Small Victories/Small Defeats
 

Well, I did something on Saturday night that I honestly thought I couldn't do. I told my partner that I have a drinking problem. She didn't believe me. I told her my tactics for hiding it, told her how much more I consume than she ever sees. Seeing as I was wasted drunk at the time, she had obvious proof right in front of her. Then she began recalling so many times that she thought I had been acting odd and realized I'd just been drunk! Of course, she was mad at first. I understood. I've been lying to her for so long. She left and went to a friend's house (who is in recovery herself). They're both shocked. Both said they never saw it. By the next day she was feeling more supportive, thanks to the friend, but has ground rules for me. I need to get help, we need to see a therapist, no more lying.
On Monday morning I called a substance abuse outpatient center. I'd found the number a couple of days before I told my partner. I have an evaluation and therapy appointment for tomorrow.
I didn't drink on Sunday or Monday. All good things and I was feeling good about my steps forward even though I'm pretty depressed.
Then yesterday a family emergency came up and she flew halfway across the country to be with her relatives. She's not due back until Sunday. I was instantly in a panic because I'd be home alone for so long. And on the way home from work I stopped off and bought a bottle of wine. Which I drank. I felt like crap this morning, physically and mentally.
Tonight I'm either going to try an AA meeting or have dinner with the recovering friend. I'm mad at myself for being so stupid! But now I'm focusing on my evaluation and appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping for weekly appointments with a therapist and maybe more than weekly these first few weeks.

Dinner
 

with your recovering friend sounds like a good idea.

Good luck with the therapist, tomorrow.

Kelly

Hi Silly,

Being home alone was a huge trigger for me too.

I really think it takes planning and thinking ahead. Now that you know that being alone is going to throw you, you can make a plan to deal with it. For me, I would go out or if I was home, I would rent a movie I'd been wanting to see or call someone I had talked to for awhile.

Planning to see a therapist is a good idea, and remember that SR is always open and there's lots of support here.

It's a difficult thing to start changing our lives - many of us stumble a time or two.

Look at what you need to add to make this work - reach out as much as you can - find the support.

You can do this S :)
D

I'm proud of you for talking to your partner and seeking the help you need. I'm glad you have a friend in recovery as well; having people you can talk to that understand what you're going through is so important when you're making a big change. Try not to be too hard on yourself; it is okay to make mistakes.

I was a home-alone drinker so had to set my own boundaries for myself and stick to them. I tried and failed over and over but finally got it. You can too. Good for you for being honest with your partner and scheduling recovery things like therapy and such.:) Support is vital. I see an addiction counselor weekly and it's been very helpful. All the best to you.:)