Finally well enough to have an "average day"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Finally well enough to have an "average day"
Today was a decent day for me. Went to a pretty good meeting in the am, played a very average round of golf, had to do a whole bunch of stuff in the afternoon, had an average night at home, and it occurred to me that when I was active in my disease I never had average anything. Things were either really good, or really bad.
If I had a great day, I celebrated with some booze. If I had a bad day I spent the evening venting about how terrible everything was with more booze. The next day I would always have a terrible hangover and it was always a bad day. If I had a sale, it would be a great day and more celebrating. If I didn't make a sale I was back to fear, fear, and more fear and I would drink to "cope".
It has occurred to me that I was literally unable to have an average day when active in my disease. Today, it is not that way. I don't have to be at the mercy of people, places, and things like I was when drinking. I am able to see things as they are. I am grateful for the smaller things in life and I typically am not making mountains out of molehills.
The clarity that has come with being sober has been a blessing. I was incapable of truly seeing how "unmanageable" my life really was. I look back on the RW that was bulldozing his way through life 35 days ago and I feel bad for him. Like the big book says. The alcoholic is very sick. It's not that we're weak, or dumb, or reckless, or uncaring, or bad parents, or bad spouse's, we're just simply sick. If our disease is left untreated we continually do things that are not in our best interest and cause us and the one's we love pain.
For anyone who is new, please just try and get some time between your last drink and just hang in there. It does get better. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to have everything figured out. Just don't drink and get into a program of recovery and watch your life get better. I don't have any more money, or less problems, and I haven't gotten any better looking since I quit drinking but my thoughts are so much calmer and productive.
The days don't have to be either good or bad. We can finally get to the point where we're able to have just a normal, no drama, average, WONDERFUL DAY SOBER!!!!
Let's keep it up guys, there is so much to live for!!!!!
If I had a great day, I celebrated with some booze. If I had a bad day I spent the evening venting about how terrible everything was with more booze. The next day I would always have a terrible hangover and it was always a bad day. If I had a sale, it would be a great day and more celebrating. If I didn't make a sale I was back to fear, fear, and more fear and I would drink to "cope".
It has occurred to me that I was literally unable to have an average day when active in my disease. Today, it is not that way. I don't have to be at the mercy of people, places, and things like I was when drinking. I am able to see things as they are. I am grateful for the smaller things in life and I typically am not making mountains out of molehills.
The clarity that has come with being sober has been a blessing. I was incapable of truly seeing how "unmanageable" my life really was. I look back on the RW that was bulldozing his way through life 35 days ago and I feel bad for him. Like the big book says. The alcoholic is very sick. It's not that we're weak, or dumb, or reckless, or uncaring, or bad parents, or bad spouse's, we're just simply sick. If our disease is left untreated we continually do things that are not in our best interest and cause us and the one's we love pain.
For anyone who is new, please just try and get some time between your last drink and just hang in there. It does get better. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to have everything figured out. Just don't drink and get into a program of recovery and watch your life get better. I don't have any more money, or less problems, and I haven't gotten any better looking since I quit drinking but my thoughts are so much calmer and productive.
The days don't have to be either good or bad. We can finally get to the point where we're able to have just a normal, no drama, average, WONDERFUL DAY SOBER!!!!
Let's keep it up guys, there is so much to live for!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
That was great!
In my case, I didn't give the disease any power over me. I let urges or thoughts just come and go without reacting to them. I allowed them to be without feeling threatened by them. I knew that regardless as to what happened, I would never again drink. Being that firm and adament about my promise to myself, my kids and my God, it made it very easy to go about my business paying no attention to the little monster inside and it faded away. Going on 5 months in another week.
Not judging alcohol or my mistake for once drinking let me forgive myself and release it's control. Every day is now manageable. The boogie man is gone.
In my case, I didn't give the disease any power over me. I let urges or thoughts just come and go without reacting to them. I allowed them to be without feeling threatened by them. I knew that regardless as to what happened, I would never again drink. Being that firm and adament about my promise to myself, my kids and my God, it made it very easy to go about my business paying no attention to the little monster inside and it faded away. Going on 5 months in another week.
Not judging alcohol or my mistake for once drinking let me forgive myself and release it's control. Every day is now manageable. The boogie man is gone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Well said Ispy. I like the "boogie man" statement. That's what it felt like for me. I felt that I was always being hunted by him and no matter how far I ran he always caught me. Being free from that is a true miracle!
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Average days are the best kind. Before I was always looking for some kind of "excitement," and I usually found it. But different things can be exciting, including waking up in a holding cell.
Like you, my emotions were all over the place. I was either really high or really low. Now the best days are the mundane ones without excitement, when I'm just rolling steady and on an even keel. Now instead of being out at a bar till all hours of the night, I'd much rather come home after work and cook a nice meal and make sure I get all the laundry washed and folded.
Not only does it feel "average," it feels adult.
Like you, my emotions were all over the place. I was either really high or really low. Now the best days are the mundane ones without excitement, when I'm just rolling steady and on an even keel. Now instead of being out at a bar till all hours of the night, I'd much rather come home after work and cook a nice meal and make sure I get all the laundry washed and folded.
Not only does it feel "average," it feels adult.
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