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01-15-2011, 06:40 PM

# 1 (permalink)

SlowRoosevelt

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jan 2011

Location: Fort Worth, Texas

Posts: 1

New and Lost

I have never used any kind of forum, chat room, or blog; so I don't really know what I'm doing. Any, and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Guess I'll start by introducing myself. My name is Cole. I am 34 years old, the last 16 of which I have been an active addict. I started drinking daily when I was about 14 (about a fifth a day). When I was about 20 I was introduced to meth, and I inadvertantly fell in love. I had always been a very somber, withdrawn, and depressed person; but I felt happier, like I was a better version of myself when I first started doing speed. I have only recently realized, over the past couple of months, that the "happiness" was a facad. The only reason I ever felt happy with using was because I was high instead of facing my problems, facing life, or even facing myself...I would just hide in the bottom of a bag of dope. My wife began attending NA, and she really worked it hard, she'll be celebrating 6 years in March. She tried everything to get me into the program, but all I saw was a lot of hard work which I used as yet another excuse to hide in a bag, and a bottle. Right after Christmas I decided that enough was enough. I have been a bull rider, bronc rider, MX racer, and a fighter. I have always been able to "muscle" my way through any situation......except addiction. I reestablished on Jan. 1st, 2011 and kicked ass for almost 2 weeks....ALMOST....I decided to trash all my paraphenalia, and in doing so I found a little weed still in one of my pipes. I remember as I hit it thinking that I did'nt want to; but I did anyway. From there my night snowballed into hell. For the first time in my life I realized that I AM POWERLESS over my addiction; and that realization was like the hardest kick to the gut that I have ever taken. I guess I'm not as tough as I thought...I AM HERE TO RECOVER, and I more than welcome any input that anyone can offer. THANK YOU

01-15-2011, 06:47 PM

# 2 (permalink)

Dee74

Administrator

Join Date: Apr 2007

Location: Australia

Posts: 211,436

Hi Cole

I'm a pretty tough little guy too...I usually go through walls rather than around LOL, but this thing beat me too. Brute force just didn't work for me.

Accepting the reality - that you're an addict and you need to stop and you need to change - and reaching out for support to get there, has got me a lot farther than willpower, gritting my teeth, or brute force ever did.

I drank and used weed for about 20 years - the last 7 I drank all day everyday. I'm about 12 weeks off 4 years clean and sober.

That's still pretty amazing to me, and the advice help and support I got here helped me a lot in doing what I needed to do to get here.

I hope we can help you too

Welcome aboard Cole
D

01-15-2011, 06:51 PM

# 3 (permalink)

julez

Grateful Member

Join Date: Aug 2010

Location: MI

Posts: 1,080

Welcome, glad you found us!
Many people here have some great experience and advice.
Its a tough road, but worth it, one step at a time!

01-15-2011, 06:54 PM

# 4 (permalink)

Anna

Administrator

Join Date: Aug 2003

Location: Dancing in the Light

Posts: 61,504

Hi Cole and Welcome,

I am so glad you found us, and know that you can do this, and we're here to offer support.

I think most of use drink and use drugs in order to escape the realities of ourselves and our lives. Self-medicating with alcohol is easier than dealing with the feelings. But, addiction steals everything from us and it's relentless.

Good for you for deciding to live a sober life.