No AA, no steps. Is it possible?
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Of course one can get and stay sober without AA. Many here are not AA'ers and it's great to hear from everyone.
The beauty of AA is that it will always be there for you. You can always go back, always, and they'll welcome you with open arms regardless.
AA removed the obsession of drinking, but I'm not special. It can work for anyone.
Be mindful of your ego is my only advice. Humility, willingness, and honesty will get you far.
Kjell
The beauty of AA is that it will always be there for you. You can always go back, always, and they'll welcome you with open arms regardless.
AA removed the obsession of drinking, but I'm not special. It can work for anyone.
Be mindful of your ego is my only advice. Humility, willingness, and honesty will get you far.
Kjell
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Ok, I'm going to double dip here.
For me, I wanted and needed a design for living without alcohol (I didn't know it at the time). I know not everyone wants the design for living that AA provides, but to me, it was EXACTLY what I needed.
I don't want to just not drink. I want to be a different person and AA provides me the tools to change who I was. You see, the same me will drink again, and again, and again.
I simply needed to change who I was or I would have died.
Ok, enough outta me and congrats on your sober time! Great post btw and good luck!
For me, I wanted and needed a design for living without alcohol (I didn't know it at the time). I know not everyone wants the design for living that AA provides, but to me, it was EXACTLY what I needed.
I don't want to just not drink. I want to be a different person and AA provides me the tools to change who I was. You see, the same me will drink again, and again, and again.
I simply needed to change who I was or I would have died.
Ok, enough outta me and congrats on your sober time! Great post btw and good luck!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack 
Yes it's possible to stay sober without AA. If you know how to cope with the cravings and you want to stay sober and have reason to then it's really not that hard.
While I didn't go to AA my sister acted like a sponsor to some degree.
If you can find someone you trust to that level, I would recommend it highly if you are doing it on your own. I didn't really call her that much or anything but it did act as an extra incentive to not disappoint her with a relapse.
I think you also need to find things to do to occupy all the new time you will have. If anything I would think that might be the biggest thing that you miss out on without AA, just something to do that also reinforces not drinking.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,938
Starting a new sober and fulfilling life is very possible without AA. In the recovery circles I'm a part of, many of the people have recovered using various means besides AA.
SMART Recovery offers some tools that can help one get and maintain sobriety. I like SMART because their tool's not only help me with my drug problem. They also help me live a satisfying well balanced life.
SMART Recovery offers some tools that can help one get and maintain sobriety. I like SMART because their tool's not only help me with my drug problem. They also help me live a satisfying well balanced life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3
Thanks for the AA/non-AA discussion. I'm trying to figure it out too. I'm only on day 3 but the only person who knows is my girlfriend. I don't even want to discuss it with my mom who has been sober 3 years. Probably not healthy, but I'm just trying to figure it out day by day.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by Finallyquitting
Thanks for the AA/non-AA discussion. I'm trying to figure it out too. I'm only on day 3 but the only person who knows is my girlfriend. I don't even want to discuss it with my mom who has been sober 3 years. Probably not healthy, but I'm just trying to figure it out day by day.
Action is important right now, don't overthink things too much. You'll have plenty of time to figure it all out later.
Be willing.
Be humble.
Be honest.
Abnormally normal
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Wow...thank you all for all the much needed information and advice.
I'm so grateful I found this site.
This is so awesome and so are all of you!!
I can't begin to explain how great I've been feeling since I've joined. The support here really defines what it means to have it.
There are some things I wanna ask or comment to some of you but I haven't gotten the hang of quoting a post, let alone several at one time.
I'll get there...
But for now...
@ Anna- I love reading so thank you for suggesting that. I received a Nook Color for Christmas and i love it. I take it w/ me everywhere and love that a new book is at the touch of my fingers. So if you would recommend some books, I'd really appreciate it.
@ Mark- Oh YOU!! Lol... I can tell your quite the character.
I didn't mean the people in recovery (hesitating because don't want people knowing I'm an alcoholic). I meant people in my neighborhood and friends and family.
I guess thats my fault. i probabaly wasn't clear enough.
I live in a city in L.A. county. But the city I live in is very small. The AA meetings are literally 2 blocks away from my house.
But I'm always running into my son's school faculty or parents of his friends around the neighborhood.
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I think I just have to get over the hump I'm in in my sobriety.
I'm still dealing w/ shame and the immediate stage of the aftermath.
Still w/ my tail between my legs.
