Inafishbowl

Such candid raw answers. Thank you all! Sugah, thank yours especially. I actually do feel I am "that bad". The statistics of relapse are scaring me to death though. I'm struggling a lot with the two facts. One, I can do this and two, odds are against me. My head is sort of spinning.
Thank you all for your input. It helped me a lot tonight.

Dee74

I think I'm enough of an 'expert' on relapse to say the only statistics that matter is 100% belief, commitment and effort

I went back to drinking a lot over 20 years...but since I stopped trying to control my drinking, and accepted what I am, 4 years ago...I'm batting a perfect game

You can too
D

julez

I never lost anything, got in trouble, etc, but the self hate I was feeling on a regular basis was enough for me to want to stop.
I was a blackout drinker. I only drank at home, but waking up the next morning and not remembering getting into bed is not something i considered normal.
I started reading here, noticed a couple patterns that I could relate to, found a few more similarities, and that was proof enough for me that I had a problem, and was going to head down a scary road if I wasn't careful. I didn't want to risk all of the consequences that hadn't happened "yet".

SSIL75

I don't have 4 years but ITA with this. Since I really accepted that drinking is no longer an option, staying sober has not been that hard. I mean I have had hard moments for sure. But really never came close to relapse. The cravings I've had I've been able to deal with. Even figure out where they are coming from, somewhat objectively.

A lot of us here feel like the 'rock bottom' concept stops people from getting help. It's good to realize that bottom is a subjective thing.

To an outsider, I didn't lose anything from alcohol. I'm still married with kids etc. That's not to say that I didn't feel like a wreck. But I do believe that I got out relatively unscathed.

LexieCat

One thing about "statistics"--relapse is NOT inevitable, nor a requirement. I have not picked up a drink since my last planned drink when I made the decision to quit--two and a half years ago. (See, I'm NOT Dick Cheney! ) I know many people with a decade or more of sobriety who have never relapsed.

Again, not bragging. I believe it is a result of my Higher Power working in my life. I can't get complacent and decide I have it licked. The BB says what we get is a daily reprieve based on maintenance of our spiritual condition.

If you focus on the possibility of relapse you are shooting yourself in the foot, I think. Focus instead on achieving the best sobriety you can by doing what you need to do.

Eddiebuckle

The odds are not against you, the disease is. If you allow denial/delusional thinking (either "I can manage my drinking" or "it's no use, if I'm going to fall I might as well do a swan dive") you are past the slippery part of the slope. I fully accept the concept of being powerless over alcohol, but for me there is an element of will in this too. When my disease pushes me, I push back by going to meetings, calling someone who understands, going for a run, taking a nap, ANYTHING other than giving in. I have only given up one drink, the one I would have otherwise had Dec 20, 2009. I'm pretty sure by now that beer is flat so I'm not missing much...

Even if you have to resort to mental versions of "stupid pet tricks", you can do this.

PS: I had no obvious consequences from drinking. Had a great job, house, money, not so much as a speeding ticket and all that crap. But I was downing 1.75 litres of vokda every other day plus a bottle of wine a night with dinner. I was a shell of a human being, and knew it. I got off the elevator early, but there's no doubt it was in free fall.

NEOMARXIST

My personal rock-bottom (call it what you will) was purely mental and emotional. I beat myself down over the course of a 3 day binge where I was just beaten. I was totally empty inside and felt dead. I remember just sitting in a chair in the living room in the flat I was staying at and just didn't move for probably nearly 24 hours. I remember the train journey home and I remember having to go to the job centre to sign on. I felt like I hit my lowest mental and emotionally and I knew that I couldn't carry on and I didn't want to feel like this anymore.

I also suffered consequences from my drinking like losing driving license, job, losing relationships/mates, drug possesion, but the worst was stuff like self-respect, dignity, self-esteem, confidence etc. I was broken and beaten by booze. I knew for me without a shadow of a doubt that I am an alcoholic and that if i didn't stay sober and get into recovery then I would die a sad, drunk having destroyed everything. I had to suffer what i suffered to enable me to see with clarity the severity of my condition.

Peace

bellakeller

I've actually been laughed at when I've told people my bottom. I've had people ask me, "that's it? and you ended up in rehab?" but to me it was horrifying and painful enough to warrant life changes.

