Hello...I can really use some advice......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 59
Hello...I can really use some advice......
Hi
I've just registered. I guess you can guess that, at the very least, I've been questioning my use of alcohol.....which, I understand, is a sign of a disease.
Im actually finishing my first week without drinking at all. Im attempting to figure out whether or not I am an alcoholic or not. SOmetimes, I think I am, other times, I don't. ONe thing is for sure. WHen I drink, I speak my mind......I telll people my true feelings and let very little "go". This has caused problems in my marriage big time. I also get very lazy in the evening and don't get much done....that bugs me also.
I've been stopped by the police for suspicion of DUI, but they've never arrested me........though once he came real close. These incidences have occured about a half dozen times in the past decade.
I never really drank a ton until AFTER college, I began to drink heavier when I started a business and got married. Lots of times, in the struggle to make my business go, I drank because I was so frustrated or unhappy. But, by lots, I mean a couple times a week for a decade.
After my marriage got worse and she told me she wanted a divorce, my drinking escalated...this was about 4 years ago. MY business BOOMED and "gee, what a surprise"....she told me that she "wanted to give it another shot.... While I had to swallow my pride at the OBVIOUSNESS of my wifes increased respect for me based WHOLEY on cashflow, I was happy, I love her and really need her.
About a year ago, I began to drink every day. EVERY day. But, very, very infrequently did i really "tie one on" I mean, most days it was 3 or 4 drinks or beer or wine...a nice buzz, but not sloshed by any means. My first question I guess is this. I guess I grew up thinking about alcoholics as stumbling, gutter drinking losers........
QUESTIONS:
DOES THE AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL YOU DRINK DESIGNATE YOU AS AN ALCOHOLIC?? To me, it seems that it should. I don't understand how someone who drinks 2 drinks everyday, say one with dinner and one after is an alcoholic.....(Im not saying thats my situation)
JUST HOW MUCH DISASTER SHOULD YOUR CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL CAUSE BEFORE YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC?? I mean, if someone likes to drink, and his or her life is pretty much great...............alcoholic?? Again, the biggest worry (besides physical ailments) for my drinking is that I become too honest, not hiding my feelings at all.....its hurting my marriage, bad.
Also, again, I haven't drunk in a week. I stopped because I WANTED TO. I need to figure this out. And, because I WANTED to stop, I have absolutely NO CRAVINGS....... I feel better....better in the morning, waaaaaaaaay better in the gym, actually AMAZINGLY better, especially cardiovascularly.
Isn't THAT strange?? HOW can I be a drunk IF Im not suffering ANY WITHDRAWELS??? HOW is that possible?
One guy on this board was an OP and stated that he had decide he was an alcoholic.......EVEN THOUGH HE DRANK VERY INFREQUENTLY, but he got busted with a DUI........See, this is the kind of stuff that just confuses me. There is just SOOOOOO MUCH polarizing opinions out there on just WHO OR WHAT is an alcoholic... I've read that if you have ONE drink a day, you are an alcoholic.......I've read that now they are finding that alcoholics can resume drinking, but at a safer level......Huh???? Its all so confusing.
Well, I 've taken enough of your time. YOu see, all this HAS to make sense to me, for me to stop drinking....its just the way I am wired. I NEED to understand it, confusing information simply makes me think that this is all a bunch of bull. Thank you all for reading and I would REALLY appreciate ANY adive given. Thanks again.
I've just registered. I guess you can guess that, at the very least, I've been questioning my use of alcohol.....which, I understand, is a sign of a disease.
Im actually finishing my first week without drinking at all. Im attempting to figure out whether or not I am an alcoholic or not. SOmetimes, I think I am, other times, I don't. ONe thing is for sure. WHen I drink, I speak my mind......I telll people my true feelings and let very little "go". This has caused problems in my marriage big time. I also get very lazy in the evening and don't get much done....that bugs me also.
