walkingwithgod

Every morning I say to myself that I will not drink today. When It gets close to leaving work I start to think about drinking, and then as always I go home and drink at least a few. I finally realize that I have an urge to drink and it severely depresses me. I have no idea how to combat this. I don’t drink during the day, and not necessarily a lot every day, just a few and sometimes more. How do I get over the urge?

least

For me, I just had to finally 'put my foot down' and refuse to allow myself to drink at all, ever. I did all kinds of things to get over/get past those urges, like make lists of the horrible consequences of drinking, the amount of money I was wasting on wine, and so on. I was also in counseling, which helped. I came here a lot early on to read and distract myself, walked the dogs a lot, anything to keep myself busy and sober.

I had to want to stay sober more than I wanted to drink, and by the end of my drinking career I finally was ready to be sober.

I also found help in AA meetings early on, tho I don't go near as much now, a year later. Sitting in those meetings with all those happily sober people - I really wanted what they had.

I hope you can resist the urge to drink. Living sober is really worth it.

SSIL75

this is why 'just for today' never worked for me. It had to be 'not again, ever' and then I could kind of exhale and think "Now what?". It took me out of that uncertainty/holding pattern. If the urge to drink sneaks in enough to start to bother me I recognize it as my alcoholic voice - not real. I don't fight it but I don't feed it either.

What I DO feed is the more healthy thoughts. Actively doing something relaxing when I feel tense (I knew no other way to relax than drink so I kind of watched normal people to see what they did ). Slowly trying to retrain my brain to seek out healthy ways to deal with life. I literally felt like an alien. Pretending to be normal and was genuinely surprised to find that there are fun, relaxing, entertaining things that don't have a cork in them.

Hang in there! I am only 4.5 months in but I really don't crave anymore at all.

walkingwithgod

Even yesterday as I was watching espn having a beer after work, I was like I don't need this. But, I kept doing it. I really don't enjoy it, and do it as a habit. My therapist said that I am on the verge of having an issue and to try and take month off to see if I really need it. I just make excuses not to.

doggonecarl

Chewing your fingernails is a habit, drinking 6 to 12 beers a night, as you stated in your first post to SR, is alcohol dependence. Big difference, as you noticed when you tried to quit. You are aware of the cravings and you give into them.

They don't just go away by wishing them away. Recovery mean working through the urges getting past both the physical dependence and the mental obsession. You will get the help and support you need here, but you need to look at your problem objectively and come up with a plan to aid being sober.

And to repeat myself, a person doesn't quit drinking because suddenly the cravings are gone. A person quits drinking and doesn't pick up with full recognition of the urge to drink again.

Good Luck.

ReadyAndAble

I've been there, WWG. Did the exact same stuff, and I now know why—it's because I'm an alcoholic.

Any chance you've already crossed over that "verge"? It sounds like you think you have not only an issue with alcohol, but a serious problem.

The good news: if you want to stop, you're in the right place. You'll find tons of info and support here—and plenty of living proof that you can quit!

Paraffinalien

Walkingwithgod, I identified so closely with your post that if the quantity you drank was more than you would be describing my old life. Each day went like this.

3am wake up desperatly thirsty, stumble to bathroom for a drink from the tap.
6am. Wake up for work feeling like hell, brush teeth+retch into sink.
7.15am. Arrive late for work with an inability to look anyone in the eye and a solemn oath to myself that I would not drink tonight.
Noon. Feel a little better and start to obsess about drinking.......

Paraffinalien

....

2pm, reaffirm my resolution not to drink today.
3pm, realise that I actually was going to drink tonight and that I had just enough money in my pocket to buy the required alcohol on the way home. ( note i say i realised i was going to drink as opposed to decided i was going to ).
4pm. Arrive home with my drink feeling pretty good.
7pm. Drunkenly bore my girlfriend with stories of how fantastic I am.
9pm fantasize about how fantastic I am.
10-12pm, pass out.
3am wake up and stumble to the bathroom....

Kmber2010

Walking, I too had made the decision to never drink again. I hated it and who I was but needed help in figuring out how to do it. Everyone said change and at first I was clueless.

