LexieCat

I was on the fence reading your first post, but as soon as you said, "How am I EVER gonna emotionally and mentally handle it without booze? Where will I get my respite from that horror?????" it became pretty clear for me.

Non-alcoholics just don't think that way. They don't NEED booze to cope with life's problems. Not that they might not knock back a few in a bout of self-pity, but if there wasn't any in the house, they wouldn't go mad.

You've got marriage problems that appear to be directly related to your drinking. Sound like your life is a bit unmanageable?

You drink to escape your problems. Normal drinkers don't do that.

I'd suggest you try going to an AA meeting or two--don't listen for how your "story" is different from his or hers, listen for how they FELT about their drinking. Like they couldn't live without it. Like it was their only comfort and best friend. Like they couldn't imagine ever having fun without it.

That's how alcoholics think.

LaFemme

Welcome to SR!

For me I removed the "am I or am I not" from the equation and changed my thought process to "why on earth would anyone consume poison which is what alcohol is"...this mentality works well for me....but I also work on self improvement and lots of other stuff.

Fyi...I was an alcoholic, whether that means I am still one or not does not enter into my current equation.

Hevyn

You only think you need it to cope, gaba - it's just a lie we tell ourselves. Once you get used to being without your crutch, life is so much better. You aren't all that happy now, using it get numb - why not see what it's like when you don't fall back on it all the time? Give yourself chance to adjust, though. It does feel strange in the beginning & it's easy to get discouraged.

We're glad to have you as a friend. These are some of the best people I've ever met. I was no longer alone when I found SR, & it's meant the world.

ReadyAndAble

It's all true, what Hevyn and the others are saying. I thought life would be impossible without alcohol—how would I be able to celebrate and enjoy life's highs? How could I deal with the lows? Heck, how could I wash the car without a six pack close at hand? Turns out the highs are much better—and let's face it, there weren't that many highs once my drinking got serious. The lows still suck, but I deal with them and move on, instead of letting them fester. And I get a lot of strength now from a sense of hope that just wasn't there when I drank.

MsCooterBrown

The mental obsession is a HUGE indicator or at least it was for me. I never did go thru any bigtime withdrawal issues..and once I quit drinking I was SICK of it. I went from beer or wine to whiskey. Lots of it. Towards the end I would drink beer with a whiskey back at the bar. And polish off a bottle of wine at home. When I wasn't drunk I was hungover. It is really hard for me to pinpoint how long the daily drinking was..it snuck up on me but once it hit I was on a mission. Keep an eye on yourself..none of us had the thought when we were a kid "When I grow up I want to be an alcoholic"...it just sneaks up and bites you on the butt.
Welcome..I wish you well! Oh and my vote for you is to give up drinking. You are spending ALOT of time thinking about it.

gabagool

Thanks again, everyone.

One post, in particular, hit me. Day trader gave some info that is CLOSE to how I feel. An "alcohol problem" description hits me to a T. If I HAVE to, and lots of times, even if I DON'T have to, I can stop after one or two. THAT happens ALOT. Its HOW I BEHAVE HALF COCKED that is the problem. I USED to be more outgoing, more affable when I had a little buzz, now.....................well, all the POSITIVE BEHAVIORS have vanished, ka put. Now, I simply let all my feelings, every comment, every percieved insult, get to me. And I respond. Im NOT lying about them. WHen Im NOT drunk, Im much more selective on what I take on as a battle.

Everything seems nicer this last week. My wife still isn't talking to me and that kills me, but I don't obsess.....AS MUCH. I look for ways to improve things, not dramatic, crazy ways, like I do if Im cocked. I am listening to a tape on anxiety and depression and trying to see if there is something for me in them....I don't know, from past experiences, probably not.......but I was probably buzzed those other unproductive times.

Now, Im beginning to understand I little bit about labels. I starting to comprehend what all of you are telling me about that its not WHAT I am, but HOW I am. I guess the biggest confusion is that Im surprised how EASY (so far) staying off of it a week has been. Now, I know a week is only a start...I realize I gotta wait for a bad occurance to happen to see how I react. (Actually, the IRS called me with a "wheres the money" call....and I DIDN'T pick up the bottle, I picked up the phone, called my lawyer, and really kind of forgot about it. If I had been pounding drinks, I WOULD OBSESS ON THIS, I would call everyone and anyone connected and bitch them out, then sit, drink and obsess how I've been wronged ONCE AGAIN, by OTHER PEOPLE, when it comes to that HIDEOUS, ATROCIAOUS DOLLAR) With a clear head, Im not happy, but I will do what I need to do and let the cards drop where they may....Me B and M, isn't gonna make things any better.............

Damn, this is kind of refreshing. Again, I know its ONLY been a week, I REALLY DO understand this, but I know you all know how not drinking for a day feels WHEN I'VE DRUNK EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST (ALMOST) COUPLE YEARS.......Every, single, solitary day.

Thank you all again. I belong to many boards, Ive NEVER, EVER been treated with so much respect and warmth as I've been treated here. You ALL seem IMMENSLY proud of this community. I can understand why. Talk to you all again.

Sober02232011

I had many of the same questions as the original post myself... I was trying to justify my drinking, trying to justify quitting, trying to to gain a sense of identity so I had a little direction. I once read that amongst the many types of alcohol related illness, are a variety of different causes, symptoms, and situations for each type of alcohol related illness (or condition).

This really helped me - and it makes sense - there can be problem drinkers, functional alcoholics, drinkers, alcoholics, and people whom drink and are dependent yet who are not alcoholics whom suffer the same consequences as someone who may suffer from alcoholism.

Then I thought about the DSM - the book that Drs use to diagnose mental disease. They often say that (for any given disease) that people must have "X" number of symptoms, for "X" amount of time - with other variables and conditions met as well.

At the same time, they will say that - lets say ADD or OCD - most people suffer symptoms of these disorders to one extent or another, however, it's to "what degree" that determines wether or not someone is ADD or OCD.

I choose to stop drinking because i didn't want the future consequences presented if I had continued - and I knew that there was no "drinking in moderation" for me. I'm the type of alcoholic that can have that single drink and walk away. I'm the type of person that will have that drink every night and start creating an allowance to have two drinks. I'm the type of drunk that once I have three drinks, that there is no stopping me from drinking everything I can get my hands on. Within a week, I'd be drinking a bottle of wine a night, and within two weeks it would be two bottles.

Knowing and understanding myself and my tendency with alcohol has enabled me to stop my drinking.

Best of luck and I think confronting these questions is commendable.