I've been stopped by the police for suspicion of DUI, but they've never arrested me........though once he came real close. These incidences have occured about a half dozen times in the past decade.
I never really drank a ton until AFTER college, I began to drink heavier when I started a business and got married. Lots of times, in the struggle to make my business go, I drank because I was so frustrated or unhappy. But, by lots, I mean a couple times a week for a decade.
After my marriage got worse and she told me she wanted a divorce, my drinking escalated...this was about 4 years ago. MY business BOOMED and "gee, what a surprise"....she told me that she "wanted to give it another shot.... While I had to swallow my pride at the OBVIOUSNESS of my wifes increased respect for me based WHOLEY on cashflow, I was happy, I love her and really need her.
About a year ago, I began to drink every day. EVERY day. But, very, very infrequently did i really "tie one on" I mean, most days it was 3 or 4 drinks or beer or wine...a nice buzz, but not sloshed by any means. My first question I guess is this. I guess I grew up thinking about alcoholics as stumbling, gutter drinking losers........
QUESTIONS:
DOES THE AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL YOU DRINK DESIGNATE YOU AS AN ALCOHOLIC?? To me, it seems that it should. I don't understand how someone who drinks 2 drinks everyday, say one with dinner and one after is an alcoholic.....(Im not saying thats my situation)
JUST HOW MUCH DISASTER SHOULD YOUR CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL CAUSE BEFORE YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC?? I mean, if someone likes to drink, and his or her life is pretty much great...............alcoholic?? Again, the biggest worry (besides physical ailments) for my drinking is that I become too honest, not hiding my feelings at all.....its hurting my marriage, bad.
Also, again, I haven't drunk in a week. I stopped because I WANTED TO. I need to figure this out. And, because I WANTED to stop, I have absolutely NO CRAVINGS....... I feel better....better in the morning, waaaaaaaaay better in the gym, actually AMAZINGLY better, especially cardiovascularly.
Isn't THAT strange?? HOW can I be a drunk IF Im not suffering ANY WITHDRAWELS??? HOW is that possible?
One guy on this board was an OP and stated that he had decide he was an alcoholic.......EVEN THOUGH HE DRANK VERY INFREQUENTLY, but he got busted with a DUI........See, this is the kind of stuff that just confuses me. There is just SOOOOOO MUCH polarizing opinions out there on just WHO OR WHAT is an alcoholic... I've read that if you have ONE drink a day, you are an alcoholic.......I've read that now they are finding that alcoholics can resume drinking, but at a safer level......Huh???? Its all so confusing.
Well, I 've taken enough of your time. YOu see, all this HAS to make sense to me, for me to stop drinking....its just the way I am wired. I NEED to understand it, confusing information simply makes me think that this is all a bunch of bull. Thank you all for reading and I would REALLY appreciate ANY adive given. Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome to SR!. I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not; only you can decide that, and as you noted, different people define it different ways.
Question though: Does it matter? It sounds like yo think you'd be better off with alcohol out of your life, but for whatever reason you are having trouble letting go. If so, you'll find plenty of support here, and some good ideas on how to quit, regardless of where you fall in the use/abuse spectrum....
Question though: Does it matter? It sounds like yo think you'd be better off with alcohol out of your life, but for whatever reason you are having trouble letting go. If so, you'll find plenty of support here, and some good ideas on how to quit, regardless of where you fall in the use/abuse spectrum....
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,861
Welcome to SR, gabagool. You'll find a lot of support here.
It isn't so much the quantity you drink, but how drinking affects you. Binge drinkers can go days, weeks, sometimes even months without drinking or having cravings, but when they do drink, they always drink more than they intend to. Once an alcoholic starts drinking, it is almost impossible to stop until they black out, pass out, or just cannot hold any more. If alcohol causes you to act in ways that are detrimental to your marriage, friendships, etc., yet you continue to drink, then it's quite possible that you are an alcoholic. None of us here can tell you if you are or not.
