Surlyredhead

Welcome Back Trish,
I am so glad you are still with us...I have known way to many people who leave, and never make it back..., you have been given a wonderful chance to start again...grab onto it and fly!!!

Cathy

MsCooterBrown

Keep in mind whenever you get down on yourself for some of the choices you made..someone else has topped it!!! Live and learn..hang in there! Thank GOD you still have a job!!! and your life....

Kjell

I feel sorry for whoever the victim was.

I hope you do too and you make amends to them ASAP.

That was a very damaging and selfish act.

I noticed this was missing in your post and in all the responses here and it needed to be said.

What are you going to do to recover from your addiction problem? What lengths are you willing to go to so this never happens again?

It's important that no one else is harmed in the future (including yourself).

Kjell

gerryP

I am surprised that most, if not all responses have been worried for you only AND that YOU are safe.

You put other peoples lives in grave danger and YOU 'got off' lightly with petty larceny, when in fact you committed a home invasion and armed robbery. I'm not so sure you were done any favours.

Impurrfect

I can only speak for myself. Having been a victim of two armed robberies, I feel for the people (((Trish))) robbed. However, I also know that when I was using, though I didn't do anything violent, I drove under the influence, and I did some really stupid, bad ****.

(((Trish))) - I hope you accept this as your bottom. You've got some major amends to make, but it's not gonna happen if you don't get into recovery. If you don't, I'm afraid you're going to end up dead, or where the guys who robbed me (and murdered 4 people the next day) are...in prison, life without parole plus a few decades.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

littlefish

Wow, it's wonderful to hear from you finally! I too have thought about you a lot and wondered what has been happening.

Aysha

I am not making any excuses. What I did was inexcusable. And I did think of that after I posted this. But didnt get a chance to come back and add it. '
It did cross my mind to mention it tho.
I have never robbed anyone at random.
And again..Not that it makes it alright. This is just my mentality when I did it.
If they want to proposition certain people for certain things..knowing full well what they may be getting themselves into. Then maybe it does lay a little in their own hands as well.
There was never a gun.
And again...This is not who I really am. That is however who and what I am when I choose to get high and fall back into old behaviors.
I knew this victim. He knew what I was about when I met him and was around him. I have never been around this person clean.
If guys like him make themselves available to such things by paying for things to support another persons addiction. Then how can they be mad when an addict does what addicts do?
Does that make sense?

You all think I am cold and evil for saying that I am sure.
But its no different than me going and looking for drugs and getting mad when the dealer or whoever pulls a gun and robs me. Its happened to me before. I ahve been pistol whipped and shot too.
But I put myself in that position.
So it doesnt all fall on me.
It does all fall on me for letting myself go there in my addiction.
For leaving my family like that and embarrassing them by having my face plastered all over the news for days.
My poor little 4 yr old cousin doesnt even want me to leave her sight because shes afraid I will disappear again.
I dont care as much what it does to me. But it has done to the ones I love.
As for the dude..Hey..You put yourself in those positions and then want to act like a victim.
Please..been there ..done that.

As for people who dont ask for it or put themselves in those situaitons. I do feel alot of remorse for those. But I have never just done things to people for no reason.

I know..sounds like a bunch of excuses. And I'm sorry if it offends anyone.
But thats how I feel about men who think they can pick and chosse when to be upstanding citizens and when they arent.
I have delt with men like him for a long time. MY own fault. But dont feel sorry for them. Sorry. Just dont and never will.

Ok..Let me have it if you will.
I am not trying to start a flame war here. Just how I feel about that.

Things I do that I regret usually only happen when I am using. Not an out for blame but thats just not who I am really am. I dont think any one of you can say differently.
I have alot of issues with men because of men like him. I disrespect myself enough. I let others do it as well when I am using. And I want to get mad when it happens and so that is the result. Me getting even for being disrespected. Its my fault for putting myself in a position where they think they can.

Dee74

You know me. I've been around...but that's pretty cold Trish.

I thought...no, I know...you're way better than that.

