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Need to put this out there on my own thread

Old 02-03-2011, 10:43 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thanks inthecan -

I've lived here for 26 years. It is beautiful.
Now I have to stay sober so I can enjoy
what I have missed all these years.
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:53 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
din
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I was a black-out drinker for the majority of my life

and yes, I need these not~so~gentle reminders.......because "there but for the grace of god go I"

I have JUST recently been able to start thinking about some of those times....without shrinking in total shame.

"I will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"

good luck in court.......and I'm glad you were okay (all things considered)
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:55 PM
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In the end i was blacking out, i would come to and heck my clothes for blood...by that time i was frightened about what i might do in one of them...fun times:-)
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Old 02-03-2011, 01:11 PM
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My last couple drunks were complete blackouts too. These after telling myself just to drink one six-pack of beer and stop. Drink one six-pack and DON'T go out and get crack cocaine. I don't even remember one whole day and night, had to get a report from my wife. I had posed myself the question before starting to drink: "can you drink some beer and leave it at that?". The answer,sadly, was NO.
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Old 02-03-2011, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by mtnmagic View Post
I am done. Really done. Whatever
it takes to stay done.

If this is the gift of that horrible night then I am glad you take this with you. I "think" the whole success in staying sober is KNOWING that you cannot possibly drink because you know the outcome will most likely be deadly and you want to live.

I've made the promise that I will do anything I have to in order to stay sober. If I feel myself slipping then I will find another way of support. Stay strong and forgive yourself. Gratitude helps too. SR definitely helps.

Thanks for sharing that painful story and just know it never has to happen again. Blackouts are scary for sure. Good luck in court. I'll be praying for a good outcome.
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Old 02-03-2011, 01:55 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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MM thanks for sharing-- blackouts can be a huge wake-up call. My last day of drinking I don't even remember taking the first drink, I remember being in my car around 4pm and thinking "I should stop and get a bottle of wine" (because I knew I had only 1/2 to 3/4 a bottle at home) the next thing I remember I walked in to a restaurant and they said "we close in 15 minutes" (I later learned they closed at 11pm). I apparently drove myself home from there and then OD'd on prescription sleeping and pain pills and I don't remember any of it. I didn't come to for about 36 hours, I should of could of died, I spent a week in the hospital due to the drugs burning a hole in my liver. I must of blacked out on the first drink that day, it was enough for me, I've not touched a drop of alcohol in the 3.5 yrs since and I still fear the same thing could happen again. As far as I know I could have robbed a bank that night or killed someone, I have absolutely no memory of anything that occured over a 5-8 hour period and as far as I know I was alone so I have no known witnesses, and that's scary. If this could happen to you once it could happen again and it's good to remember what you don't remember.
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Old 02-03-2011, 02:17 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Towards the end of my drinking, I was blacking out, but it was very unpredictable.

Twice I woke to while in the midst of me wrecking my car. The first time I awoke to to the sound of trees crashing down all around me, then BAM!...my airbag went off.

The 2nd time I awoke to screaching tires and BAM!...I slammed into another car and a few more cars hit each other.

...and that's just two nights. What about the other times I embarassed myself, endangered others, physically, mentally, and sexually abused others.

You know, I haven't had a single blackout since I quit drinking. Go figure!

Kjell
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Old 02-03-2011, 02:37 PM
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The good news is that you never have to wake up in jail again.

You are alive and no one was harmed, or worse yet killed during your black out.

You have certainly been given another chance for recovery. Many don't get that chance.

Thank you for reminding this alcoholic once more, why I don't drink anymore,and can't. Blackouts are frightening.
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Old 02-03-2011, 03:02 PM
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Blackouts are very frightening...I crashed my truck into a parked car one night...have no memory of that but a vague memory of driving home with the loose fender screeching and flapping on the road. Thank God nobody was hurt.

And like kjell, countless times utterly embarrassing myself, waking up in strange places (or with completely unsavory men) when I was still doing the bar thing, or being nasty and abusive to other people with no memory except what I was told the next day.

At a meeting last week, someone told a story of someone he knew who shot and killed his girlfriend but had no memory of it...the next day when he couldn't get hold of her he started calling friends, her family, asking if they'd heard from her. He hadn't a clue what he had done, but he's in prison for it now.
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Old 02-03-2011, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Stevie1 View Post
At a meeting last week, someone told a story of someone he knew who shot and killed his girlfriend but had no memory of it...the next day when he couldn't get hold of her he started calling friends, her family, asking if they'd heard from her. He hadn't a clue what he had done, but he's in prison for it now.
I will never drink again if I just print this out and keep it in my pocket! Christ you scare the hell out of me Stevie or I scare the hell out of me but GEEZ!
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Old 02-03-2011, 03:19 PM
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Yep, it was a pretty scary story...mind you I'm telling it second-hand but I have no reason to believe it's not true. I think anyone who has been black-out drunk can understand how it could happen.
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:45 PM
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Yikes everyone. My last drunk was a blackout at my office holiday party, party ended around 6 I think...woke up in a bathroom stall around 1a.m. I was just in total shock. Never again.

There are many things I love about SR, how it can comfort one and make one feel secure. This thread is a different side of SR, a slap in the face reality-check type of thing (for me at least). And I think we might all need that kind of thing every now and then.
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Old 02-03-2011, 11:51 PM
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Really, thank you all for the willingness to share what some of you have went through and the words of support to me.

This was a horrible thing for me (ya think?) and I was so
very ashamed of myself that I wanted to keep it a secret.
I can't afford to keep those kind of secrets anymore.

I have no idea why I didn't just start drinking a few hours
after I was released from jail. It certainly was how
I always operated when anything wrong, or right for
that matter interrupted my drinking for years.

But I didn't. Something feels different in my heart and in
my soul. I believe in a concept of God (I'm a very lapsed Catholic).
I don't have a clue as to what that is. It doesn't matter
at this point because believe me, a power greater then
myself which does include all of you here on SR are
carrying me along.
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