Need a little clarification.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Originally Posted by someguy71 
GS2!!!!!!
Thank you!!
I know it is still early in my sobriety. I wish I had the opportunity to go to meeting, or "work the steps" but I can't The resources just aren't here where I live. So here I am on the forum.
Thank you!!
I know it is still early in my sobriety. I wish I had the opportunity to go to meeting, or "work the steps" but I can't The resources just aren't here where I live. So here I am on the forum.
Not saying you have to; I am not an AA person who says or believes it is the only way. Just a way for a lot of people. And we are always here for you at SR as well!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 62
Thank everyone for their input and well wishes.
I'll keep trudging along and take what ppl say with a grain of salt
I know she means the best, possibly just could have worded it a little better 
If I have any more Q's I'll be sure to post them.
I'll keep trudging along and take what ppl say with a grain of salt
I know she means the best, possibly just could have worded it a little better If I have any more Q's I'll be sure to post them.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
SG, glad to see the update and good on you for sharing and asking.
This is a journey and for me.....I found just quitting to be a start but it was reaching out for support (many options out there) that has helped me change my thinking and the way I live life for the better. It has taken time and has been a process.....still making change and improving areas in my life but I am all around more positive person then I ever could have imagined in the years I drank.
Keep sharing and reading through. We are here for ya!
This is a journey and for me.....I found just quitting to be a start but it was reaching out for support (many options out there) that has helped me change my thinking and the way I live life for the better. It has taken time and has been a process.....still making change and improving areas in my life but I am all around more positive person then I ever could have imagined in the years I drank.
Keep sharing and reading through. We are here for ya!
Last edited by Kmber2010; 01-28-2011 at 07:52 PM. Reason: typos
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Hi SG71,
I am sorry about the response (regarding your response) about how you are doing in your recovery. While I am sure the person was probably thinking they were being helpful, I can see that it was a bit harsh. Sometimes when we get a few 24 hours under our belt, we forget how difficult it was in the beginning of our sobriety. The first and most important thing we need to do is NOT drink. We can't fix everything all at once. It is true that you will need to take a look at why you were drinking in the first place, but the phrase "baby steps" are words to live by. If you try to do everything all at once, you may get overwhelmed, and that usually leads to relapse.
Possibly you may very well end up using the AA program as a tool in your recovery, it is a good program with lots of success storys to back it up...but as others have said, it is not the only way to stay sober. Recovery is very much a group thing, we need others who understand what we are going through, who won't look at us like we have three heads when we tell our storys and are able to show us that yes, revovery really works. But as much as it is a group thing, it is also very personel, I don't think that there are two people in any program that have the exact same game plan.
Believe it or not, you can have fun sober, you can learn to forgive yourself for being sick, and life will get better with clean time...but it all starts with NOT taking the first drink.
I hope you will read a lot, share a lot, and ask as many questions as you need to find the right path to recovery for you.
Cathy
I am sorry about the response (regarding your response) about how you are doing in your recovery. While I am sure the person was probably thinking they were being helpful, I can see that it was a bit harsh. Sometimes when we get a few 24 hours under our belt, we forget how difficult it was in the beginning of our sobriety. The first and most important thing we need to do is NOT drink. We can't fix everything all at once. It is true that you will need to take a look at why you were drinking in the first place, but the phrase "baby steps" are words to live by. If you try to do everything all at once, you may get overwhelmed, and that usually leads to relapse.
Possibly you may very well end up using the AA program as a tool in your recovery, it is a good program with lots of success storys to back it up...but as others have said, it is not the only way to stay sober. Recovery is very much a group thing, we need others who understand what we are going through, who won't look at us like we have three heads when we tell our storys and are able to show us that yes, revovery really works. But as much as it is a group thing, it is also very personel, I don't think that there are two people in any program that have the exact same game plan.
Believe it or not, you can have fun sober, you can learn to forgive yourself for being sick, and life will get better with clean time...but it all starts with NOT taking the first drink.
I hope you will read a lot, share a lot, and ask as many questions as you need to find the right path to recovery for you.
Cathy
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
We do the steps to connect us to a power greater than ourselves that can solve our drinking problem. It is not to produce a list of reasons why we drank-- but to reduce the self and clear room for an awakened spirit. I don't get a list of triggers from my fourth step, but an honest appraisal of my resentments, fears, and sex inventory that I then share with God and another person. This process connects me to a power that relieves me of the obsession to drink. This is the promise of AA.
