Silly Thoughts
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 17
Silly Thoughts
Perhaps I’m alone in this regard but I have often wondered why? Why do I have such an addiction to alcohol when friends and family are able to enjoy it occasionally and then forget it afterwards? Why me? Wah wah wah…
Sorry for the self-indulgent rant here, sometimes I am so lost in my own mind it just helps to let it out a bit, albeit anonymously. Occasionally there will be a moment when I take a step back and have to ask myself what I’m doing. Researching how to legally obtain a handgun in Canada….came across the question asking if you’ve ever experienced depression or substance addiction, damn! Well played RCMP, well played, I’m too honest to lie on a Federal application.
I keep trying to tell myself it’s just too much to throw away. An engineering degree, a pilot’s licence, it’s just too much to throw away for a silly beverage.
Again, I’m not trying to garner attention here, I’m just often sitting alone in an empty apartment and sometimes it’s relieving to air it out. Have a good night all!
Sorry for the self-indulgent rant here, sometimes I am so lost in my own mind it just helps to let it out a bit, albeit anonymously. Occasionally there will be a moment when I take a step back and have to ask myself what I’m doing. Researching how to legally obtain a handgun in Canada….came across the question asking if you’ve ever experienced depression or substance addiction, damn! Well played RCMP, well played, I’m too honest to lie on a Federal application.
I keep trying to tell myself it’s just too much to throw away. An engineering degree, a pilot’s licence, it’s just too much to throw away for a silly beverage.
Again, I’m not trying to garner attention here, I’m just often sitting alone in an empty apartment and sometimes it’s relieving to air it out. Have a good night all!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It took me twenty years to figure out 'it' wasn't fair...but it was what it was.
I could fight it, like I had been for all those years...get nowhere...spin my wheels, probably die...or I could accept it and move on ...maybe rebuild my life.
I'm so glad I eventually chose the latter...you will be too HTR
D
I could fight it, like I had been for all those years...get nowhere...spin my wheels, probably die...or I could accept it and move on ...maybe rebuild my life.
I'm so glad I eventually chose the latter...you will be too HTR
D
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
My opinion is the people that drink it normally don't enjoy it like I did. When I drank, it consumed me. I was either drinking, thinking about drinking, thinking about not drinking, planning the next time I could drink, or I was hungover... A normal drinker sees alcohol as a mild enhancement to certain occasions. For me, it was a way of life. I know that I can never drink normally again because for as long as I can remember, I never drank normally.
I would routinely take swigs directly from 100 proof whiskey bottles. Or, I would time myself to make sure I would finish a beer in 10 minutes. Nothing normal about those things. For me, drinking wasn't an addition to an occasion, it WAS the occasion.
Just my two cents...
I would routinely take swigs directly from 100 proof whiskey bottles. Or, I would time myself to make sure I would finish a beer in 10 minutes. Nothing normal about those things. For me, drinking wasn't an addition to an occasion, it WAS the occasion.
Just my two cents...
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Not Worth It
When I relapsed my body rejected it from the first beer and could only drink 4 out of the 6 beers (this is after 9 yrs of not drinking) and did not even get a buzz, was very ill. When those thoughts of why can't i drink or of can drink one day, i have to remember the 1st step to remind myself of who i am.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 5
My whole family drinks (sometimes alot!) yet never an issue for them.
Every family event revolves around beer/wine. It'd be unheard of for someone in our family to not drink at an event.
It will be a struggle to somehow just limit to 3-4 drinks and call it a day. It'll my first time trying...
Every family event revolves around beer/wine. It'd be unheard of for someone in our family to not drink at an event.
It will be a struggle to somehow just limit to 3-4 drinks and call it a day. It'll my first time trying...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
"For me, drinking wasn't an addition to an occasion, it WAS the occasion. "
Aint that the truth Reggie!! I used to keep a pint in the freezer and swig it to enhance my beer...then when that was gone get into the wine jug. SICK life it was!! HTR...this is so much better being sober. People like us will NEVER be in control. And the people I hung out with are out of control so I get the being alone...I had to back out of the bar scene or anything to do with events with alcohol -but..I feel better about my choice for the sober life every time I happen upon some poor drunk trying to fake the cop out doing manuvers!! And I have a good job. They are hard to come by these days..sounds as if you do as well..we will look at sobriety as an added perk!!! Hang tough...we are for sure on the right path!!
