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Still get almost like flashbacks I've been sober for 6 mos. When I was drinking I mostly was 'functional' and would start drinking at like 4pm and then drink until say 11,12. Averaging a drink an hour or a little more. Then a couple of times a year I'd lose it totally and drink for a few days on end. Like drink first thing for a couple of hours. Then stop until noon. Then drink for another hour. Then start again at dinner etc. You know - cos I was so in control :rotfxko. I'd do this for a few days and then manage to rein myself back in and go back to 'normal'. I'm in the middle of a period where I'd totally be drinking like that. I had people in town this weekend so I'd have started with them. Then we've been snow/iced in. Today we woke up with no power. I know without doubt that i'd be mid-bender right now. This morning I was downstairs (where we have a gas fire) with my kids I came upstairs to get a banana for my 2 year old. I could just see myself going to the freezer for the vodka and knocking back a strong screwdriver. I could feel the excitement of it. The relief of my hangover easing up. The comfort of knowing I could drink all morning with no repercussions. School is canceled! We're iced in! There's nothing else to do! It is just so so weird to me that that was my life not long ago. What was I thinking? I mean I know what I was thinking because I can recreate the feeling pretty easily. But I don't know. I don't know what my point is but thanks for reading __________________ |
Originally Posted by SSIL75
(Post 2851897)
I've been sober for 6 mos. When I was drinking I mostly was 'functional' and would start drinking at like 4pm and then drink until say 11,12. Averaging a drink an hour or a little more. Then a couple of times a year I'd lose it totally and drink for a few days on end. Like drink first thing for a couple of hours. Then stop until noon. Then drink for another hour. Then start again at dinner etc. You know - cos I was so in control :rotfxko. I'd do this for a few days and then manage to reign myself back in and go back to 'normal'. I'm in the middle of a period where I'd totally be drinking like that. I had people in town this weekend so I'd have started with them. Then we've been snow/iced in. Today we woke up with no power. I know without doubt that i'd be mid-bender right now. This morning I was downstairs (where we have a gas fire) with my kids I came upstairs to get a banana for my 2 year old. I could just see myself going to the freezer for the vodka and knocking back a strong screwdriver. I could feel the excitement of it. The relief of my hangover easing up. The comfort of knowing I could drink all morning with no repercussions. School is canceled! We're iced in! There's nothing else to do! It is just so so weird to me that that was my life not long ago. What was I thinking? I mean I know what I was thinking because I can recreate the feeling pretty easily. But I don't know. I don't know what my point is but thanks for reading __________________ |
Originally Posted by jme2788
(Post 2851902)
I get those flashbacks too... I've never had a flashback where I remembered what drinking and getting high did to my spirit and relationships though.. It's always the "good times" I remember.. They really **** me off |
I've been iced in for 2 days now and have had similar thoughts. When I left work on Monday it was forcasted that we would have ice by the next morning and as I drove past the liquor stores (there are about a dozen right across the stree from my office I have to pass them) I thought "this would of been a 'perfect' reason to stock up and get wasted" of course if I was still drinking I would have stocked up and gotten drunk Mon night and then with my luck the weather prediction would have been wrong and I would have had to go to work yesterday extremely hung over or more likely called in "sick" and either way felt like cr*p all day! |
Yep, I get these too. What's really crazy is that most of the time, it's like I'm having memories from someone else. How about that?! I'm changing who I am and it's beautiful. I'm really starting to like (and respect) the new me. Some of my old memories make me laugh, some make me smile, some make me sad, shameful, and some make me curl up into a ball with fear. I don't EVER want to go back there again. Kjell |
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