Most people try everything else before they try the 12 steps, so it's not surprising to hear resistance. And this doesn't mean everyone needs to do the 12 steps, but most chronic alcoholics do if they want to survive.
Most people try everything else before they try the 12 steps, so it's not surprising to hear resistance. And this doesn't mean everyone needs to do the 12 steps, but most chronic alcoholics do if they want to survive.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I'm coming into this a little late, but I think there is more than one possibility as far as how to interpret that person from the other forum.
Giving her the best benefit of the doubt, you can say she is logically right in not wanting to see you waste any time. She has likely seen a lot of people do that, including herself.
On the least sympathetic side, what she said reminded me of someone in AA questioning what good I could possibly be doing if I am not working the Steps - when she knew I had just made it past a year. Some people aren't content with the good status of others if they don't see the same path they needed to take. I think some people are also miserable and jealous. This particular person is someone I thought was still actively addicted based on her poor focus and rotten demeanor; yet, she has a few years sober. But she was questioning what good I could have been doing for myself through my own self-help and sharing online. I put a stop to that relationship.
I would say that if you don't make it a personal project to avoid finding anything good to say about AA or the Book or an individual who uses it -ie, don't have a chip on your shoulder about it - then chances are good that you are open enough to make progressive changes for the better. That's not a guarantee that you will do, but it's a good start.
Don't assume you are going to fail just because you are not in AA and don't assume you have everything down pat all by yourself. Be humble enough to learn something and confident enough to keep going.
By the way, good for you for working on this! And this site probably is better than the other one, not to cast stones.
Giving her the best benefit of the doubt, you can say she is logically right in not wanting to see you waste any time. She has likely seen a lot of people do that, including herself.
On the least sympathetic side, what she said reminded me of someone in AA questioning what good I could possibly be doing if I am not working the Steps - when she knew I had just made it past a year. Some people aren't content with the good status of others if they don't see the same path they needed to take. I think some people are also miserable and jealous. This particular person is someone I thought was still actively addicted based on her poor focus and rotten demeanor; yet, she has a few years sober. But she was questioning what good I could have been doing for myself through my own self-help and sharing online. I put a stop to that relationship.
I would say that if you don't make it a personal project to avoid finding anything good to say about AA or the Book or an individual who uses it -ie, don't have a chip on your shoulder about it - then chances are good that you are open enough to make progressive changes for the better. That's not a guarantee that you will do, but it's a good start.
Don't assume you are going to fail just because you are not in AA and don't assume you have everything down pat all by yourself. Be humble enough to learn something and confident enough to keep going.
By the way, good for you for working on this! And this site probably is better than the other one, not to cast stones.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
I am in AA and I don't agree with her response, as it was phrased in your OP. Saying chronic relapse is eminent if you don't work the reasons why you drink is a horrible thing to say. Sayings like that are all some in early recovery may need to go back out...why not if relapse is eminent?
There are some hardliners in AA. I think their intentions are good, but their "my way or the highway" attitude is not helpful to many people. We are not all like this in AA and I apologize if you had a negative experience.
For me, the underlying reasons why I drank were not as much of an issue as to learning how to live life without picking up a drink. For me, learning the proper tools to stay away from that first drink were of utmost important. Drinking was so pervasive in my life, that everything was a trigger for me. Heck, even being too happy or too productive was a huge trigger. Learning what triggered me was a second concern compared to learning how to handle those triggers.
Some people have some deep underlying problems that led them to the bottle, but this is not the case for everyone. For me, I had a love affair with booze that turned out of control. I am not saying that I didn't have problems and didn't get caught in an awful cycle where the booze was a huge crutch for me. I certainly had baggage spilling out of my closest and I am grateful for the steps that helped clean away the wreckage of my past and gave me greater insights about myself.
Nonetheless, exploring the reasons why you drank is a good recommendation. If boredom and physically dependence are the only two reasons that you drank, then so be it. However, over time, you may find other reasons why you drank. That was certainly the case for me. If you find reasons why you drank, then you should address those reasons. This is just common sense advice.
Over time, more was revealed to me. I had to eventually address boredom, loneliness, happiness, success, fear, drastic changes in weather, self-inflicted depression, the **** its, self-pity, guilt, and probably a few other reasons I am forgetting.
Nonetheless, if you are an alcoholic or addict who stayed away from a drink and drug today, then you did something right. In fact, you did something wonderful. I wish you and everyone else in recovery another 24.
There are some hardliners in AA. I think their intentions are good, but their "my way or the highway" attitude is not helpful to many people. We are not all like this in AA and I apologize if you had a negative experience.