The first step to me getting where I am today - leaving all that behind - was accepting my personal responsibility.

I don't see a lot of that in what you wrote...and that saddens me.

It's not about the other guy Trish.
D

Kmber2010

Trish I am glad you are here and I wish you well.

Aysha

I just want to add too. I never once sat there in jail feeling sorry for myself. I sucked it up and did my time. True, I am very lucky thats all I got. I think I said that already. But I know I deserved to be there. If not for one thing, then def for something. I was and am ok with that.
My debt is paid as far as that county is concerned.
As for making amends to that guy. I dont think so.
Its one of those what comes around goes around type of things.
He isnt innocent in all of it.
But now..Its time for me to move and focus on what I need to do as to never go that far or anywhere close to that again.
Bottom line..I cant get high anymore. And I def cant be around those people and places.

Aysha

Sorry Dee. I didnt mean it was his fault too. I meant It pretty much falls on both of us. Him for putting himself there and me for doing it.

I get a kick out of how guys go cheat on their wives paying to get their rocks off and then act all innocent when they end up taking home some STD to their wife or get arrested for soliciting or anything else that may happen because they put themselves there.
You dont think that doesnt have a little to do with them?
I am not saying it is all them. But it certainly is partly them.

I am not trying to be cold. I am really not.

It goes back to...Its always the addicts fault.

kilt

Trish. Be real happy that you are alive because where I live we shoot anyone tries to hurt us. We don't know your intentions. We don't know you wouldn't harm a fly. We just know you turned on us and before we get B Smalled, we are going to pop a cap in you.

Rule of thumb. If it gets you shot, that is a bad thing. Stay sober. We are rooting for you!

And yeah, I may be the only person here who agrees with you on this but if somebody puts themself in an illegal situation, they are kinda nuts if they expect people to play by the rules.

yeahgr8

I kind of get where you are coming from, i have been in with a lot of bad element and the BS "honour amongst thieves" is just that...and yes a random home invasion on an innocent person would have been worse than stealing off of a using "buddy"...

That said i did pick up on something you have said in this thread and have noticed you say this before and that is you think that using makes you do the things you do...and that you are a completely different person without the drugs...that actually, and quite obviously, isn't the case for any of us if we are addicts...the drugs and alcohol bring to the forefront an existing side of us, they don't create a brand new persona...really important to get a head around that fact because as long as we think that we are 2 different people, one without drugs and one with, then not much headway can be made because then we go back to the old BS which is if only i didn't drink/drug everything would be great and i would be the person i wanted to be, then we stay in the vicious circle of stopping for a period of time, changing nothing internally and eventually picking up until another consequence..and repeat again and again...

I suppose anyone reading this who has not had exposure to the side of life you are talking about here would look at 4 months in jail as the ultimate bottom but it isn't is it? You can do 4 months standing on your head so i hope that you get to some emotional bottom asap and be willing to change...

Here's hoping:-)

Bamboozle

Trish, the one thing I really like about you is your honesty and bluntness. Time to turn the focus on yourself, hon. I'm glad you're back and I hope you stay. I hope you leave the bullsh!t behind. I hope you try something different this time.

I'll be the first to say that I am not safe and that everyone is at risk for relapse. It comes down to doing what I must do to not use, whatever that is...no matter how much the noise in my head tells me to pick up again.

You've seen the writing on the wall--you know where this is headed. Trish, you have too much talent and heart and too much to lose. What is it going to take for you to stay clean? You have to give a damn about yourself to have a chance.

We'll be here always. Please take care of yourself.

Rusty Zipper

"justifiable resentments"

i have found it's best to leave them to those more qualified.

anybody other then an alky or an addict.

stugotz

Remember this quote, it just may come back to bite you in the a$$.

And to justify what you did because the guy "knew" what you "were" is the most amusing thing I have read in a while. And one last thing, I have slept through 6 months in the county, so unless you are ready to accept accountibility for your actions and not trying to justify them you will most certainly be heading for bigger and better things that will make the county jail look like a daycare. Trust me, I speak from experience. Just sayin...