Going to try this again...
 

It's been a few months since I have been on here. I fell off the wagon...and then it dragged me down the street for months. I wasn't drinking every day...mainly because we moved back East and I still don't have a job, so I have no money. But whenever I got a little bit of money, I would drink. I went to NC to see my mom last week, and was drunk every day. But that was because she was willing to buy me beer. So, I got home Saturday, and decided that I need to take a break from drinking. I would like to be able to quit. But, I'm afraid that, like last time, I will start to miss the taste. Or, when I see other people drinking, I get so jealous. It's like I start to see red. My husband still isn't drinking, but still doesn't understand what an addiction to alcohol is, so he just keeps giving me a hard time whenever I try to talk about it.

It gets even worse now, because drinking what all that I really had. Now, with no job and no money, I am also stuck in the house all the time because the East Coast keeps getting slammed with snow. It just kicks my depression into over-drive and I don't know what to do.

So, now I am back, and I hope that I will find the strength in myself, with the help of you all, to start making the right decisions for myself, and for whatever my future may hold.

Thanks for listening.

this weather is hard on me too this year....but remember that drinking exacerbates depression. If you are not currently employed, you need something positive to fill your day, a reason to get up and get moving, out amongst people.

I don't know how you feel about volunteer work, but very often hospitals have all kinds of opportunities doing administrative work, (not everything is patient related)

Hi Kristin, welcome back. I remember your posts. I understand the difficulty of dealing with snow and winter. You mention depression. Do you currently see a counselor or therapist? I know that even very brief counseling helped me make the changes I needed to make in order to make the mind jump from "I know it's hurting me, but why can't I drink?" to being able to accept the reality of it and also care enough about myself to stop. I also know that with the snow it's difficult to do things, but maybe it would help to make a list of ways you can push yourself to do something other than drinking, like devoting your time to reading books about recovery or picking up an old hobby. I know others will offer helpful suggestions.

It also sounds like you're afraid of feeling some things that imo are fairly normal (missing the taste or being jealous). It will take time and patience to work through those things and let go of them, and feeling those emotions doesn't make you a failure. Remember you can always come here when you're feeling those things.

:hug:

oops, double posted

I'm not seeing a therapist. Having just moved back East, I haven't really looked for any places that offer free help. No job and no insurance kind of limits my options. I have been looking at AA meetings, but haven't gone to any yet. I've pulled out some books that I bought before when I wasn't drinking, but never read. But as soon as I took them out, my husband said "Idk why you bother...you didn't read them before and you aren't going to read them now." Supportive, huh? :( It's sad to say, but I spend my days job hunting, and then playing games on FB usually. It keeps my mind occupied, which is more than I would get if I just laid here in bed all day.

Welcome back.:) I hope you can stay sober for good this time. It's worth it.:)

Welcome back Kristin :)

This was me too...it was incredibly scary to try and quit - but it was even more scary to think of a life without booze.

I'm going to be straight with you and not going to lie to you Kristin - it takes work.

Eventually things become second nature and you can ease up a little and relax but initially - it really takes work and commitment to stay sober.

I really recommend you get active - go out and look for that therapist, look for those meetings...and keep finding worthwhile things to do...

It's your responsibility to make your life what you want it to be Kristin....if the job hunting is slow, consider some volunteer work or something - it'll get out of the house and out of your head for a while - and it looks good on the CV :)

You can do this :)
D

I too hope that you find strength and yes there are some wonderful supportive people here, so keep coming back and back. You can decide your future.
JJ

Good to see you posting again - it's so hard to stay sober without some kind of support......

Alcohol seemed like the only reward in my life while I was drinking, but it was really only a vicious cycle.

Remember that you deserve a better life.... and you only have to do it one day at a time.happyface:

I think American Girl and Dee both make excellent points:)

If your husband isn't supportive so what? At least he doesn't drink around you.

Great to have you back!