Analyzing The Motives Behind My Problem Drinking - Step One
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by dairo 
THIS^
If you want to REMAIN sober you will have to find God. I know not everyone wants to hear this, and neither did I at the time, but is so crucial to turning your life around and taking a different path completely. You don't need a darn priest or anything either. Just ask God to come into your heart and give you the power to take this DAY by DAY and nothing more, and you will be AMAZED at the answers you recieve and the power and influence He and others will give you.
If you want to REMAIN sober you will have to find God. I know not everyone wants to hear this, and neither did I at the time, but is so crucial to turning your life around and taking a different path completely. You don't need a darn priest or anything either. Just ask God to come into your heart and give you the power to take this DAY by DAY and nothing more, and you will be AMAZED at the answers you recieve and the power and influence He and others will give you.
Recovery for me is about subtracting that which blocks me off from a power than can restore me to sanity. Whether that power is in me, outside me, or in Secaucus, NJ, I don't care. I just know it works.
The reason so many people get stuck in the 1-2-3 Step Cha-Cha is because they are told they must believe in God in Step 2 and turn their lives over to Him in Step 3. Hogwash. The first 3 steps were conclusions of the mind by the first 100 as they LOOKED BACK at their experience. It was steps 4-9 that brought them to sanity and an understanding of God. God does not make too hard terms for those who seek him.
And if you've conceded to your innermost self that you are utterly, completely, and without reservation powerless over alcohol, you tend to start seeking with urgency. Because in that moment of grace, you understand that your life is in the balance.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by FrothyJay
I did not need to find God-- I just needed to remove the clutter and issues that were blocking me off from God (I use the conventional term here of "God," but generally don't try to define the power that allowed my spirit to awaken).
Recovery for me is about subtracting that which blocks me off from a power than can restore me to sanity. Whether that power is in me, outside me, or in Secaucus, NJ, I don't care. I just know it works.
The reason so many people get stuck in the 1-2-3 Step Cha-Cha is because they are told they must believe in God in Step 2 and turn their lives over to Him in Step 3. Hogwash. The first 3 steps were conclusions of the mind by the first 100 as they LOOKED BACK at their experience. It was steps 4-9 that brought them to sanity and an understanding of God. God does not make too hard terms for those who seek him.
And if you've conceded to your innermost self that you are utterly, completely, and without reservation powerless over alcohol, you tend to start seeking with urgency. Because in that moment of grace, you understand that your life is in the balance.
Recovery for me is about subtracting that which blocks me off from a power than can restore me to sanity. Whether that power is in me, outside me, or in Secaucus, NJ, I don't care. I just know it works.
The reason so many people get stuck in the 1-2-3 Step Cha-Cha is because they are told they must believe in God in Step 2 and turn their lives over to Him in Step 3. Hogwash. The first 3 steps were conclusions of the mind by the first 100 as they LOOKED BACK at their experience. It was steps 4-9 that brought them to sanity and an understanding of God. God does not make too hard terms for those who seek him.
And if you've conceded to your innermost self that you are utterly, completely, and without reservation powerless over alcohol, you tend to start seeking with urgency. Because in that moment of grace, you understand that your life is in the balance.
Let me just clarify that I do not regularly attend AA and do not follow the 12 steps conventually. However, I noticed that for a long time I had been working the steps without even realizing it. Do you not agree that the belief in something greater for addicts is crucial for recovery? Sure there are cases that differ from the norm in everything. If these sick people continue to drink after losing their children, jobs, families, spouses, what else can they do but try and find God? What can you tell these people? Just... try and subtract negative things out of your life! It will all make sense than! That seems very ass-backwards imo. They will find out later once they believe in a power greater than themselves (which imo is the biggest bologna there is in recovery, it is god or nothing, and 99% of the time that's what it boils down too.)
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt
Now I realize that if I'm to stay where I want to be (both weight and health wise) I'll have to be vigilant for the remainder of my life.
I understand that I will go back to the way I was drinking before until I've properly conquered the inner voice that feeds me the insidious lies.
.
I understand that I will go back to the way I was drinking before until I've properly conquered the inner voice that feeds me the insidious lies.
.
