I am at a crossroad and need help / guidance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
I am at a crossroad and need help / guidance
4 months ago I was very active in my disease. I was working just enough to get by, making some sales here and there, but basically living to drink. Out of nowhere my boss transferred me 30 miles away from home and 2 miles away from the AA club where I got sober a few times before. 53 days ago I went into that club for the first time in a few years and started my current path of recovery.
Currently I am struggling making end meat in this job. It's straight commission and this is our slow time. I have been told by many that I will be good at this job and just to hang in there. The problem is I don't have much savings left and feel like I have to do something proactive ie: get another job that will pay me a salary. I basically have one more month of savings before I'm broke and might fall behind on my house payment. The uncertainty of this job causes my wife and I a lot of stress. On the flip side, this job provides me with the flexibility to hit a lot of meetings and puts me close to the club that I like and people that have helped me get and stay sober.
I have an interview tomorrow with a company that I used to work for. I like the people that work there but they are much younger than me and they all like to party. When I worked there before we went out quite a bit for drinks after work. This job would also make it so I couldn't attend my meetings though the week thus taking away my recovery support system.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO???? My current job is perfect in every sense of the word EXCEPT it doesn't provide me any type of financial security. The new job would provide the financial security, but would not be good for my recovery.
This decision seems impossible to me. If I stay where I'm at I risk loosing my savings / house. If I make a change I risk loosing my sobriety. The thought of going back to work at this company and these people makes me very nervous.
I would appreciate any feedback / advice. If I could just get some sales in I could stay where I'm at and everything will be OK. That is a big if though... Thanks in advance guys and gals!!!
Currently I am struggling making end meat in this job. It's straight commission and this is our slow time. I have been told by many that I will be good at this job and just to hang in there. The problem is I don't have much savings left and feel like I have to do something proactive ie: get another job that will pay me a salary. I basically have one more month of savings before I'm broke and might fall behind on my house payment. The uncertainty of this job causes my wife and I a lot of stress. On the flip side, this job provides me with the flexibility to hit a lot of meetings and puts me close to the club that I like and people that have helped me get and stay sober.
I have an interview tomorrow with a company that I used to work for. I like the people that work there but they are much younger than me and they all like to party. When I worked there before we went out quite a bit for drinks after work. This job would also make it so I couldn't attend my meetings though the week thus taking away my recovery support system.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO???? My current job is perfect in every sense of the word EXCEPT it doesn't provide me any type of financial security. The new job would provide the financial security, but would not be good for my recovery.
This decision seems impossible to me. If I stay where I'm at I risk loosing my savings / house. If I make a change I risk loosing my sobriety. The thought of going back to work at this company and these people makes me very nervous.
I would appreciate any feedback / advice. If I could just get some sales in I could stay where I'm at and everything will be OK. That is a big if though... Thanks in advance guys and gals!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 148
I think the most important thing is your security. I don't think you can remain sober if you are stressed out. Instead of working at the previous place where you were tempted into a life that has only caused you trouble, try finding supplemental work or another job. You could do night stocking at the local grocery or some other jobs that are not big on fame but do make up for it in quick, reliable cash. I mean that a man who provides, no matter how he is doing it, is a man in my eyes. Don't worry about the type of job and just focus on being a sober and responsible man who takes care of his own.
We are rooting for you.
We are rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
I really don't see an option here. Take the other job. You need an income and I wouldn't chance it with your other job. Tell your friends in AA. Get numbers. Keep close to the program as much as possible. Most importantly don't drink just for today.
You might have grown acquainted with the people you met at this certain club. That is wonderful and you don't have to cut of any ties. However, I just checked for AA meetings in Indianapolis and there are hundreds of them a week; ranging from 6:30 am to 11:30pm. Pardon my skepticism, but I believe that you could still make a couple of meetings if you tried.
Instead of going out after work for drinks, go to a meeting.
It is unfortunate that you are placed in this bind. I don't see an option here, unless you can land a sale or a different job within a couple of weeks. Just take is easy and one day at time. Use your support group.
I got sober while waiting tables. Now, there is a lot of drinking and drugging in the service industry. It was tough at first, but after a little while it got easier. The tough part was closing out, but after doing it a few times I didn't even think about grabbing a beer at the end of my shift. I thought about going home, taking a hot shower, watching TV, and going to bed. After a few weeks, people stopped asking me to go out after work. I just told them I was "lame" and just wanted to go home. If I can do it, you can do it.
Remember to be grateful that you actually have a job that pays the bills, especially during these economic times. Remember not to do anything that will jeopardize such a blessing (e.g. picking up a drink). I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.