My addiction has taken (I let) so much from me. And one of the things is my thick skin.
I know I should be proud of my sobriety, but i feel like its not time yet to be.
I'm proud on a day to day basis, but to be proud overall seems a little premature because of what I put my family through.
Like, who am I to be proud for day 76 or expect my fam to be when we're still picking up the pieces from years of putting them through hell.
And understanding alcoholism is very important to me. Why? Because I want to understand it, and why it affects some people and not others. What to do to help prevent it by teaching about it at an early age to kids w/ alcoholic parents. I don't know how true it is, but I've heard kids who have parents w/ addiction problems are more likely to do the same. And if I can help my kids is any way, I'm willing to do it.
Because I don't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone my babies.
Like I said, I don't know how true it is...but thats why I want to learn and understand. This addiction has taken me and the people I love to our own hell
and has affected me my whole life.
From my parents, to my family members and myself, and I need to know why.
Which brings me to...
HoneyBee, what you posted about seeing a LADC sounds perfect for me.
One-on-one is what I need.
Finding out what issues I have that led me to drink the way I did.
What issues are so deep yet right at the surface that I didn't love myself enough to see what I was doing. Or care.
As you can see..I have soooo many questions yet so little answers and my brain is all over the place. But d@mn it, I'm going to get to the bottom of it!
Thank you for sharing that w/ me. i'm gonna call my health care provider to ask what programs they have.
Finallyquitting...Much luck to you!
Day by day seems to be working for me so I hope it does for you.
This site has done wonders for me, and I only joined a week ago.
You're definitely gonna find what you're looking for here.
I'm so grateful I found this site.
This is so awesome and so are all of you!!
I can't begin to explain how great I've been feeling since I've joined. The support here really defines what it means to have it.
There are some things I wanna ask or comment to some of you but I haven't gotten the hang of quoting a post, let alone several at one time.
I'll get there...
But for now...
@ Anna- I love reading so thank you for suggesting that. I received a Nook Color for Christmas and i love it. I take it w/ me everywhere and love that a new book is at the touch of my fingers. So if you would recommend some books, I'd really appreciate it.
@ Mark- Oh YOU!! Lol... I can tell your quite the character.
I didn't mean the people in recovery (hesitating because don't want people knowing I'm an alcoholic). I meant people in my neighborhood and friends and family.
I guess thats my fault. i probabaly wasn't clear enough.
I live in a city in L.A. county. But the city I live in is very small. The AA meetings are literally 2 blocks away from my house.
But I'm always running into my son's school faculty or parents of his friends around the neighborhood.
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I think I just have to get over the hump I'm in in my sobriety.
I'm still dealing w/ shame and the immediate stage of the aftermath.
Still w/ my tail between my legs.
My addiction has taken (I let) so much from me. And one of the things is my thick skin.
I know I should be proud of my sobriety, but i feel like its not time yet to be.
I'm proud on a day to day basis, but to be proud overall seems a little premature because of what I put my family through.
Like, who am I to be proud for day 76 or expect my fam to be when we're still picking up the pieces from years of putting them through hell.
And understanding alcoholism is very important to me. Why? Because I want to understand it, and why it affects some people and not others. What to do to help prevent it by teaching about it at an early age to kids w/ alcoholic parents. I don't know how true it is, but I've heard kids who have parents w/ addiction problems are more likely to do the same. And if I can help my kids is any way, I'm willing to do it.
Because I don't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone my babies.
Like I said, I don't know how true it is...but thats why I want to learn and understand. This addiction has taken me and the people I love to our own hell
and has affected me my whole life.
From my parents, to my family members and myself, and I need to know why.
Which brings me to...
HoneyBee, what you posted about seeing a LADC sounds perfect for me.
One-on-one is what I need.
Finding out what issues I have that led me to drink the way I did.
What issues are so deep yet right at the surface that I didn't love myself enough to see what I was doing. Or care.
As you can see..I have soooo many questions yet so little answers and my brain is all over the place. But d@mn it, I'm going to get to the bottom of it!
Thank you for sharing that w/ me. i'm gonna call my health care provider to ask what programs they have.
Finallyquitting...Much luck to you!
Day by day seems to be working for me so I hope it does for you.
This site has done wonders for me, and I only joined a week ago.
You're definitely gonna find what you're looking for here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Fab! There is a thread or two in the secular forums that deal with the science of addiction...I would link but I can't from my phone.
