I have a binge drinking problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
It's been one week now since any alcohol passed my lips.
I wanted to get a few things done yesterday evening but felt very tired and ended up going to bed. I felt guilty for not doing those things, but my body felt so fatigued.
I also found myself wrapping up very tightly in bed, feeling hot and cold at the same time and my feet and hands felt very cold. I woke up this morning feeling terrible, almost similar to being hung over. Splitting headache which felt like someone had put a saucepan on my head and clubbed it with a baseball bat. I've got some lower back ache too and feel a little stiff.
I really, really want to feel better. I've got a business to get off the ground and need the energy for it.
Please tell me the energy returns, or better still, is even better than before?
If this is withdrawal then I must be pretty addicted to alcohol. I don't know whether to call myself an alcoholic but I'm definitely a problem drinker. Here's why:
1. Drinking a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more
2. Getting on the train on Sundays (virtually all shops are closed in Germany on Sundays) and travelling 20 minutes to buy alcohol if there was none in the house, and then 20 minutes back. I'd always buy the largest quantity of alcohol (wine) for the lowest price. Quality didn't really come into the equation
3. Finding it very hard to stop.
4. Feeling "weird" if I couldn't have it
Here is why I'm not 100% sure if I'm an alcoholic:
1. I never lied about my alcohol intake
2. I never tried to hide it from anyone. Usually my Mrs was with me when I drank.
3. I only ever drank at night - usually dusk was a "trigger" for cravings
4. I never missed work due to drinking.
5. If I had to work in the evening, providing I was not in the house, then I was OK.
But, I was drinking way too much and had to stop. Really had to stop. I can't go back to it either, there is no going back.
Just having a bit of a brain dump this morning.
I wanted to get a few things done yesterday evening but felt very tired and ended up going to bed. I felt guilty for not doing those things, but my body felt so fatigued.
I also found myself wrapping up very tightly in bed, feeling hot and cold at the same time and my feet and hands felt very cold. I woke up this morning feeling terrible, almost similar to being hung over. Splitting headache which felt like someone had put a saucepan on my head and clubbed it with a baseball bat. I've got some lower back ache too and feel a little stiff.
I really, really want to feel better. I've got a business to get off the ground and need the energy for it.
Please tell me the energy returns, or better still, is even better than before?
If this is withdrawal then I must be pretty addicted to alcohol. I don't know whether to call myself an alcoholic but I'm definitely a problem drinker. Here's why:
1. Drinking a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more
2. Getting on the train on Sundays (virtually all shops are closed in Germany on Sundays) and travelling 20 minutes to buy alcohol if there was none in the house, and then 20 minutes back. I'd always buy the largest quantity of alcohol (wine) for the lowest price. Quality didn't really come into the equation
3. Finding it very hard to stop.
4. Feeling "weird" if I couldn't have it
Here is why I'm not 100% sure if I'm an alcoholic:
1. I never lied about my alcohol intake
2. I never tried to hide it from anyone. Usually my Mrs was with me when I drank.
3. I only ever drank at night - usually dusk was a "trigger" for cravings
4. I never missed work due to drinking.
5. If I had to work in the evening, providing I was not in the house, then I was OK.
But, I was drinking way too much and had to stop. Really had to stop. I can't go back to it either, there is no going back.
Just having a bit of a brain dump this morning.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Your energy will return...but you need to be patient.
A week is great - but it's just a week. Most of us drank or used for years.
It will probably take a little longer for your mind and body to fully recuperate...but don't lose heart
D
A week is great - but it's just a week. Most of us drank or used for years.
It will probably take a little longer for your mind and body to fully recuperate...but don't lose heart
D
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Hi TheVoice, so glad you are here at SR. One of the traps we can fall into is debating with ourselves whether or not we are alcoholics, could we or couldn't we moderate if we tried again and so on. I've just read your thread from the beginning and, if you are still debating over whether you are alcoholic, I suggest you look at your OP written three years ago.
It's evident that you are an intelligent bloke (yeah I'm Aussie) so I'd suggest that for the time being you concentrate on the recovery you've put in place. We don't have to hit rock bottom to realise that drinking is a problem, I've realised that it is and so have you so it's up to us to deal with it.
