Bamboozle

I think that stereotype was formed to put guilt upon people with addiction--guilt doesn't work at all on me.

Looking at reality helps. I was self-medicating undiagnosed depression. When I got sober I had tons of dark and suicidal thoughts. I relapsed several times before I finally got help.

I don't understand people who judge others...maybe they don't want to look at their own behaviors? Oh, well.

Mark75

That is my answer as well.

I don't know about selfishness. Is that different than self centeredness? That's a rhetorical question... Are you automatically selfish if you are egocentric? This is, perhaps, one place to start on your journey of self discovery...

I agree with bam also, I hate the whole guilt trip method of recovery, the Big Book isn't about guilt trips, it's about rigorous honesty. We find out who we are... humility, not humiliation...

I was certainly selfish if, for some reason, another's needs obstructed with my need to change the way I felt... but as long as I had my buzz on, I was pretty generous and mostly easy to get along with...

What's your truth?

julez

I wouldn't classify myself as a selfish person, but there are things I did while drinking that may have been selfish.
After thinking upon this, the only thing that I did (that I can think of now) that was selfish is to refuse to drive my kids places they wanted to go because I wanted to have drinks. On a Friday or Saturday, I would be the ride to the event, but another parent had to pick up. Smart? Perhaps.. Selfish? Absolutely.
I can say that one of my greatest joys now is to be able to drive, pick up, or be there for anyone who needs me at a moments notice.

Reset

Yes and no. I was pretty unselfish in most aspects of my life (with work and the family especially) and used alcohol as a way to counter that behavior.

Anyway, I had and still have so many other character flaws that I would put ahead of selfish.

fuel.injected

When I go on my binges, the only person I care about is the clerk at the convenience store who sells me my booze. I don't answer my phone, emails or door.

Mark75

I would like to double dip if I may

I was EXTREMELY self centered in my addictions... The world revolved around me. Life was all about me and getting that buzz... everything else came second... When I hear the word selfish, as opposed to self centered, I think about things like sharing, giving, friendliness... But in the end, my addictions had a huge negative impact on my loved ones and my friends

So yea, I was selfish... I'd give you anything you wanted if I could, but if my addictions affected you in any way, I didn't notice and didn't care.

That's what I wanted to say.

Peter G

This^^^. Me to a tee. I was struggling with what I had posted earlier because it didn't really say exactly what I meant.

I mean sure, later on in my disease I spared some folks my crap spewing bonanza, but that definitely isn't the whole story.

Thanks Mark, for putting to words what was exactly on my mind.

artsoul

The idea that alcoholics are selfish never resonated with me, although I'm sure addiction looks that way when you're not the one who's addicted....

To me it would be like calling someone with bipolar disorder or depression selfish - it's more of a sickness.

So I'd vote for self-absorbed (alienated from life), but not selfish (which to me implies intent).

That's my one-and-a-half cents......

spqr

Personally I doubt there's such a thing as an "addictive personality" or really anything to distinguish alcoholics from the rest of humanity apart from the obvious. In that sense, alcoholics as a group have the same variety of selfishness as the general population.

I do think however that drug addictions, by their nature, push a person towards more and more selfish types of behaviour.

stugotz

I was very selfish and self centered. I dont believe that it was the drugs and booze that caused it, it was ME! Everything I did was for that instant gratification that I needed, I was like that long before I started using. Other people meant nothing to me, unless I could use them. When I stopped using I realised that I was no longer a self centered addict, I was just self centered. That was the point I finally figured out that this is an inside job, I am the problem not the booze. Just sayin...

traderjane

Not at all. I don't think as a group of people we are all the same or have the same personality traits.

When I drank I was fully aware of the way it affected others and felt horribly guilty about it. I know most of all it made MY life a living hell, because I still had to do all the things that I had to do anyway and while feeling sick or with a hangover.

I think a certain amount of "selfishness" is healthy, and that means caring enough about yourself not to keep putting yourself through it over and over again. And doing things specifically for you, that make you happy (in my case: yoga, running, crafts and projects.) If I can't feel good about myself, I'm useless to the others who depend on me.

Zebra1275

It's a generalization. I know a women at work who is about 60 years old. She was an only child (probably spoiled) and her husband and her decided not to have children (yes they could have, they decided not too). She is one of the most self centered people I have ever met and I don't think she has a clue that she is.

Zencat

In the case of drug addiction I did concern myself with getting high to the point of neglecting my family and friends. For me selfishness was just another symptom of addiction.

I'm inclined to agree. I think its a bit narrow minded to believe everybody with a drug addiction has all the same symptoms and traits. Sure, there is a host of maladaptive thinking and behaving symptoms of addiction. But not everybody has all of them or the same ones at one time. Some have more symptoms than others and some have different combination of symptoms that others. To believe that every single person has all the same problems associated with drug addiction is cognitive distortion in it self. Sounds like 'all or nothing' thinking to me.

loveon2legs

For me I was a broken person, mentally, physically and spiritually...I said and did things that weren't from my authentic self.....I don't think I was selfish/self absorbed but my behaviour at times was.....During the first year of my recovery I was doing and still am self care...but not to the point of excluding or only caring about me....my world is bigger than that now....

SSIL75

I was totally selfish and self centered. I have a 2 small children and 'parented' them every day with a hangover. Disgusting behavior.

ElChupacabra

I don't subscribe to the notion that alcoholics are selfish. The reason being that the accusation dismisses a very important notion, that of mental and physical addiction. We seem selfish because we put drink first. But a lot of that is down to the fact that we are covering up feelings of depression, failure and shame and also trying to feed the inevitable physical dependency.

I think people who are not alcoholics are very selfish themselves when they accuse us of the same because they cannot be bothered to understand that with addictions there comes a point where one's mental and physical strength becomes compromised and we face a daily fight between continuing the addiction or suffering the misery it takes to fully recover. To brand someone selfish is a sweeping and unaccpetable generalisation that discounts the fact that alcoholism is an addiction, one brought on for a great many of us by underlying mental illness.

I resist the selfish label as well because I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person. Alcohol has punished me. So has depression and anxiety, which is what lead to the drinking in the first place. It has taken things away from me and caused me to inflict emotional pain and worry on others. But when I have not faced drink or depression I know for a fact that I will do anything for people without expecting anything in return. My past attests to this and it's the reason that I go through repeated withdrawals and relapses rather than constant drinking. It's because even during the drinking phases there comes a point where I remember that the person I once was and the person I normally again after not drinking for a week or two is the real me and there is a life I want to lead again like I did in the old days without feeling emotionally or physically exhausted.

michelle01

I think that we can become very self-involved and insular in the midst of addiction. There were many other things that I sacrificed for my addiction. Part of my rehabilitation has been mending relationships with others (I always felt that I had hurt myself more than anyone else, but I did cause them anguish and neglect them). But to simply pin addiction on selfish behavior, I don't think that is totally correct. There are people who seem to have a predisposition to developing addiction, more so than others. There is not so much we can do about that, though we can decide how we choose to address it and keep it in check. At the worst of my addiction, I didn't really experience enjoyment or satisfaction from it. It's a complicated picture and it doesn't really help to judge others in the situation.

AWOL

Perhaps generosity of spirit might be viewed as the opposite of selfishness. On this forum for alcoholics I see an abundance of generosity of spirit... that seems to suggest qualities that are not embedded in selfishness.