One thing to note is that alcoholism is progressive. It never gets better if the person continues to drink. Many of us were able to maintain great jobs, keep our family intact, never get DWIs or suffer any noticeable bad effects from our drinking. At some point though, things do start to unravel and it can happen very suddenly.
Again, welcome to SR. We're here to support you.
It isn't so much the quantity you drink, but how drinking affects you. Binge drinkers can go days, weeks, sometimes even months without drinking or having cravings, but when they do drink, they always drink more than they intend to. Once an alcoholic starts drinking, it is almost impossible to stop until they black out, pass out, or just cannot hold any more. If alcohol causes you to act in ways that are detrimental to your marriage, friendships, etc., yet you continue to drink, then it's quite possible that you are an alcoholic. None of us here can tell you if you are or not.
One thing to note is that alcoholism is progressive. It never gets better if the person continues to drink. Many of us were able to maintain great jobs, keep our family intact, never get DWIs or suffer any noticeable bad effects from our drinking. At some point though, things do start to unravel and it can happen very suddenly.
Again, welcome to SR. We're here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Keep in mind that I'm on day 35 so I'm just a puppy in this compared to some people here. But...
I couldn't say if you're an alcoholic based on that; but anyway I wouldn't sweat the labels too much one way or another. If you think you're drinking too much, it's good that you've stopped. And deep down you probably know better than any of us if you have a problem or not.
But it does look to me like if you're not already a problem drinker, you could be heading down that road. For me it was something that got progressively worse; 3 beers a night became a bottle of wine, which became a bottle of wine plus a martini, which became a bottle and a half of wine plus two martinis, and in the end I was drinking half a bottle of bourbon a night PLUS a couple of beers AND 2 glasses of wine AND a little pot. The slope can be slippery.
As far as the disaster goes, for me there was never a major disaster (though once I did nearly permanently paralyze my hand - Google Saturday Night Palsy). But there were lots of little things over time that add up to major regrets. So it doesn't have to be a big problematic event; it can be creeping and insidious. Either way, please stop drinking and driving.
But good for you for stopping. It's possible you've nipped a bigger problem down the road in the bud. Wish I had seen the light earlier and done that. Good luck.
I couldn't say if you're an alcoholic based on that; but anyway I wouldn't sweat the labels too much one way or another. If you think you're drinking too much, it's good that you've stopped. And deep down you probably know better than any of us if you have a problem or not.
But it does look to me like if you're not already a problem drinker, you could be heading down that road. For me it was something that got progressively worse; 3 beers a night became a bottle of wine, which became a bottle of wine plus a martini, which became a bottle and a half of wine plus two martinis, and in the end I was drinking half a bottle of bourbon a night PLUS a couple of beers AND 2 glasses of wine AND a little pot. The slope can be slippery.
As far as the disaster goes, for me there was never a major disaster (though once I did nearly permanently paralyze my hand - Google Saturday Night Palsy). But there were lots of little things over time that add up to major regrets. So it doesn't have to be a big problematic event; it can be creeping and insidious. Either way, please stop drinking and driving.
But good for you for stopping. It's possible you've nipped a bigger problem down the road in the bud. Wish I had seen the light earlier and done that. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
To answer a few of your questions.The amount of alcohol you consume has nothing to do with whether or not you're an alcoholic. Neither does disaster have anything to do with it. And withdrawal?I drank 2 ltrs of vodka a day and had no withdrawal symptoms when I stopped other than a little problem sleeping.
Are you an alcoholic? Dunno. Your story shows signs of alcoholic drinking, though. You drink because you're frustrated or unhappy. You use alcohol to avoid facing problems. Your drinking has progressed to the point that you now drink daily. You're concern that you may be an alcoholic indicates that drinking is a problem in your life. And you admit that your drinking is causing serious problems in your marriage. You know, normal people don't go through this stuff.