For me, the underlying reasons why I drank were not as much of an issue as to learning how to live life without picking up a drink. For me, learning the proper tools to stay away from that first drink were of utmost important. Drinking was so pervasive in my life, that everything was a trigger for me. Heck, even being too happy or too productive was a huge trigger. Learning what triggered me was a second concern compared to learning how to handle those triggers.
Some people have some deep underlying problems that led them to the bottle, but this is not the case for everyone. For me, I had a love affair with booze that turned out of control. I am not saying that I didn't have problems and didn't get caught in an awful cycle where the booze was a huge crutch for me. I certainly had baggage spilling out of my closest and I am grateful for the steps that helped clean away the wreckage of my past and gave me greater insights about myself.
Nonetheless, exploring the reasons why you drank is a good recommendation. If boredom and physically dependence are the only two reasons that you drank, then so be it. However, over time, you may find other reasons why you drank. That was certainly the case for me. If you find reasons why you drank, then you should address those reasons. This is just common sense advice.
Over time, more was revealed to me. I had to eventually address boredom, loneliness, happiness, success, fear, drastic changes in weather, self-inflicted depression, the **** its, self-pity, guilt, and probably a few other reasons I am forgetting.
Nonetheless, if you are an alcoholic or addict who stayed away from a drink and drug today, then you did something right. In fact, you did something wonderful. I wish you and everyone else in recovery another 24.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by Antiderivative
I am in AA and I don't agree with her response, as it was phrased in your OP. Saying chronic relapse is eminent if you don't work the reasons why you drink is a horrible thing to say. Sayings like that are all some in early recovery may need to go back out...why not if relapse is eminent?
There are some hardliners in AA. I think their intentions are good, but their "my way or the highway" attitude is not helpful to many people. We are not all like this in AA and I apologize if you had a negative experience.
For me, the underlying reasons why I drank were not as much of an issue as to learning how to live life without picking up a drink. For me, learning the proper tools to stay away from that first drink were of utmost important. Drinking was so pervasive in my life, that everything was a trigger for me. Heck, even being too happy or too productive was a huge trigger. Learning what triggered me was a second concern compared to learning how to handle those triggers.
Some people have some deep underlying problems that led them to the bottle, but this is not the case for everyone. For me, I had a love affair with booze that turned out of control. I am not saying that I didn't have problems and didn't get caught in an awful cycle where the booze was a huge crutch for me. I certainly had baggage spilling out of my closest and I am grateful for the steps that helped clean away the wreckage of my past and gave me greater insights about myself.
Nonetheless, exploring the reasons why you drank is a good recommendation. If boredom and physically dependence are the only two reasons that you drank, then so be it. However, over time, you may find other reasons why you drank. That was certainly the case for me. If you find reasons why you drank, then you should address those reasons. This is just common sense advice.
Over time, more was revealed to me. I had to eventually address boredom, loneliness, happiness, success, fear, drastic changes in weather, self-inflicted depression, the **** its, self-pity, guilt, and probably a few other reasons I am forgetting.
Nonetheless, if you are an alcoholic or addict who stayed away from a drink and drug today, then you did something right. In fact, you did something wonderful. I wish you and everyone else in recovery another 24.
There are some hardliners in AA. I think their intentions are good, but their "my way or the highway" attitude is not helpful to many people. We are not all like this in AA and I apologize if you had a negative experience.
For me, the underlying reasons why I drank were not as much of an issue as to learning how to live life without picking up a drink. For me, learning the proper tools to stay away from that first drink were of utmost important. Drinking was so pervasive in my life, that everything was a trigger for me. Heck, even being too happy or too productive was a huge trigger. Learning what triggered me was a second concern compared to learning how to handle those triggers.
Some people have some deep underlying problems that led them to the bottle, but this is not the case for everyone. For me, I had a love affair with booze that turned out of control. I am not saying that I didn't have problems and didn't get caught in an awful cycle where the booze was a huge crutch for me. I certainly had baggage spilling out of my closest and I am grateful for the steps that helped clean away the wreckage of my past and gave me greater insights about myself.
Nonetheless, exploring the reasons why you drank is a good recommendation. If boredom and physically dependence are the only two reasons that you drank, then so be it. However, over time, you may find other reasons why you drank. That was certainly the case for me. If you find reasons why you drank, then you should address those reasons. This is just common sense advice.
Over time, more was revealed to me. I had to eventually address boredom, loneliness, happiness, success, fear, drastic changes in weather, self-inflicted depression, the **** its, self-pity, guilt, and probably a few other reasons I am forgetting.
