I want to start again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 176
I want to start again.
I've been here before, but it's been awhile. Seems like I'm just one big false start. But I think I'm ready to make another attempt. I know I don't want to continue on the path I'm on, I just don't know if I can do this. I've tried so many times! But I haven't tried enough, obviously.
It's gonna be a really rough day for me... running on 2 hours of sleep and have a lot do do today before I go in to work tonight. I'm so sick of this.
I really want to live a sober life, but I'm becoming jaded about the possibility of getting sober. It just seems like I've tried so many times and I always fall on my face. I'm going to try again starting now. BUt I have to be honest when I say I'm not feeling a lot of hope or optimism.
It's gonna be a really rough day for me... running on 2 hours of sleep and have a lot do do today before I go in to work tonight. I'm so sick of this.
I really want to live a sober life, but I'm becoming jaded about the possibility of getting sober. It just seems like I've tried so many times and I always fall on my face. I'm going to try again starting now. BUt I have to be honest when I say I'm not feeling a lot of hope or optimism.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Aurora-
#1 - welcome back! You're always welcome to come back to SR. In face, you never have to leave if you don't want to.
Ok, so you've tried. What exactly have you tried? Let us know and we can then tell you what we did and we'll go from there.
We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof of that.
Kjell
#1 - welcome back! You're always welcome to come back to SR. In face, you never have to leave if you don't want to.
Ok, so you've tried. What exactly have you tried? Let us know and we can then tell you what we did and we'll go from there.
We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof of that.
Kjell
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Good luck Aurora. What are you going to do differently? Can you try f2f support? AA, counseling or something?
This site is full of people that have quit. They are not better than you. They have found ways that work. You CAN do this. It is up to you.
Keep us posted.
This site is full of people that have quit. They are not better than you. They have found ways that work. You CAN do this. It is up to you.
Keep us posted.
31/10/10
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 241
Hi Aurora. Welcome!! In five years time you won't be beating yourself up for needing more than one attempt at sobriety. I believe most of use needed a few.
Go to bed sober today, that's all that counts today. And tomorrow you'll have a clearer (and more hopfeful) mind and can get yourself set up for this new adventure.
Good to have you on board!
vee
Go to bed sober today, that's all that counts today. And tomorrow you'll have a clearer (and more hopfeful) mind and can get yourself set up for this new adventure.
Good to have you on board!
vee
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
You can't quit unless you try. As long as there's that little gnat flying around bugging you, you're on the verge of a decision. That's all it comes down to is a (just one) decision. To drink and live your life doing the same thing over and over, or considering the possibility that you can live your life doing everything you normally do, along with a great many things you currently have to restrict, or, to some degree, limit.... all for the sake of habitually ingesting a specific type of beverage.
Well heck, theres soda, milk, juice and my favorite, nice clean cold water that my body needs. They don't place any demands or limitations on my life, or anyone else who CHOOSES to live life with them instead of that ONE type of liquid.
Without that gnat bugging you, you wouldn't be contemplating what you are.
Preparing, by taking the time to really analyze the truly negative issues with alcohol will help. The buzz leaves us in a fog, almost foolish. The hangovers are our bodies rejecting the abuse of the chemical that alcohol is. The guilt and disappointment is due to the FACT that we aren't happy with that way of life. The taste is programmed as pleasant, by the addict in us knowing we will soon be all of the above, ultimately, disappointed. The taste can become less attractive if we just associate the truth about what alcohol, what it does and where we will be if we allow it to be a part of our lives.
When the time is right, quit. Our oxygen, food, water, work, families, friends etc. will remain unchanged. Removing one specific liquid is all it takes. I can live with that... EASILY.
Don't quit trying! I feel like 3 times the man I did 5 months ago today. One liquid!!!
Well heck, theres soda, milk, juice and my favorite, nice clean cold water that my body needs. They don't place any demands or limitations on my life, or anyone else who CHOOSES to live life with them instead of that ONE type of liquid.
Without that gnat bugging you, you wouldn't be contemplating what you are.