You'll find a lot of definitions of what an alcoholic is. I considered myself an alcoholic because I could not not drink. I could quit for short periods of time, say a week or two, but always went back to drinking. And I also couldn't have just one drink and walk away. You may try that little test and see how it goes. See if you can just have one.
You're the only one who can say if you're an alcoholic . You'll get a lot of opinions on this site and a lot of advice. I suggest that given what you've said about what drinking is doing to your life that perhaps you should stop. You haven't mentioned anything positive that's happened from drinking other than a "nice buzz". That's not a good thing, actually. Trust me on that. Whether you fit the definition of an alcoholic or not doesn't matter. What matters is that your drinking is causing you some serious problems in your life. The solution here isn't defining what you are, it's changing what you do.
See how long you can keep from drinking. If you find that you can't, then you may well be an alcoholic. If you find that you can keep from drinking then why go back to it? It obviously causes problems, and life seems so much better without it, so why would you want to drink again? Stop while you can, if you can. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you continue to drink I guarantee that life will get a lot worse. One day you'll reach the point where there won't be any doubt in your mind that you're an alcoholic.
Are you an alcoholic? Dunno. Your story shows signs of alcoholic drinking, though. You drink because you're frustrated or unhappy. You use alcohol to avoid facing problems. Your drinking has progressed to the point that you now drink daily. You're concern that you may be an alcoholic indicates that drinking is a problem in your life. And you admit that your drinking is causing serious problems in your marriage. You know, normal people don't go through this stuff.
You'll find a lot of definitions of what an alcoholic is. I considered myself an alcoholic because I could not not drink. I could quit for short periods of time, say a week or two, but always went back to drinking. And I also couldn't have just one drink and walk away. You may try that little test and see how it goes. See if you can just have one.
You're the only one who can say if you're an alcoholic . You'll get a lot of opinions on this site and a lot of advice. I suggest that given what you've said about what drinking is doing to your life that perhaps you should stop. You haven't mentioned anything positive that's happened from drinking other than a "nice buzz". That's not a good thing, actually. Trust me on that. Whether you fit the definition of an alcoholic or not doesn't matter. What matters is that your drinking is causing you some serious problems in your life. The solution here isn't defining what you are, it's changing what you do.
See how long you can keep from drinking. If you find that you can't, then you may well be an alcoholic. If you find that you can keep from drinking then why go back to it? It obviously causes problems, and life seems so much better without it, so why would you want to drink again? Stop while you can, if you can. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you continue to drink I guarantee that life will get a lot worse. One day you'll reach the point where there won't be any doubt in your mind that you're an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: baltimore md
Posts: 20
A doctor once told me "if you think you MAY have an issue, you do".
i ask this question all the time. i have about 3 month sober right now and ask myseld everday am i just doing this to prove something. everytime i go back to drinking it is more and more.
for me, i hope to just put this behine me and enjoy a real life.
i ask this question all the time. i have about 3 month sober right now and ask myseld everday am i just doing this to prove something. everytime i go back to drinking it is more and more.
for me, i hope to just put this behine me and enjoy a real life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I think questioning the label is unnecessary.
Is alcohol causing problems in your life? If so, stop drinking and don't look back. If you're not an alcoholic, you will have no problems. If you do have problems with sobriety, we are here for you.
Is alcohol causing problems in your life? If so, stop drinking and don't look back. If you're not an alcoholic, you will have no problems. If you do have problems with sobriety, we are here for you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
gabagool - Everyone's right - it isn't how much or how often you drink, but what it does to you when you do drink. I started out just sipping a few beers now and then. I ended up an all day, every day drinker. (It took decades for this to happen, but as they say, it's a progressive disease.) No one could've convinced me I'd become so dependent on it, or that I wouldn't be able to make a move without having it in my system.
You seem able to take it or leave it now, but since it's caused you grief & trouble in the past, to continue testing your tolerance would probably be foolish. No one here wants to see you have the problems & chaos we've all had. Glad you came here to discuss your feelings - and I hope you find answers that will help you have a better life.
