joblo

I've been a heavy, regular, at-home alcoholic for about 3 years on and off. I've detoxed once before and was sober for 9 months which was terrific. The craving eventually came back and I relapsed...lost my job, then started drinking as soon as I woke up in the morning...then the afternoon, then the evening.

For the last 2 months due to some terrible circumstances revolving around a family matter, I have been prescribed a daily regimen of valium...I should have quit drinking as soon as I began the valium therapy but I didn't which was a monumental mistake.

I am now on day #5 of sobriety from alcohol and the only way I have made it this far is with the assistance of valium which eases the symptoms of acute alcohol withdrawal dramatically. Yesterday in a fit of defiance, I decided to cut off the valium cold turkey to rid myself completely of everything so I flushed the remains of my prescription down the toilet to seal the deal...big mistake!

Last night I felt as though I were on the verge of a seizure...I was having some involuntary movement / twitching...auditory and visual distortion - just a very very unpleasant state of mind. I made it through almost the entire day with no valium (took 40mg the day prior) but towards the end of the day the cravings for a drink became so overpowering I couldn't cope any longer and since I flushed my valium I had nothing to help me stave off these terrible symptoms.

Long story short, I ran my butt to the pharmacy and refilled...apparently acute alcohol withdrawal combined with acute valium withdrawal creates a very nasty situation which can lead to seizures and even cause death.

Last night I took my recommended daily dosage and within 30 minutes I was feeling back to a normal level that I could cope with. I still felt like crap and really really wanted a drink but I refuse to give up so I took my night time sleep aid (prescribed) and went to bed. My sleep was very disturbed but I did sleep about 6 hours or so...today I feel a little better than yesterday but certainly not great. It feels like I'm getting over the hump now and better days are ahead...I just can't wait to get rid of these damn alcohol withdrawals so I can get rid of the valium. I'm stuck in a catch 22 right now...damned if I do and damned if I don't...I'm choosing the lesser of the two evils right now though...no alcohol with the aid of valium versus going back to drinking again and battling a potential valium addiction.

I really wish I had never picked up that 1st beer that got me started drinking again b/c it has caused a very large disturbance in my life but I'm staying optimistic and I absolutely refuse to lose the battle this time. I'm considering attending an aa meeting today and possible even and na meeting...

It's a damn shame as a society we promote alcohol as if it were as harmless as a can of soda....maybe it should be required learning in schools about addiction and the true dangers of the worst drugs out there which are alcohol and tobacco. Instead, all I remember in grade school and JR. high is some putz talking about marijuana, cocaine, lsd, heroin, etc....when in reality, it all usually starts with alcohol and we as a society further exacerbate the problem by acting as if alcohol is an "OK" drug to do....because it's legal. Truth be told, the legal drugs affect and kill more lives and families than do street drugs....I sure wish the D.A.R.E. officer was more truthful in his "informational" scare tactics, but instead he was more concerned about teaching us the "evils" of marijuana...what a freaking joke.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I think that you should talk to your dr as you are trying to get off the valium, and also because you are detoxing from alcohol which can be dangerous. He/she would be able to give you the best advice for detoxing from both substances.

I'm glad you found us.

Horselover

Welcome to SR and you will get a lot of agreement with Anna because we know how dangerous withdrawal can be. Please see the doctor ASAP.

As far as schools teaching about addictions, I agree, but I think the best place to learn about it is at home. I've started talking seriously about drugs and alcohol with my 8 year old son. Kids are offered drugs as young as 10 and 11 in our area. He knows the ins and outs of what the drugs and alcohol can do to you and the rest I leave up to God. Some things you have turn over after you've done everything humanly possible to effect the situation. I'm pretty much a control freak so turning things over is something I am constantly getting a refresher course in.

Good to see you've joined and hope we'll hear a lot more from you.

worldrenowned

I am on day 5 but my detox is not nearly as dire.
I think you need medical attention and a meeting if those are available to you.
Hope to hear about day 6 even if its rough. Hang in there.

SSIL75

I think you just have to taper off of valium. A gradual withdrawal. Definitely talk to your doc and welcome!

Zencat

Hi joblo and welcome to SoberRecovery (SR).

SR is a great place to share about and gather support for your recovery journey.

least

Yes, please do see your doctor about tapering safely off the valium. Benzos are very hard to get off of and do take tapering down so you won't have seizures.

to SR!

Kmber2010

Welcome Jo. Glad you are here and you have our support.

I also suggest seeing your Dr to discuss best options. It is very easy for us to replace one addiction with another so I think a visit is the best bet.