You might have grown acquainted with the people you met at this certain club. That is wonderful and you don't have to cut of any ties. However, I just checked for AA meetings in Indianapolis and there are hundreds of them a week; ranging from 6:30 am to 11:30pm. Pardon my skepticism, but I believe that you could still make a couple of meetings if you tried.
Instead of going out after work for drinks, go to a meeting.
It is unfortunate that you are placed in this bind. I don't see an option here, unless you can land a sale or a different job within a couple of weeks. Just take is easy and one day at time. Use your support group.
I got sober while waiting tables. Now, there is a lot of drinking and drugging in the service industry. It was tough at first, but after a little while it got easier. The tough part was closing out, but after doing it a few times I didn't even think about grabbing a beer at the end of my shift. I thought about going home, taking a hot shower, watching TV, and going to bed. After a few weeks, people stopped asking me to go out after work. I just told them I was "lame" and just wanted to go home. If I can do it, you can do it.
Remember to be grateful that you actually have a job that pays the bills, especially during these economic times. Remember not to do anything that will jeopardize such a blessing (e.g. picking up a drink). I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
How about telling your Aa friends you need a job?
That worked out well for me when I relocated.
I had several offers...took the one that interested me
did a bit of OJT....and changed careers.
Kept that position for 6 years until I moved again.
All my best to you and your wife...
That worked out well for me when I relocated.
I had several offers...took the one that interested me
did a bit of OJT....and changed careers.
Kept that position for 6 years until I moved again.
All my best to you and your wife...
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
There are always choices. These are not the only two. Look for other work. ASAP.
I would not accept a position at the old company but it can be done. I don't think your sobriety is worth risking. It can't be the only job in town.
Whatever you decide, just don't pick up a drink, no matter effin what.
Put yourself out there and tell anyone that will listen that you are looking. Network. And if you do, pray.
This has been my experience and it has worked for me. If I am willing to do the action, somehow my hp does for me what I can not do for myself.
I would not accept a position at the old company but it can be done. I don't think your sobriety is worth risking. It can't be the only job in town.
Whatever you decide, just don't pick up a drink, no matter effin what.
Put yourself out there and tell anyone that will listen that you are looking. Network. And if you do, pray.
This has been my experience and it has worked for me. If I am willing to do the action, somehow my hp does for me what I can not do for myself.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Well Reggie, it's a bit difficult for me to give advice on which avenue to choose in this particular situation. I'm not privy to the inner workings of your life, i.e. your earnings and earning potential and house payment and relationship with your wife and family and friends. Everyone has different situations. I've been blessed with wonderful family and friends who have been able to lend me a hand (financial or otherwise) in tough times; I'm very thankful for these people. Many people are not likewise blessed.
I don't know the people at your current job, and I don't know the people at your old job. I don't know if the party atmosphere would be tough for you to be around (I work in a bar...I realize most alcoholics would not choose this profession) or if you could use it as an opportunity to share with and help others. I don't know the people in your AA group nor do I know the people in other meetings you may be able to attend. Basically, I just don't feel like I can give you an accurate answer on this because I'm not present in your life.
All I can really suggest is that you pray. I find that prayer often points us in the right direction. It helps me to clear away confusion. It gives me a sense of direction. And I believe my prayers are always answered, though often not in the manner I had wanted or hoped, and I think most of the time I don't even notice how they're being answered. But I believe they are.
I'll be praying for you and your wife. I hope you are able to settle upon a choice and feel confident in it. I'm optimistic for the outcome regarding both your employment and your recovery.
I don't know the people at your current job, and I don't know the people at your old job. I don't know if the party atmosphere would be tough for you to be around (I work in a bar...I realize most alcoholics would not choose this profession) or if you could use it as an opportunity to share with and help others. I don't know the people in your AA group nor do I know the people in other meetings you may be able to attend. Basically, I just don't feel like I can give you an accurate answer on this because I'm not present in your life.
All I can really suggest is that you pray. I find that prayer often points us in the right direction. It helps me to clear away confusion. It gives me a sense of direction. And I believe my prayers are always answered, though often not in the manner I had wanted or hoped, and I think most of the time I don't even notice how they're being answered. But I believe they are.
I'll be praying for you and your wife. I hope you are able to settle upon a choice and feel confident in it. I'm optimistic for the outcome regarding both your employment and your recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
I also think it doesn't need to be an either/or situation.
I think that you could take the new job with an understanding that you would need a certain amount of free time for your meetings and that you wouldn't socialize with the other employees if it involved alcohol. I think a lot of recovery involves boundaries and this is an opportunity for you to use boundaries to your benefit and take care of yourself.
