Untoxicated

I'll start out by saying that I'm accountable for the bad decisions that I've made in the past and I completely deserve the hardships that came along with those bad decisions.

Lately though, as my life continues to improve, I find myself feeling guilty that things are going so well for me and that others who are doing the same things (or at least the right things) that I am still continue to struggle. I know life isn't fair, but it causes me a decent amount of pain and frustration to see these other people in pain and struggling despite their best efforts. Maybe I'm still learning my emotions and empathy is just something that I'm not used to...apathy was more of my speed.

I guess I'm just finding it hard lately to read folks' stories who have chosen the right path and have done so for awhile but still continue to struggle. I also find it hard to read the stories of people who continue to be burdened by active addiction.

Most of the time I see the positive in these stories, but sometimes it's just difficult for me to observe all of the suffering and I needed to share that with you guys.

Anna

Yeah, there are always sad stories. I try to remember that each of us is on our own journey. Each person is where they should be at this moment. I am sure of that. I feel very, very grateful to be where I am today, and I'm glad that you're doing well, Untoxicated. Coming here and posting about your journey is a good way to help those who continue to struggle.

ronf

Sounds right on the mark to me. Your experiencing (feeling) something that you haven't for a long time. YOU ARE OK. It just gets damned uncomfortable sometimes. Keep in mind that by expressing your thoughts here you are helping the very people your feeling bad for. Someone else is going to read this post and feel SO thankful that they're not the only one that feels that very same way.

Keep buggerin on, Ron

Dee74

Thanks for your post Untox.

Sometimes things don't go well and it's not through any fault or flaw, it just is

I hope that others struggling have found like I have that it really is easier to face the up and downs without drinking.

Without details cos they're not mine to share here on SR, this year so far hasn't been great for Mrs Dee and therefore for me - but we're still smiling.

I'd hate anyone else to feel guilty for having a good run, tho.
Our life is still freakin' sweet

D

LaFemme

Amen Untox!

I feel the same way...thank you for putting it so eloquently.

doggonecarl

I too noticed how the struggles of our brothers and sisters here on SR were bothering me. Almost wanted to stop coming. But realized that all I can do was share my story, my support, the little advice I have and hope it helps one person.

Your posts have done that for me Untox, I'm sure your empathy has a lot to do with that.

Kmber2010

Untox thank you for sharing.

I have felt the way you do and while we can only hope the best for others and share our stories here......spreading the positive message that change can happen may inspire others to not give up.

For me it is a belief because I was one of those who tried/tried again and felt I was hopeless and beyond any help. Coming here and seeing others like me.....picking themselves up and beginning a new life....allowed me to continue to reach out and not give up and I am grateful everyday I did.

What I have learned is that while I hope others will see the positives that I have to focus on me and do what is best for my recovery.

Thank you for sharing.

Aysha

I really know how that feels. I get that way with epople who arent even addicted. Like family members that never even smoked a cigarette and have serious health isuues. While I'm over here acting like a kamikaze suicide bomber and I'm healthy and life is good for the most part. Way too good considering what I do to myself.
Things seem to just fall into my lap and go way too easy for me.
Then you got this person who does everything they should and has so many struggles.
I dont know what real loss is from my addiciton. I am so grateful. But at the same time...I feel like I dont deserve what I have because alot of times I do take it for granted. So many people would kill to have what I have and I can act like it doesnt matter to me.
It does. But when your use to things going a certain way. You learn to expect things after awhile.
Yea..I fell really guilty and I let it hinder my own recovery alot.

I'm struggling now with that.

Your not alone.
I like what everyone else said. Everyone has their own path. I am a believer in everything happens for a reason.

LexieCat

Nothing is forever, Untox. Your great good fortune is likely to turn someday, or you will experience some tragedy or sadness. That's what "This, too, shall pass" means to ME. I try to appreciate the good things and to keep moving forward during the bad times. Nothing stays the same; everything changes. Your struggling friends, in their turn, will experience great happiness if they are open to it. It may not be material--maybe it will be "just" a sense of peace and serenity.

reggiewayne

Good topic! I think that there are two ways to look at it. I struggled for years on this site. I am on my 3ed username here btw... Something is different this time around. The light finally went off in my head and I think i understand my recovery better this time than any time before.

I say this because some of the people that we see struggling now may pop up in the future and get it and get better. I think there is hope for all of us. Like the bb says, if we have the capacity to be honest. I've read back through some of my old posts and I saw a guy reaching out for help but not doing much else to get better. I have the words but not the actions... If I can turn it around I'm sure that many others can too....

MsCooterBrown

Lexie has a really good point Untox...I am extremely grateful that I have not had much of a struggle. I really do believe it is because I truly got sick of being sick! The solution was right in front of me the whole time for years but I ignored it. BUT I have not had any tragedy or catastophic events hit. I believe I will get thru anything sober. I am just done with the slow death that is alcoholism.
I have always felt like I was somewhat of a control freak. The biggest lesson I learned getting sober...I don't have control over anything EXCEPT my choice each day to NOT drink.

newby1961

Most of it I have found is attitude & perception what may seem bad to others maybe a miracle in disguise so I never know what God's handiwork is all about. All I can do is pray for others and be of service but like it says in the Big Book I can't give away what I don't have, my own house has to be in order 1st. Thats not word for word its paraphrased. I love how Anna wrote it about how everyone is on their own journey I believe that to. Thanks for posting. Keep the Faith

Untoxicated

It's no more likely to get worse than it is to get even better. In fact, as I learn about myself, what I value, and how I can sculpt my attitude - I can only see better things on the horizon despite what society accepts as a "tragedy" occurring in the future. My past is full of tragedies that I would have gone through again to get what I have today - and that is what I will focus on...the hope that others will turn strife into strength.

Thank you LexieCat for showing me that the answers are within us.

Thanks for the replies all - I just needed to share the load yesterday and you are all very much appreciated and loved.

LexieCat

Um, yeah,

I certainly wasn't predicting disaster on your horizon, by any means! Just noting that even when we are doing all the "right stuff" and have a great relationship with our HP we can still have misfortune strike. Contrary to what some idiots tried to say, God wasn't punishing the folks in New Orleans when the hurricane struck. The good news is that (a) we won't have to blame our addictions because we ARE doing the "right stuff" and (b) we will have the inner strength to cope with whatever comes our way--the good and the bad.