You seem able to take it or leave it now, but since it's caused you grief & trouble in the past, to continue testing your tolerance would probably be foolish. No one here wants to see you have the problems & chaos we've all had. Glad you came here to discuss your feelings - and I hope you find answers that will help you have a better life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
Hi Gabagool - welcome 
Great advice here
I spent a lot of years questioning whether I was an alcoholic. I see now the other question that matters is 'does my drinking cause me problems'?
If the answer is yes, then you're in the right place
D
Great advice here
I spent a lot of years questioning whether I was an alcoholic. I see now the other question that matters is 'does my drinking cause me problems'?
If the answer is yes, then you're in the right place
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 11
Hey, I am a newbie here and am trying to work on it too. I also have the same feelings u do. But, like you and everyone else on here is saying, when you dont drink you feel better, have more energy and less fights with the wife. I feel the same way.
When I drank heavily, I fought with the wife and wouldnt let things just be.
When I didnt drink my energy level was way better!
When I didnt drink my head was clearer.
I think for you and I it's got more to do with wich is better.
Drink= Fighting with wife, no energy, not a clear head.
Not drinking= Less fights with wife, more energy and a clear head.
I think it's up to us to choose wich lifestyle we want to live. I am struggling right now. I know I want the non-drinking lifestyle, but it's a tough road especially when I am so use to doing it!
Good Luck!
When I drank heavily, I fought with the wife and wouldnt let things just be.
When I didnt drink my energy level was way better!
When I didnt drink my head was clearer.
I think for you and I it's got more to do with wich is better.
Drink= Fighting with wife, no energy, not a clear head.
Not drinking= Less fights with wife, more energy and a clear head.
I think it's up to us to choose wich lifestyle we want to live. I am struggling right now. I know I want the non-drinking lifestyle, but it's a tough road especially when I am so use to doing it!
Good Luck!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
If you stick around you'll run into alcoholics with some unusual patterns. A sober (25yrs) friend of mine drank about 3x a year most of his drinking years, another friend (26yrs) was a quart of whiskey and a case of beer a day man.
Both alcoholic, one as much as the other. Because being alcoholic has little to do with alcohol, and is more about our emotions and perceptions.
Pretty cool it's that way because it means the nice old lady who got drunk once and burned the cookies and the horrible chronic daily drunk who bounces in and out of jail both have the same chance at sobriety. As do you.
Both alcoholic, one as much as the other. Because being alcoholic has little to do with alcohol, and is more about our emotions and perceptions.
Pretty cool it's that way because it means the nice old lady who got drunk once and burned the cookies and the horrible chronic daily drunk who bounces in and out of jail both have the same chance at sobriety. As do you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
The problem with defining alcoholism (IMO) is that there are different "stages" - it's more of a continuum than an "entity."
I think if it's hard to stop, it's a red flag. It was as much about the mental obsession for me as it was about the quantity.
Glad you're here - the fact that you feel "amazingly better" after quitting should tell you that alcohol was affecting you in a negative way.......Hope you continue to persue your new path!
I think if it's hard to stop, it's a red flag. It was as much about the mental obsession for me as it was about the quantity.
Glad you're here - the fact that you feel "amazingly better" after quitting should tell you that alcohol was affecting you in a negative way.......Hope you continue to persue your new path!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,877
Be mindful that one can have just as many problems with health be it emotional or physical as an alcohol abuser. As you noted a couple of drinks a day for a larger man is consider by some in the medical community as safe. However that notion is disputable by some in the same profession.
Alcoholic or not as noted by some of the SR (SoberRecovery) members maters least if you think you have a problem with the drink. What matters most is if its a problem, how dose one go about correcting it. Being here at SR is a good start. Looking into ways that can help you continue on your sober journey is another. At any rate, welcome to SR I hope your experience here will be a beneficial one.