What I did in the beginning which I even do now with things in my life....stay in the moment. If I began thinking all the way down the line well then I would become overwhelmed. For me it was all about positive baby steps.

Getting face to face support was criticial for me. I found counseling to work for me because I had many things that I needed help with.

For daily urges.....I would busy myself during those times..such as walking, taking a shower, taking a different way home to avoid any areas that may further my urge. Mostly, I was at home drinker so I pulled up the chair and read and posted on SR. I got sober and began my journey with recovery....all alone with nothing but a desire, SR and the absolute certainty that no matter what happened - drinking was never an option.

Urges pass and everything does become better but we have to work at making change and it takes time. There are many support options available to you.....why not take a look.

walkingwithgod

I am back from my walk and lunch, and am having the fealing again. As I sit in my office I try and rationalize that I can just go home and have a few before my wife gets home and then one with her after. But, why do I think like this? The more I think like this it makes me terribly sad. I don't want to have this issue. I just want to be able to have a drink here and there and not be the addicted. I reall don't think that I am, but my thoughts tell me otherwise when I get to this point in the day. I really just hate this.

ReadyAndAble

WWG, I think you know why.

In my experience, normal drinkers simply don't spend their time obsessing about alcohol. No one wants to be here. But here we are. And you've probably noticed a pattern to our responses:

1) The only solution we found was to quit.

2) The thought of quitting scared the heck out of most of us.... yet we're now grateful we did.

It's not easy. But it does get better. It's good that you're here and thinking about this stuff. It's so easy to just push the thoughts away and reach for a bottle. I know, because I did a lot of that.

Horselover

WWG - You have to feel deep down inside that you cannot possibly drink alcohol like a "normal" person before you will ever stop. Drinking and being alcoholic are 2 different things. One can have a drink and then have no need or desire for another drink. An alcoholic can have a drink and if he/she really wants to they can put the breaks on at one, but it is very painful to do so. They are tormented about having to stop at one. I used to not feel I had a problem way back when because I "could" stop at 1, but I was delusional in thinking all people who stopped at one didn't have the agony of stopping. I have a sister in law that can actually sit down and enjoy and not even FINISH her glass of wine. Boy was I ever envious of that.

I finally took a good, earnest look at myself and decided that my drinking was different. You can call it alcoholism, dependency, addiction . . . whatever you choose to label it, but one thing for sure was it was going to lead me to an early grave. Once I learned and honored that revelation I was able to see alcohol as poison to my system.

So my thinking that ended my so called relationship with alcohol was and still is "I cannot drink no matter what at any cost because it will be the end."

Muggins

WWG, you sound just like me, for the last 14 years....

Parrafinalien put it so, that it actually made me chuckle.
So uncannily identical.

All these years I had the wrong idea of what an alcoholic is.
Finally I am realising. With a massive help reading SR.

Only a few days in here, but we can do it

CarolD

Many people do not drink for varius reasons .
health concerns ....religion... finances...general well being.

It's simply a non issue for them.

Why is drinking so important to you?

walkingwithgod

Sadly, I actually enjoy relaxing, watching the game having a beer. I am also very bored and alone for a few hours after work and usually I just chit chat with my buddies that are all states away and have a few beers while i talk to them. Not, sure why it is so important. I think the fact that I may have an issue makes me worry that I can't control it.

CarolD

I live alone....watch football ...communicate with people
and alcohol has nothing to do with my choice of lifestyle.

But then again...I never sneaked around to drink either.
I do remember the mental twists I indulged in.
I knew I was an alcoholic before I ever decided to quit.


I'm an AA recovered alcoholic.

ReadyAndAble

WWG, Muggins, ParaffinAlien—it's like you guys have me under 24-hour surveillance!! I did the exact same thing as you guys, right down to phone calls to faraway friends. Crazy how many ways everybody here overlaps, isn't it? It's especially weird because for so long I thought no one could understand the double-life I lived...

Anna

Obsessive thoughts are part of addiction.

Compulsive behaviour, ie buying the alcohol, is also part of addiction.

I believe the only way to be rid of the obsession is to stop drinking. That's what worked for me, and it's worked for many people here. If you continue to drink and try to control it, the obsession will continue.