It does get better

joblo

Well I think I've made it over the hump of the day...I've only taken 10mg valium today and that seems to have taken care of my alcohol withdrawal sufficiently. I don't plan to take anymore valium tonight and tomorrow I plan to cut my dose in half and see how I feel. I have an appt. with my new GP for a followup in a week and a half and I'd like to be alcohol and benzo free when I go to see her....the lady really impressed me on our first visit with one another. She herself is an alcoholic and still attends AA meetings...she encouraged me to attend. I was really blown away when she admitted to me that she was so bad that she had to do in-patient detox for 4 months at a cost of $30,000 and to know that she's doing just fine and dandy now gives me great hope and optimism...if she can come back from a situation that bad; I'll be damned if I let her down

CarolD

Please keep your doctor informed ...be both sober and safe.

Welcome to our recovery community

LexieCat

Be careful with those withdrawals (I know you know that by now), but you're doing great.

Nobody feels great yet only six or seven days in, but soon you will feel better. Stick with it, and you, too, can have a fantastic sober life.

I heartily recommend AA--it has done wonders for me and makes the transition that much easier, I think.

joblo

Well I just had something happen that's never happened to me in any withdrawal....I had a nightmare so intense and vivid I woke up almost crying and pee'd myself a little. The alarm clock (that was set early btw, thank god) woke me up at the height of the nightmare I was having....I'm so disturbed by the nightmare I just took 10mg valium to get my head back on right. Freaking weird man...I won't even go into the details of the nightmare but it was so scary and surreal, I'm still a little rattled just typing this....think I'll wait for my valium to kick in and have a cup of coffee.....don't even know what to say...freaking weird.

Taking5

Joblo-

Please see your Dr. You are in effect detoxing off of both alcohol and benzos simultaneously. People die trying to do this on their own.

joblo

I think I will make the call today...I'm in uncharted territories at this point and I don't feel comfortable with that. It's slightly embarrassing that a grown man pees on his self because of a bad nightmare. I can't wait to hear what the doctor says about this one...perhaps uncharted territories for him as well.

Kmber2010

Good Jo.....I think making that call is a huge step you know? Reaching out. I know I had to and while it was a bit unsettling because I didn't know what to expect.....it felt freeing to finally take control of my well being.

Keep us updated

Peter G

Jo, benzo withdrawal is absolutely NO JOKE. You are lucky you went for a refill because when I quit both (Booze + Xanax) cold turkey it almost killed me. Had a series of seizures that cut open my head - within 36 hours of stopping. I was hospitalized for 10 days with 73 stitches. I won't get into the story but check out this link. It's a guy (MemphisBlue) 4 months clean of benzos and it would be a good thing for you to read.

Don't try to quit on your own, and please bud, do not try cold turkey again. Be as honest as possible with your Doc. Right now I'd suggest that if you think you're running low or in any situation where they may not be available, make other arrangements before hand - like being sure the Doctor has a refill for you. You have to wean from Valium, Xanax and the other benzodiazepines or you will seriously go through hell. I think the weaning process can take a while as well. That link I put for you has other links as well, resources that can help you.

It's also great that you're checking out AA as well, I am finding it extremely helpful in my own sobriety. Haven't been to a meeting yet because they are scarce where I live, but as soon as I find one I'm definitely attending.

Congrats on Day 5

joblo

Well, I'm sober now for 8 days and I think I just got over the hump today. 2 days ago I took (if I recall correctly) 40mg valium, yesterday I took 30mg, today I took 10mg...and I am feeling much better. I have almost no craving at all for a drink anymore and I can now start weening off the valium, which I think I can do in under a week. For some reason, I've never had a problem coming off of valium...maybe due to it's long half life. I took 1mg xanax for 5 nights in a row and on the 6th night without it I went through the most horrific withdrawal I think I've ever experienced. I suppose everyone's body reacts differently to different drugs. Anyhow, I don't plan to take anymore valium today and tomorrow I'm going to wait as long as I can stand it to take just 1. Today I really feel a world of difference better. The way I could really notice is that the 10mg of valium I took this morning actually affected me to a point that I was a bit loopy...as the day progressed I came to the realization that I was over the hump of the alcohol withdrawal, thank god. I'm going to do my very best to be off the valium within a few days, but I won't try anything risky...if I feel the twitching stuff, I'll take 1 and take it slowly. Just feels awesome to actually be tired after working, whereas previously I had uncontrollable cravings for alcohol and was very manic....feels good to be just plain old tired again! I'll keep y'all posted on my valium cessation and I greatly appreciate the support I've gotten from everybody on this forum.

least

Not to give medical advice here but from what I understand one week is NOT enough time to taper from benzos. PLEASE get your doctor's help in tapering safely. You don't have to be clean to see the doc, just be honest, for your well being. Again, a week is NOT long enough to get off valium safely. Please ask your doc for help.