Boleo

A lot of people in recovery don't like the word "detachment" because they associate it with apathy. However, spiritual detachment is more then just letting go.

It is letting go followed by appeal to a Higher Power followed by trust in that Higher power.

When I "detach from the outcome", I do not stop caring nor am I relinquishing responsibility. What I am in effect doing is recognizing the simple fact that I have done all I can and moving on with my life.

Mark75

Right... Detachment is critical. My own experience with this allows for several things...

- I am less egocentric... which then follows that if my ego takes a back seat, I can begin to let go of shame... because it's just not that important, my pride..

- Allows me to develop humility, detaching, stepping outside, seeing myself from an emotional distance...

- If I have detached... let go... I can then... Let God



This happened for me as a direct result of working the steps!!

Good Stuff

NobleCause

Someone once pointed out to me that there's a point at which guilt can become selfish, in that it serves to obsessively reinforce the ego's sense of self importance. It's sort of paradoxical, but thinking of it in these terms is very helpful for me in letting go of guilt and shame enough to work with them productively. Let those thoughts & feelings help you make yourself a better person, but don't let it destroy you.

Time helps also. As do apologies, amends, and meditation. There is no easy answer (trust me, I looked for one), but acceptance will come if you let it.

MemphisBlues

Guilt is a form of selfishness. My addiction was the most selfish lifestyle I ever practiced. And how ironic -- I just posted a thread -- Step Stuck -- on this exact issue.

Guilt is a form of selfishness...paradoxical, indeed. I'll carry it with me all day. Actually, I'll carry it until I get it.

Thanks.

CarolD

I stay connected to my God of love and forgivness

I used AA Steps 4 & 5 to be at peace with myself.

Please give yourself time to heal..

newby1961

Before I say anything its driving me crazy trying to figure out Lexi what OTOH is? So anyway maybe you could leave me a message as I probably won't read this forum again? As far as the guilt and shame yeah writing about it helps a lot. I also have a God box and so I write down what some of my shame & guilt is about and I say a little prayer to God and stick it in the box its a way of letting it go. Keep the Faith

yeahgr8

Make amends where possible thus clearing up the wreckage of the past and start again afresh...i strongly advise a program of recovery and supervision when doing this though lol as this needs to be done properly...

Other than that try and live with it...

Mark75

OTOH ... on the other hand

I think there is a glossary around here somewhere of these.

ronf

Mornin, This may very well be the philosophical answer you don't want, but it worked for me. Imagine the person who realizes the neighborhood they live in is bad and truly dangerous for there family. They then commit themselves to working three jobs if necessary to get there family to a safe place to live. The emotional neighborhood I was in was indeed a bad place. I worked very hard to move myself and my family to a safe place emotionally. For me that meant working the steps of AA, maybe you'll do something different. Now when those old gut wrenching memories broadside me I tell myself I DON'T live there anymore. Then look around at my new neighborhood and smile at how peaceful and safe it is. Right now your still in that old neighborhood. Take comfort in the fact that you are now committed to get the F out of there and to the safe, peaceful place you and your family deserve.

I hope this was not too soppy and philosophical for ya.

All the best, Ron

michelle01

I'm not in AA, I used my faith to come to grips with my past, but I read back through your posts and saw that you are attending AA and reading the 12 & 12. The step process of working through your 'inventory' is intended to help reconcile the past and bring closure to it, or that's how I understand it. A good sponsor can guide you through this, but take the steps one at a time. I think my mistake whenever trying to look at the steps was skipping forward, when the steps actually build on each other and prepare the way for the following steps.

May also mention 'mindfulness' techniques, intended to bring your awareness into the present moment, often used to help victims of trauma. Really I think that continuing to beat ourselves up over the past only leads to further self destructive, self punishing behavior.

Spawn

This is good stuff

Inafishbowl

Indeed it really is. Thank you.