I think you're very perceptive to be realizing this so early on--congratulations on your sober time. However, for me, dealing with this does get easier and easier as time progresses. Recovery will always need to be part of my life but it doesn't have to be a heavy load to carry. (I too struggle with eating and am realizing more and more how my recovery for both these things is related.)
I think Dee's post hits the nail on the head about the place where "Reasons for drinking" and "no reason for drinking" meet. For me, anyway, there were a lot of reasons for drinking until it got to the point where there were no reasons at all. Life is much better for me without drinking, and I am happy that I am sober.
SR has been my primary form of support (along with reading books and counseling) and I have amazing gratitude for the posters here who have helped me achieve 9+ months sobriety. There are many of us here who use SR as primary support and/or take a secular approach. Welcome again!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by AmericanGirl
Hi ElvisInaSkirt--welcome. Love the name.
I think you're very perceptive to be realizing this so early on--congratulations on your sober time. However, for me, dealing with this does get easier and easier as time progresses. Recovery will always need to be part of my life but it doesn't have to be a heavy load to carry. (I too struggle with eating and am realizing more and more how my recovery for both these things is related.)
I think Dee's post hits the nail on the head about the place where "Reasons for drinking" and "no reason for drinking" meet. For me, anyway, there were a lot of reasons for drinking until it got to the point where there were no reasons at all. Life is much better for me without drinking, and I am happy that I am sober.
SR has been my primary form of support (along with reading books and counseling) and I have amazing gratitude for the posters here who have helped me achieve 9+ months sobriety. There are many of us here who use SR as primary support and/or take a secular approach. Welcome again!
I think you're very perceptive to be realizing this so early on--congratulations on your sober time. However, for me, dealing with this does get easier and easier as time progresses. Recovery will always need to be part of my life but it doesn't have to be a heavy load to carry. (I too struggle with eating and am realizing more and more how my recovery for both these things is related.)
I think Dee's post hits the nail on the head about the place where "Reasons for drinking" and "no reason for drinking" meet. For me, anyway, there were a lot of reasons for drinking until it got to the point where there were no reasons at all. Life is much better for me without drinking, and I am happy that I am sober.
SR has been my primary form of support (along with reading books and counseling) and I have amazing gratitude for the posters here who have helped me achieve 9+ months sobriety. There are many of us here who use SR as primary support and/or take a secular approach. Welcome again!
I made this list on New Year's Day of the Pros and Cons of quitting drinking.
PROS
-------
I will lose weight easier.
I will have more time to read books and watch comedy shows.
I will have more money.
I will have more self respect through kicking the habit.
Far less risk of getting into trouble with others by mouthing about religion in the pub.
I will have more time to study stuff related to my career, which I enjoy.
If I know more career-related stuff then I can travel more as I'll be in demand for my skills.
CONS
-----
Going out to pubs will not be fun without Alcohol.
I will struggle to find a partner without Alcohol. I can only make approaches when drunk.
Days will be longer without alcohol. This will be bad if the day is already boring.
Sleeping will be more difficult.
So ultimately I guess I've gotta challenge each of those cons otherwise I will fall back to square one.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your "cons" are just that: thoughts that con you.
You can have fun without spending time in pubs. Pubs get old pretty fast so far as entertainment goes.
You will get used to socializing (including striking up conversations with men) while sober. It feels weird at first but you will get used to it. It's a skill, like anything else. You will probably make a better impression on better prospects if you aren't inebriated.
You will find new things to fill the day. Life is more interesting when you aren't simply waiting for Happy Hour to arrive.
Your sleep will improve DRAMATICALLY once you get the alcohol entirely out of your system and your body and brain have had a chance to adjust.
You can have fun without spending time in pubs. Pubs get old pretty fast so far as entertainment goes.
You will get used to socializing (including striking up conversations with men) while sober. It feels weird at first but you will get used to it. It's a skill, like anything else. You will probably make a better impression on better prospects if you aren't inebriated.
You will find new things to fill the day. Life is more interesting when you aren't simply waiting for Happy Hour to arrive.
