Reubena

You can do this Aurora. Take it one minute at a time if you have to.

keithj

Hopeless is a great place to start from, Aurora. With hopelessness comes desperation which brings willingness. That place of desperation made me willing to do the things that I didn't believe would work. That starting point has worked for many people.

stugotz

I agree 100 percent. But you never have to feel that way again. Welcome.

Fandy

hi Aurora;

as you can read, you've got lots of company from people who have had your feelinngs or similar....you wrote that after you took a drink yesterday, it only worked for 5 mins. then you felt awful again...

maybe try to remember that awful feeling and bring it front and center if & when the thought of drinking comes up on you...

(I have done the complete bathroom issue in my head several times to stop a destructive thought).

I hope you can finnd something positive to focus on today.

cabledude

Sounds like a moment of clarity to me. Until I grasped that I was up against something that I couldn't beat I kept trying to whip it. When the struggle is between alcoholism and an alcoholic trying to whip it themselves, always bet on alcoholism to win.

Even if you have to give very long odds.

So now that you know what you know, you might consider getting effective help. And be less picky about doing some things that you don't entirely feel like doing.

Here's a tip. What you came to realize will never change as long as you're sucking air.

Aurora80

So true!




I made it through last night without drinking any more or getting high. I'm really REALLY grateful for that today. I've got a busy day ahead, but it's good stuff. I know I won't drink today, but I can't be sure beyond that. Not looking too far ahead at this point. Still need to come up with some sort of sobriety plan... something to think about this evening.

Thank you everyone for all the replies. It really is heartening to see there are so many that can relate to my hopelessness who are now sober... it makes the possibility of sobriety look a little less like a mythical unicorn. Still not feeling confident, but I guess if I could feel confident about getting sober then I wouldn't have a problem.

Aurora80

I have a big problem with this.

michelle01

If this girl can do it, I think you can too - I had many relapses before maintaining long term sobriety. It's difficult for me to define what was the turn around. I think I really had to want it for myself, rather than other people in my life, and believe that I was worth it. For someone with pretty low self concept and self value to begin with, that was a struggle. My addiction to alcohol only lowered it further over time - I can well remember the feelings of depression and self-reproach following another binge. Beating yourself up in that way doesn't really help - instead it just reinforces the cycle of self defeat, quick 'escape' to alleviate the pain and pay for it later.

When you can no longer do this on your own, it's time to seek some help, put aside the preconceptions & soforth. There is hope and help out there. My most significant memory of AA I think is my first meeting and seeing written on a big blackboard at the center of the room the single word 'hope' - that nearly broke me, as I was so running on empty. At that point, it was difficult for me to even conceive any length of time completely sober, the 'drinking thinking' constantly preoccupied me. But today much to my own amazement I stand at 15 months sober... nothing special or outstanding about me or my recovery, certainly no special strength on my part, but you have to be willing to do whatever it takes and let nothing else stand in the way of it.

Zencat

I can look back in my past active addiction and see that my Hopelessness was where I need to be in order to grow forward. Hopelessness motivated me to make the necessary changes in my lifestyle that were killing me.

Although at the time of my darkest hour I could not see the gift of desperation that was born out of hopelessness. From the depths of despair I discovered a new confidence that I can turn my life around. To live free from my active addiction into a better future where I'm no longer controlled by alcohol/drugs.