Identifying as an alcoholic for the first time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 316
Identifying as an alcoholic for the first time
Was this difficult for anyone else? For the most part I acknowledge that I am an alcoholic, even if I don't fully accept it. I can say it to myself, I can type it to others, but I have never said it out loud to another person. I thought that saying "I'm ____ and I'm an alcoholic" at AA meetings was just a formality, but I'm beginning to think it has some significance for me. I don't avoid saying it because I'm afraid that the important people in my life will judge me. I know they have already judged me, understandably, because of my actions. I've been told I'm an alcoholic, but I've only responded with "no I'm not" or "that's probably true." I've never been to a meeting. I know that labels don't matter to some people, but if I am so resistant to saying that simple sentence, it might be important.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I don't think you are alone with this thought...I think Tue word alcoholic is just so loaded. I don't worry about it too much. I focus more on recovery....but if you think its important maybe practice saying it in from of the mirror to yourself?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I wouldn't announce it to the newspaper..and from previous posts I have read..it can bite you bigtime if you announce it to your employer..but man..It is REALLY important IMO to announce it to yourself..I don't know how anyone would get around it to the sober side otherwise. You have to know it to overcome it. AND "it" is HUGE. It took control of my mind and body. I killed it for being in my body not realizing that it is bigtime in my mind. Not so much anymore! I think of it as two personalities. And it didn't take me long to KILL it from my mind. I hate it bad. It will not take over my whole being...I have never been an AAer. I know it is a huge support to a mass amount of people. I would guess they like you to stand up and annouce it for unity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Though I'm an addict, I knew it long before I accepted it....quite a while, and a lot of consequences.
It took some time in recovery, a lot of it spent here, before I could finally accept it, and be okay with it. I don't think, for me, it was the actual word "addict" I had a problem with...it was the fact that I had let something control my life, and I couldn't just will it away...THAT'S what acceptance was for me. From that point, I just had to figure out what worked best for me, as far as recovery, and SR has been a big part of it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It took some time in recovery, a lot of it spent here, before I could finally accept it, and be okay with it. I don't think, for me, it was the actual word "addict" I had a problem with...it was the fact that I had let something control my life, and I couldn't just will it away...THAT'S what acceptance was for me. From that point, I just had to figure out what worked best for me, as far as recovery, and SR has been a big part of it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I had to admit it to myself before I could actually want to be sober. I had to know in my heart that I had a serious problem and had to stop drinking before something awful happened. And then, once I fully accepted that fact, I was able to ask for help.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
When I tried to stop drinking 4 years ago because people around me wanted me to, I couldn't identify as an alcoholic. True, I drank more than most people, but I wasn't an alcoholic; I just liked to party.
Fast forward 4 years later. Immediately upon getting out of jail for my second DUI, I created a convoluted plan to drive somewhere and drink a couple beers so my fiancee wouldn't see me drinking. See, I had just gotten home from jail, and she stayed home from work because she was so upset, and rather than going to sleep, or calling a lawyer, or getting ready for school, I wanted to get in my car, wearing my same DUI clothes, and drive down the street to drink.
Right then, I knew I was an alcoholic. That's when the light bulb went off, and there was really no getting around it. If that's not alcoholic behavior I don't know what is.
Fast forward 4 years later. Immediately upon getting out of jail for my second DUI, I created a convoluted plan to drive somewhere and drink a couple beers so my fiancee wouldn't see me drinking. See, I had just gotten home from jail, and she stayed home from work because she was so upset, and rather than going to sleep, or calling a lawyer, or getting ready for school, I wanted to get in my car, wearing my same DUI clothes, and drive down the street to drink.
Right then, I knew I was an alcoholic. That's when the light bulb went off, and there was really no getting around it. If that's not alcoholic behavior I don't know what is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
It was important for me to find out if I was really a "true alcoholic". Many posts on these boards made me question that label for myself. Well all it took was one relapse to realize how far it had progressed and now I am comfortable with the label. I have no problem telling family and close friends that I am indeed an alcoholic. If any one else inquires about my drinking habits I let them know that I no longer drink, and if they want to know anymore I will let them know of some of my issues with alcohol, but being that there are so many people who don't understand the nature of alcoholism I would be hard pressed to use that word in fear of being judged by people who don't understand the illness.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I knew it for a long time...even told everyone when I quit what I was...but I'd been here at SR a while before I accepted it.