There are no magic fairy tale endings with recovery but your thinking does get clearer as recovery proceeds so you can look forward to sharper thinking to apply to the problems you face. And if you are wondering if it's worth it -- I can promise you that it's about the best thing you can think of doing for yourself.
It's evident that you are an intelligent bloke (yeah I'm Aussie) so I'd suggest that for the time being you concentrate on the recovery you've put in place. We don't have to hit rock bottom to realise that drinking is a problem, I've realised that it is and so have you so it's up to us to deal with it.
There are no magic fairy tale endings with recovery but your thinking does get clearer as recovery proceeds so you can look forward to sharper thinking to apply to the problems you face. And if you are wondering if it's worth it -- I can promise you that it's about the best thing you can think of doing for yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Patience wasn't one of my strengths either.
If you think about it, drinking and drugging is all about instant gratification.
It was hard to learn to be patient, but I'm glad I stuck with it.
I'm sure you will be too TV
D
If you think about it, drinking and drugging is all about instant gratification.
It was hard to learn to be patient, but I'm glad I stuck with it.
I'm sure you will be too TV
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Marcher13 
We don't have to hit rock bottom to realise that drinking is a problem, I've realised that it is and so have you so it's up to us to deal with it.
I know I have a drinking problem because I struggled to stop doing an activity which was harming me and making me feel absolutely dreadful.
Why would anyone with a properly functioning brain choose to carry on poisoning themselves? Well, that is me.
There is no doubt at all that I have a significant drinking problem. The only cure is to quit, permanently and for all time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
Here's another withdrawal symptom:
Weird metally tastes in the mouth and waking up very stiff and sore.
Anyone else had this?
I still have a splitting headache and the motivation of a sloth, something I'm really disgusted about. Legs are very stiff and it hurts my head to get up and wander around.
Weird metally tastes in the mouth and waking up very stiff and sore.
Anyone else had this?
I still have a splitting headache and the motivation of a sloth, something I'm really disgusted about. Legs are very stiff and it hurts my head to get up and wander around.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
Yesterday evening was interesting.
Bathing and putting the kids to bed seemed to take every ounce of energy I had. Felt very cold for much of the day as well. When I went to bed I was shivering so much I put a thick pair of socks on as well as a woolly hat and a long sleeved T shirt. I was in bed at 9:45pm and fell asleep pretty much instantly. Alternated between shivering and sweating. Have also been coughing some stuff up.
Anyway, feeling better today but not 100%. I can feel some energy and motivation returning.
This is the 10th day without drinking.
I will get there.
I will prevail.
Bathing and putting the kids to bed seemed to take every ounce of energy I had. Felt very cold for much of the day as well. When I went to bed I was shivering so much I put a thick pair of socks on as well as a woolly hat and a long sleeved T shirt. I was in bed at 9:45pm and fell asleep pretty much instantly. Alternated between shivering and sweating. Have also been coughing some stuff up.
Anyway, feeling better today but not 100%. I can feel some energy and motivation returning.
This is the 10th day without drinking.
I will get there.
I will prevail.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 42
It sounds like anxiety to me.
I've been a sufferer myself. 5 years ago, I was convinced I was having a heart attack and actually collapsed in a local field when out walking (bearing in mind I was only 27).
I spoke to a very helpful Doctor, who had some personal experience. He basically said anxiety can replicate anything it wants to. In your case, withdrawal symptoms.
I'm not saying you shouldn't drink less, you probably should. But I think alcohol is only 1 factor in the equation for many people.
And the energy thing is interesting. This is quite leftfield, but the boxer George Foreman was once asked why he had more stamina in his 40s than his 20s. He simply replied that nervousness and anxiety sapped his strength when he was a young man. Only when he made mental changes did he suddenly become fitter.
That's how powerful anxiety is.
I've been a sufferer myself. 5 years ago, I was convinced I was having a heart attack and actually collapsed in a local field when out walking (bearing in mind I was only 27).
I spoke to a very helpful Doctor, who had some personal experience. He basically said anxiety can replicate anything it wants to. In your case, withdrawal symptoms.
I'm not saying you shouldn't drink less, you probably should. But I think alcohol is only 1 factor in the equation for many people.
