I don't know how to stop!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1
I don't know how to stop!!!
I'm new and I'm an alcoholic...
My problem is, is that I don't know how to stop, and I'm afraid I'll die if I don't. I've reached rock bottom and I don't know what to do...I'm married with 2 kids and I love them, I really do but this has taken over my life and all I'm doing is hurting them. I'm not a binge drinker, I've been a daily drinker for over 10 yrs (6 - 9 beers daily), I just want to stop. I vomitted a pool of blood a couple of weeks ago and went to the hospital, they were awesome until I told them I was an alcoholic (first time I ever told anyone and the only reason I said anything is because they needed all info to put a camera down into my stomach). Then there attitudes changed like I was a freak....so now I'm afraid to go to a doctor (don't have a family doc) but I'm a very private person and this really bothered me to a point that I don't know where else to turn. After my hospital stint I didn't have a drink in 24 hrs and I got the shakes really bad and since then, I can't sleep, I'm drinking more, and I even tried killing myself a week ago (took 19 sleeping pills - slept for 24 hrs but didn't die). I want to get better, I don't want to drink, I don't want my kids to ever fall into this pattern. I'm lost and I think I need more than AA to get through this...but how???
Sorry for the novel, I'm just really lost right now
My problem is, is that I don't know how to stop, and I'm afraid I'll die if I don't. I've reached rock bottom and I don't know what to do...I'm married with 2 kids and I love them, I really do but this has taken over my life and all I'm doing is hurting them. I'm not a binge drinker, I've been a daily drinker for over 10 yrs (6 - 9 beers daily), I just want to stop. I vomitted a pool of blood a couple of weeks ago and went to the hospital, they were awesome until I told them I was an alcoholic (first time I ever told anyone and the only reason I said anything is because they needed all info to put a camera down into my stomach). Then there attitudes changed like I was a freak....so now I'm afraid to go to a doctor (don't have a family doc) but I'm a very private person and this really bothered me to a point that I don't know where else to turn. After my hospital stint I didn't have a drink in 24 hrs and I got the shakes really bad and since then, I can't sleep, I'm drinking more, and I even tried killing myself a week ago (took 19 sleeping pills - slept for 24 hrs but didn't die). I want to get better, I don't want to drink, I don't want my kids to ever fall into this pattern. I'm lost and I think I need more than AA to get through this...but how???
Sorry for the novel, I'm just really lost right now
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
If you feel suicadal reach out immediately for help! A hotline, 911, there is a forum here.
It sounds like you need a supervised detox, and inpatient care. If you can't stop you need help, only you can seek it, nobody can do it for you.
Maybe AA isn't enough, but its a start, they want to help and I'm sure will know of other resources.
I don't know where you are, so I don't know what is available to you. The important thing is GET STARTED.
It sounds like you need a supervised detox, and inpatient care. If you can't stop you need help, only you can seek it, nobody can do it for you.
Maybe AA isn't enough, but its a start, they want to help and I'm sure will know of other resources.
I don't know where you are, so I don't know what is available to you. The important thing is GET STARTED.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm sorry you are feeling so desperate. you need to see a doctor and tell them what you are experiencing, both mentally and physically. overdosing on pills can mean you won't wake up...not just sleep for 24 hours.
is there someone you can talk to face to face to help you? i agree that you need to have a supervised detox.
is there someone you can talk to face to face to help you? i agree that you need to have a supervised detox.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The vomiting blood is a sign of potential liver damage--VERY serious. One can bleed to death if you are bleeding from the esophagus.
The medical professionals do NOT think you are a "freak" but your condition may be very, very serious.
My suggestion is that you get yourself into a medically supervised detox (be sure and tell them about the bleeding), and rehab program (either in-patient or intensive outpatient).
Lots of people here have recovered from alcoholism, and felt as desperate as you do.
Please reach out for help. It's there.
The medical professionals do NOT think you are a "freak" but your condition may be very, very serious.
My suggestion is that you get yourself into a medically supervised detox (be sure and tell them about the bleeding), and rehab program (either in-patient or intensive outpatient).
Lots of people here have recovered from alcoholism, and felt as desperate as you do.
Please reach out for help. It's there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Davanagirl
I'm with everyone else - once things get past a certain level I think we need medical help...that level is different for all of us, but I really think you need to consider getting detox help.
If you feel like self harm, please read these links - there's a lot of numbers to call and things to read.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Like Lexie said, many of us here have been right where you are - and we not only came through it - we turned our lives around...
never give up - you'll find a lot of support here
D
I'm with everyone else - once things get past a certain level I think we need medical help...that level is different for all of us, but I really think you need to consider getting detox help.
If you feel like self harm, please read these links - there's a lot of numbers to call and things to read.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Like Lexie said, many of us here have been right where you are - and we not only came through it - we turned our lives around...
never give up - you'll find a lot of support here
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm sorry you felt you were treated badly by the hospital. I know that happens sometimes.
But, please go back to the ER and deal with your withdrawls and other health issues. You will feel so much better, and then you can move forward in your recovery.
But, please go back to the ER and deal with your withdrawls and other health issues. You will feel so much better, and then you can move forward in your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Your kids are counting on you, davanagirl. I doubt most medical workers would think twice about alcoholism—they deal with crazier stuff than we can imagine every day. But who cares about being embarrassed? Your talking about your life here. One step at a time—the first step is to get some help like everyone's said. We've been there—you can do it!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome davanagirl - I sorry you were made to feel that way at the hospital. I don't know where you live, but I would make some calls (and search the internet) for treatment/rehab centers in the area.
Did the hospital tell you the results of your scope? Or make any recommendations for treatment or follow-up?
Believe me - there are people who care out there and want to help. And with alcoholism and addiction, it's nearly impossible to stop without help. I've been to rehab twice - I felt hopeless like you, and I just had to surrender. I had no fight left in me. I was scared, didn't want to spend the money, also was married and had two children, and just kept thinking I could quit on my own (went to AA)- but I couldn't and the longer I tried to struggle on, the worse things got. Had a mental breakdown of sorts and finally put aside my pride and said "help!" - it was the best thing I ever did. Even though I had to do it again 10 years later(!)
The second time I went, I found a very inexpensive center who worked with me on making payments over time (the first time, my insurance covered it).
Have you talked to your husband about this? Sorry to be asking so many questions. I'm just so glad you joined the forum and hope you'll keep posting and reading. You're not alone - and with help, you can begin a new life. Insist on getting the help you need - you're worth it.
Did the hospital tell you the results of your scope? Or make any recommendations for treatment or follow-up?
Believe me - there are people who care out there and want to help. And with alcoholism and addiction, it's nearly impossible to stop without help. I've been to rehab twice - I felt hopeless like you, and I just had to surrender. I had no fight left in me. I was scared, didn't want to spend the money, also was married and had two children, and just kept thinking I could quit on my own (went to AA)- but I couldn't and the longer I tried to struggle on, the worse things got. Had a mental breakdown of sorts and finally put aside my pride and said "help!" - it was the best thing I ever did. Even though I had to do it again 10 years later(!)
The second time I went, I found a very inexpensive center who worked with me on making payments over time (the first time, my insurance covered it).
Have you talked to your husband about this? Sorry to be asking so many questions. I'm just so glad you joined the forum and hope you'll keep posting and reading. You're not alone - and with help, you can begin a new life. Insist on getting the help you need - you're worth it.
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