It took me 20 years or so all up - Mrs Dee tells me I'm stubborn LOL
D
It took me 20 years or so all up - Mrs Dee tells me I'm stubborn LOL
D
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
LaFemme you have a gift for impactful brevity, Occam's razor if you will.
I had philosophical debates with myself, am I a problem drinker or an alcoholic? (I never blacked out, never had the shakes, never drank every day, never drank in the morning, never had legal issues, never felt the need to drink all of the alcohol in the house or any alcohol in the house, etc. - to confuse the issue "yet" was the key word I understood well because it could have happened at some point).
I had philosophical debates with myself as to whether "alcoholism" is a disease or a choice and I examined very compelling evidence for both cases.
I had philosophical debates about philsophical debates...and I was still drinking.
It wasn't until I pushed all of the, for lack of a better expression, bulls!t thinking of mine out of the way that I realized one very simple truth, drinking was causing problems for me. The answer had been in front of me all along and I simply wasn't willing to accept it.
I decided to quit for 30 days to see what would happen. Good things and lots of them happened so I decided for another 30 days. I'm closing in fast on 90 days and I no longer think of alcohol when times of anxiety, depression, and frustration strike.
For me it wasn't about surrending to alcohol or being powerless over alcohol, it was about laying down the sword I had pointed at myself. I called for a truce with myself and signed a treaty of 30 days of sobriety; best decision of my life so far. Now, I'm searching options for recovery and I'm not against any of them that bring me to terms with why I drank to begin with.
Call yourself whatever it is that you need to in order to stop doing something that is causing you problems. Just don't call yourself late for dinner
, and I mean that, start being a friend to yourself. I guess looking back, that's what I did, I decided to call myself "friend."
So hi, my name's Untox, I've been sober for 84 days and I'm a friend.
I had philosophical debates with myself, am I a problem drinker or an alcoholic? (I never blacked out, never had the shakes, never drank every day, never drank in the morning, never had legal issues, never felt the need to drink all of the alcohol in the house or any alcohol in the house, etc. - to confuse the issue "yet" was the key word I understood well because it could have happened at some point).
I had philosophical debates with myself as to whether "alcoholism" is a disease or a choice and I examined very compelling evidence for both cases.
I had philosophical debates about philsophical debates...and I was still drinking.
It wasn't until I pushed all of the, for lack of a better expression, bulls!t thinking of mine out of the way that I realized one very simple truth, drinking was causing problems for me. The answer had been in front of me all along and I simply wasn't willing to accept it.
I decided to quit for 30 days to see what would happen. Good things and lots of them happened so I decided for another 30 days. I'm closing in fast on 90 days and I no longer think of alcohol when times of anxiety, depression, and frustration strike.
For me it wasn't about surrending to alcohol or being powerless over alcohol, it was about laying down the sword I had pointed at myself. I called for a truce with myself and signed a treaty of 30 days of sobriety; best decision of my life so far. Now, I'm searching options for recovery and I'm not against any of them that bring me to terms with why I drank to begin with.
Call yourself whatever it is that you need to in order to stop doing something that is causing you problems. Just don't call yourself late for dinner
, and I mean that, start being a friend to yourself. I guess looking back, that's what I did, I decided to call myself "friend."So hi, my name's Untox, I've been sober for 84 days and I'm a friend.
Su**endering...
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 102
The scariest thing in the world for me was to finally admit to the world that I am an alcoholic. I have made a life out of surrounding myself with OTHER PEOPLE's chaos to help hide my own. "I am not like "them", I said. "They" are defective. I am not defective. And I cannot let ANYONE know.
