4 months sober and feeling pretty down
jme:
Another thing you might want to consider is: the best seven days of your life, followed by the worst seven days of you life... and guess what? You didn't drink. You made it. It may not have been fun, but the PROGRESS is that you were able to identify that those seven days were tough, and you were able to make other decisions besides picking up a bottle.
That IS leveling out. There ARE different choices and you made them. Of course they are not easy, but you are not now living with the shame, guilt and remorse of a relapse. So on balance, your worst days sober are still better than your best days drunk. Can you see it?
There is a tiny little miracle going on inside you. Your body is healing itself. If we could heal ourselves overnight, there would be no alcoholics or drug addicts or AA. Yes? Whatever it is that is keeping you strong and moving forward... THAT is the miracle. That is the power greater than the desire to take the first drink. I don't know that it needs to be defined and labeled. Maybe just experience it for awhile and see how it reveals itself to you.
I believe instant gratification is a misnomer. It goes against the laws of the universe, particularly the third law of physics: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Instant gratification, then, supposes there is no equal and opposite reaction. All you have to do is turn around and consider the residual effects of your drinking to see that there is no truth in instant gratification. Keep that in mind the next time the Committee To Return to Drinking starts meeting in your head.
Pull back, keep it simple, and move one day at a time. The confidence you are gaining, day by day in yourself that you can do this, is well worth moving forward in spite of crappy days. When your brain begins to consider yesterday and tomorrow, pull yourself back to the moment. "Right now, I'm okay. I may not be doing back flips, but I'm sober."
That's all you need to do.
Hugs honey.
Another thing you might want to consider is: the best seven days of your life, followed by the worst seven days of you life... and guess what? You didn't drink. You made it. It may not have been fun, but the PROGRESS is that you were able to identify that those seven days were tough, and you were able to make other decisions besides picking up a bottle.
That IS leveling out. There ARE different choices and you made them. Of course they are not easy, but you are not now living with the shame, guilt and remorse of a relapse. So on balance, your worst days sober are still better than your best days drunk. Can you see it?
There is a tiny little miracle going on inside you. Your body is healing itself. If we could heal ourselves overnight, there would be no alcoholics or drug addicts or AA. Yes? Whatever it is that is keeping you strong and moving forward... THAT is the miracle. That is the power greater than the desire to take the first drink. I don't know that it needs to be defined and labeled. Maybe just experience it for awhile and see how it reveals itself to you.
I believe instant gratification is a misnomer. It goes against the laws of the universe, particularly the third law of physics: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Instant gratification, then, supposes there is no equal and opposite reaction. All you have to do is turn around and consider the residual effects of your drinking to see that there is no truth in instant gratification. Keep that in mind the next time the Committee To Return to Drinking starts meeting in your head.
Pull back, keep it simple, and move one day at a time. The confidence you are gaining, day by day in yourself that you can do this, is well worth moving forward in spite of crappy days. When your brain begins to consider yesterday and tomorrow, pull yourself back to the moment. "Right now, I'm okay. I may not be doing back flips, but I'm sober."
That's all you need to do.
Hugs honey.
It sounds like you're doing great. I am not in a 12 step program so I can't speak to that but I also had a bad patch about 4 months in. It lasted about a week. I figured out it was a kind of simple thing. I was doing enough enjoyable things during the day. So I got back on track with that.
After years of 'solving' all my problems with alcohol it's hard to remember sometimes that action is the way out!
After years of 'solving' all my problems with alcohol it's hard to remember sometimes that action is the way out!
Addiction looks for every opportunity to say "YO... I'M STILL HERE IF YOU NEED ME!" and it does so every once in awhile to test us.
The only thing that makes us better at something is doing it repetetively. At four months (I'm at five... so relatively close) we want to be 100% recovered, healed and feel impervious to the addictions calling and effects. This is the time where we need to not forget "One Day at a Time." Reverting to that method of thinking will STILL come in handy and save our butts. We can let our guard down to some degree, but never completely. We can't ever allow ourselves to have affectionate memories over substances that drove us to the depths of our existence. We have to be realistic in memory and remember where we were, what we did, how we looked, how we smelled, how people looked at us, how and where we woke up, things we didn't remember doing, the blackouts and opportunities to wake in a jail cell... etc.
In other words, we have to look at the honest to God truth about where we were and what we went through. Would we REALLY like to relive the bad times?
Congrats on the four months.
The only thing that makes us better at something is doing it repetetively. At four months (I'm at five... so relatively close) we want to be 100% recovered, healed and feel impervious to the addictions calling and effects. This is the time where we need to not forget "One Day at a Time." Reverting to that method of thinking will STILL come in handy and save our butts. We can let our guard down to some degree, but never completely. We can't ever allow ourselves to have affectionate memories over substances that drove us to the depths of our existence. We have to be realistic in memory and remember where we were, what we did, how we looked, how we smelled, how people looked at us, how and where we woke up, things we didn't remember doing, the blackouts and opportunities to wake in a jail cell... etc.
In other words, we have to look at the honest to God truth about where we were and what we went through. Would we REALLY like to relive the bad times?
Congrats on the four months.
