Anna

Fab, "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp gave me the courage to believe - if she could do this, I could do it. It's a memoir written by a high-functioning alcoholic and it is painfully honest.

The book that gave me the direction to reconnect with my spiritual self is "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav. And, "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, showed me the way to try to live in the moment, to let go of the baggage, to forgive myself and others.

Boleo

What makes you so sure you were "successful" at hiding it? My experience was, I was the last one to know I was an alcoholic. Most of my friends and family just kept their mouths closed or were raging alcoholics themselves.

recycle

Sure you can stop drinking with out AA, however, I don't believe you can think your way out of this problem. You have to be ready to make changes in your life and your beliefs, perhaps even radical changes.

For me it was easier to be "weak" and go to AA. Part of my radical change that I needed to make was to stop thinking I was so bloody smart and ask for some help. I got some in the meetings, and found that AA was not at all like I thought it was. Whatever path you choose I wish you the best.

simplyfab

I'm very interested. Thank you for offering. The only thing I know about addiction is personal experience (obviously) and I'd like to understand it through every aspect. There's no way THIS is gonna have the kind of hold it does on me, to the point where I'd do the horrible things I've put my family through and not understand it. I can't just accept that I'm on my sobriety path and the past is the past. I need to know why and how it happened.
So again..thank you.

simplyfab

Wow...and w/ that, you've sparked an "Oh my gosh, that's right!"

I did the exact same thing. It was when I had done something horrible that I would be at an AA meeting. I'm not finding the right words to explain...but it was like a cry for help, but not really. An attempt to show myself that I was looking for help, therefore wouldn't feel so bad and it would take the awful feeling I had away thus being okay to keep on drinking.
It was my mind telling me that I looked for help, but I'm so weak right now so its still ok to drink 'cause one day I'll get there.
It was my addiction mind giving me more time to keep on drinking.

Jeevus...I just realized that!

Maybe thats why I feel AA isn't for me. Because subconsciously I have a bad taste in my mouth about it.
I mean...yes, my other reasons are true too. I really don't want anybody to know my business, but its also deeper than that.

And this is why I'm going to some sort of therapy. Its time I open up my mind and soul so I can get to the bottom of my issues.

Thank you SO much for your post, Dude!
Thanks a bunch!!

littlefish

oakleaf wrote: I would like to clarify as politely as I can: that comment is not AA. The correct way to state that is: "powerless over alcohol". Nothing in the AA program indicates we are powerless over everything in life, or powerless beings. We are powerless in the face of one thing: alcohol. We use our power and strength as individuals to use tools and we use our mind to try and live each day sober.

Having said that: welcome simplyfab and as an AA'er I would like to go on record to say that no, AA is not for everyone!

I would however recommend some kind of program, therapy, outpatient treatment, etc, etc. If you are person who grows better with help and support, then, some kind of program might be the way for you to stop drinking and stay sober.

You indicate some fears about anonymity in AA, but, as the name suggests, anonymity is incredibly important to AA and one of the cornerstones of the program. You also don't have to bare your soul and talk about your truly personal problems in AA. You mention not wanting people to know your business, and, you are not obligated to say anything at meetings. I think one reason for the sponsorship system is that a lot of things you might want to talk about are too sensitive to share in a group. That is where a sponsor comes in.

Please note that I am defining some things about AA to clarify what it is and what it isn't for those who have no experience with it. I am not mentioning these things to try and sell AA to anyone. As so many posters here have affirmed: it is not the only way.

malcolmlaw

As many people have said, AA is not the only way. "There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is the same once you get there".

For me, the most important thing was figuring out why I continued behavior that I knew was detrimental...it ususally boils down to either an issue surrounding approval/acceptance, safety/security, or the search for significance. Once I figured that out, I went on solving that problem and the rest shall we say is history. There are many great books out on Amazon that have alternate approaches to dealing with drinking too much. However, one of the best ones I know is to get involved in helping other people...volunteer...it takes you outside of yourself and gives back way more than you could ever give.

Kelli

wpainterw

Hi Fab:
First of all, I see no reason why you should feel ashamed to admit you're an alcoholic at AA meetings. All the others are alcoholics (except for "open" meetings I guess, and even there folks will be very sympathetic and understanding). You'll find that they will compliment you and give you a hearty welcome.
As to your other questions, all the AA steps and other stuff are strictly voluntary. Just do what seems comfortable to you. Take it one day at a time. Yes, some folks have recovered even without AA but many say that it helps at least to have some kind of group, either AA or some non AA but good quality support group. Some folks have done it without group support but many have failed and the stakes are high. So why not try AA (there are many kinds of meetings- why not find one that's right for you). IF that doesn't work, try some other support group. And keep in touch on this website, SR. Good luck.

W.

findingt

You're welcome!! I didn't find all the answers there but it's a start here's the link to download the file:

http://rapidshare.com/files/443604055/S.M.A.RT.pdf.pdf

Happy sober thursday!