The problem I had with that attitude is that it let so many of them get better around me, and I keep finding myself alone with my own crap...lonely, miserable, and seeking solace in drinking, drugs, sex, spending, and a raft of other activities I use to fill that hole.
Seven days ago, I found myself at a point where I could no longer deny the fact that I am an alcoholic. Standing up at a meeting, walking forward to accept a white chip of surrender, and admitting to everyone in that room (many of whom I have known for quite a while), that I am an alcoholic were the hardest steps I've taken in my life.
But you know what? The bogeyman we imagine does not exist. No one paints a scarlet letter on our jacket. We don't have to run down the street screaming "I'm an alcoholic" for the rest of our lives. Best of all...we don't have to hide from anyone anymore...least of all ourselves.
May you find the strength to make peace with yourself on this issue...
The problem I had with that attitude is that it let so many of them get better around me, and I keep finding myself alone with my own crap...lonely, miserable, and seeking solace in drinking, drugs, sex, spending, and a raft of other activities I use to fill that hole.
Seven days ago, I found myself at a point where I could no longer deny the fact that I am an alcoholic. Standing up at a meeting, walking forward to accept a white chip of surrender, and admitting to everyone in that room (many of whom I have known for quite a while), that I am an alcoholic were the hardest steps I've taken in my life.
But you know what? The bogeyman we imagine does not exist. No one paints a scarlet letter on our jacket. We don't have to run down the street screaming "I'm an alcoholic" for the rest of our lives. Best of all...we don't have to hide from anyone anymore...least of all ourselves.
May you find the strength to make peace with yourself on this issue...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
I knew it for a long time too. Every bender left me lying like a bag of s##t yet I'd go back out a week later convinced everything would be different, that I could control it, that if I only got passed that urge in the morning, which I could do from time to time, then everything would be fine. In the last year or two it got to the stage where I'd be in the bar at 9am, two hours before opening time here, having drunk two or three pints before the other morning boozers had even started.
I am an alcoholic, accepting it was a massive step for me but it was one of the most positive I've ever made.
I am an alcoholic, accepting it was a massive step for me but it was one of the most positive I've ever made.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Originally Posted by FrankBarone 
where I'd be in the bar at 9am, two hours before opening time here, having drunk two or three pints before the other morning boozers had even started.
.
.
For me then the morning drinking was where my alcoholism really progressed and where it was obvious I was a drunk, but I loved the morning drinks man, I guess only an alkie could understand. I used to sit in my bed at about 5.30am when I would wake from previous nights passing out and reach for a Kronenbourg or Stella and pour a pint and down it in one, I would usually vomit some back up and be really p*ssed-off for wasting some but at least I knew then I wouldn't puke again. I used to love the feeling of the burning in my stomach and then feeling the buzz and my eyes watering and watching the Sun come up and my mind just floating around as the alcohol rushed my system.
Knowing I'm alcoholic means that I know that I'm under no illusion as to where i'd end up if i ever picked up again. It means that when/if sh*t hits the fan then i'm fully aware that to drink is to die for me and lose everything. I'm grateful I know that as for somebody like myself not knowing or accepting that would cost me everything.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
I can relate to that mate. Just replace bar with bed/floor and that would be me, I would usually be smashed by 9.00am and about to charge round the shop and buy some Tennants or Special Brew to get proper mashed-up.
For me then the morning drinking was where my alcoholism really progressed and where it was obvious I was a drunk, but I loved the morning drinks man, I guess only an alkie could understand. I used to sit in my bed at about 5.30am when I would wake from previous nights passing out and reach for a Kronenbourg or Stella and pour a pint and down it in one, I would usually vomit some back up and be really p*ssed-off for wasting some but at least I knew then I wouldn't puke again. I used to love the feeling of the burning in my stomach and then feeling the buzz and my eyes watering and watching the Sun come up and my mind just floating around as the alcohol rushed my system.
Knowing I'm alcoholic means that I know that I'm under no illusion as to where i'd end up if i ever picked up again. It means that when/if sh*t hits the fan then i'm fully aware that to drink is to die for me and lose everything. I'm grateful I know that as for somebody like myself not knowing or accepting that would cost me everything.