Alcoholic or not as noted by some of the SR (SoberRecovery) members maters least if you think you have a problem with the drink. What matters most is if its a problem, how dose one go about correcting it. Being here at SR is a good start. Looking into ways that can help you continue on your sober journey is another. At any rate,
welcome to SR I hope your experience here will be a beneficial one.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Hey gaba...everyone has been right on so far. It's a slippery slope, for sure and there's no real clearcut guidelines. People take different paths...some realise in their early 20s they absolutely have a problem (and often quit at that point) while others sputter along for decades until realising they're going to die if they don't stop drinking. It really isn't "bull" that you are reading a lot of conflicting stories...just the mosaic of the human condition, I guess. I'm pretty sure that people who make the supreme effort to finally stop drinking aren't doing so on a whim or because it's fashionable. Frankly, it sucks donkey balls.
My ex-husband's inlaws had a glass of wine every evening with dinner, and one cocktail after dinner, well into their 80s. They weren't alcoholics. I worked with an electrician for several years who had a single beer with lunch every day (he was from somewhere in Europe and this was customary) and I got to know him and his family quite well...I certainly never thought he was an alcoholic. It's more about dependency and the control booze has on a person...if you depend on it, crave it at times, can't quit when you want to, and drinking causes problems in your life...there's a brewing (so to speak) problem.
Personally I've had many periods in my life where I did not drink, or was for a while, able to "control" how much I drank, ie only on Wednesday nights or whatever. Several decades; I'm in my 50s now. I'm the sort of alcoholic my father was...quite functional and successful on many levels for decades. But it killed my otherwise vibrant and healthy father at 64, and will no doubt kill me if I continue. It sure hasn't improved the quality of my life and my drinking progressed from being a major partier having fun with brief periods of morose, solitary drinking to...only morose, solitary drinking. Not really fun.
I'm in the "if you think you have a problem, then you probably have a problem..." camp.
This thread may be helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ror-story.html
Also there are tons of "are you an alcoholic?" tests online...you can google for them. Here's one someone posted yesterday:
Alcoholism Screening Quiz
My ex-husband's inlaws had a glass of wine every evening with dinner, and one cocktail after dinner, well into their 80s. They weren't alcoholics. I worked with an electrician for several years who had a single beer with lunch every day (he was from somewhere in Europe and this was customary) and I got to know him and his family quite well...I certainly never thought he was an alcoholic. It's more about dependency and the control booze has on a person...if you depend on it, crave it at times, can't quit when you want to, and drinking causes problems in your life...there's a brewing (so to speak) problem.
Personally I've had many periods in my life where I did not drink, or was for a while, able to "control" how much I drank, ie only on Wednesday nights or whatever. Several decades; I'm in my 50s now. I'm the sort of alcoholic my father was...quite functional and successful on many levels for decades. But it killed my otherwise vibrant and healthy father at 64, and will no doubt kill me if I continue. It sure hasn't improved the quality of my life and my drinking progressed from being a major partier having fun with brief periods of morose, solitary drinking to...only morose, solitary drinking. Not really fun.
I'm in the "if you think you have a problem, then you probably have a problem..." camp.
This thread may be helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ror-story.html
Also there are tons of "are you an alcoholic?" tests online...you can google for them. Here's one someone posted yesterday:
Alcoholism Screening Quiz
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Thanks for joining us...Welcome....
Let's approach this another way....
why do you think alcohol is in your best interest?
As you mentioned...all sorts of physical damage is done to drinkers.
By the time they are discovered....it's often too late to reverse the destruction.
As you age...you will experience health problems anyway..
why not get a good healthy solid head start now?
Let's approach this another way....
why do you think alcohol is in your best interest?
As you mentioned...all sorts of physical damage is done to drinkers.
By the time they are discovered....it's often too late to reverse the destruction.
As you age...you will experience health problems anyway..
why not get a good healthy solid head start now?
Last edited by CarolD; 02-04-2011 at 06:27 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 59
WOW!!