Your sleep will improve DRAMATICALLY once you get the alcohol entirely out of your system and your body and brain have had a chance to adjust.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by dairo
Let me just clarify that I do not regularly attend AA and do not follow the 12 steps conventually. However, I noticed that for a long time I had been working the steps without even realizing it. Do you not agree that the belief in something greater for addicts is crucial for recovery? Sure there are cases that differ from the norm in everything. If these sick people continue to drink after losing their children, jobs, families, spouses, what else can they do but try and find God? What can you tell these people? Just... try and subtract negative things out of your life! It will all make sense than! That seems very ass-backwards imo. They will find out later once they believe in a power greater than themselves (which imo is the biggest bologna there is in recovery, it is god or nothing, and 99% of the time that's what it boils down too.)
Respectfully, you do not work the steps by accident. They are precise directions. One of the biggest problems in AA is that we have many people saying they've worked the steps because they've read them off a window shade and thought, "Yeah, I can get with that." They then carry that message of depth and weight to their sponsees. Relapsing ensues.
Yes, God is either everything or nothing, but not your God. Your God works for you, and that's terrific.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt
I'm wary of using the label alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by FrothyJay
Most people come to their bottom with no sense of God, and if they do, it's the sense that the God of their misunderstanding has abandoned them. They are not able to simply summon or adopt faith in God, which it seems is your solution. That works for Jimmy Swaggart and Pat Robertson, I guess, but not for the cynical, chronic alcoholic.
Respectfully, you do not work the steps by accident. They are precise directions. One of the biggest problems in AA is that we have many people saying they've worked the steps because they've read them off a window shade and thought, "Yeah, I can get with that." They then carry that message of depth and weight to their sponsees. Relapsing ensues.
Yes, God is either everything or nothing, but not your God. Your God works for you, and that's terrific.
Respectfully, you do not work the steps by accident. They are precise directions. One of the biggest problems in AA is that we have many people saying they've worked the steps because they've read them off a window shade and thought, "Yeah, I can get with that." They then carry that message of depth and weight to their sponsees. Relapsing ensues.
Yes, God is either everything or nothing, but not your God. Your God works for you, and that's terrific.
When a person has Finally hit bottom or many many many bottoms (as was with me) they almost have no choice but to try and accept things (and adopt a new way of life!) that they once denounced, or end up doing something terrible to themselves, or just die living a lonely life as a drunk clown.
I have never blamed God for how my life has been, that's for cowards. I do not even believe Jesus is the true son of God, and all the Sin bologna, but I do believe in the power of faith and the power of the Mind. Lot's of newcomers on here seem to be totally against god because Science can disprove so much, etc etc.... but they are completely missing the point and meaning I am trying to portray. You see how many of these people are constantly relapsing, and it's mostly people without faith, who think they have enough willpower to overcome it. I have met many people who have come to me in tears talking to me about their drug addiction and such, and I tell them bluntly, Without enough consequences your life will probably not change. They don't want to hear this, but it is the honest to god truth. The strength of perhaps there is someone watching out for me, perhaps their is hope for the future, to try and walk with god as close as possible, to try and live like Him would benefit every human being, that's what I am trying to show. Living life as a dry drunk is no life to live. I look at people in church and think to myself, yes these people are delusional in some senses, but am I not? Has my life as an atheist brought me anything of worth? Has my constant thrashing of the Bible made my life any better? These people have good strong families who aren't drunk clowns because they believe in something greater than themselves, even if it can be disproved, it doesn't matter. Ask yourself this, Do you want to raise your children to not believe in anything (alcoholism runs in families) or should you indoctrinate them to be scared of certain things, certain consequences so that they will probably live a much healthier and better life no matter what some other people think of them? I dunno, just my .02. It takes time for people to change, and some won't, it doesn't bother me anymore, you either do it for yourself, or you die.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by dairo
When a person has Finally hit bottom or many many many bottoms (as was with me) they almost have no choice but to try and accept things (and adopt a new way of life!) that they once denounced, or end up doing something terrible to themselves, or just die living a lonely life as a drunk clown.