I so agree that it is important to understand the illness...not just for our recovery but for our children who may have inherited our icky genes.
I wanted to keep my recovery quiet initially...not out of shame as much as just not wanting anyone to know...when I got to 6 months I all of a sudden have felt like I want to start telling people...because it is so wonderful and I want to share
I did a lot of reading as well...I'm happy to send you book suggestions as well...there Karen also several thread around with book lists.
I so agree that it is important to understand the illness...not just for our recovery but for our children who may have inherited our icky genes.
I wanted to keep my recovery quiet initially...not out of shame as much as just not wanting anyone to know...when I got to 6 months I all of a sudden have felt like I want to start telling people...because it is so wonderful and I want to share
I did a lot of reading as well...I'm happy to send you book suggestions as well...there Karen also several thread around with book lists.
Abnormally normal
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
The science of addiction and alcoholism? That sounds interesting. I'm definitely gonna look into it.
And please post any book suggestions you might have. I've realized that I have alot of time on my hands now that I'm sober!
Thank you...
And please post any book suggestions you might have. I've realized that I have alot of time on my hands now that I'm sober!
Thank you...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 279
I can completely relate to your post. I have no interest in AA whatsoever. My main issue is the "powerless" aspect. I am not powerless. I believe that I have the power to overcome this. I think that it would never work for me, because I just can't get on board with that......
Anyhow, I too don't really want to advertise my recovery or be a person "in recovery" or somehow make it my identity. I can't really claim I'm a success story just yet; but there are many people here who have recovered in other ways. For me; I think it is really going to take making a lot of changes in my life. It's not just about quitting drinking; it is changing thought processes, patterns and habits, and filling my life with other things.
Anyhow, I too don't really want to advertise my recovery or be a person "in recovery" or somehow make it my identity. I can't really claim I'm a success story just yet; but there are many people here who have recovered in other ways. For me; I think it is really going to take making a lot of changes in my life. It's not just about quitting drinking; it is changing thought processes, patterns and habits, and filling my life with other things.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Yeah it is just my opinion ---- but I feel this site has been all I could have asked for to fulfill the need for discussion and support.
Ive learned a lot about myself here - answered a lot of questions, and become a better person. I decided to dedicate my life to sobriety, and that includes being on this forum as long as internet permits.
There are a lot of people here who can help you with caring and love --- and that IMO is the most important thing. If you feel you need more "human" contact then maybe AA is another option...
Nobody needs to know --- I have not told anyone in my fairly large circle that i have a "problem" --- certainly a lot of heads have turned because I no longer drink, but I have used the excuse to better overall health as the reason. Which is partly true too - I currently train each day for the Ironman 70.3 series so the story certainly fits and nobody questions it.
Ive learned a lot about myself here - answered a lot of questions, and become a better person. I decided to dedicate my life to sobriety, and that includes being on this forum as long as internet permits.
There are a lot of people here who can help you with caring and love --- and that IMO is the most important thing. If you feel you need more "human" contact then maybe AA is another option...
Nobody needs to know --- I have not told anyone in my fairly large circle that i have a "problem" --- certainly a lot of heads have turned because I no longer drink, but I have used the excuse to better overall health as the reason. Which is partly true too - I currently train each day for the Ironman 70.3 series so the story certainly fits and nobody questions it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 167
I personally don't use the steps for my former alcohol and drug abuse/addictions. I have found my own way that works very well. I have found though that some people who are subscribers to the 12 steps have vilified me for having a differing opinion and claimed that I didn't have a problem.
I am 5.75 months free of everything, not the smallest want to go back to that life.
Free will and logic are what have helped me.
I am 5.75 months free of everything, not the smallest want to go back to that life.
Free will and logic are what have helped me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4
congrats on your sobriety
Hey Fab,
75 days! wish I had that. Hopefully will be working on one day. I just posted on this board to share in the community and seek help. After reading your post I had to share. The first AA meeting I went to I sat down right next to a student who was in my class. After the initial shock it was really no big deal. We were both there for the same reason. The coffee and the cookies!
75 days! wish I had that. Hopefully will be working on one day. I just posted on this board to share in the community and seek help. After reading your post I had to share. The first AA meeting I went to I sat down right next to a student who was in my class. After the initial shock it was really no big deal. We were both there for the same reason. The coffee and the cookies!
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Simplyfab,
One book I liked is "Drinking, A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It may or may not be of interest to you. The advantage to having the NookColor is that you can download a preview and see what you think of a lot of books before you buy.