Preparing, by taking the time to really analyze the truly negative issues with alcohol will help. The buzz leaves us in a fog, almost foolish. The hangovers are our bodies rejecting the abuse of the chemical that alcohol is. The guilt and disappointment is due to the FACT that we aren't happy with that way of life. The taste is programmed as pleasant, by the addict in us knowing we will soon be all of the above, ultimately, disappointed. The taste can become less attractive if we just associate the truth about what alcohol, what it does and where we will be if we allow it to be a part of our lives.
When the time is right, quit. Our oxygen, food, water, work, families, friends etc. will remain unchanged. Removing one specific liquid is all it takes. I can live with that... EASILY.
Don't quit trying! I feel like 3 times the man I did 5 months ago today. One liquid!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I used to feel like you...every attempt felt doomed from the start. But it can change! I thought I was doomed to a drunken life and death...but no more.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
I struggled most of two years before I finally 'got it'. You can too. Give it your best effort and never give up! I kept on trying, each time I failed, and now have over a year sober so it CAN be done.
You can too. Give it your best effort and never give up! I kept on trying, each time I failed, and now have over a year sober so it CAN be done. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Aurora
Welcome back - any effort is definitely better than no effort. I really believe you can't lose if you never give in.
I think the trick is to keep adding things to your programme - if you posted here a few times, start posting daily...if you hit a few meetings, maybe think about getting a sponsor...if AA's not for you, check out the many different kinds of recovery groups out there, or speak with your doctor, see a counsellor....
If you want to fight your alcoholism - fight it - don't let it psyche you out Aurora
You can do this
D
Welcome back - any effort is definitely better than no effort. I really believe you can't lose if you never give in.
I think the trick is to keep adding things to your programme - if you posted here a few times, start posting daily...if you hit a few meetings, maybe think about getting a sponsor...if AA's not for you, check out the many different kinds of recovery groups out there, or speak with your doctor, see a counsellor....
If you want to fight your alcoholism - fight it - don't let it psyche you out Aurora
You can do this
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 176
Thank you to all for your words of support. I mean that.
Today was tough... not staying sober (that's never hard for me the first day, but usually becomes challenging about a week in and gets worse from there) but getting through the day being so tired from staying up drinking last night. Also (and this was actually worse) having to deal with the mental/emotional toll that my drinking/drugging has caused me.
I don't like myself anymore. I don't like the person I have become
I hope that this time will be different. Not sure yet what I'll do different; I just decided this morning to try again and have been too busy and exhausted to think it out today, but I know I need a plan.
To those who pray, please pray for me, that I might be given guidance.
Today was tough... not staying sober (that's never hard for me the first day, but usually becomes challenging about a week in and gets worse from there) but getting through the day being so tired from staying up drinking last night. Also (and this was actually worse) having to deal with the mental/emotional toll that my drinking/drugging has caused me.
I don't like myself anymore. I don't like the person I have become
I hope that this time will be different. Not sure yet what I'll do different; I just decided this morning to try again and have been too busy and exhausted to think it out today, but I know I need a plan.
To those who pray, please pray for me, that I might be given guidance.
the illogical vulcan
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: In front of my computer.
Posts: 242
Originally Posted by Aurora80 
I've been here before, but it's been awhile. Seems like I'm just one big false start. But I think I'm ready to make another attempt. I know I don't want to continue on the path I'm on, I just don't know if I can do this. I've tried so many times! But I haven't tried enough, obviously.
It's gonna be a really rough day for me... running on 2 hours of sleep and have a lot do do today before I go in to work tonight. I'm so sick of this.
I really want to live a sober life, but I'm becoming jaded about the possibility of getting sober. It just seems like I've tried so many times and I always fall on my face. I'm going to try again starting now. BUt I have to be honest when I say I'm not feeling a lot of hope or optimism.
It's gonna be a really rough day for me... running on 2 hours of sleep and have a lot do do today before I go in to work tonight. I'm so sick of this.
I really want to live a sober life, but I'm becoming jaded about the possibility of getting sober. It just seems like I've tried so many times and I always fall on my face. I'm going to try again starting now. BUt I have to be honest when I say I'm not feeling a lot of hope or optimism.
started trying to make another attempt at drying out. It's gets depressing when you're just sooo used to doing just about everything with a drink in your hand but I've found alot of support here and I'm sure you will too. Stick around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome back Aurora and yup I remember you So glad to see you here and you have our support.
