Something I feel Akward About In AA Meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2
Something I feel Akward About In AA Meetings
Hello All
I am new to this site, just joined today... 32 years old been drinking beer off and on for 6 years then came the gin, almost 2 years ago been drinking about a fifth to sometimes close to the a gallon a night , Whats funny I would always leave about the same amount in the gin bottle after I finished drinking. but finally have gotten this under control many replases but been trying hard for the past year , had many relapses and looked like the er doctors got tired of seeing me.
Soooo finally about 2 months ago decided to finally have the last one. 5 Days of withdrawls, wow the benzos did help alot mostly ativan, I did try detox last year and relapsed soon after.
So I joing the AA meetings, really knew no one, just seems at the end of the meetings the part that gets me is when they ask "does anyone want to introuduce themselves tonight or have anything to share" well this goes on about for a good 10 minutes, Since its my 4th meeting and still not ready just to put it out there, I keep getting stare downs from the the person who is speaking for the night. This is the closest AA to me , So I dunno if I should just switch or is this the norm at the AA meetings? I have met some great people there and have not asked them about it.
I am new to this site, just joined today... 32 years old been drinking beer off and on for 6 years then came the gin, almost 2 years ago been drinking about a fifth to sometimes close to the a gallon a night , Whats funny I would always leave about the same amount in the gin bottle after I finished drinking. but finally have gotten this under control many replases but been trying hard for the past year , had many relapses and looked like the er doctors got tired of seeing me.
Soooo finally about 2 months ago decided to finally have the last one. 5 Days of withdrawls, wow the benzos did help alot mostly ativan, I did try detox last year and relapsed soon after.
So I joing the AA meetings, really knew no one, just seems at the end of the meetings the part that gets me is when they ask "does anyone want to introuduce themselves tonight or have anything to share" well this goes on about for a good 10 minutes, Since its my 4th meeting and still not ready just to put it out there, I keep getting stare downs from the the person who is speaking for the night. This is the closest AA to me , So I dunno if I should just switch or is this the norm at the AA meetings? I have met some great people there and have not asked them about it.
Last edited by NCDUDE919; 02-08-2011 at 05:14 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Don't sweat it. It's not the norm, too many of us though, see reluctant people come through briefly and then disappear and we worry about the kind of hell they have gone back to. Talk when you are ready. Listening is more important right now.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
Congratulations on beginning your new sober life.
I too felt out of place when I started AA.so here is what
worked for me. I started to go 15 minutes early and/or
stayed late to help set the room straight.
That way..I got acquainted with the members on a more personal
level. I also asked a older woman to join me after for coffee.
She explained a lot of my concerns and we became friends.
Hope you will continue to go...it's a great way to stay sober
Congratulations on beginning your new sober life.
I too felt out of place when I started AA.so here is what
worked for me. I started to go 15 minutes early and/or
stayed late to help set the room straight.
That way..I got acquainted with the members on a more personal
level. I also asked a older woman to join me after for coffee.
She explained a lot of my concerns and we became friends.
Hope you will continue to go...it's a great way to stay sober
Last edited by CarolD; 02-09-2011 at 11:41 PM.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
I still feel uncomfortable at times in meetings and I am nearly 10 years sober through the program of AA. I don't think that what you are feeling is abnormal.
One thing I would encourage you to do is what Carol suggested and make a point to try and stick around before and after the meeting to get to know other AA members. I know that for me taking the time and getting past my fears enough to do that definitely saved my behind in early sobriety.
Also if you are called on and don't feel like talking you can always just politely say "thank you but I am just going to listen tonight". There is nothing wrong with politely passing. You are not obligated to speak. I was not able to get words out in meetings for the first 5 months of sobriety. I had to politely pass. There are times today that when I get called on I can not find words and pass. Don't allow yourself to feel pressured.
I do hope you stick around and keep coming back to the meetings as I know AA saved my life and I hope you find it works for you as well.
I still feel uncomfortable at times in meetings and I am nearly 10 years sober through the program of AA. I don't think that what you are feeling is abnormal.
One thing I would encourage you to do is what Carol suggested and make a point to try and stick around before and after the meeting to get to know other AA members. I know that for me taking the time and getting past my fears enough to do that definitely saved my behind in early sobriety.