Im at work now and just popped in to see if a got a response....this is OVERWHELMING.....an much, much appreciated.
So much to think about.......Why I drink?? Well, people have said to me.. (actually, my wife, who has one beer every night, no more, no less. Ive seen her drunk ONCE in my life. She is a control freak. She is very regimented, very disciplined...with EVERYTHING. We are fighting big time right now, we haven't really spoken in about a month. I can't decide to tell her I trying to stop, cause I don't know how having a husband being an "alcoholic" would sit with her. Knowing how much she values self disicpline, I think she would look down on me even more than she does now)
Well, anyway, she has said to me a few times "why do you drink?? Its NOT going to solve any problems".........To which I reply " Im NOT TRYING TO SOLVE ANYTHING. I JUST WANT TO FORGET ALL THIS ******** FOR A WHILE..." And I do....I drink so all the pressure of my business, my frustration directed at my wife, a woman I admire and love with all my heart and soul......when you beat your head against the wall and get NOWHERE....I just wanted to take a break from it all. Actually, MONEY was the BIGGEST problem for over 20 years....I worked....A LOT. Two or three jobs at a time in order to let her stay home with the kids....and we BARELY made ends meet...and we FOUGHT AND FOUGHT over money...I just wanted to hear her say "i appreciate your ATTEMPTS"....and I never did.
Now, money isn't really a problem any longer. In fact, I make more than I EVER DREAMED of making....probably more than I deserve to make..... But I've been using this crutch for so long, its become habit.
I get REALLY scared when I think about the things that can happen in the future and me not drinking....What if she leaves me??????????????? How am I EVER gonna emotionally and mentally handle it without booze? Where will I get my respite from that horror????? Right now, day 7, I feel like I would like to give it a shot.....maybe, while the horror will be right there in my face, I will handle it BETTER if I don't have a 750 mm of Grey goose in my gut....I don't know.....I DON'T KNOW................
So, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I really don't have friends, I choose NOT to, people have constantly dissappointed me, always there for the good times, bad times come, where are they?? (And MONEY is always the bad, ALWAYS. i SWEAR, it seems to me, put money into ANY relationship and even basically GOOD people become total scumbags....I HATE IT.
You have expressed, in these replies to me, more kindness and understanding than I have experienced in quite a few years. Just the fact that you listened to me whine, took the time to think and respond, is incredibly humbling. Thank you all again.
Im at work now and just popped in to see if a got a response....this is OVERWHELMING.....an much, much appreciated.
So much to think about.......Why I drink?? Well, people have said to me.. (actually, my wife, who has one beer every night, no more, no less. Ive seen her drunk ONCE in my life. She is a control freak. She is very regimented, very disciplined...with EVERYTHING. We are fighting big time right now, we haven't really spoken in about a month. I can't decide to tell her I trying to stop, cause I don't know how having a husband being an "alcoholic" would sit with her. Knowing how much she values self disicpline, I think she would look down on me even more than she does now)
Well, anyway, she has said to me a few times "why do you drink?? Its NOT going to solve any problems".........To which I reply " Im NOT TRYING TO SOLVE ANYTHING. I JUST WANT TO FORGET ALL THIS ******** FOR A WHILE..." And I do....I drink so all the pressure of my business, my frustration directed at my wife, a woman I admire and love with all my heart and soul......when you beat your head against the wall and get NOWHERE....I just wanted to take a break from it all. Actually, MONEY was the BIGGEST problem for over 20 years....I worked....A LOT. Two or three jobs at a time in order to let her stay home with the kids....and we BARELY made ends meet...and we FOUGHT AND FOUGHT over money...I just wanted to hear her say "i appreciate your ATTEMPTS"....and I never did.
Now, money isn't really a problem any longer. In fact, I make more than I EVER DREAMED of making....probably more than I deserve to make..... But I've been using this crutch for so long, its become habit.