The fact you are here shows you have that desire and that is what we need to get this thing. I stumbled along the way for some years and fell after I first joined SR in January last year...eeek.
Know what I did? Not give up....came back and said to myself....I don't have any support. I can't go it alone. So I stayed with SR (still here...these folks have been with me the entire journey) and I got face to face support. With all the tools and support I have been working on changing me and everything for the better. You will too! I believe in you.
Stay the course, don't drink anything, reach out and work on a recovery plan. There are many options but doing the same exact thing as before usually yields the same results.
Looking forward to your journey!
So glad to see you here and you have our support.The fact you are here shows you have that desire and that is what we need to get this thing. I stumbled along the way for some years and fell after I first joined SR in January last year...eeek.
Know what I did? Not give up....came back and said to myself....I don't have any support. I can't go it alone. So I stayed with SR (still here...these folks have been with me the entire journey) and I got face to face support. With all the tools and support I have been working on changing me and everything for the better. You will too! I believe in you.
Stay the course, don't drink anything, reach out and work on a recovery plan. There are many options but doing the same exact thing as before usually yields the same results.
Looking forward to your journey!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, you need a plan. In my experience, "I hope this time will be different" is pretty useless as plans go.
Why not go to an AA meeting today? It's Sunday, there are probably meetings all day somewhere. There is a plan that works.
Why not go to an AA meeting today? It's Sunday, there are probably meetings all day somewhere. There is a plan that works.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Welcome back!
I spun my wheels for 6 mos or so before I really quit. 'Trying' to quit became its own reward. The buzz that comes from hope. The permission that I gave myself to drink just before my predictable re commitment to quitting. I was committing to quitting but not to sobriety so I kept getting stuck.
It's the simplest thing really isn't it? To not drink again, ever. I mean it's simple like it's just one instruction. The complexity then is in building a life worth staying sober for. I went to every sober thing I was invited to in the early days. And if I had a bad day I made myself think of 10 good things from the day. 10 sober things I was grateful for ("the extra $4 I had for that white chocolate mocha from starbucks, that I was inclined to take my kids to the park at 4pm).
It's hard for me to believe now that I used to find such joy in spending entire weekends drunk. And I really did. I mean even when I quit and was happy with life, I still thought it was a pretty fun way to spend time.
I don't really know what my point is. Just that people change, I guess. But you have to keep doing things. I love what I read here one time about how action will change your thinking far quicker than thinking will change your actions. I mean even my husband who is very gung-ho about life would laugh (not unkindly) at the stuff I signed up for in the early days. I was like (and still feel like) a tourist. Exploring sober life.
Keep posting! Even if I don't post every day, I read every day. It helps a ton.
I spun my wheels for 6 mos or so before I really quit. 'Trying' to quit became its own reward. The buzz that comes from hope. The permission that I gave myself to drink just before my predictable re commitment to quitting. I was committing to quitting but not to sobriety so I kept getting stuck.
It's the simplest thing really isn't it? To not drink again, ever. I mean it's simple like it's just one instruction. The complexity then is in building a life worth staying sober for. I went to every sober thing I was invited to in the early days. And if I had a bad day I made myself think of 10 good things from the day. 10 sober things I was grateful for ("the extra $4 I had for that white chocolate mocha from starbucks, that I was inclined to take my kids to the park at 4pm).
It's hard for me to believe now that I used to find such joy in spending entire weekends drunk. And I really did. I mean even when I quit and was happy with life, I still thought it was a pretty fun way to spend time.
I don't really know what my point is. Just that people change, I guess. But you have to keep doing things. I love what I read here one time about how action will change your thinking far quicker than thinking will change your actions. I mean even my husband who is very gung-ho about life would laugh (not unkindly) at the stuff I signed up for in the early days. I was like (and still feel like) a tourist. Exploring sober life.
Keep posting! Even if I don't post every day, I read every day. It helps a ton.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