Also if you are called on and don't feel like talking you can always just politely say "thank you but I am just going to listen tonight". There is nothing wrong with politely passing. You are not obligated to speak. I was not able to get words out in meetings for the first 5 months of sobriety. I had to politely pass. There are times today that when I get called on I can not find words and pass. Don't allow yourself to feel pressured.
I do hope you stick around and keep coming back to the meetings as I know AA saved my life and I hope you find it works for you as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
I agree with everyone. You don't have to speak until you are ready. In most of the meetings I go to, we go around the circle and everyone has the chance to speak. Without fail, somone always passes, with or without explanation and it's no big deal.
I think as long as you appear engaged in the meeting, you shouldn't worry that the leader is judging you. He/she is probably just making sure you get your chance should your hand go up! You know what I mean? There are those members that "hog" the floor and it could be that he wants to make sure you don't get bulldozed by the regulars.
I think as long as you appear engaged in the meeting, you shouldn't worry that the leader is judging you. He/she is probably just making sure you get your chance should your hand go up! You know what I mean? There are those members that "hog" the floor and it could be that he wants to make sure you don't get bulldozed by the regulars.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 252
Hello NCDUDE.... first off, getting "stare downs" is plain wrong and frankly dangerous.
When I first attended AA meetings, I was greeted with warmth, told I was in the right place, heard similar stories and thought to myself that I found my home. You don't have to speak until you're ready, and if you're uncomfortable, simply say "pass".
I have felt bulldozed to say something in some meetings - I left and never went back.
When I first attended AA meetings, I was greeted with warmth, told I was in the right place, heard similar stories and thought to myself that I found my home. You don't have to speak until you're ready, and if you're uncomfortable, simply say "pass".
I have felt bulldozed to say something in some meetings - I left and never went back.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum - It took me quite a while to get up the nerve to share in a meeting (especially the bigger ones). I just stuck to "I'm ____ and I'm an alcoholic. Glad to be here." That seemed to be enough....and I felt good that at least I said something! I know that feeling of pressure (though most of it I put on myself).
I like Carol's idea of going a little early when there's less people there and find someone to say "hi" to. Just like with any group, the more you know the people, the more comfortable it will get. Good luck!
I like Carol's idea of going a little early when there's less people there and find someone to say "hi" to. Just like with any group, the more you know the people, the more comfortable it will get. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
what feels more akward, your perception of someone "staring you down",
OR
drinking nearly a gallon of gin?
maybe they hope you will speak up, ask for help and get your recovery under way.
jus' sayin'......
OR
drinking nearly a gallon of gin?
maybe they hope you will speak up, ask for help and get your recovery under way.
jus' sayin'......
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Welcome to SR!
You'll find a lot of support here and keep posting. It helps.
I know exactly how you feel b/c I've been there before. Just know, like most things in life, you'll get more comfortable with it the more time you go.
One thing that helped me out big time with feeling awkward is to meet some of the people in there. Make friends. They're alcoholics, just like you.
Keep up the good work!
Kjell
You'll find a lot of support here and keep posting. It helps.
I know exactly how you feel b/c I've been there before. Just know, like most things in life, you'll get more comfortable with it the more time you go.
One thing that helped me out big time with feeling awkward is to meet some of the people in there. Make friends. They're alcoholics, just like you.
Keep up the good work!
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
NC, if I read it right, you are uncomfortable taking a turn at speaking and this could either be because you are not big on speaking in a group in general or you don't feel ready to share your story on your experience with alcohol as it exists now. (Or both.)
I don't go to meetings now, but I did many years ago. I think the first time I went I said my name and that I was here to learn something and that was it. They said "Thank you" and my name, and went to the next person. There wasn't a pause for me to elaborate or explain myself. One of the first things I thought of before going there was the fact I knew people would say their name, they're an alcoholic and then say a paragraph or more, depending on the context of the meeting; and I knew I wasn't ready to say I was an alcoholic, and didn't really know back then, even though I was starting to get an idea. I didn't do much more speaking afterward in subsequent meetings.
If you think (or know) you are one, and have the nerve to say it outloud in front of them, maybe you could do that and then add one more sentence that shares "at least something" and then they can go to the next person. Not sure if that would be acceptable, since it can vary from place to place.
If there is any reason you might be able to speak out more at a location that is a little outside the town, that is another idea. Or if you prefer to check it out in order not to feel forced to speak.
Good luck.