I have never blamed God for how my life has been, that's for cowards. I do not even believe Jesus is the true son of God, and all the Sin bologna, but I do believe in the power of faith and the power of the Mind. Lot's of newcomers on here seem to be totally against god because Science can disprove so much, etc etc.... but they are completely missing the point and meaning I am trying to portray. You see how many of these people are constantly relapsing, and it's mostly people without faith, who think they have enough willpower to overcome it. I have met many people who have come to me in tears talking to me about their drug addiction and such, and I tell them bluntly, Without enough consequences your life will probably not change. They don't want to hear this, but it is the honest to god truth. The strength of perhaps there is someone watching out for me, perhaps their is hope for the future, to try and walk with god as close as possible, to try and live like Him would benefit every human being, that's what I am trying to show. Living life as a dry drunk is no life to live. I look at people in church and think to myself, yes these people are delusional in some senses, but am I not? Has my life as an atheist brought me anything of worth? Has my constant thrashing of the Bible made my life any better? These people have good strong families who aren't drunk clowns because they believe in something greater than themselves, even if it can be disproved, it doesn't matter. Ask yourself this, Do you want to raise your children to not believe in anything (alcoholism runs in families) or should you indoctrinate them to be scared of certain things, certain consequences so that they will probably live a much healthier and better life no matter what some other people think of them? I dunno, just my .02. It takes time for people to change, and some won't, it doesn't bother me anymore, you either do it for yourself, or you die.
I have never blamed God for how my life has been, that's for cowards. I do not even believe Jesus is the true son of God, and all the Sin bologna, but I do believe in the power of faith and the power of the Mind. Lot's of newcomers on here seem to be totally against god because Science can disprove so much, etc etc.... but they are completely missing the point and meaning I am trying to portray. You see how many of these people are constantly relapsing, and it's mostly people without faith, who think they have enough willpower to overcome it. I have met many people who have come to me in tears talking to me about their drug addiction and such, and I tell them bluntly, Without enough consequences your life will probably not change. They don't want to hear this, but it is the honest to god truth. The strength of perhaps there is someone watching out for me, perhaps their is hope for the future, to try and walk with god as close as possible, to try and live like Him would benefit every human being, that's what I am trying to show. Living life as a dry drunk is no life to live. I look at people in church and think to myself, yes these people are delusional in some senses, but am I not? Has my life as an atheist brought me anything of worth? Has my constant thrashing of the Bible made my life any better? These people have good strong families who aren't drunk clowns because they believe in something greater than themselves, even if it can be disproved, it doesn't matter. Ask yourself this, Do you want to raise your children to not believe in anything (alcoholism runs in families) or should you indoctrinate them to be scared of certain things, certain consequences so that they will probably live a much healthier and better life no matter what some other people think of them? I dunno, just my .02. It takes time for people to change, and some won't, it doesn't bother me anymore, you either do it for yourself, or you die.
My life as an Atheist has brought me much comfort and hope as I realize that this is the only chance we get at life. That's why it's important that I try my utmost to become an example to others (including my friends and my family).
In other news I have lost 3lbs since I stopped drinking and am feeling in excellent shape. I'm on a roll.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt
Ta for the welcome!
I made this list on New Year's Day of the Pros and Cons of quitting drinking.
PROS
-------
I will lose weight easier.
I will have more time to read books and watch comedy shows.
I will have more money.
I will have more self respect through kicking the habit.
Far less risk of getting into trouble with others by mouthing about religion in the pub.
I will have more time to study stuff related to my career, which I enjoy.
If I know more career-related stuff then I can travel more as I'll be in demand for my skills.
CONS
-----
Going out to pubs will not be fun without Alcohol.
I will struggle to find a partner without Alcohol. I can only make approaches when drunk.
Days will be longer without alcohol. This will be bad if the day is already boring.
Sleeping will be more difficult.
So ultimately I guess I've gotta challenge each of those cons otherwise I will fall back to square one.
I made this list on New Year's Day of the Pros and Cons of quitting drinking.
PROS
-------
I will lose weight easier.
I will have more time to read books and watch comedy shows.
I will have more money.
I will have more self respect through kicking the habit.
Far less risk of getting into trouble with others by mouthing about religion in the pub.
I will have more time to study stuff related to my career, which I enjoy.
If I know more career-related stuff then I can travel more as I'll be in demand for my skills.