Well let me start off by congratulating you on your 4 months. I can understand what you are talking about in regards to the emotional roller coaster ride. I'm a little over 1 year sober now and I still get down on myself too. My sponsor tells me its natural that we do get emotional, after all we are no longer running and hiding from our emotions anymore but now we are facing them head on without taking a drink, hit or pill. A lot of people in the rooms tell me that sobriety isn't all cherries, we are going to have our bad times but getting messed up isn't an option for us anymore. Sometimes I often wonder if sobriety is often worth it. But then I remember that drinking (for me anyways) is what got me into this predicament in the first place. Like you mentioned if I go back to drinking I'll be where I was and have nothing. That everything (very little by the way) that I've gained in sobriety will just be lost. I know that I can't be in the rut that I'm in forever, that this too shall pass. I'm currently unemployed and it sucks. I don't know where I'm going to get money to pay my rent and other bills that I have to pay. I still owe the county I live in a little more than $2400 in restitution for my last dui. Drinking won't solve those problems for me but will probably make things worse. I'm trying to go to the Navy but the recruiters told me I can't go while on court probation and owing restitution still. I go to court this Friday to speak to the judge to see if I could possibly work off the money I owe, which is quite a lot. All I can do is pray that the judge will let me.
I used to have to do that a lot. Like deliberately plan something emotionally healthy to make myself feel better. Multiple times a day. Mostly now it's automatic. But yesterday it felt good to make the right decision.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Hang in there j, Your learning and experiencing living life sober. It takes a while. I'm going on two years sober and I'm not the same person I was when 4 months sober. I was a hard care drinker for the last 15 years. I know recovery will take a long time maybe forever. But I'm learning to enjoy the ride. AA has taught me how. One Day at a Time. I meet new people constantly at meetings and look forward to each new day knowing that I'm growing into the person I always wanted to be. Hang in there. Wait for the miracle to happen.
I agree with this! So many people at 4 months have barely started working a program, if they are at all. Many don't have a sponsor yet, and some have yet to have any real plan for their recovery at all! Even my 4 months/8 steps is the result of over a dozen relapses and a month of rehab before saying "hey, I should take this sh*t seriously!"
Hang in there j, Your learning and experiencing living life sober. It takes a while. I'm going on two years sober and I'm not the same person I was when 4 months sober. I was a hard care drinker for the last 15 years. I know recovery will take a long time maybe forever. But I'm learning to enjoy the ride. AA has taught me how. One Day at a Time. I meet new people constantly at meetings and look forward to each new day knowing that I'm growing into the person I always wanted to be. Hang in there. Wait for the miracle to happen.
I talked to my sponsor about feeling down and he basically told me it's because I'm selfish and too consumed with myself. Which I can't argue with, if I was truly self-less then I wouldn't be worried about myself. I dunno!
I agree with this! So many people at 4 months have barely started working a program, if they are at all. Many don't have a sponsor yet, and some have yet to have any real plan for their recovery at all! Even my 4 months/8 steps is the result of over a dozen relapses and a month of rehab before saying "hey, I should take this sh*t seriously!"
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: kokomo
Posts: 73
At 4 months I was coming home from a 45 day stint drying out and going to meetings. Withdrawn and drinking coffee, listening to wise souls in meetings telling and showing how to stay sober. Almost 2 years later I'm so much more alert and feeling in tune and grounded. My kids and their Mom are 100% better, doing better in school and sports and much happier. Doing a lot better at work. Bosses definitely notice. I came out of the alcohol haze after about 6 months. My appearance improved. Lost weight and got color back. Way more mentally alert from better diet and sleep. So much anxiety is gone because you take care of stuff thats weighing on you with help from AA people. The thing is, it takes time. You cant rush it. Its what I hear some say is the 'process'. Its working for me. Haven't drank in almost two years. I'm living proof and a skeptic. lol Got to show me.
You almost have to be selfish and all consumed to make AA and sobriety work. They told me to change people, places and things. That's the definition of selfishness. But its a self preservation, desperate selfishness. Way better then the selfishness of drinking!
he basically told me it's because I'm selfish and too consumed with myself.
At 4 months I was coming home from a 45 day stint drying out and going to meetings. Withdrawn and drinking coffee, listening to wise souls in meetings telling and showing how to stay sober. Almost 2 years later I'm so much more alert and feeling in tune and grounded. My kids and their Mom are 100% better, doing better in school and sports and much happier. Doing a lot better at work. Bosses definitely notice. I came out of the alcohol haze after about 6 months. My appearance improved. Lost weight and got color back. Way more mentally alert from better diet and sleep. So much anxiety is gone because you take care of stuff thats weighing on you with help from AA people. The thing is, it takes time. You cant rush it. Its what I hear some say is the 'process'. Its working for me. Haven't drank in almost two years. I'm living proof and a skeptic. lol Got to show me.
You almost have to be selfish and all consumed to make AA and sobriety work. They told me to change people, places and things. That's the definition of selfishness. But its a self preservation, desperate selfishness. Way better then the selfishness of drinking!
You almost have to be selfish and all consumed to make AA and sobriety work. They told me to change people, places and things. That's the definition of selfishness. But its a self preservation, desperate selfishness. Way better then the selfishness of drinking!
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