I don't go to meetings now, but I did many years ago. I think the first time I went I said my name and that I was here to learn something and that was it. They said "Thank you" and my name, and went to the next person. There wasn't a pause for me to elaborate or explain myself. One of the first things I thought of before going there was the fact I knew people would say their name, they're an alcoholic and then say a paragraph or more, depending on the context of the meeting; and I knew I wasn't ready to say I was an alcoholic, and didn't really know back then, even though I was starting to get an idea. I didn't do much more speaking afterward in subsequent meetings.
If you think (or know) you are one, and have the nerve to say it outloud in front of them, maybe you could do that and then add one more sentence that shares "at least something" and then they can go to the next person. Not sure if that would be acceptable, since it can vary from place to place.
If there is any reason you might be able to speak out more at a location that is a little outside the town, that is another idea. Or if you prefer to check it out in order not to feel forced to speak.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
Welcome NCDude!
If you don't want to talk, don't talk. I've been told that sometimes it's better for me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth.
When you feel like talking, don't worry, you will.
Don't sweat it. The important thing is to keep coming back.
Zube
If you don't want to talk, don't talk. I've been told that sometimes it's better for me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth.
When you feel like talking, don't worry, you will.
Don't sweat it. The important thing is to keep coming back.
Zube
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2
Thanks for all your great help!
Tonight I went to the last call meeting and first time it was at 11 p.m I did get there early sat down and there were several people willing to speak, which eased me up. I was surprised that there were around 30 people at the meeting maybe im new and didnt except alot of people at the last call meeting. At the end of the meeting when the question was asked I finally did just say my name and story.
Thinking about going to maybe more than one meeting a day if I have that day free just because the urges are there to drink again.
Has anyone did this go to more than one meeting a day?
Tonight I went to the last call meeting and first time it was at 11 p.m I did get there early sat down and there were several people willing to speak, which eased me up. I was surprised that there were around 30 people at the meeting maybe im new and didnt except alot of people at the last call meeting. At the end of the meeting when the question was asked I finally did just say my name and story.
Thinking about going to maybe more than one meeting a day if I have that day free just because the urges are there to drink again.
Has anyone did this go to more than one meeting a day?
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Heck yeah. The day I stopped drinking, I went to 4 AA meetings. 4 more the next day, 3 the next, and 2 the day after that. Basically, the first few months of recovery, an AA room was the safest place I could be. I even skipped some classes to go to AA meetings, because it was the 1 place I knew I couldn't drink.
And in every single one of those meetings, even the meetings that I didn't like or that upset me, I always came away having learned something. It might have been only 1 quick thing that someone said out of the whole 60 minutes, but it was something I really needed to hear at that time.
I'd suggest going to as many meetings as possible. Not only are they a safe place, but it gives you a chance to meet more recovering alcoholics, and to also check out different meetings to find out which one fits you best. I've found that every AA meeting has its own personality.
And in every single one of those meetings, even the meetings that I didn't like or that upset me, I always came away having learned something. It might have been only 1 quick thing that someone said out of the whole 60 minutes, but it was something I really needed to hear at that time.
I'd suggest going to as many meetings as possible. Not only are they a safe place, but it gives you a chance to meet more recovering alcoholics, and to also check out different meetings to find out which one fits you best. I've found that every AA meeting has its own personality.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Absolutely, especially in early recovery. The one thing I seem to have found is that those with 5, 10, 20, or 30+ years of sobriety that have what I want, they don't try to push their view of how AA should be down my throat and they themselves are almost always at the same meetings week in and week out. What I did was find those people and I've made their regular meetings mine too. Now I see them every week on different days and I always have people in the meetings that I feel not only safe but happy to be around. The effect of being around these people was an attraction to do the AA program myself......it's an amazing life when you're ready for it. Back to your original question- I go to on average 2 meetings every day, sometimes more but so far no less than one a day. I really enjoy my meetings and honestly I really look forward to them (and the people that attend them). I hope you find the same! 
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I consider AA meetings are like classrooms for learning how
to live sober and well....
Soo...yes please go often and meet many people who share
your goal of lasting sobriety.
That is how I built a solid network of support and understanding
to live sober and well....
Soo...yes please go often and meet many people who share
your goal of lasting sobriety.
That is how I built a solid network of support and understanding
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
I agree with all of the above, it is common to go to multiple meetings on the same day early on. I know I did. It is also helpful to try out a few meetings at other locations if you get the chance. New people, new places, same common goal.
Zube
Zube
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