And the energy thing is interesting. This is quite leftfield, but the boxer George Foreman was once asked why he had more stamina in his 40s than his 20s. He simply replied that nervousness and anxiety sapped his strength when he was a young man. Only when he made mental changes did he suddenly become fitter.
That's how powerful anxiety is.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
11 days sober.
Feeling so much better and the physical energy has returned. It's like the difference between night and day. I feel like I am slowly waking up, either from some kind of fog or slumber that I have been in for a very long time. Seeing with clarity just what kind of a life I have been leading for the last few years. I don't like what I see but I feel empowered to change it.
The mental concentration is not 100% there yet. It's about 80%, still definitely room for improvement.
I have been drinking Johannesbeerschorle (1/3 blackcurrant juice, 2/3 mineral water) by the gallon for the past few days.
In the last days of severe withdrawal my urine came out a luminous, opaque yellow in spite of me going ballistic with water intake (sorry if that grosses anyone out).
Anway, I am extraordinarily grateful simply to have gotten this far.
Still taking it one day at a time.
I wish so very much that I had started this process years earlier.
Best,
TheVoice
Feeling so much better and the physical energy has returned. It's like the difference between night and day. I feel like I am slowly waking up, either from some kind of fog or slumber that I have been in for a very long time. Seeing with clarity just what kind of a life I have been leading for the last few years. I don't like what I see but I feel empowered to change it.
The mental concentration is not 100% there yet. It's about 80%, still definitely room for improvement.
I have been drinking Johannesbeerschorle (1/3 blackcurrant juice, 2/3 mineral water) by the gallon for the past few days.
In the last days of severe withdrawal my urine came out a luminous, opaque yellow in spite of me going ballistic with water intake (sorry if that grosses anyone out).
Anway, I am extraordinarily grateful simply to have gotten this far.
Still taking it one day at a time.
I wish so very much that I had started this process years earlier.
Best,
TheVoice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
12th day of Sobriety.
Bored this afternoon and upset about my financial situation. All the more so now I have more mental clarity to truly grapple with how dire it is.
Was on the tram earlier today and it was packed with football supporters who had been drinking. I was both repulsed and triggered into thinking about drinking all at once. I was glad to get off there, bring my 3 year old daughter home and play "shop" with her in the living room in my clean and sober home.
I am realising how much the basic fabric of my life must change. These are changes I want and am motivated to make.
I'm right next to the Alps so should get walking in them, or mountain biking in them, away from public transport in Munich full of drunk football supporters.
Hang in there all of you. Thanks so much for your support. I know I am just beginning this recovery odyssey.
Bored this afternoon and upset about my financial situation. All the more so now I have more mental clarity to truly grapple with how dire it is.
Was on the tram earlier today and it was packed with football supporters who had been drinking. I was both repulsed and triggered into thinking about drinking all at once. I was glad to get off there, bring my 3 year old daughter home and play "shop" with her in the living room in my clean and sober home.
I am realising how much the basic fabric of my life must change. These are changes I want and am motivated to make.
I'm right next to the Alps so should get walking in them, or mountain biking in them, away from public transport in Munich full of drunk football supporters.
Hang in there all of you. Thanks so much for your support. I know I am just beginning this recovery odyssey.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
AA isn't for everyone. It is a great program though. I personally like non-traditional programs. Check out https://rational.org/index.php?id=1. Just find something that works with you and work it. Good luck to you and Congrats!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by sobervic
Sorry, but, as someone who can relate entirely with the OP, I know this is a bad idea. I can go weeks without drinking and I can go out drinking sometimes and go home fine. But, despite all attempts to moderate, I will eventually go out and get completely drunk and risk many things in my life and endanger others. I've tried your advice many times and the inevitable always happens.
Yeah... Being a binge drinker myself, that quickly went down hill, I drank enough beer
fast enough EVERY Friday and Saturday for the last four years straight, to wind up in complete blackouts every time. I vomited twice in my sleep, (or should I say when unconscious!), never came to until the morning, lucky to be alive, because I didn't aspirate it and die. This is all from beer, and being virtually unable to moderate after the first two or three.