Nonetheless, if you are an alcoholic or addict who stayed away from a drink and drug today, then you did something right. In fact, you did something wonderful. I wish you and everyone else in recovery another 24.
This is about properly representing the AA program, and it is not, contrary to popular myth, a make-your-own-sundae experience. There is a text book that precisely outlines how the first 100 recovered, and nowhere in there do you hear that they just did it for today. They did it for good and forever. They recovered, and were not in a perpetual state of clapping each other on the back and saying "we made it through another 24!". That is the promise of recovery, not purgatory.
I applaud this person for at least disturbing someone a bit on the issue of alcoholism. It's a chronic, relapsing disease that kills 100,000 in the US alone each year. It requires straight talk to communicate what's required to recover.
Passing along the slogans that infiltrated AA and run counter to the spiritual program of recovery outlined in the book by our founders is dangerous, plain and simple. They may work for hard drinkers, but not for the alcoholic described in the Dr.'s Opinion.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
While I don't use AA in my recovery, I do believe that there is a difference between abstinence from alcohol, and recovery.
While I don't agree with anyone thinking their way is superior to another, I do agree that simply putting down the drink, and not working on our lives as a whole (in whatever way we do that) isn't 'recovery', it's 'sobriety'.
Whether or not anyone else agrees with me on that or not, isn't my business.. I know what works for me, and I know I had to change more than my choice in beverages. I changed my life, and it's been beautiful.. and I call it recovery.
While I don't agree with anyone thinking their way is superior to another, I do agree that simply putting down the drink, and not working on our lives as a whole (in whatever way we do that) isn't 'recovery', it's 'sobriety'.
Whether or not anyone else agrees with me on that or not, isn't my business.. I know what works for me, and I know I had to change more than my choice in beverages. I changed my life, and it's been beautiful.. and I call it recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
I would never say that AA is the superior way. I simply don't have the ability to say that, nor would it be productive.
My responsibility, as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, is to properly represent the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And when there is a textbook to refer to, there should be little debate about what AA is, and what it is not.
My responsibility, as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, is to properly represent the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And when there is a textbook to refer to, there should be little debate about what AA is, and what it is not.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by flutter
I changed my life, and it's been beautiful.. and I call it recovery.
The 12 step program of AA is a cookbook recipe. That is not, even remotely, meant to be disparaging. The Big Book of AA an awesome, life changing... cookbook. It is, in fact, the easier, softer way... Those here on SR who have recovered from alcoholism without AA, I am sure, will tell you that their recovery was not easy either and it required rigorous honesty and leveling of pride and amends and personal inventory... just like the AAs
I am of the opinion that the "magic" of AA is that if you want to recover from the seemingly hopeless state of alcoholism, using the program of AA... then you must do this, in exactly this way... and if you do, you have a very good, approaching 100%, chance of getting recovered... But there are some very important caveats.... You must want this thing, sobriety, recovery, spiritual experience, whatever... you must want, need and, well, be desperate (at least on most levels) for it.... and, this is important, also... you must do these things, in order, to the best of your ability and with rigorous honesty... if you are going to recover, using the program of AA...
What do you do while doing these steps? You go to meetings and you don't drink, no matter what.... and... you get into those steps as if your life depends on it, because, it just very well might, quite literally... And if you don't do those things, you just go to meetings, and your shares reveal a problem in your recovery that you don't see, or you may have missed a point... I sincerely hope that others in the fellowship, perhaps a sponsor or support group member... I hope that they point it out to you... It is our responsibility to do so... Not to criticize, but to help....
Oh, but maybe when we are in the early stages of recovery and we receive a message like... "relapse is on the horizon" ... we take offense... it is a criticism of us?
It's not...
If you were driving down the highway and your rear tire was dangerously low and ready to blow, or a piece of your automobile was about to fly off... and you were unaware.... would you be angry with the passing motorist who pointed that out to you?... Or, using the cookbook analogy... you go to great trouble and effort to make some awesome loaves of bread, but you left out the yeast... wouldn't you want another person to point that out to you, if they became aware of that?
Getting all insulted when someone in AA points out what may be a problem in your program of recovery in AA..... is just your alcoholism protecting itself... Get over it!!... Thank that person, take note of what was said, consider it, discuss it... it may save your life, or at least the pain of a relapse... That's is one way the fellowship of AA works, and it's a very important way indeed.
