BellaTeal

I made it through last night without a drink. But it was a really close call. At 9pm I came back to my apartment and my roommates had left a newly opened 5 liter box of wine on the counter. I was there all alone and I knew I would be until about 6am. It was the perfect opportunity…nothing to do until 1pm the next day. I even poured myself a glass. Before I drank it though, I thought maybe I should take a shower and then see how I feel. After the shower I decided I didn’t really need the drink after all, chatted here for a bit, then I went to bed.

So tonight I finally got my butt to a meeting. Two of them back to back, actually. Before tonight, I hadn’t been to a meeting since last May. I’ve never said anything at a meeting before, but tonight I shared during both of them. I left feeling pretty good; a lot better than I did last night. The person chairing the meeting was only 20 years old, which was really encouraging. I was so glad I went.

Then I came home. Guess what’s on the counter tonight? An almost full handle of vodka, that darn box of wine, and champagne. And of course, the vodka is my favorite brand. Now it’s Friday night, I have nothing of importance to do to tomorrow and my roommates won’t be back until morning AGAIN. I immediately felt like it completely undermined all the good that going to 2 meetings did. I felt back in the same place as last night-no, worse!

I feel like I can’t talk to them about it because: 1. it’s VERY difficult for me to speak up for myself. I just seem unable to do it and 2. I’m ashamed of my disease and I really don’t want anyone knowing about it.

So far I’ve been hanging in there and am still on day 6 but honestly, I don’t think I can deal with this much longer…I'm using all the strength I have to resist that vodka right now.

Veritas1

Wow, are you still here with us? It's 12:46...I hope it's not too late.

Dee74

Hi Bella

I think you should cut yourself a little slack - that situation would be hard for most of us at 6 days...in fact I daresay it would be hard for many of us here with more time under our belts.

I think you have a few choices - you can talk to your friends...you can get more support (numbers to ring etc - maybe get a sponsor etc)...you can move out...or you can drink.

Only that first two seem viable.

The time will come when you can come home and not notice the stuff on the bench, or not care about it - but until then don't be afraid to speak out, and don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

Your addiction will use your shame to keep you quiet. You have nothing to be ashamed of - you are fighting this and you are doing well

Reach out - this is your life here. It's important, bella

D

BellaTeal

Yes I am still here and still sober.

I watched some tv and a movie with my boyfriend but he had to leave an hour ago. He helped me resist all night. A woman from AA gave me her number and I would call her, but it's after 4am here.

Veritas1

Glad to hear you are alright. Try to get some rest, and tomorrow is another day.

There is one drink we have to stay away from, the first one. Don't drink, and if you have to call someone...there is the AA hotline, 24/7!

You could read your AA book, or listen to AA speakers online...

LexieCat

I think you better have a chat with your roommates--nobody needs to go through all that so early in sobriety. You don't have to ban it from your house, but you CAN ask that the booze be kept out of sight in a cabinet. Ask that they put it in one place and not leave it on the counter.

Personally, I feel most comfortable having it out of my house altogether, but that might not always be practical.

My suggestion is that you get very busy with your Step work so situations like this don't need to throw you for a loop.