I think that you could take the new job with an understanding that you would need a certain amount of free time for your meetings and that you wouldn't socialize with the other employees if it involved alcohol. I think a lot of recovery involves boundaries and this is an opportunity for you to use boundaries to your benefit and take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Well, I got the offer. As it stands it would be enough money to keep my bills paid and finally give my family some financial security. God works in mysterious ways... After I left the interview I was driving in my car. I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It's for another job (unrealted) and appears to be for more money and less structured work schedule. I have an interview lined up for Friday.
Who knows... maybe this new opportunity will allow me to have the stability I need and keep up my meeting schedule. Either way, I went from no options / desperation a few days ago, to now having a few different options. FINALLY A BREAK THAT SEEMS TO BE GOING MY WAY!!!!!!!!
I just need to keep in mind that these things are only possible if I remain in recovery. I am so grateful for my 54 days sober. I don't know what is going to happen with this new opportunity but I need to learn to trust my new way of life. When I was active in my disease all of my decisions were fuled by fear. I need to learn to let that go and trust the AA program in all of my affairs... Thank you all!
Who knows... maybe this new opportunity will allow me to have the stability I need and keep up my meeting schedule. Either way, I went from no options / desperation a few days ago, to now having a few different options. FINALLY A BREAK THAT SEEMS TO BE GOING MY WAY!!!!!!!!
I just need to keep in mind that these things are only possible if I remain in recovery. I am so grateful for my 54 days sober. I don't know what is going to happen with this new opportunity but I need to learn to trust my new way of life. When I was active in my disease all of my decisions were fuled by fear. I need to learn to let that go and trust the AA program in all of my affairs... Thank you all!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Beautiful reggie. That phone call is definitely God working in your life today. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is SO important for us all to realize that if we take the action, results will follow.
Have a blessed day!!!
Have a blessed day!!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just keep doing the "next right thing"--if you aren't sure what it is, pray that you will be shown.
Once you've done that, make the wisest decision you can, take the necessary steps, and then let go of the outcome. God will take care of the rest.
I was going through a lot of stress during the holidays worrying about possible layoffs--and even if I wasn't laid off, the workload would be so heavy if there were big layoffs I would be stressed seemingly beyond the breaking point. I finally let go of what I could do nothing about, and got all peaceful with whatever happened. A few days later I learned I can retire in a few months, and came up with a plan to start my own business. I never really considered it before, and now I am all charged up and excited about it.
The point is, things seem to happen when you let go of trying to control all of the possible outcomes. Try it, it works!
Once you've done that, make the wisest decision you can, take the necessary steps, and then let go of the outcome. God will take care of the rest.
I was going through a lot of stress during the holidays worrying about possible layoffs--and even if I wasn't laid off, the workload would be so heavy if there were big layoffs I would be stressed seemingly beyond the breaking point. I finally let go of what I could do nothing about, and got all peaceful with whatever happened. A few days later I learned I can retire in a few months, and came up with a plan to start my own business. I never really considered it before, and now I am all charged up and excited about it.
The point is, things seem to happen when you let go of trying to control all of the possible outcomes. Try it, it works!
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Just keep doing the "next right thing"--if you aren't sure what it is, pray that you will be shown.
Once you've done that, make the wisest decision you can, take the necessary steps, and then let go of the outcome. God will take care of the rest.
I was going through a lot of stress during the holidays worrying about possible layoffs--and even if I wasn't laid off, the workload would be so heavy if there were big layoffs I would be stressed seemingly beyond the breaking point. I finally let go of what I could do nothing about, and got all peaceful with whatever happened. A few days later I learned I can retire in a few months, and came up with a plan to start my own business. I never really considered it before, and now I am all charged up and excited about it.
The point is, things seem to happen when you let go of trying to control all of the possible outcomes. Try it, it works!
Once you've done that, make the wisest decision you can, take the necessary steps, and then let go of the outcome. God will take care of the rest.
I was going through a lot of stress during the holidays worrying about possible layoffs--and even if I wasn't laid off, the workload would be so heavy if there were big layoffs I would be stressed seemingly beyond the breaking point. I finally let go of what I could do nothing about, and got all peaceful with whatever happened. A few days later I learned I can retire in a few months, and came up with a plan to start my own business. I never really considered it before, and now I am all charged up and excited about it.
The point is, things seem to happen when you let go of trying to control all of the possible outcomes. Try it, it works!
You're right, Lexie. It sure does work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Victoria
Posts: 143
[QUOTE]Beautiful reggie.
That phone call is definitely God working in your life today. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is SO important for us all to realize that if we take the action, results will follow.
l totally agree, once we begin to take action for our lives the possibilities and choices are endless.
In order to change we must be
sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Author Unknown
That phone call is definitely God working in your life today. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is SO important for us all to realize that if we take the action, results will follow.
l totally agree, once we begin to take action for our lives the possibilities and choices are endless.
In order to change we must be
sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Author Unknown
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