind anyone who would encourage me to drink now, it is not for me.

Sadly
Manz

Dee74

Sorry Manz - I guess then I don't exactly get what's going on?

Some of my friends get it - others don't really - but then they're not alcoholics - they don't have
to...none of my friends get my cerebral palsy either...they can't, not completely.

but...they all support me in what I know I need to do.

I had to walk away from those who wouldn't or couldn't
D

Antiderivative

They don't have to understand. In fact, many who do not suffer from addiction and alcoholism do not understand. It is incomprehensible to them that an alcoholic and addict will self-destruct all the way to the grave. Normal people do not do this and it is hard for them to relate.

Heck, I still don't fully understand how someone can order an $6.00 + highball drink, drink half of it, and then leave it. However, I accept the fact that some social drinkers will do this, but I certainly do not comprehend it. It is completely foreign to me.

However, true friends will accept and respect your decision, regardless if they fully understand your decision or not. If you lost friends over the fact that they didn't accept and respect your decision to abstain from alcohol, then they were not good friends to begin with. It may not seem like, but it is for the best.

I am sorry that you had to go through this. Hang in there. Maybe join a support group where you can meet new friends.

yeahgr8

Wow well if she is a sane, mature, responsible person you have probably scared the **** out of her...i think you have learned that non-alcoholics aren't going to completely relate to your experiences...

BUT when you understand yourself and what is going on more you will be able to explain to a non-alcoholic in a detached and non-emotional way, they do understand and they will be happy to be your friend...

Why don't you go and find some fellow alcoholics who are sober, they can relate to you and you to them...that is if you are really lonely and don't want to be alone?