CONS
-----
Going out to pubs will not be fun without Alcohol.
I will struggle to find a partner without Alcohol. I can only make approaches when drunk.
Days will be longer without alcohol. This will be bad if the day is already boring.
Sleeping will be more difficult.
So ultimately I guess I've gotta challenge each of those cons otherwise I will fall back to square one.
For me a CBT is a good way to look openly about my addiction. My CBT is on this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2257225
Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt
My life as an Atheist has brought me much comfort and hope...
I feel about the same as a non-theist. The secular spiritual path I have chosen allows me to bring meaning into my life. I did a lot of meaningless things in active addiction. I not going to bring meaningless stuff into my recovery.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 114
I heard a priest talking on t.v. the other night... wasn't really listening, until I heard him start talking about atheism... so my ears perked up...
He said, "it takes as much faith to not believe in God (atheist) as it does to believe in God (Christian, Jew, etc.) People mistake faith for religion or dogma or even science. Those are processes of expression, and all are open to interpretation and opinion. Whatever you follow, whatever belief you hold which leads you to follow it... that is faith."
I was quite impressed with that statement, and I found, after long thought, that I agreed with him. Having faith -- in whatever -- that is Higher Power. Something beyond myself.
Not trying to sell anyone, just thought I'd share, as I found it interesting.
He said, "it takes as much faith to not believe in God (atheist) as it does to believe in God (Christian, Jew, etc.) People mistake faith for religion or dogma or even science. Those are processes of expression, and all are open to interpretation and opinion. Whatever you follow, whatever belief you hold which leads you to follow it... that is faith."
I was quite impressed with that statement, and I found, after long thought, that I agreed with him. Having faith -- in whatever -- that is Higher Power. Something beyond myself.
Not trying to sell anyone, just thought I'd share, as I found it interesting.
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt
CONS
-----
Going out to pubs will not be fun without Alcohol.
I will struggle to find a partner without Alcohol. I can only make approaches when drunk.
Days will be longer without alcohol. This will be bad if the day is already boring.
Sleeping will be more difficult.
So ultimately I guess I've gotta challenge each of those cons otherwise I will fall back to square one.
-----
Going out to pubs will not be fun without Alcohol.
I will struggle to find a partner without Alcohol. I can only make approaches when drunk.
Days will be longer without alcohol. This will be bad if the day is already boring.
Sleeping will be more difficult.
So ultimately I guess I've gotta challenge each of those cons otherwise I will fall back to square one.
So the only "con" that would be true for me is that I no longer find bars fun. But that's not really a "con" the way I see it, just a normal reaction to the change in my perception. I do think it's a con that most people my age socialize mostly in bars . . . but that's not something I can control! So, I take advantage of other forms of socializing.
Good luck to you . . . keep posting and reading.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by AmericanGirl
I think with more time these may no longer feel like Cons. At least in my experience . . . I made some very poor partner choices while drinking. Also, you mention boredom. For me the first few days were really long but that went away as I learned to live again . . now I am rarely, if ever, bored, and my life is a lot fuller. I like having the extra hours of the day.
So the only "con" that would be true for me is that I no longer find bars fun. But that's not really a "con" the way I see it, just a normal reaction to the change in my perception. I do think it's a con that most people my age socialize mostly in bars . . . but that's not something I can control! So, I take advantage of other forms of socializing.
Good luck to you . . . keep posting and reading.
So the only "con" that would be true for me is that I no longer find bars fun. But that's not really a "con" the way I see it, just a normal reaction to the change in my perception. I do think it's a con that most people my age socialize mostly in bars . . . but that's not something I can control! So, I take advantage of other forms of socializing.
Good luck to you . . . keep posting and reading.
When I was 20 I wasn't even interested in pubs or booze. Over Christmas I went out a few times and it is really boring being in there.
Pub culture over here in Britain and Ireland is so interwoven with every day life that it's considered normal to binge drink and abnormal to abstain.
I want to use the extra long days to read more and to learn more for my career. The only thing is at the minute I've lost all interest in my career.
With my career, I kinda feel like I've been plugging along in a motorized boat for the last 2 years and the engine has finally conked out just now and I've no motivation to row.
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