Aint that the truth Reggie!! I used to keep a pint in the freezer and swig it to enhance my beer...then when that was gone get into the wine jug. SICK life it was!! HTR...this is so much better being sober. People like us will NEVER be in control. And the people I hung out with are out of control so I get the being alone...I had to back out of the bar scene or anything to do with events with alcohol -but..I feel better about my choice for the sober life every time I happen upon some poor drunk trying to fake the cop out doing manuvers!! And I have a good job. They are hard to come by these days..sounds as if you do as well..we will look at sobriety as an added perk!!! Hang tough...we are for sure on the right path!!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by reggiewayne 
My opinion is the people that drink it normally don't enjoy it like I did. When I drank, it consumed me. I was either drinking, thinking about drinking, thinking about not drinking, planning the next time I could drink, or I was hungover... A normal drinker sees alcohol as a mild enhancement to certain occasions. For me, it was a way of life. I know that I can never drink normally again because for as long as I can remember, I never drank normally.
...and to the OP - we've probably all wondered "why me?".
Is it fair? I dunno. I made a lot of bad decisions. I made a lot of "high risk" decisions over and over again, but could I have done anything different? Was I born this way? I think so, but...what if...?
I'll never know. So, I simply cannot worry about this any longer. I must accept who I am and what I am and the responsability that goes along with that and move forward.
We can and do recover. That's what is important.
Kjell
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by bullit71
It will be a struggle to somehow just limit to 3-4 drinks and call it a day. It'll my first time trying...
A lot of people die trying (I was almost one of them).
Do you think you're an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Kjell
That's gonna be tough and if you're an alcoholic, it's impossible.
A lot of people die trying (I was almost one of them).
Do you think you're an alcoholic?
A lot of people die trying (I was almost one of them).
Do you think you're an alcoholic?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Originally Posted by bullit71
Not sure yet. First time trying this. If I can't then I'm done. I'm not going to mess with this and risk my health....
not only alcoholics.
Please stop before risky actions can not be reversed.
A sober healthy future is possible...
Please keep posting with us ..many of us are winning
and so can you!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
hardtoregister....
When I began AA I found so many new friends
we did all sorts of interesting things outside of meetings.
No more sitting around alone in my apartment.. trying .to solve
the mystries of life or being depressed.
All my best as you continue to improve
When I began AA I found so many new friends
we did all sorts of interesting things outside of meetings.
No more sitting around alone in my apartment.. trying .to solve
the mystries of life or being depressed.
All my best as you continue to improve
Last edited by CarolD; 01-25-2011 at 09:30 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 17
bullit71: I was in the same mindset about 2 years ago. That was back when I was drinking about 3-4 times/week. That eventually increased to a bottle of rum every day. It actually takes a lot of courage to even admit alcoholism anonymously to strangers over the web, and I am proud of you for taking this first of many steps.
MsCooterBrown: Yes, I have a very good job. A job where they gladly pay for 45-90 day rehab stays for employees without question. This definitely adds to the guilt, everyone seems to have a legitimate reason for substance abuse and I really don’t. I have great parents and I could have gone to any college I wanted. I graduated first out of high school and received countless scholarships, I went from such an extreme high to such an extreme low, and there is really no reason for it.
CarolD: You are almost too caring, it is comforting to know that there are people like you out there.
MsCooterBrown: Yes, I have a very good job. A job where they gladly pay for 45-90 day rehab stays for employees without question. This definitely adds to the guilt, everyone seems to have a legitimate reason for substance abuse and I really don’t. I have great parents and I could have gone to any college I wanted. I graduated first out of high school and received countless scholarships, I went from such an extreme high to such an extreme low, and there is really no reason for it.
CarolD: You are almost too caring, it is comforting to know that there are people like you out there.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Back to your original post, about why why why. I learned a good lesson some years back about the "why me?" questions from my son. He had developmental delays and other issues, which cleared up, but were difficult for years with uncertain prognosis. He really wanted to be like "everyone else". The problem was that "everyone else" in his mind was an amalgam of all the strengths he saw in other people.
When I pointed out that some people had trouble learning to read, some of his friends were diabetic, or had asthma, etc etc---he realized that he wasn't uniquely singled out to have a tough road. In his peers he was only seeing the tip of the iceberg (successes) , not the difficulties that everyone has, but don't discuss.
He has moved on (is in college now and doing well) but I still use this construct to remind myself that other people have boatloads of problems (with jobs, marriages, finances, etc etc) and that my not being able to drink anymore doesn't single me out as particularly unlucky. And reading posts on SR makes me think it could end up being a net positive one of these days.
