mmh364

Today is 18 days .... not feeling the greatest today. Anyway, I have a meeting tonight and one of my managers from out of town is coming in for the meeting with her husband and wants to go out for drinks after the meeting. This person has also become a wonderful friend but I'm not ready to divulge my problem with alcohol with her yet. They are not big drinkers so I'm thinking I'll be ok if I go and just order a club soda and lime. I am dropping weight since I stopped so I think I'll just say that I'm on a diet.

Any suggestions?

HumbleBee

You're on anti-biotics for [whatever].

Meds can't mix with alcohol...dr's orders.

mmh364

Thank you Humblebee!

Ghostly

All above are good suggestions and more will come along.

You're putting yourself in a dangerous situation early in your sobriety. Good luck.

Supercrew

Let your manager know that you are making some lifestyle changes to get more healthy in 2011, (maybe a New Years resolution), and then let her know that you never drink on work nights anyways to stay clearly focused and to be your best for work the following day. Sticking with a resolution shows you aren't a wishy washy person, and focusing on your career should also get you some browny points. (Might as well get a many benefits out of not drinking as possible.)

Snarf

I agree with the suggestion about saying you're on medicine. This takes the decision out of your hands and makes it your doctor's. Or if you don't want to tell a fib (if you're not taking any meds), you can say that you have some health issues and that alcohol makes them a lot worse. And in my opinion, alcoholism is a heck of a health issue.

Anna

I always wonder why people feel like they need to offer up an explanation as to why they don't drink. I firmly believe that 'No, thanks' is enough - not just for alcohol, but for anything I'm offered but don't want. I tried the 'stories' the first few weeks of my sobriety and it felt miserable. One of the things I believe is crucial to recovery, is honesty.

Snarf

One reason I often don't tell people the whole story when it comes to me not drinking is that I don't want them to feel odd or out of place if they choose to drink. If I'm at a dinner or meeting with someone and bring up my problem with alcohol, it could cause another person there to be uncomfortable if they are drinking. My deal is mine, and it's not my burden to put on anyone else. I let everyone else do their thing and have their fun without being concerned about the effect it's having on me.

artsoul

Just a thought: if you can, suggest a restaurant (or a bar where you can get food). If you have something yummy to munch on, it will help keep any cravings at bay.

Your manager may not even ask why you don't want a drink, but do what's comfortable for you. Depending on how well I know a person (like if they're used to me drinking), I just tell them I felt like I was drinking too often and decided to quit. I've had a couple friends respond with things like " yeah, I know what you mean - I probably do the same thing."

Anyway, just enjoy yourself and feel proud that you'll be clear-headed, get home safely and not have a hangover the next day.

flutter

my past issues with alcohol are nobody's business. I don't do the 'telling a lie to get out of it' thing..honesty and recovery go hand in hand for me. I order non alcoholic drinks, I say no thank you if an alcoholic drink is offered. I'm just a non drinker, and I owe no one an explanation, excuse, or burden of my issues just to get around a lousy drink offer.

Mark75

My wife has one drink at the end of the night... Never before, never at dinner, never after work... For thirty years... Sometimes we are invited out, friends, business, whatever... Never, no matter who it is... God knows I tried to get to at least have one while I was out there...

She never worries what people think, ever. Neither should you. No one bats an eye, ever.

Dee74

great advice here mmh364 - good luck tonight

D

Azreal

Just say no thanks to any alcoholic drink and order a soda or club soda. If they ask, just say you aren't feeling all that well today, but you wanted to spend time with them and say hello! If someone told me that I'd appreciate the effort they were making to get together, vs. just saying they weren't feeling well and bailing!

HumbleBee

Good luck mmh!

I agree that sobriety is about getting honest...with yourself most of all.

My experience has been that honesty about alcoholism with other people, especially co-workers (and particularly managers) resulted in less than favorable judgements from those who didn't understand, let alone commend, the desire and need to get sober.

Early sobriety is tough enough; only with longer term sobriety was I able to have the confidence to be honest with other people...

...or just say no thanks, especially among co-workers that I used to drink with.

Despite the EAP (employee assistance program) and other sources of help from the workplace, there is still an amazingly large number of people (doctors included) who have pre-conceived notions about alcoholism.

oakleaf82

Order yourself a non alcoholic drink. There's a good chance no one will even ask. However, I do understand your predicament. I'd like to think it's no one's business; BUT I've been confronted with questions as to why I'm not drinking SO MANY times (mainly with people in my social circle who I have been drinking with for years and I really don't feel like getting into all my "real" reasons with at the moment). If you have to "fib" or make up an excuse to get through it, so be it. Eventually, though I think honesty is the best policy. You can only make up excuses so many times; I am finding it may be best to just be honest and tell people "you know I felt I was drinking way too often and decided to give it up".

When I think about my past few relapses, I realize how silly it was to think other people would be bothered by my not drinking. I mostly relapsed because I was trying to avoid explaining my lack of drinking to others rather than a real craving on my part. Now that's just silly isn't it?

Ok, I seriously need to start taking my own advice!

mmh364

Thanks for all of the great advice. I made it thru tonight! I asked them to come back to my house for awhile. They had a couple of beers and I had my lemon water!!! It was all good.... But I'm glad its over cuz my nerves were shot this afternoon thinking about how I would deal with it.... crazy I know...

Dee74

I'm glad you made it mmh
I could never have drinking in my house tho!

D