I agree with everything ReggieWayne said. My symptoms of this were not drinking every day, (I never did), I'm in this mess because of the way I drank once I had the first one. As long as I do not have that first drink, I can predict the rest of my day. Once I have a drink, I can't stop, and being more impaired with each subsequent drink, any shred of rational judgement I may have had goes straight out the window, and I am no longer in any sort of control. I mean, who would consciously, rationally CHOOSE to drink to the point of alcohol poisoning...and more than once no less????
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
Also wanted to say that I literally spent years trying to analyze whether I was an alcoholic or just a problem drinker. Primarily because, if I could convince myself that I was "just" a problem drinker, that would mean I could moderate if I just tried hard enough. What a waste of time and energy that was. It also allowed me for a long time to focus on the wrong thing...
In retrospect, I should've been focusing on what effects drinking was having on my health, anxiety level, relationships, etc. If we look at this in broad terms of "normal" social drinkers, vs. let's say, "problem drinkers", then it's very easy to see where we land. The semantics don't really matter...the way you drink when you drink is the issue. To me, the frequency of such drinking is secondary. Sure, the frequency will result in either more or less severe and prolonged consequences, but it all stems from that switch in our heads that gets flipped when we are drinking that starts the domino effect.
I, too, spent lots of time looking for the few kernels of behavior that I could point to that would keep me out of "official" alcoholism territory. First, I would say, that, right there was a huge red flag. Normal drinkers do not obsess over this question! No more than say I obsess over weather or not eating bananas is a "problem" for me!! Second, all the little things that I thought pointed toward me not being an alcoholic eventually happened. So, ultimately not drinking in the morning, not blacking out, all that....just hadn't happened yet. So I continued to drink, and eventually it all did happen. I still have a lot of yets that haven't happened, thank god. But, based on past experience, and the collective wisdom of the people here, I'm folding my hand, and quitting while I'm ahead.
In retrospect, I should've been focusing on what effects drinking was having on my health, anxiety level, relationships, etc. If we look at this in broad terms of "normal" social drinkers, vs. let's say, "problem drinkers", then it's very easy to see where we land. The semantics don't really matter...the way you drink when you drink is the issue. To me, the frequency of such drinking is secondary. Sure, the frequency will result in either more or less severe and prolonged consequences, but it all stems from that switch in our heads that gets flipped when we are drinking that starts the domino effect.
I, too, spent lots of time looking for the few kernels of behavior that I could point to that would keep me out of "official" alcoholism territory. First, I would say, that, right there was a huge red flag. Normal drinkers do not obsess over this question! No more than say I obsess over weather or not eating bananas is a "problem" for me!! Second, all the little things that I thought pointed toward me not being an alcoholic eventually happened. So, ultimately not drinking in the morning, not blacking out, all that....just hadn't happened yet. So I continued to drink, and eventually it all did happen. I still have a lot of yets that haven't happened, thank god. But, based on past experience, and the collective wisdom of the people here, I'm folding my hand, and quitting while I'm ahead.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
13 days sober.
Today was much better. I got on the bus with my familyto go to McDonalds and suddenly I felt "amazing". Now, the reason I put it in quotes is because I've read the words "feel amazing" in countless articles, advertisements etc. and took it all with a pinch of salt. It felt weird to write that I felt "amazing" but honestly, I did and still do!! I just could not believe how good I felt. In fact, I haven't felt that good in years --- It's a natural, deep sense of being alive. Tremendous. And the last time I felt it was ......... when I didn't drink. No surprises there!
As we got home I made some shortbread biscuits for the family and watched a DVD with them. As I was laying on the floor I had a fleeting "craving" if you could call it that i.e. "how good would it be to get drunk right now and veg out" but I got up and busy with other things to try and let the craving pass. I am glad I did.
I am cautious by nature and don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really do get the sense somewhere internally that an "era", a bad era actually, has ended in my life. It really does feel that way. I am 37 and my thirties actually feel like a lost decade in my life both in terms of my health (alcohol), marriage and professionally. This ain't a midlife crisis or anything (I fully accept that we're all getting older), it just feels like something has shifted.
Anyway, will write more in the weeks and months to come.
Best,
TheVoice
Today was much better. I got on the bus with my familyto go to McDonalds and suddenly I felt "amazing". Now, the reason I put it in quotes is because I've read the words "feel amazing" in countless articles, advertisements etc. and took it all with a pinch of salt. It felt weird to write that I felt "amazing" but honestly, I did and still do!! I just could not believe how good I felt. In fact, I haven't felt that good in years --- It's a natural, deep sense of being alive. Tremendous. And the last time I felt it was ......... when I didn't drink. No surprises there!