For me then the morning drinking was where my alcoholism really progressed and where it was obvious I was a drunk, but I loved the morning drinks man, I guess only an alkie could understand. I used to sit in my bed at about 5.30am when I would wake from previous nights passing out and reach for a Kronenbourg or Stella and pour a pint and down it in one, I would usually vomit some back up and be really p*ssed-off for wasting some but at least I knew then I wouldn't puke again. I used to love the feeling of the burning in my stomach and then feeling the buzz and my eyes watering and watching the Sun come up and my mind just floating around as the alcohol rushed my system.
Knowing I'm alcoholic means that I know that I'm under no illusion as to where i'd end up if i ever picked up again. It means that when/if sh*t hits the fan then i'm fully aware that to drink is to die for me and lose everything. I'm grateful I know that as for somebody like myself not knowing or accepting that would cost me everything.
That feeling when you wake up where you think your gonna explode if you don't get a beer down you is the the most irresistible feeling I've ever experienced.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Like some people here, I don't really use the term "alcoholic" in normal conversation. Yes, I say it in the meetings, "Hi, my name is Chris, and I'm an alcoholic..." But when I'm just talking to co-workers or customers or whatever and we're discussing alcohol, I just say something to the effect of, "I stopped drinking. I drank enough." or "I've got health issues, and alcohol is bad for them and for the medicine I take" (which is true). I guess I don't really want to discuss my or someone else's definition of an "alcoholic." Some folks (as I did once) think of an "alcoholic" as that guy living under the bridge, or someone stealing from others to get pint of vodka from the liquor store. I just don't really want to have a conversation about the definition of the word.
With my close friends and family, though, I'll definitely tell them that I am a raging alcoholic, and I've never really heard any of them disagree with me. I think that would be nice, actually, but when the discussion occurs most people are just like, "Yeah, that's about right."
Another term I don't really use is "sober," which I find humorous because we're on Sober Recovery. I don't use that word, again, because of differing definitions. If someone had a cocaine problem but not an alcohol problem, and they successfully kicked the powder but they like to have a drink every once in a while, could that person consider themselves "sober"? What about caffeine? I know some hardcore cats that won't put anything into their body that they believe changes their mental state. So they don't ingest caffeinated sodas, chocolate, regular coffee...these friends consider that they're being totally sober. And how about cigarettes? Tobacco and nicotine certainly have an effect on the brain and pleasure sensors; are all the smokers at my AA meetings not sober, no matter how many years they have off the bottle?
Sorry for my little rant. I guess I'm just saying that in everyday conversation I try not to use words and terms to which people may prescribe differing meanings. I'm not a big fan of trying to define things for other people; I'd rather keep it simple.
With my close friends and family, though, I'll definitely tell them that I am a raging alcoholic, and I've never really heard any of them disagree with me. I think that would be nice, actually, but when the discussion occurs most people are just like, "Yeah, that's about right."
Another term I don't really use is "sober," which I find humorous because we're on Sober Recovery. I don't use that word, again, because of differing definitions. If someone had a cocaine problem but not an alcohol problem, and they successfully kicked the powder but they like to have a drink every once in a while, could that person consider themselves "sober"? What about caffeine? I know some hardcore cats that won't put anything into their body that they believe changes their mental state. So they don't ingest caffeinated sodas, chocolate, regular coffee...these friends consider that they're being totally sober. And how about cigarettes? Tobacco and nicotine certainly have an effect on the brain and pleasure sensors; are all the smokers at my AA meetings not sober, no matter how many years they have off the bottle?
Sorry for my little rant. I guess I'm just saying that in everyday conversation I try not to use words and terms to which people may prescribe differing meanings. I'm not a big fan of trying to define things for other people; I'd rather keep it simple.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by LaFemme
I don't think you are alone with this thought...I think Tue word alcoholic is just so loaded. I don't worry about it too much. I focus more on recovery....but if you think its important maybe practice saying it in from of the mirror to yourself?
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