Lionne

I didn't have any "visible" horror stories. But drinking wasn't working anymore at all.
The horror storiy has in my mind. It was suicide, or sobriety. I knew I dind't want to live like that anymore, one way or the other. So I think it's not about being worse or in less bad shape than others, it's about wanting to make it stop more than wanting to continue drinking.

johndelko408

I like your topic. I personally feel that its all based on a matter of opinion. What may be a horror story for one may not be for another. That is why everyone has their own personal bottom. But I do feel that all of us do need to go through some sort of horror story in order for us to get into recovery. After all had the good times continued and bad things didn't start happening to us chances are we would still be out there drinking. I personally feel that its when the negative things start happening in our lives as a result of drinking or using that we make the decision to change our lives, for the better. My bottom may or may not be as tragic in comparison to someone else's and it may or may not be more tragic. But it was tragic enough for me to know that to go on living the way I was, to go on drinking, would be only bringing even more tragedy and perhaps death even closer to my door step.

Stang

Time.... I've lost so much time I can't get back! Oh well you play hard you pay hard!

Other things include three arrest, being sick so many mornings, wrecking two cars....ect. A lot of the cost of drinking you don't notice till you sober up and look back on it all.

JoeCree

Inafishbowl: One person described it to me best on this forum: that Alcoholism has a string, and most people (destined or not) fall on that string somewhere. 01 being the person who drinks seldom but goes overboard every so often (normally a teenager) to 99 where you would appear on the show "Intervention".

I myself believe I fall somewhere around 20 - never had problems, never blacked out, never fought, no broken relationships, no job problems.... In some people's minds, they would believe me to "not" even be an alcoholic. I certainly never had a nightmare horror story. But something deep down inside me was growing - and I was able to realize this because of my past addictions with cigarette smoking especially.

So I decided to quit - for good. Because I never want to be that guy who says, "damn, why did I even start?" It has actually been a lot harder than I anticipated, mainly because I think I was self-medicating somewhat with alcohol for anxiety and depression issues, but it has been the right decision no doubt.

I don't believe you have to hit rock bottom to stop for good - but you have to believe that you "could" hit rock bottom if you continued --- I read many stories in here, and at the beginning I had a hard time identifying myself with others, but after a while I realized that these people were simply further along that "string" then I was - no different, just further along. I learn from everyone, and stick to this forum as a reminder --- that it doesn't mater who you are, or where you are on that string, stopping for good is inevitably the best and only way to enjoy your life!

keithj

This is a perfect example. Unlike LexieCat, I lost or had every single one of those things happen ('important' is relative). But from what I've read of her posts, we relate almost exactly the same to that internal 'ism' part of alcoholism. She understands alcoholism in the same way I do, with a difference in external circumstances.

Incidentally, we share a common solution.

LexieCat

OK, I do need to clear that up, what with the Dick Cheney reference and all. I am NOT some high-ranking official--my job is "important" only in the sense that it involves a lot of power over the lives of individuals, and a lot of discretion in how that power is exercised. IOW, it is an awesome responsibility.

Thankfully, although I was not at the top of my "game" when I was drinking, I do not believe it ever caused me to make a poor decision that injured anyone I was responsible for ON THE JOB. (I know that my drinking hurt others--it's just that I thankfully avoided that particular harm.)

CarolD

I quit and started recovery because my drinking
had turned me into a woman I detested.
external situations had no impact on why I began AA.

In recovery....I've found my true self...I'm the best woman I can be.
:

gravity

There is a story in the BB that says for many, just being able to see the bottom is enough. I knew my drinking would cost me my family, career, health, etc. if I didn't stop. Was really spiralling out of control.

I'm one of the lucky ones. No major horror story but a lot of booze, stupidity and mental anguish. Just got tired of being controlled by alcohol.

Winer249er

It's funny...I always wondered if Dick Cheney was drunk when he accidentally shot that poor man in a hunting accident.

I'm glad LexieCat isn't Dick Cheney. :-)

This thread was so very helpful to me this morning. Just wanted to pipe in and say a big THANK YOU to everyone sharing their stories.

Shevrard

I am one of the people who did not have the more "visible" horror story. Nobody even knew I had a problem except my immediate family. I have a stable life, good marriage, great kids, no legal, financial or health problems. But I saw the disease progressing in me and it scared me a lot. I know if I continue drinking it is only a matter of time before serious damage is done and I don't want that to happen to me or my family.

MsCooterBrown

The insanity of the obsession of when I could drink and planning around that drink played a part ...black out drinking..driving drunk...waking up not knowing where I was at..who I was with...what I did. 2 deaths in a short period of time that were alcohol related. DUIs and car wrecks happening to people I drank with. It was impending doom. Bad anxiety. I put myself and others thru hell. It was time to surrender.

stanleyhouse

I think there are people out there who truly stop drinking for health reasons. ABSOLUTELY people can recover without finding the outside consequences or inside horror. All of us would have liked to learn not to pick up that first drink early in our careers, I like to believe some did.
SH