I get REALLY scared when I think about the things that can happen in the future and me not drinking....What if she leaves me??????????????? How am I EVER gonna emotionally and mentally handle it without booze? Where will I get my respite from that horror????? Right now, day 7, I feel like I would like to give it a shot.....maybe, while the horror will be right there in my face, I will handle it BETTER if I don't have a 750 mm of Grey goose in my gut....I don't know.....I DON'T KNOW................
So, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I really don't have friends, I choose NOT to, people have constantly dissappointed me, always there for the good times, bad times come, where are they?? (And MONEY is always the bad, ALWAYS. i SWEAR, it seems to me, put money into ANY relationship and even basically GOOD people become total scumbags....I HATE IT.
You have expressed, in these replies to me, more kindness and understanding than I have experienced in quite a few years. Just the fact that you listened to me whine, took the time to think and respond, is incredibly humbling. Thank you all again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
I've handled many things I thought I'd never handle sober Gabba - money troubles, relationships ending, depression, sickness - including a suspected serious illness, and the illness and deaths of people I know.
I handled them all better sober.
I think we underestimate ourselves a lot....and we overestimate alcohol.
There are other ways to relax, to stop worrying, or to unwind that don't involve oblivion.
Sure most of them involve learning some new skills, and none of them are probably as immediate as alcohol....but I wouldn't trade my life now, even with all its problems, for anything
D
I handled them all better sober.
I think we underestimate ourselves a lot....and we overestimate alcohol.
There are other ways to relax, to stop worrying, or to unwind that don't involve oblivion.
Sure most of them involve learning some new skills, and none of them are probably as immediate as alcohol....but I wouldn't trade my life now, even with all its problems, for anything
D
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,861
SR is a great place for support, full of people who really do care. We are open 24/7 and you are welcome to come here and talk anytime. We might not always tell you what you want to hear, but we will be honest with you. We know what it's like and we'll do whatever we can to help you.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
gaba...
You've been given a lot of info for a first post and I don't want to confuse you anymore than you may already be.
Cabledude hit the nail on the head for me though.
An alcohol problem has to do with how much or how often you drink, how you act when you're drinking vs when you're not, how you behave/misbehave, etc.
Alcoholism on the other hand is a deeper sort of deal.
If, once you start you almost always crave more........or if once you stop you can't stay stopped as long as you planned, you're "probably" alcoholic. For me, both of those hit home......so that didn't leave the door open for much debate. LOL.
Once I did manage to get dry (with a looooooot of help from a judge), I found life didn't exactly settle down and feel wonderful.....quite the opposite actually. That's "alcoholism."
You've been given a lot of info for a first post and I don't want to confuse you anymore than you may already be.
Cabledude hit the nail on the head for me though.
An alcohol problem has to do with how much or how often you drink, how you act when you're drinking vs when you're not, how you behave/misbehave, etc.
Alcoholism on the other hand is a deeper sort of deal.
If, once you start you almost always crave more........or if once you stop you can't stay stopped as long as you planned, you're "probably" alcoholic. For me, both of those hit home......so that didn't leave the door open for much debate. LOL.
Once I did manage to get dry (with a looooooot of help from a judge), I found life didn't exactly settle down and feel wonderful.....quite the opposite actually. That's "alcoholism."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
I actually believe other people can decide if you're an alcoholic. But in terms of your ability to get well, it only matters if you do.
Consider your relationship with alcohol like you would with a person. Are you on equal terms? Can you take it or leave it? How much planning goes into your drinking? Are you thinking about it far in advance of actually doing it?
The power of denial and the tendency to compare and not identify with other alcoholics can keep us stuck for a long time.
We suffer at our own pace.
Consider your relationship with alcohol like you would with a person. Are you on equal terms? Can you take it or leave it? How much planning goes into your drinking? Are you thinking about it far in advance of actually doing it?
The power of denial and the tendency to compare and not identify with other alcoholics can keep us stuck for a long time.
We suffer at our own pace.
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