As we got home I made some shortbread biscuits for the family and watched a DVD with them. As I was laying on the floor I had a fleeting "craving" if you could call it that i.e. "how good would it be to get drunk right now and veg out" but I got up and busy with other things to try and let the craving pass. I am glad I did.
I am cautious by nature and don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really do get the sense somewhere internally that an "era", a bad era actually, has ended in my life. It really does feel that way. I am 37 and my thirties actually feel like a lost decade in my life both in terms of my health (alcohol), marriage and professionally. This ain't a midlife crisis or anything (I fully accept that we're all getting older), it just feels like something has shifted.
Anyway, will write more in the weeks and months to come.
Best,
TheVoice
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by TheVoice
Several things I've noticed since abstaining for ten days which, by the way, is the longest I've been without a drink for years:
- Love for my young children feels stronger
- Desire for my wife is stronger
- I cannot believe how many pubs there are in Sydney and how busy they all are with people knocking themselves out. Seriously, there is one every 20m and people are sat outside drinking like it's going out of fashion.
- I feel much more lucid
- Things which would usually bother and stress me, like looking after two babies aged 1 year and 2 months by myself, aren't so stressful
Yet at the same time I'm troubled by your opening salvo that you're quitting for the month of February.... it's now March. Will you continue the path of Sobriety?
Are you going to meetings?
Are you ACTIVELY working sobriety? I found that sobriety takes more than just 'quitting drinking'. I also found that binge drinking is a really hard thing to stay sober from because there are so many times in my life I've 'gone without' or actively 'moderated' my drinking between binges. It was easy for me to use those times as evidence that I wasn't really alcoholic and just needed a better strategy for drinking.
I hope you stay on it, because your original post screams out to me in vivid memories of the hellishness I endured at the hands of my own denial of addiction for decades.... and boy, I really don't want to see you go back there.
Welcome aboard!!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Yet at the same time I'm troubled by your opening salvo that you're quitting for the month of February.... it's now March. Will you continue the path of Sobriety?
Quitting for February refers to when I first posted here in 2011.
Funnily enough though, this time I have also quit in February and, as far as I am concerned, for good.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Are you going to meetings?
I have thought about going along, but everything I hear about it seems to turn me off, like "belief in a higher power", "God" etc. As soon as I hear any references to that stuff my brain just shuts down instantly.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Are you ACTIVELY working sobriety?
Well, I've thrown all the booze I had out and don't do to a particular supermarket anymore as booze is the first thing you see when you walk in.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I hope you stay on it, because your original post screams out to me in vivid memories of the hellishness I endured at the hands of my own denial of addiction for decades.... and boy, I really don't want to see you go back there.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
What I mean by active sobriety is - doing more than just throwing away booze and not drinking.
Most all of us - certainly me - have discovered that sobriety takes more than just not drinking. It takes a real effort to get at the root of our addiction and 're-wiring' ourselves. This, for me, is why AA has been so important and critical. Its steps provide a path of action.
I understand your reluctance with "god" and "higher power".... I've been there myself. I'd urge you to at least give it a shot regardless. Your "higher power" can be the group itself. Or a photo of your family. I knew one guy whose higher power was a beer can. A representation of that which he never wanted to be dragged into again.
Most of us have been able to sustain some stints of sobriety without regular action and effort, but have failed to live long-term sobriety absent real and continual action.
I wish you well!
Most all of us - certainly me - have discovered that sobriety takes more than just not drinking. It takes a real effort to get at the root of our addiction and 're-wiring' ourselves. This, for me, is why AA has been so important and critical. Its steps provide a path of action.
I understand your reluctance with "god" and "higher power".... I've been there myself. I'd urge you to at least give it a shot regardless. Your "higher power" can be the group itself. Or a photo of your family. I knew one guy whose higher power was a beer can. A representation of that which he never wanted to be dragged into again.
Most of us have been able to sustain some stints of sobriety without regular action and effort, but have failed to live long-term sobriety absent real and continual action.
I wish you well!
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