The problem comes up, often here on SR, or on other internet forums... when AAs and non-AAs share discussion and support.... Non AAs don't follow the same recipe as AAs... sometimes we learn from each other... sometimes we clash... but overall, I think it's mostly a positive experience...
Oh jeez, I have really rambled and created a jumbled mess of a post, but what the hell, I am just gonna hit the submit reply button and go try and get some work done around the house...
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
"This is about properly representing the AA program"
No, it's not, Frothy. It's about what the original poster brought to the board, and that was his reactions to the questions posed to him by somebody who in all likelihood wanted to hear he was in AA and nothing else, pure and simple.
If you call it "your responsiblity" to represent the AA program adequately and to be a superhero striking down the bastardized aphorisms like "one day at a time," that doesn't make it your privilege to raise speculations that people gone sober who don't go through the Steps and stay away from drinking are only hard drinkers and not actually alcoholics. So what you are is actually a purist and a divisive spokesperson and not only a traditionalist.
What have you done to answer to the feelings brought up by this original poster? Nothing. You've only replicated the lack of communication in the person from the other forum and insinuated he is guilty of resisting AA and none of his experience matters until he shows up there.
No, it's not, Frothy. It's about what the original poster brought to the board, and that was his reactions to the questions posed to him by somebody who in all likelihood wanted to hear he was in AA and nothing else, pure and simple.
If you call it "your responsiblity" to represent the AA program adequately and to be a superhero striking down the bastardized aphorisms like "one day at a time," that doesn't make it your privilege to raise speculations that people gone sober who don't go through the Steps and stay away from drinking are only hard drinkers and not actually alcoholics. So what you are is actually a purist and a divisive spokesperson and not only a traditionalist.
What have you done to answer to the feelings brought up by this original poster? Nothing. You've only replicated the lack of communication in the person from the other forum and insinuated he is guilty of resisting AA and none of his experience matters until he shows up there.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I'm sorry, someguy, that one of our numbers used "you" statements--that part of the response made me uncomfortable. I've learned to share my experience, strength, and hope and not to diagnose someone or prophesy the future of another. I can share what I've observed, what I went through, but I can't tell another person, "You are exactly like me, so this is what will happen to you." I can, but I'd be wrong--maybe not in the assessment, but in thinking that it's my responsibility to recruit another person to "my" view.
Attraction rather than promotion. I share how it is with me, and if someone else wants the kind of spiritual, non-drinking life I lead, I'll offer suggestions to help them get it.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Attraction rather than promotion. I share how it is with me, and if someone else wants the kind of spiritual, non-drinking life I lead, I'll offer suggestions to help them get it.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Thanx sugah... I hope that people understood that my use of "you" in my last post was in a general collective plural sense to make a point. It was not directed at the OP.
Hmm, I guess I really should clean out that garage... I already started a post in another thread and thought better of it...
Mark
Hmm, I guess I really should clean out that garage...
I already started a post in another thread and thought better of it... Mark
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I understood what you meant, Mark, and I was only talking about the PM someguy received. The references to the correspondent as "serious" and "hard line" AA (both terms I'd say apply to my practice of the AA principles) got under my skin a little.
My AA program teaches me that I'm here for others, sharing what worked for me--maybe with folks who haven't made up their minds yet, but if there's not an interest in my way of life, I don't resort to Plan B--using fear to convert others.
And I think I may be straying from the topic, so I'll duck out now. You have a garage to clean, and I have a book to finish writing.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
My AA program teaches me that I'm here for others, sharing what worked for me--maybe with folks who haven't made up their minds yet, but if there's not an interest in my way of life, I don't resort to Plan B--using fear to convert others.
And I think I may be straying from the topic, so I'll duck out now. You have a garage to clean, and I have a book to finish writing.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by FrothyJay
What hardliners in AA (I prefer to call them traditionalists) try to point to IS the program of AA, and what it teaches. And it does not tell us that we should try and stay away from a drink one day at a time. In fact, it tells us this is impossible, if you read the text book.
Obviously, you missed page 85: What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
You speak about people spewing misinformation, but you are the culprit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 62
Thanks everyone! I didn't realize that the post would create such a controversy
I'm open to all suggestions and methods. If I could go to AA, I'd most likely be there already. In my research for AA in my area I stumbled upon SR. I lurked for a while and finally joined
Thank you!! I am sure in time these things will reveal themselves. At the moment though, upon reflection, the times I felt stressed, bad etc... were because of the drink. If I hadn't been drinking I certainly wouldn't have reacted the way I did (usually anxiety and paranoia).