And if this sounds just too upbeat---I'm usually a glass half empty kind of person!
D
When I pointed out that some people had trouble learning to read, some of his friends were diabetic, or had asthma, etc etc---he realized that he wasn't uniquely singled out to have a tough road. In his peers he was only seeing the tip of the iceberg (successes) , not the difficulties that everyone has, but don't discuss.
He has moved on (is in college now and doing well) but I still use this construct to remind myself that other people have boatloads of problems (with jobs, marriages, finances, etc etc) and that my not being able to drink anymore doesn't single me out as particularly unlucky. And reading posts on SR makes me think it could end up being a net positive one of these days.
And if this sounds just too upbeat---I'm usually a glass half empty kind of person!
D
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Victoria
Posts: 143
[QUOTE=reggiewayne;2844181]My opinion is the people that drink it normally don't enjoy it like I did. When I drank, it consumed me. I was either drinking, thinking about drinking, thinking about not drinking, planning the next time I could drink, or I was hungover... 
yep this applied to me 100% as well.
no controlled drinking in my life, it was never about the taste or socialising with friends only ever about the effect. To be free of alcohol today has given me so many opportunities that would have passed me by, l am now able to make choices, alcohol no longer dictates to me how to live my life.
l good have a job l love and get great satisfaction from and have even returned to study (at my age!). l am under no illusion l only have the life l do today because l put down the bottle (well wine cask actually...lol)
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Author Unknown.
yep this applied to me 100% as well.
no controlled drinking in my life, it was never about the taste or socialising with friends only ever about the effect. To be free of alcohol today has given me so many opportunities that would have passed me by, l am now able to make choices, alcohol no longer dictates to me how to live my life.
l good have a job l love and get great satisfaction from and have even returned to study (at my age!). l am under no illusion l only have the life l do today because l put down the bottle (well wine cask actually...lol)
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Author Unknown.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
"This definitely adds to the guilt, everyone seems to have a legitimate reason for substance abuse and I really don’t. I have great parents and I could have gone to any college I wanted. I graduated first out of high school and received countless scholarships, I went from such an extreme high to such an extreme low, and there is really no reason for it."
But see..you can bang your head out of guilt and trying to find a reason..there is no rhyme or reason..alcoholism hits EVERYWHERE...I really don't believe the way we are brought up plays into it. I know drunk people from sober familys..and sober people that ended up in a family of drunks. I don't think you are gonna sort this one out!
But see..you can bang your head out of guilt and trying to find a reason..there is no rhyme or reason..alcoholism hits EVERYWHERE...I really don't believe the way we are brought up plays into it. I know drunk people from sober familys..and sober people that ended up in a family of drunks. I don't think you are gonna sort this one out!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Getting sober for me is like getting out of a really awful relationship
Yes yes yes!!! It's my abusive ex and I'm so glad I finally threw him out!
As far as I know, I'm the first alkie in my family on both sides. A dubious distinction indeed.
But then again, I might be the first, last, and only (recovered) alkie in the family. I can live with that. Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
I can answer the "why me?" question. It's because you're an alcoholic. Why are you an alcoholic? That's something nobody can answer. No one really understands why we're alcoholics, although progress is certainly being made in this area. But asking the question "Why am I an alcoholic?" is like running though the jungle trying to find the mosquito that bit me and gave me malaria. Who cares?
You see, what you dealing with here is the problem, not the solution. You know the problem. You're an alcoholic. Why you're an alcoholic isn't important. What you do about it is what matters. Stop looking for reasons why and start looking for solutions to. Your company offers a 45 day rehab? Gee, I may be wrong here but that looks like a solution to me! Stop with the pity party. You're not guilty of anything. You have a disease and it's not your fault.
HOWEVER, continue to live in the problem when the solution is available and then you're free to feel as guilty as you want. I'll even join the crowd and point fingers at you. Life's about choices. You have some to make here. I hope you make the right ones.
You see, what you dealing with here is the problem, not the solution. You know the problem. You're an alcoholic. Why you're an alcoholic isn't important. What you do about it is what matters. Stop looking for reasons why and start looking for solutions to. Your company offers a 45 day rehab? Gee, I may be wrong here but that looks like a solution to me! Stop with the pity party. You're not guilty of anything. You have a disease and it's not your fault.
HOWEVER, continue to live in the problem when the solution is available and then you're free to feel as guilty as you want. I'll even join the crowd and point fingers at you. Life's about choices. You have some to make here. I hope you make the right ones.
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