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Leaving The Labyrinth Of Addictions ~ lengthy

Old 01-11-2011, 08:03 AM
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din
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Leaving The Labyrinth Of Addictions ~ lengthy

Leaving The Labyrinth Of Addictions by M.S.M

For many years I believed that alcoholics and drug addicts were in a league of their own. I felt that such addictions belonged to weak personalities trying to escape from certain responsibilities. Given such reasoning, I offered them little sympathy.
After several personal epiphanies in my life, I no longer hold such a simplistic view of addictions.
While substance addictions like drugs, alcohol and nicotine receive the most publicity, they are only the tip of the iceberg. Given an honest appraisal of our daily lives, it is not difficult to see that many of us live in a labyrinth of habits and addictions that impact our well-being.
Beside substance addictions there are also activity addictions. How many individuals do we know who are compulsive eaters, dieters, workaholics? How many people do we know who are obsessed with exercise, sex, cleanliness and the many forms of perfectionism?
Even more, we can become addicted to our feelings and moods. Often, despite the best of circumstances, we defer to depressive self-images and negative feelings. We do this because such negativity is familiar to us, reinforcing as it does our poor self-image. Many of us just feel safer behind our veils of negativity regardless of the fact our situation may be much more positive than we’re willing to accept.
Another example is rage. I grew up in a household, for example, with someone addicted to rage. Raging became a way of handling all problems even though it solved nothing and caused endless heartache. How many instances of rage do we witness today on our highways, in our workplaces, in line-ups and in our homes?
Addictions are not diseases or faulty personality traits. They are learned responses to pain. This pain usually has its source in early childhood trauma. Such trauma does not have to be as serious as sexual or physical abuse. For many of us the pain is the result of deep fears of abandonment and the lack of unconditional love. In many cases, our families did not nurture us in a way that made us feel whole and confident.
The result is that we grew up and became adults with extreme feelings of shame, guilt and feelings of inadequacy. These feelings are experienced as a pervasive sense of hollowness at the core of our being. We don't know who we are, what we want and how to meet our basic needs.
If we were constantly conscious of this deep pain, many of us could not function in society. To bury this pain, we unconsciously accommodate ourselves to certain addictions over time. We learn to take the drink after work, eat comfort food or smoke. Some will engage in compulsive sex and serial relationships; others will become obsessed with their work.
The bottom-line is that addictions help us to self-medicate ourselves against pain. While there may be short term relief, addictions do not really help us because they are generated by our fears, not by our love of life. They detract from our ability to make life-affirming choices, blind us to our spiritual identities and rob us of life-energies.
Sometimes we become conscious of our addictions and seek change; for many, change will only occur after tragic or near-tragic circumstances arise because of the addictive behavior.
To my mind, dealing with addictions is an art form, not a mechanical procedure. No matter the therapy, one size does not fit all. For some, their addictions demand the radical path of entering a withdrawal program, joining a twelve-step group or seek intensive counseling. For others, it may take diligent observation, self-education and a good friend.

There are some general statements that are quite standard with regard to finding our way out of the addictive labyrinth.
First, we must be willing to admit that at some level we have addictive habits that add little to our lives. Whether it is alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate or a persistent belief in our "no-goodness," we will not start to change until we become candidly honest and take stock of our misguided behaviors and thoughts.
Second, beginning to change our behaviors will cause us more pain. When I first started to change my behaviors, I felt terrible. I felt so bad because I didn't see myself as worthy of changing my life for the better and felt guilty about doing so. Once I saw this period of negativity as natural and expected, I stopped beating myself up and felt better about change.
Third, surprisingly enough, I believe will-power is not enough to leave our addictive behaviors behind. How many of us might exert extreme discipline with respect to our careers and hobbies but fail miserably at changing things like snack-binging, smoking, drinking and negative thinking?

I have come to see that will-power is not the real antidote to addiction. Much will-power is derived from our need to control our own destiny and fate, both of which we have little control over. In other words, pride gets in the way of our better intentions. Some of us want to solve our own problems without ever revealing to anyone our weaknesses and vulnerability.
This is the fourth generality. Breaking the cycle of addictive behavior takes help. Addictions need secrecy to take over our lives. Once they are brought out into the open, they lose much of their power over us. Finding a friend, spouse, confidante or a group helps us leave the darkness behind.
In the end, I don't know if addictions can be conquered by frontal attacks upon them. Real change begins by changing how we think about ourselves. Yet, even this cannot be done in a rational, instrumental manner.
Change takes place primarily because we desire it. We must desire change more than we want to hide behind our addictions. Once we can acknowledge this fundamental desire, it might be possible to choose between two powers in our life - the power of the addiction or the power of grace.

I have saved the power of grace until the end. Whether you believe in the grace of God, a Higher Power, the Buddha, the Universe or the Great Goddess, inviting and being open to grace is of ultimate importance.
Grace is that weak, often indiscernible, but constant voice behind our incessant mind-chatter that tells us we're "okay." Grace is the name of that great energy that sustains our life daily, hour by hour, minute by minute, telling us we are loved even if our parents got it wrong.
Meditation, prayer, walking, quiet time and stillness are all ways of opening the door to invite grace into our life. Grace knocks at our door daily. It is the drumbeat of our souls. The message is always good news. The ground of our being is love. It always was and always will be. When we allow this message more space than our addictive messages of self-contempt, fear and guilt, the role and power we give to addictions diminishes.
In short, working our way through addictions is not a test of our wills and self-discipline alone. It is, rather, a choice to become vulnerable. By being vulnerable I mean admitting that I do not have mastery over my addictions.
The only real choice I have is whether or not I permit grace into my life. In doing so, I'm empowered to edge my way, little by little to face that dark pit of pain that is the source of my addictions and has structured my life until now.
Aided by grace, something amazing happens when we confront this deep-seated pain. We slowly begin to realize that we are not hapless victims of our past; that there is no one outside of ourselves fueling our negativity unless we choose to do it ourselves.
Freed from the yoke of addictions, we become open to new possibilities and embrace new potentials which we formerly could not see.
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Old 01-11-2011, 06:37 PM
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it was a long one mate
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Old 01-11-2011, 08:08 PM
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(((Din))) - long before I abused substances, I overindulged in food, cigarettes, when things in life were good, I self-sabotaged by causing a fight with my bf, or overdrawing my checking account from reckless spending. I didn't think I deserved to have a peaceful life.

The hardest times of change, in my life, have brought me the greatest amount of grief. I still don't LIKE change, but at least I have faith, now, that it's what I need to get to where I need to be.

The grace? That's the best part of all. My life is totally NOT what I expected at my age, but thanks to recovery, I'm full of gratitude and serenity.

Long post, but good

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-11-2011, 08:29 PM
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I really appreciated that post! It's just what I needed to read, and I think I will print it out and put it in my journal so that I can refer to it when I am feeling overwhelmed by my feelings of "no goodness".

Thank you!
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