LOL!! Thank you that made me laugh!
Ok ... lets say it is a recipe, each recipe has a variation tailored to individual tastes no? Or lets take that car analogy one step further. Sure, anyone can say you're going to blow a tire, but only if it is obvious. If not so, then, unless that person is a "qualified" mechanic, their opinion is moot. Wouldn't it be better to say "if you have problem ABC, to go and see mechanics XYZ, they worked on my car and they were great."?
As you can see there is a HUGE difference between a referral and unsolicited, unqualified advice.
She had asked how my recovery was going. So I replied with what I that "recovery" meant. It seems though, through her reply, that there is no "recovery" without AA.
I can't say she's right, I can't say she's wrong. At this stage it would be premature to hold an opinion on any "recovery" technique or method.
Actually it wasn't an SR member.. it was a member from a different forum I belong to. She just happen to take a very STRONG stance when it comes to alcohol and drug use.
Originally Posted by Toronto68
Don't assume you are going to fail just because you are not in AA and don't assume you have everything down pat all by yourself. Be humble enough to learn something and confident enough to keep going.
Originally Posted by Antiderivative
However, over time, you may find other reasons why you drank. That was certainly the case for me. If you find reasons why you drank, then you should address those reasons. This is just common sense advice.
Originally Posted by Mark75
Oh jeez, I have really rambled and created a jumbled mess of a post, but what the hell, I am just gonna hit the submit reply button and go try and get some work done around the house...
Ok ... lets say it is a recipe, each recipe has a variation tailored to individual tastes no? Or lets take that car analogy one step further. Sure, anyone can say you're going to blow a tire, but only if it is obvious. If not so, then, unless that person is a "qualified" mechanic, their opinion is moot. Wouldn't it be better to say "if you have problem ABC, to go and see mechanics XYZ, they worked on my car and they were great."?
As you can see there is a HUGE difference between a referral and unsolicited, unqualified advice.
She had asked how my recovery was going. So I replied with what I that "recovery" meant. It seems though, through her reply, that there is no "recovery" without AA.
I can't say she's right, I can't say she's wrong. At this stage it would be premature to hold an opinion on any "recovery" technique or method.
Originally Posted by Sugah
I'm sorry, someguy, that one of our numbers used "you" statements--that part of the response made me uncomfortable.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by someguy71
Actually it wasn't an SR member.. it was a member from a different forum I belong to. She just happen to take a very STRONG stance when it comes to alcohol and drug use.
As for the controversy, it doesn't take much around here
. We're a diverse bunch, and lively discourse is good for any community. It sounds to me like you're willing to do what you need to do for your recovery. You've got my prayers that the path that's right for you opens in front of you.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by someguy71
I didn't realize that the post would create such a controversy
Or lets take that car analogy one step further. Sure, anyone can say you're going to blow a tire, but only if it is obvious. If not so, then, unless that person is a "qualified" mechanic, their opinion is moot. Wouldn't it be better to say "if you have problem ABC, to go and see mechanics XYZ, they worked on my car and they were great."?
It seems though, through her reply, that there is no "recovery" without AA.
So, maybe I should share my experience, instead of my opinion, or advise... sometimes I am guilty of blurring and stepping over those lines...
I was about 6 months sober... I shared at my favorite Sunday AM meeting, I can't remember what about... I woman came up to me afterward, and told me she was very worried about me, that if I didn't keep on in the steps I would surely relapse...
Who the hell is she to come up uninvited and share her opinion of me like that... WTF does she know?? Man, it really rocked my world.
I came to find out, by asking someone close to me, that she has many years of experience... has done service work, sponsored scores of women, has a very sound and spiritual program... and she stayed after the meeting to alert me of some issues about my recovery that I needed to tend to.
How do we know, early on, what we don't know? Even now, I am still a newcomer at almost 2 1/2 years... I am only now becoming aware enough to "see" who has a good message and can help me find the solution and to trust my own ability to understand that. I have come to observe that, thankfully, the people who go out of their way and take time to talk with the newcomers, usually are "qualified"... some more than others, true... but we are ALL in this thing together and when I hear something I don't like, that rocks my world, that challenges me, I try to step back and consider the message and most importantly, the motive.
The motive... We have to give it away to keep it...
Oh, BTW, what really was the message... That AA is the only way, or that we need to figure out and work on the reasons why we drink... The latter was what you quoted in your OP...
We are on the same side, and I am not trying to win the argument... but rather, I am asking you to look at what happened and to try and find something helpful to you in there...someplace?
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