Congrats on 75 days!
One book I liked is "Drinking, A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It may or may not be of interest to you. The advantage to having the NookColor is that you can download a preview and see what you think of a lot of books before you buy.
Congrats on 75 days!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 165
AA wasn't for me. I'm very happy with SMART Recovery for the group support part of my recovery program.
Information here: SMART RecoveryŽ | Self Help for Alcoholism & Addiction
Information here: SMART RecoveryŽ | Self Help for Alcoholism & Addiction
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Simplyfab: You've asked two good questions that I'd like to weigh in on:
1. Is AA necessary? I agree with the consensus that no, AA is not necessary. Some people find it helpful; others find it useless; still others actually find it damaging. There is no one solution that is appropriate for everyone and it is perfectly ok to declare that you simply don't care for a particular path, even if it has helped other people.
2. Will AA help me understand my alcoholism better? It depends on what you mean by "understand". AA has a perspective on alcoholism which seems to help some people get their heads around the fact that drinking isn't an option and never will be. But it's a perspective, and not universally shared. So the question is whether the AA perspective assists you or not. If not, then that's not the recovery pathway for you. Plenty of folks here use other programs, such as SMART Recovery, or no formal program at all.
OTT
PS Congratulations on your 75 days!!!!
1. Is AA necessary? I agree with the consensus that no, AA is not necessary. Some people find it helpful; others find it useless; still others actually find it damaging. There is no one solution that is appropriate for everyone and it is perfectly ok to declare that you simply don't care for a particular path, even if it has helped other people.
2. Will AA help me understand my alcoholism better? It depends on what you mean by "understand". AA has a perspective on alcoholism which seems to help some people get their heads around the fact that drinking isn't an option and never will be. But it's a perspective, and not universally shared. So the question is whether the AA perspective assists you or not. If not, then that's not the recovery pathway for you. Plenty of folks here use other programs, such as SMART Recovery, or no formal program at all.
OTT
PS Congratulations on your 75 days!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 64
Welcome simplyfab, congrats on your sober time, that's awesome!!
I'm not in AA and I'm almost at 3 months sober, I have an addiction counsellor and use SMART Recovery. I have a pdf of a booklet I got at a SMART meeting that explains a bit how the brain works when it's addiction, the stages of addiction etc, I'd be happy to share it with you if interested.
Good luck on your journey, you'll find a lot of support from wonderful people on this site.
I'm not in AA and I'm almost at 3 months sober, I have an addiction counsellor and use SMART Recovery. I have a pdf of a booklet I got at a SMART meeting that explains a bit how the brain works when it's addiction, the stages of addiction etc, I'd be happy to share it with you if interested.
Good luck on your journey, you'll find a lot of support from wonderful people on this site.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Never a good idea to go to AA too soon. The times you went drunk, just as I did are a good example. Every time I had some drinking trouble I wound up in AA again. It was awful and part of my punishment for getting caught.
Think I first stopped drinking forever at 19. Stopped often through the next 9 nears. Sometimes my idea, sometimes the idea of others.
I'd stop for weeks or several months, then start up again...nothing new about that pattern.
If it helps, some of the things I used to not drink were jigsaw puzzles, needlepoint, restoring old cars, church, running, vitamins, smoking dope, school, gardening, going to a gym, affairs, backpacking alone long distances, fishing, chess...
Got sober this last time in '82 doing all the AA stuff I didn't do earlier. Could have saved myself lots of evenings if I'd not messed with it until I was willing to do the things that make a difference.
So, hopefully you'll never need AA. But if you wind up unable to stay sober on your own it's a fantastic way to go, when you have no other choice.
Think I first stopped drinking forever at 19. Stopped often through the next 9 nears. Sometimes my idea, sometimes the idea of others.
I'd stop for weeks or several months, then start up again...nothing new about that pattern.
If it helps, some of the things I used to not drink were jigsaw puzzles, needlepoint, restoring old cars, church, running, vitamins, smoking dope, school, gardening, going to a gym, affairs, backpacking alone long distances, fishing, chess...
Got sober this last time in '82 doing all the AA stuff I didn't do earlier. Could have saved myself lots of evenings if I'd not messed with it until I was willing to do the things that make a difference.
So, hopefully you'll never need AA. But if you wind up unable to stay sober on your own it's a fantastic way to go, when you have no other choice.
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